Lucy POV
"..."
Well, I guess it was a bit too high of a hurdle to try to defeat Hugh. I knew my chances were low to begin with, but a small part of me still got too excited.
Within the quiet infirmary my thoughts begin to wander.
It's been a few hours since my duel. After I initially woke up Miss Julia came to check on me and after another round of scolding, I was told to rest here for now.
Arthur and Hina accompanied me for a while, but then their own matches were coming up so they left. Actually, they are probably going to be back soon since the tournament is likely ending by now. I don't know what time it is currently, but the sun is already going down.
What was even the point of doing all of this? I wanted to prove I can change and that even without the real Lucy, I could act as a substitute.
But in the end I just wasted both Arthur and Hina's time by asking them to help me train and then achieving nothing. And I didn't just make no progress, but I think I just made things worse.
While it's true that the outcome of the tournament doesn't really change anything, the setback was more in my mentality.
After I died in my original world and woke up here, it took me about two weeks to come to my senses, and since then it has haunted me in my dreams and it was always at the back of my mind.
Technically it's only been a few months and my death always felt weirdly close, but at the same time it also felt like it happened a lifetime ago. The recurring memories and vague feelings that weighed heavily on my mind whenever I froze up, also felt somewhat blurry and faint. Enough to make me remember all the pain and trauma, but they felt more like a nightmare.
But after I fell unconscious in the arena, I dreamt about my death again and this time it truly felt like I was back in my old room. I could even open my eyes and see the flames creep through the door and slowly grow closer.
I also saw all the burn marks on my body through my singed pajamas along with the vivid pain I felt back then. All of this made it seem much more real than before, like I was truly experiencing being burned alive again.
But before all of it could get too much to handle, I felt someone waking me up and then came face to face with Hina. Her presence, along with seeing the concerned look on her face as she looked at me, made it easier to come to my senses and realize where I was and what happened.
I think I managed to contain my unease about this at the time, but in this quiet room with no distractions, I couldn't help but think about it over and over again, arriving at a certain thought every time. I really don't want to acknowledge it, always telling myself that I can't be sure unless I try it myself, but I think deep down I already…
"Lucy, are you awake?"
Suddenly Arthur's voice breaks the silence and then the door opens. I get a little startled, but thanks to the heads-up I manage to quickly adjust my emotions so I don't show any of them on my face.
"Ah, it seems that you are. Are you doing okay?"
"Hm. I'm fine."
He enters the room and I can't help but notice the absence of someone.
"Hina is…?"
"Hm? Oh, come in already. There's no point in moping around."
After my inquiry Arthur also notices that Hina isn't here so he looks out the open door and calls out to someone. Then a few seconds later Hina enters, but she seems visibly upset and her eyes remain at the ground in front of her.
"Hina, what happened?"
"..."
Seeing her in this state without answering, makes me really worried and I glance at Arthur for an explanation. But his reaction is…
"Ahaha! Don't even worry about her. She's just sulking because she lost her first duel right away. I've never seen her so distracted during a fight. Ow!"
After he finishes talking Hina glares at him and punches his shoulder.
"Just because of that?"
"I… I couldn't keep my promise. I didn't even get the chance to fight him. I'm sorry Lucy…"
"...? Oh that! It's okay, it's okay. I didn't expect you to go that far for me at all."
Right, she did say something about reaching first place and teaching Hugh a lesson didn't she? I appreciate her intentions, but it's not necessary, and certainly isn't worth her being sad over it.
Although I have to admit that seeing the usually proud and confident Seraphina so disheartened over such a small thing is a little… cute.
"Pfft. Hehe."
"...! Lucy, y-you too…?"
"I'm sorry Hina, it was just a little funny. But I'm really happy, you tried your best for me, right? Thank you."
"...fine I'll let it go. So are you really alright? Should we call Miss Julia again?"
"I'm okay, really. I didn't even get injured from the start, I just got tired is all."
"...why was I the only one getting hit?"
"Then should I help you back to your room?"
Hina ignores Arthur's comment and changes the topic.
"I think I can walk back on my own."
"Hm. Still, let's go back together. I'll feel better if I accompany you."
"...Okay."
My legs still feel a little weak, but I manage to stand up.
"Fine then, ignore me. Anyway, goodnight and see you later." Arthur says as we get ready to leave.
"Ah, good night Arthur."
"Hmph."
Hina and I leave the infirmary and make our way back to the student dorms. A bit of an awkward silence surrounds us as we silently walk back.
It lasts all the way until we arrive at my room, at which point I finally gather the courage to speak up.
"Um, Hina. Around this time we usually go to the forest, so could we-"
"Lucy, let's take a break from that, okay? You already pushed yourself far enough, so you should just rest for a few days. After that I'll be with you as always. Would that be alright?"
Hina gently says, the concern in her words evident and faced with such sincerity I find it hard to argue with her.
"Hm."
"Goodnight Lucy. If you need anything you can find me anytime. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Goodnight."
After saying goodbye to Hina I enter my room and lay down on the bed right away.
However even after tossing and turning for a long time I find it hard to fall asleep. Perhaps I slept too much when I was at the infirmary and I'm not sleepy yet. Or maybe there's just too much on my mind right now …or I'm just too afraid of dreaming.
After who knows how long I finally open my eyes and sit up. By now the faint moonlight is illuminating my room, even though it's already the summer I can't help but feel a sense of cold and emptiness.
After a moment of deliberation I grab a cheap magical artifact I bought some time ago, put on my shoes and quietly leave my room.
I didn't want to sneak off like this, but there's something I want to confirm…
After a while I arrive at that familiar clearing with a statue. I walk closer to the middle, making sure I stand at a place devoid of any plants.
Then with slightly unsteady hands I take out the item I brought along. It's basically this world's equivalent of a lighter, a little artifact that can create a small flame.
I bought this lighter before I asked Hina to help me overcome my fear of fire. Originally I didn't want to bother her with something like this, but in the end I still asked her and she agreed, so I ended up never using it.
While practising with Hina I could withstand about half a minute being exposed to fire without freezing up near the end. And today, even though my duel with Hugh felt so long it was probably only a minute or two.
Okay, in that case let's start with just a few seconds to be safe. That's nothing at all, I can handle it.
I hold the lighter with both hands, instead of switches magical artifacts are activated by infusing a little mana into them and can be turned off by repeating this.
So all I need to do is use a little mana and a small flame should appear.
A small flame…
Come on, didn't you commit to becoming like Lucy? A protagonist wouldn't give up after such a small setback. All you need to do is face your fears…
While internally berating myself, my hands holding the lighter begin shaking uncontrollably even though the artifact remains unactivated.
Just a few seconds, if I could just hold out for a few seconds I would be able to build up my resistance again.
But no matter how I try to convince myself, the moment I imagine seeing a flame again, the vivid memories of my death come back to me and my body just refuses to activate the lighter.
I try to ignore everything and force my stiff body to comply, but…
"Hnng! Ah!"
Even with giving it my all, my body just shakes uncontrollably, eventually using up all my energy the lighter slips out of my hands and my knees give out right after.
"Damn it, sniff."
I can feel tears streaming down my face so I roughly try to wipe them away with my hands, but the tears just keep flowing.
I can't believe I really thought I could imitate Lucy just by just doing my best, when I can't even get over my own problems.
What a joke…
The sound of my quiet sobs fills the clearing, with clouds now covering the moon, only the lifeless statue serves as a spectator.
***
Lucy POV
"Come on, let's hang out in the city."
"Did you hear what the homework was? I fell asleep halfway through class."
Slowly walking out of the main building, I hear all sorts of everyday chatter coming from the students around me. The atmosphere feels quite lively, the excitement after a long school day evident in their voices.
Even though I'm also part of the crowd, I have rather mixed feelings right now. Usually at this point I would be at the student council with Hina and Arthur handling some paperwork. But…
"Lucy, why don't you take a little break from the student council as well? You must still be quite tired from everything. And don't worry, with the tournament over we have less responsibilities at the moment so it's not a burden for us either."
Hina said that to me after classes ended and I decided to take her offer. Not like I'd be much help in my current state anyway.
But now I'm just wandering around the campus at a loss for what to do. I don't have work today, and now no student council either. I don't need to train for the tournament anymore and the evening training in the restricted area is on hold as well.
I guess I could go to the library to study, but we'd do that on the weekend anyway. Now that I think about it, this is pretty much the first time I have nothing to do since I've arrived in this world.
I don't know if I should be happy about this or not, since now I don't have anything to distract myself from my own thoughts.
For example, there's something I realized yesterday… I wonder just how much my actions really changed how the story of the game is playing out?
Some minor things are different, sure, but what about the big picture?
I wanted to avoid the capture targets, yet I still ended up interacting with them. I even ended up in the student council just like Lucy in the game.
Then I tried to deviate from the game and join the tournament, which wasn't an option in the original story, only to fail spectacularly.
The only real difference I caused is that Hina probably won't end up as the villain, but based on my previous theory, someone else will still inherit her role.
And if it's similar to Arthur's case then the capture targets could end up as villains too unless I interact with them, which would make things even more complicated.
So I'm still forced to follow Lucy's footsteps, but could someone like me really fill her role?
Someone who can't even get over her own issues and just drags down the first friends she ever made?
And I can't even be sure that they became friends with me willingly, or if this world just forced them to just because of my identity.
I… just what am I supposed to do? I never wanted to become Lucy. If it was going to turn out like this, maybe it would have been better if I just-
"Ah! You're that stone throwing light magic girl right?!"
"H-huh?"
Just as I'm sinking deeper into my spiraling thoughts, suddenly a large shadow looms over me, with a familiarly cheerful voice reaching my ears right after.
I look up and standing before me is an excited male student with a large build and an undeniably merry attitude.
Wh-why is Bernard here?! He's the last capture target I was yet to properly meet.