The thought that I had caused so much suffering and grief definitely weighed heavy on my mind.
I sat there for a few hours, not doing anything, just thinking.
The silence was deafening, because even though it was completely silent I could hear a faint ringing that grew ever louder.
As I sat there, with the ringing swelling, my mind seemed to fly away. Fly to witness the lives lost, and lives destroyed by my actions.
The people crying, the people begging, the people pleading, for a different reality. That the outcome of today was different, or the same as any other day.
Coming home to find their dads watching TV and nodding off, coming home to see their husbands dancing in the kitchen because of another good day, families happy that everyone is ok.
The ringing now loud enough to shake my very reality.
As the reality of others had turned dark, and for what?
Money.
Greed.
Perhaps, I, myself, simply trying to brighten my own reality, stole that light from another.
I sat there in my morose silence, with the ringing like dark church bells, with the ebb and flow of the bells calling an end to something innocent.
"Hey! Dinner is ready!" My mothers voice broke the silence.
With the silence gone, the ringing vanished like a mirage. Something so clear yet illusory.
It was only then that I realized that I was sweating, and even shaking a little.
I stood up, struggling to remain steady. Like a new born fawn, shaking like a leaf in the wind.
But in all of my faults, I am a prideful person.
So, I take all of the feelings that I find burdensome and shove them deep down, into the pit of my stomach, the core of my person.
Because that's what you do.
Anything you don't want to feel, you shove deep down, so deep that they don't even exist anymore.
I wipe the sweat off of my face and run my hands through my hair, taking a deep breath. Holding it for a moment, before releasing it all at once.
Now, I am ready to face the world again, with all of this behind me.
Once I got upstairs mom immediately noticed something was off and asked, "Whoa, buddy, you don't look good. Are you ok?"
I responded with a slight shake in my voice, "Uh, yeah, the uh. The big, uh, bet, stock thing was today."
"Oh, right, that was today. So, how did it go?"
"Umm. Good, good. I now have, like $180,000,000."
"What! Really!?"
"Yeah."
"Woohoo! Yeah! I doubted you for a moment, but you really proved me wrong! Way to go buddy!"
Mom jumped for joy and hugged me in her frenzy. Which made me feel a little better, even if I caused another pain, at least my own family was happy.
"Yeah, I think it's about time you stopped working. I plan on setting up a trust for the family."
"Oh, I knew you were my son. My proud, slightly lazy, genius son who definitely is on the spectrum."
"Hey, wait a minute. Something there sounded a little off."
"Youre imagining things. I need to let the rest of the family know. Wait, I've got a better idea. Let's have a family dinner, Saturday. I'll tell them the good news then. Or you can. Whatever works."
"Sure."
After that we had a jovial dinner. With mom thinking about all of the things she could do, and all of the places she could travel to.
Once dinner was over and I was back downstairs, I was back into work mode. I was looking into transferring the money out of the investment accounts since they would probably not be used for a while.
I realized that I had not been paying the 5% since I took it all out for taxes which means the $105,000 hadn't been "taxed" by the investment company yet. I guess since I have so much money with them they would charge it later.
The $105,000 needed $5,250 to be paid.
The $184,342,281.51 needed $9,217,114.07 to be paid which would leave me with $175,125,167.44.
That's a lot of money to just let go of. I could probably hack in and erase the account and traces, but that much money would be noticed anywhere if it is not taken care of properly. I don't think I have the capabilities to completely erase the tracing that this kind of money would have.
I will just pay the $9,222,364.07.
Then I will put aside $10,000,000 as a trust for my family.
As well as $2,000,000 for the car parts business, I did some preliminary research on the cost of some stuff and I will probably need that much. If not more.
I will also drop $1,000,000 into a personal account for me to use.
All of that totals up to $22,222,364.07 which leaves me with $162,119,917.44.
I honestly thought I was going to spend more. Maybe my plan of starting a RAM manufacturing company will actually come to fruition.
I wonder how much that would take?
Well I don't think I can afford the good stuff. Cutting edge EUV lithography machines cost over $400,000,000 just to make the chip. Not even the whole RAM stick. The actual production line set up only cost $5,000,000 for a high speed and fully automated production line.
I need to find a way to get a decent lithography machine that can make memory chips.
After Foolgling around for a while I found out that the Air Force and Semiconductor company developed silicon-on-polymer memory chips which are 3D printed to achieve 7,000 times more memory capacity.
That might be my way in. If I can upgrade a 3D printer enough times I could probably make it happen.
Or I could buy one of the knock-off, fake semiconductor manufacturing machines off of Bali'ahah for $7,275.00.
It's not that much money and on the off chance it actually works. My upgrade would make it quite the bargain.