Warning: Physical and Emotional violence happens in this chapter,
The readers are advised to stop reading.I am also still learning what else I should add in this type of warnings so please be patient with me if I wrote this warning wrongly.
I feel emotionally sick as I remember the plot of Zixin and Niran's story. Niran is a type of character who knows kindness only through Zixin, but in the end, to save Niran, Zixin was killed.
Suddenly, I realized how I really don't know anything about this world. Do they really follow the plotline of the story? I began to overthink a lot. I am not a main character like any other transmigratory story. I don't even have any superpower to protect them. How I wish I had some so I could protect both their lives and their love.
I feel so useless; I can't show my face to Zix; I can't watch him die while knowing the truth. I ran away from his home in the middle of the night in an attempt to run away from this world. I went to the apartment in the end since there's no exit in this world.
I locked myself, and I don't wanna see anyone.
Zix called me every day, and I answered vaguely. I isolate myself from this world as I have never been a part of it to begin with.
This whole mess made me remember how I died in my last life. I was raised in a strict household, and I have one younger brother. Since I was a girl, I barely had any freedom; I was never allowed to even have girlfriends, and my father never liked me having any social life. I don't mind being alone because I feel understood by K-pop boy bands like Bts and TXT.
Through them, I found friends and feel warmth seeing them all together. I find it comforting, and their songs make me crave the freedom I never had. Later, I also found BL that made me want love like them; it's nearly impossible in the real world. I am no fictional character who deserves such love like that; no matter how many fictional bl I read, I always understood the fact that in the real world, no one would love anyone with such devotion and stay loyal.
I always feel bitter whenever I see a great BL couple. My bad luck, my mom found out about the book I read. She scolded me like I brought shame to the whole family.
I still remember how and where she beat me with a hot ladle; that night I did not eat dinner, and I continued to starve for the next day as well. My mom said she would beat me again if I didn't eat dinner that night. I thought she was worried that I would die starving; I never thought I was saving my life; my dear mother was tired of preparing the same poisonous food for every meal.
I only realised I was eating poisonous food halfway. I made eye contact with my younger brother. I was worried for his life, as what would they do to him if they found out he was gay? I hope he escapes this family, unlike me. He looked so worried when I met his eyes. I think he knew that was the last meal with his elder sister. I am sorry, little one. I can't save you in the future.
Zix Pov:
"Come in."
The secretary showed me the way for me to meet my doom,
"He knows." That's all I said. A big book was flying toward my face; I didn't dare dodge it.8