The morning sun warmed the silk blankets as Romulus's eyes fluttered open. Another peaceful day in the Mosaic Kingdom or so he thought.
Two guards stood just outside his door, whispering urgently.
"Did you hear? The elves struck another village last night."
"Aye… they took over twenty people. The survivors said they were dragged off into the forests… forced to work like animals."
Romulus froze.
…Elves? Taking humans? Hard labor?
His tiny infant brain connected the dots.
Wait. WAIT.
Don't tell me—
The second guard lowered his voice.
"They call it the New Elven Dominion now. A kingdom rising from nothing. No diplomacy. No warnings. Just… abductions."
Romulus's eye twitched.
Okay. Okay. No need to panic. Maybe it's just some rogue tribe. Definitely not related to me. Definitely not
"And word is spreading," the first guard continued. "They claim their god commanded them. A god named"
"Loki."
Romulus's soul left his body.
Oh no.
His mother scooped him up lovingly.
"Good morning, my sweet Romulus!"
He stared blankly into the void.
I literally FORGOT.
That's right. He remembered now vividly, painfully the dark void, the elves kneeling, him laughing like a maniac.
"I will appear before you every Friday!"
"Create a religion in my name!"
"Gather followers!"
And then he… never showed up.
Not once.
He has been on an accidental vacation for almost a YEAR.
Oh gods. They must have thought I was testing their devotion or something!
His mother tickled his cheek. "You look so serious today."
Serious? Lady, I may have accidentally started a cult that's enslaving the entire countryside!
Romulus rubbed his tiny face against her shoulder, trying to look cute while screaming internally.
If they're abducting humans…
If they started a kingdom…
If they think this is what "Loki" wants…
Then everything they're doing right now… is because of me.
Fantastic. Baby me has already committed international crimes.
---
Moments Later
His mother placed him on a velvet cushion while she and the scholar continued their lessons.
Romulus didn't hear any of it.
His mind was on fire.
Okay… breathe. Calm. Think like a king. Or at least like a baby pretending to be a king.
He pictured the elves from before tall, elegant, obedient.
Actually TOO obedient.
If they think I abandoned them, then maybe they're doing extreme things to "prove faith."
He facepalmed.
I'm literally the worst god ever.
He had no magic, no power, and couldn't even walk… and now a kingdom was rising under his nonexistent divine guidance.
The scholar's calm voice pulled him back to reality.
"Baroness, the elves have grown bold. Caravans have vanished. Forest borders are unsafe. Yet their motives remain unclear."
Motives?
Romulus knew exactly why.
Because I told them to build a religion. So they needed… followers.
And since they don't know Loki is human…
They're kidnapping humans to convert them…
But elves hate humans.
So conversion doesn't work.
Meaning the humans are worthless to them except for labor.
He groaned internally.
I didn't create a religion.
I accidentally built a slave empire.
His mother tapped his forehead. "Oh my~ you look troubled. Did that lesson confuse you?"
Troubled? CONFUSED?
Lady, I'm having a divine crisis.
He reached for a book and pretended to be interested, hiding the storm in his mind.
---
Later That Afternoon – The Private Gardens
Romulus sat on the grass as his mother chatted with noble ladies.
A knight approached them. "My lady. Scouts bring urgent news. Another abduction occurred near the southern farmlands."
Romulus pricked up his ears.
The knight continued grimly:
"The elves move with precision. As if guided by prophecy."
Romulus's face went pale.
…Yeah. Prophecy. That's me.
A literal baby.
His mother gasped. "What terrible fate. Why are the elves doing this?"
Oh, oh, pick me.
Because they think their god told them to!
Who is their god? Me!
I'm the problem!
I'm the entire problem!
Romulus stared at the sky.
Should I sneak out?
No, I'm a baby.
Should I send a message?
No hands. No writing.
Should I appear as Loki again?
How? Crawling into the forest? Stumbling into their sacred zone like a toddler?
They might think Loki reincarnated.
Wait.
WAIT.
That's… actually…
brilliant.
If he acted like Loki had "taken on a physical form"…
He could command them to STOP.
His eyes sparkled.
Yes. YES.
I can fix this.
But then he remembered something horrible.
The elves expect "Loki" to appear EVERY FRIDAY.
And how many Fridays had passed?
Over thirty.
He smiled nervously at nothing.
I am so dead.
But… no.
He was Romulus.
He was Noland.
He was Loki.
And Loki never backed down.
A slow, determined grin spread across his baby face.
I'll find a way.
I'll end this mess.
I'll fix the elven kingdom.
And maybe… just maybe…
I'll become the god they think I am.