"Anyone..." (Subaru)
"Anyone... anyone anyone anyone anyone anyone anyone anyone... ──" (Subaru)
No one answered his call. No one remained alive.
Serika, Ayane, Aru, Kayoko, Mutsuki, and Haruka—all were gone.
After Shiroko, he found Mutsuki. Unlike Shiroko, her body bore the violent marks of a desperate struggle. Amidst the stench of death, the bomb-loving girl lay broken; a blast had completely vaporized the right half of her body. It was a staggering contrast to Shiroko's pristine, unmarked corpse. Behind Mutsuki, the sand had melted into glass, stretching toward the horizon in the same path where her right side had vanished.
A lethal heat ray had sliced through everything in its way. The scattered remains of the attackers lay everywhere, their shattered gas masks revealing the faces of ordinary high school students.
Subaru began to gather the severed limbs, despite the futility of the act. He buried heavy weapons—the weight nearly dislocating his arms—beneath the desert sands. As he worked, the molten sand scorched and cut his hands, but he felt no pain.
He searched with desperate persistence for a single soul with a lingering breath of life. He clung to the hope that this mass death would lead to something in the future—that the lives consumed here were not merely wasted in a hollow vacuum. Deep down, Subaru refused to admit that the kindness he received from Arona, Hoshino, Shiroko, and Aru had come to nothing.
"Anyone... please, just answer me..." (Subaru)
He eventually discovered the bodies of Ayane and Serika beneath a pile of gas-masked students. This time, like Shiroko, Serika and Ayane showed no external wounds. The same was true for the masked students piled on top of them.
However, a heat ray had scorched the corpses at the top of the heap. The nauseating scent of charred flesh mingled with the rot rising from the mass grave. The stench hit Subaru's nose, nearly breaking his mind as it mixed with the smell of blood, gunpowder, and death. He swallowed the hot, stagnant air and the bitter bile rising in his throat, fighting back the violent urge to vomit.
To move the bodies covering his friends, he pushed with his bare hands. His fingers sank into the decaying flesh of students, leaking unidentifiable fluids. He began heaping sand over them to shove them aside. The faint tremor in his hands didn't just come from fear; it was something he couldn't name—exhaustion, guilt, or the despair overflowing from his chest.
He no longer wondered if they were still breathing. His heart had no room left to entertain such possibilities. On his way, the violent odors repeatedly forced stomach acid into his throat, and he emptied his gut of burning bile onto the desert floor again and again.
He collapsed forward onto the sand, retching until he created a private pool of waste beside the dead. Though his stomach was empty, yielding only yellow bile, he couldn't stop. He kept vomiting, forcing everything out of his system. While pain tore through his intestines and his throat burned from the acid, his mouth filled with the taste of blood and bitterness. He didn't stop until he finally pulled the two bodies free.
He buried them beneath the sand. It was a meaningless gesture, knowing the desert winds would naturally entomb them in time. He performed this hollow ritual despite his injuries, believing that no living being had the right to harm these girls any further.
"..." (Subaru)
He couldn't look into their eyes. Until the final moment of burial, he didn't dare face them. Nonomi's image flickered in his mind, Suou's face loomed before him, and he felt as if someone was on the verge of scolding him.
He began walking again toward the source of the red light. The flash grew more intense, and terrifying thunderclaps shook the air, dulling his hearing with their sheer force. With great effort, he crested a dune, then tumbled down the sandy slope, landing on his face. He rolled repeatedly through the air-borne grit until he lost all sense of direction and balance.
Lying weakly on the ground, he crawled until his hand touched something. He raised his head, clinging to the last thread of hope, only for that hope to vanish instantly.
"Aru..." (Subaru)
His hand had brushed against the soft hand of Aru—the girl who had supported him so many times before. He tried to summon his memories of her, the ones that had allowed him to survive previous hells.
Subaru wept bitterly before her. Before the girl of whom nothing remained... but her hand.
Subaru knew exactly whose hand that was. Near the charred remnants of the body, Haruka and Kayoko lay side-by-side in death. Aru had often drifted along with Haruka's impulsiveness or leaned entirely on Kayoko's intellect, but in the end, she was the "Manager," and they were her subordinates. Streaks of tears still marked the eyes of the two corpses, proving beyond doubt that Aru had risked everything to protect them until her final breath. Yet even that final memory was now defiled by the blood of the white-masked students scattered across the sand.
"...──" (Subaru)
"Arona." (Subaru)
"Arona, Arona, Arona...! Arona!! Aronaaaa!!!" (Subaru)
Save me. Please, save me. Someone, take Subaru's hand and pull him from this hell.
Why was Subaru always left alone? Why was he destined to walk these paths of hell by himself? If even Arona would not answer his call, then Natsuki Subaru was truly finished.
"W-why..." (Subaru)
He demanded a reason for this nightmare. Was it the heatstroke that nearly killed him? Was it because Shiroko knocked him unconscious? Or perhaps he had failed to do something he could have done yesterday? Maybe it was because he had sat there, eating ramen with such cold indifference?
"Why is this happening..." (Subaru)
It was all his fault. Because Subaru had stopped moving. Because a shred of complacency had crept into his heart, making him think things would finally turn out fine.
"WHY!!" (Subaru)
He had done nothing wrong. He swore he had never been lazy or negligent. He had fought with everything he had to stay alive every single moment, suffering through hell to find a path where everyone could be happy. If fate viewed this struggle as "laziness," he could only hurl curses at such injustice. He had committed no crime to deserve this. There was no justification for this "retribution" or "divine punishment." There was not a single logical reason for these girls to die.
"Nothing." (Subaru)
"I did nothing wrong──" (Subaru)
"..." (Subaru)
"──" (Subaru)
"Ah." (Subaru)
The cocoa.
Yes, the cocoa.
He remembered his mother telling him: "Wash your cup before you head out." He had drunk cocoa before going to the convenience store and left the cup in the sink. Because he didn't want to hear her scolding, he left that cup behind—the one with the stubborn brown stains at the bottom that are so hard to clean once they dry—and went to the store. In that very moment, he was dragged into this world.
So that was it. That was why all of this happened. His hundreds of meaningless deaths, and the death of Natsuki Subaru—which was nothing but pure "nothingness" as Suou had claimed—were merely punishment for that tiny sin. Punishment required no grand cause or meaning; it was simply the consequence of Subaru's flaws.
"Heh." (Subaru)
"Hehehe... heh." (Subaru)
He covered his ears and shook his head violently. Hollow, mocking laughter tore from his parched throat as he tried to escape Suou's voice, which seemed to whisper directly into his ears. But no matter what he did, neither the voice nor the despair would leave him.
As his tears ran dry, leaving only a bottomless void, Subaru began to run. Driven by that red light, he ran to face the "Executioner" waiting for him.
『The Promise.』 (Shiroko)
『Protect us... next time.』 (Shiroko)
"── Heh." (Subaru)
Ah. The voices of malice and hatred began to fade away.
『This is a promise just between you and me, Subaru.』 (Shiroko)
"── Hehehe." (Subaru)
If not for that. If not for that promise he had made to her, he would be sitting there now, head in his hands, eyes closed to the world, ears deaf to every sound.
"..." (Subaru)
He would have remained without knowledge, without learning, without giving, without losing, without thinking—never trying to link this death to a future life.
"... Ho... shi... no...!" (Subaru)
If he had loved no one, and no one loved him; if nothing had started, and nothing had ended, and nothing had changed... he would have remained in eternal stagnation.
But he ran, wondering if she was still there. He ran, believing that not everything was over. He ran this time to chase the red light—running for the future he desired, not for punishment. If Subaru was to face "nothingness" just like Suou, and if his struggle stemmed from an internal void as a meaningless punishment, there was still one fundamental difference between them.
Natsuki Subaru does not face death for himself alone.
That was the difference. When Subaru was on the brink of death from dehydration, and in every death he had faced, his solitary existence had no meaning. Memories define a person, and while pain strips everything of its sense, it is within that "nothingness" left by loss that Shiroko and her friends find true meaning.
If we both carry the same void, then the difference between Suou and me is──.
"Wait for me." (Subaru)
Those who give Subaru meaning are the ones who define his very being.
●○●○●
The thunderclaps nearly shattered my skull, vibrating through my eardrums and straight into my brain. In a state where even standing felt impossible, I forced myself to move, searching for the source of that deafening roar. I ran in a straight line toward the eternal red light; though my strength had failed me, I would move my feet until they wore away, as long as they could still carry me forward.
"──What... is that thing?" (Subaru)
Finally, I saw the source of the thunder. A distorted monster stood there, enduring a relentless barrage of crimson rays that tore at its form. Despite the destruction, it continued to hurl lightning at its attacker. Five pairs of lightning bolts formed its wings. It lacked a tangible, defined body, manifesting instead as bolts erupting from hand-shaped gauntlets. Even the part that passably resembled a head lacked any hint of life. At its center floated a core-like sphere, radiating immense heat and raining lightning upon everything nearby. Standing on the threshold between machine and living organism, its form merged the grotesque with the divine—a clear sign that this entity was utterly "alien" to this world's nature.
"...Is it fighting... Hoshino?" (Subaru)
A god-like monster such as this could certainly stand against Hoshino. It might even be capable of killing her; those lightning bolts struck with such terrifying heat that the desert sand turned to glass the moment they touched.
"..." (Subaru)
"No... impossible." (Subaru)
"Is this... the culprit?" (Subaru)
I didn't know why Hoshino had lost control, but I had already seen how that glass was formed. The massacre of the masked students was undoubtedly the work of a rampaging Hoshino... yet that same glass lay beside the broken bodies of the "Problem Solver 68" girls as well.
"..." (Subaru)
The only conclusion I could draw was that two enemies blocked my path: this monster attacking Hoshino, and the masked students Suou had summoned. I recognized the "thing" that killed students without leaving external wounds. It was part of my countless, repeated deaths—the bombs wrapped around Serika and Ayane. Ordinary explosives would have left scars, but the bombs I faced while rescuing the girls from "Black Suit" snuffed out the flame of life without leaving a single scratch.
I had never felt the bitterness of Arona's silence as acutely as I did now. Though my brain had melted from despair and grief, I would continue to strain it for the sake of that promise. The moment I stopped thinking, Natsuki Subaru would lose all meaning.
"────ru" (A voice from the phone)
"...?" (Subaru)
"──Mr... Subaru." (Arona)
A voice calling my name reached my ears, though my hearing was failing from the noise. I quickly pulled the mobile phone from my pocket.
"Arona...!?" (Subaru)
"──Inter... ference... third... party... ───" (Arona)
Arona's voice crackled like a broken radio, struggling with every bit of her power to reach me.
"──Confirmed... contact... Gematria." (Arona)
"──!!" (Subaru)
"──Individual... name..." (Arona)
"The Dweller Underground." (Arona)
The moment she spoke that name, Arona went completely silent. "Gematria"—that group of seekers of mystery and metaphysics to which "Black Suit" belonged. While Subaru stood stunned by the name──.
"Heh heh..." (???)
It felt as though a laugh echoed from the phone.
"..." (Subaru)
"──" (Subaru)
"Did they... laugh?" (Subaru)
I didn't know. My brain lacked the time to analyze why Arona had given me that name. But I heard a laugh. Was someone laughing? In this hell, after all these lives were snuffed out, after their dignity was stripped and the future they deserved was destroyed... did someone dare to laugh?
Damn you. Why are you laughing? How can any being laugh in the face of such misery? Do not trample their happiness under your feet.
"..." (Subaru)
Step by step, I approached the red light. I moved as if embodying my own rage, transcending my hatred. Not to be consumed by Hoshino, but so she could save me. Along the way, a lightning bolt nearly struck me, its heat searing and charring my skin. The lightning was relentless, completely blocking my path. My deafened ear was burnt away. By the time I could see Hoshino, the moisture in my right eye had evaporated, half my face was covered in burns, and I stood on the brink of death.
Using what remained of my sight, I pushed my mangled feet forward across the molten ground. Pain is life's brake, yet I felt grateful for its absence now. I thanked my parents for giving me a body that could walk even while burning. I thanked the blessings that made me stand, and I pushed further.
Lightning and heat rays mercilessly assaulted Subaru's life—the life of an ordinary human. The heat, which even the denizens of this world could not endure, inflicted fatal wounds just by passing near me. I bled from countless points until I neared the end, blood seeping into my charred scars.
"Hoshino." (Subaru)
My left arm, my right eye, my phone, the wounds covering my body, my feet, and my heart... I sacrificed everything to come within a single step of the one within the red light. "Horus of the Dawn," the greatest mystery of Kivotos; that deep crimson shadow draped in a sanctity fitting of its name──.
"Yu... me... senpai..." (Hoshino)
"Yu... me..." (Hoshino)
"..." (Subaru)
She was crying. What reason could there be for this girl to endure such misery? If this was punishment, I had every right to deny it. If it was atonement, I wanted to walk that path with her. Whatever Hoshino's past was, it could never justify denying her current existence and dragging her into this hell.
──There is not a single reason in this universe for her to be mocked by anyone.
You laughed at me, member of "Gematria." You laughed, "Dweller Underground."
"Hoshino." (Subaru)
Death stood at the doorstep now. This time, Death did not rush me out of courtesy, and I would not thank that "Lady" who showed more grace than she did during my dehydration. Instead, I would offer her a fragment of love.
"...Yu... me... senpa..." (Hoshino)
"I... love you all... so much." (Subaru)
I loved Hoshino, who hid so many secrets despite her suspicion and lack of trust in others. And I loved Shiroko, who gave me the words I needed despite her aloofness and arrogance. Those times I spent with them—even the lunch I once called pointless—made me feel, when I was invited, that all my struggles had borne fruit. I loved those moments with all my heart.
Even if the memory of being killed by her hands remains etched in my mind, and even if I have died hundreds of times for the sake of Abydos, those fleeting moments of happiness were not in vain. Both the joy and the agony are memories I can never cast aside.
It has reached a point where I am certain: choosing to "do it"—to die simply to return once more—is a choice I can live with, so long as I can share that happiness with them again.
For the first time, Subaru could actually wish to "do it" of his own volition.
"I love you." (Subaru)
Leaving those words behind, he let his body surrender to a freefall, plummeting toward Hoshino.
My thoughts are a chaotic blur. I thought I had steeled myself for this. Yet despite that resolve, my heartbeat sent jolts of pain through my frame as if betraying my will. For the first time, the world began to move in slow motion; it felt as if time itself were stalling, dragging out a single second in hopes that Subaru might change his mind at the very last moment.
This, despite all my previous fumbling and my desperate, clawing attachment to life. Even when I had once craved death, I could never truly overcome the primal instinct to survive.
But now, I face the "Dawn"
Subaru will never forget that laughter. He will never forgive the fact that someone mocked their tragedy. I will not forget those happy moments, nor will I forget this hell and this despair. Without ignoring a single detail, without overlooking a bit of the truth, I will throw myself into Hoshino's embrace and let her consume me.
If death is the end, then so be it. Living as a hollow shell would be no different. But, if "Return by Death" can still carry Subaru to the "next time"──.
"We will all eat ramen with smiling faces. I promise you." (Subaru)
The moment the promise left my lips, a tearing pain pierced my body. The sound of life leaking from a rupture in my very being echoed through my brain, and then... there was nothing.
Neither the sound of laughter nor the echoes of the void could reach me anymore. No one was left.
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