
rize pov
years before
The rhythmic, scratchy friction of my fountain pen against the parchment was the only sound anchoring me to the quiet room.
Scritch. Scritch.
The candle flame flickered softly on my desk within the Latatheng Academy dorm room I shared with Esther. The golden glow cast long, heavy shadows across my open diary. It was a private sanctuary, the only place where the fragmented pieces of my thoughts could finally settle.
Click.
The heavy wooden door swung open, shattering the quiet. Esther leaned heavily against the frame, a white towel draped over her damp shoulders, exhaling a long, exhausted sigh.
"Phew... Now that I've washed up, I finally feel alive again." She dragged her feet into the room, her voice laced with fatigue. "Today was so brutal, I seriously thought I was going to pass out. Don't you agree, Rize?"
I didn't turn around immediately, keeping my eyes fixed on the ink drying on the page. "Yeah," I murmured softly, my hand pausing slightly. "Are you going straight to bed? Could you give me just five more minutes?"
"I'll be down soon," I added quietly under my breath, hoping to finish my thoughts before the room went dark.
Esther collapsed onto her bed with a dull thud. "Ah, you're writing in your diary again?" She shifted, her voice muffled by the mattress. "Forget it-I'm not going to sleep right away anyway, so take your time. Write as slowly as you want."
I heard her shifting under the sheets, the rustle of fabric as she began massaging her sore feet. "Come to think of it, you're really amazing," Esther noted, her tone a mix of admiration and sheer exhaustion. "You've been writing in that diary since the very first day you entered this place, haven't you? Doesn't it get annoying? How do you write in that thing every single day?"
"It's not every day..." I replied softly, the pen dipping back toward the paper. "It's just a habit."
"When did you even start writing it?"
My hand froze entirely. The tip of the pen hovered dangerously close to the clean paper.
When did it start?
...Well.
The memories, heavy and suffocating, drifted out from the dark corners of my mind.
Probably... ever since I grew up without even realizing it. From the exact moment I was forced to look straight into the ugly, brutal face of reality called poverty.
October X, Year XX
The memory of my younger self flooded back, sharp and vivid. I remembered the exact date I sat in my old, dim room back home, surrounded by packed bags.
Finally, all the preparations to leave for the Kingdom of Murachevia are complete. By tomorrow dawn, I will be leaving this house behind.
The phantom fear of that night crept back into my chest. Leaving my family and my homeland all by myself makes my blood run cold with terror. I am afraid. But if I stay here, like this... our family won't be able to hold out much longer.
I closed my eyes, remembering the stifling atmosphere of my childhood home. I never knew exactly what went wrong. I just knew that Mother spent every single day weeping in secret, and Father constantly came home covered in fresh wounds and bruises.
I can't stand it anymore. I don't want to look at my mother and father being humiliated by others, forcing their heads down in shame just to survive.
That is why I have to go. To that massive kingdom.
My fingers tightened around the pen, remembering the crumpled newspaper clipping I had stared at for hours that night-the beautiful, soaring image of a ballerina frozen in mid-leap. It was a ticket to a completely different world.
I know that the money Father scraped together for me is the very last of what he has. He gave me everything.
Therefore, I cannot-I absolutely must not-fail.
I will go to that place, and I will become a famous ballerina, just like Cellinika.
I will become an incredibly famous, magnificent ballerina, no matter what it takes.
I will never let our family live like this again.
That single, burning conviction was the only thing keeping the freezing winter chill from paralyzing my bones.
The snow fell heavily, a silent shroud blurring the cobblestone streets as I crept out into the dark morning. The crisp sound of my boots crunching against the fresh powder-crunch, crunch-felt dangerously loud in the dead of night. I had made sure to slip away while everyone was fast asleep. I couldn't bear to look back. If I did, my resolve would shatter.
Tug.
A sudden, gentle pull on my coat sleeve made me freeze.
"Sister."
A small, familiar voice cut through the rustling wind. I turned around, my heart sinking into my stomach. Standing there on the snow-dusted steps, shivering in nothing but his thin pajamas, was my little brother.
"...Friedrich!" My breath hitched, a plume of white mist vanishing into the air.
"Where are you going? Why are you out here?"
He rubbed his eyes sleepily, his tiny hands trembling as he gripped the thick fabric of my sleeve. He was so small, so fragile. Seeing him stand there in the bitter cold made my chest ache with a suffocating guilt.
I purposely waited until everyone was fast asleep to slip out. If Mother sees me like this... she will only break down and cry again.
I forced my voice to remain steady, kneeling down slightly to look into his wide, innocent eyes. "Friedrich, do you remember when I told you I was going away to a school far, far away?"
"Yeah," he whispered, his voice trembling from the cold.
"That's right," I said, trying to summon a reassuring smile I didn't truly feel. "I'm going to learn ballet. And I'll be doing some other studies, too."
Friedrich looked up at me, his gaze intensely earnest, yet filled with a child's deep anxiety. "Do you really have to go? Can't you just stay?"
A heavy silence hung between us, filled only by the quiet descent of the winter snow.
"...Yes," I replied softly, the word tasting like ash. "Sister absolutely has to go."
I reached out and gently stroked his soft hair, trying to imprint the warmth of his presence into my memory. "While I'm gone, you have to be a good boy, okay? Listen to Mother and Father, and study hard. Understand?"
I pulled my hand back, adjusting my grip on my heavy leather suitcase. "You're going to catch a cold out here. Hurry up and go back inside."
As I turned to finally take my first steps away, his desperate voice called out from behind me, halting me in my tracks.
"Then when are you coming back? Are you going to come back on my birthday?"
I couldn't look back. I stared straight ahead into the bleak, white expanse of the road, tears prickling at the corners of my eyes. How could I tell him? How could I explain that the world I was entering wouldn't let me return so easily?
I set my heavy suitcase down in the snow with a dull thud. Turning around one last time, I pulled my little brother into a tight, desperate embrace. I buried my face into his hair, holding him as if I could protect him from the cruel world we were born into.
"Friedrich," I whispered against his ear, my heart breaking into pieces. "Sister won't be able to come back for a very, very long time."
I squeezed him tighter, the truth tearing through me.
"So... don't wait for me."
September X, Year XX
Years flew by like a blur of endless practice, bleeding feet, and aching muscles within the walls of the academy.
It has already been several years since I last saw my family.
One afternoon, sitting in the sunlit dressing room alongside the other girls preparing for practice, a profound wave of loneliness washed over me. For some reason, I found myself missing them terribly today.
And then, as if answering my silent yearning, a letter arrived. It was from Mother.
The letter in my hands was a reply to the one I had sent earlier, delivering the news that I had managed to maintain my position as the top student in the entire academy for yet another semester.
Holding the crisp paper, I read Mother's tightly written words, and my breath hitched.
Our family's brewery has signed a major contract with a prominent noble household in the Kingdom of Muravia. We have earned a tremendous amount of wealth.
The letter went on to tell me not to worry about my tuition fees for the foreseeable future. Mother wrote about how proud she and Father were of me for keeping up my excellent grades, and at the bottom of the package, she had even enclosed some allowance.
A lone tear slipped down my cheek, catching the golden rays of the afternoon sun filtering through the dressing room window. I brushed it away quickly with the back of my hand, but my chest swelled with an overwhelming mix of relief and sorrow.
We are finally seeing a glimmer of hope. My family is finally stepping out of the dark.
Knowing that my sacrifices were bearing fruit gave me a renewed surge of strength. It was exhausting, and the grueling daily training pushed my body to its absolute limits-but in that moment, I felt like I could endure anything.
Year XX, December X
Months later, another letter arrived, shattering the fragile peace I had fought so hard to find. I sat at my wooden desk late at night, the candle flickering dimly as I read the devastating news over and over again.
Friedrich has suddenly entered the military academy.
My hand shook against the parchment. Why? It wasn't entirely uncommon for young boys to become soldiers, but our situation had completely changed. Didn't our family just secure a massive contract? The brewery should be frantic and bustling with work. If the business was thriving, there was no financial reason for him to choose such a brutal path.
Could it be... that Friedrich hated the idea of working at the brewery as much as I did?
I stared into the empty space of my room, completely lost. I couldn't comprehend why he would make such a choice.
To make matters worse, it wasn't just any military branch-he had entered the palace guards, a unit notorious for its brutal, unforgiving training.
"That tiny, fragile little thing..." I muttered, my voice cracking in the quiet room. "Can he really survive a place that harsh? How can I not worry about him?"
A strange, hollow sensation settled deep in my stomach. It felt entirely surreal. That innocent child, who had cried and pulled at my sleeve in the snow, was now a soldier. To me, he is still nothing but a tiny baby.
Year XX, June X
"Haah... seriously."
The sharp, annoyed voice of my roommate, Esther, broke me out of my thoughts as we walked back to the dressing room. "We're already way too busy with practice as it is. It's so irritating. Who on earth is coming that even the Director herself is making such a massive fuss?"
I remained quiet, smoothing down my pink practice dress. Earlier that morning, the Director had personally called Esther and me into her office. She informed us that an incredibly important new student was joining the ballet department today, and she strictly ordered the two of us to take charge of her and provide special supervision.
Esther leaned in closer to me, her arms crossed. "Seeing how she even dragged you into this-the academy's star top student-this girl must be no ordinary princess, huh?"
I gave a faint smile but didn't answer. Moments later, the heavy doors opened, and the new student was brought in.
Serena Serenity.
The Director wasn't exaggerating. She truly was an extraordinary new student.
I looked down at the child standing before us. She was about eleven years old, I reckoned. The moment my eyes fell on her, I was struck by how breathtakingly beautiful she was. She was tiny, with huge, expressive eyes and her dark hair tied up in neat ribbons. In her pink practice uniform, she looked exactly like a flawless, fragile porcelain doll. She was incredibly cute.
But it wasn't just her appearance that caught my attention. Unlike the other arrogant noble children who usually threw tantrums on their first day, Serena quietly took her lessons completely by herself. More than anything, looking at her, I could see the pure, unadulterated spark in her eyes. She didn't come here because she was forced to; she genuinely loved ballet and desperately wanted to learn.
Seeing that sincere passion in such a young child made me instantly fond of her.
She comes from one of the most powerful, influential noble families in the entire kingdom, yet her heart for ballet is entirely real.
As I watched her practice, a profound, quiet hope bloomed in my chest.
If it's a girl like her... perhaps she can change this rigid, suffocating world of ours just a little bit.
A soft, genuine smile spread across my face.
So, please... I truly hope Serena stays here with us for a very, very long time.
Year XX, October X
"Hahaha! Look, she really looks like a doll!"
Laughter echoed through the sunlit dormitory room. Serena had told us she desperately wanted to see where we lived, so, keeping it a complete secret from the strict Director, I had quietly snuck her up to our room.
Everything in our quarters seemed to fascinate her. She looked around with wide, glittering eyes, giggling and smiling brightly at the simplest things.
"You have to stand up straight like this, as if someone is pulling you up by your hair!" Esther laughed, demonstrating a dramatic posture on the edge of the bed while Serena sat beside her, completely enthralled.
Watching them, I realized that I, too, was genuinely enjoying myself. It had been years since I laughed like this. Sitting together, gossiping and talking about completely trivial, silly things made the crushing weight of stress completely melt away from my shoulders.
"You know, not all the dormitory rooms in this academy are this spacious and nice," Esther boasted playfully to the wide-eyed little girl, leaning back against the pillows. "Think of this room as a special privilege reserved exclusively for the top-ranking student."
Esther then shot me a mischievous grin, winking. "And of course, since I'm Rize's roommate, I get to enjoy that wonderful privilege right alongside her! Kyahaha!"
"Ah, since you're already here, take this with you," I said, reaching into my desk and pulling out a small, circular object. "It's a ribbon loop for your shoulders."
Serena tilted her head, her twin ribbons fluttering as she looked at it curiously.
"If you thread the ribbon through this loop and tie the knot, it fixes it firmly in place so it won't slip while you dance," I explained gently, leaning down to her eye level. "You didn't know about this, did you, little one?"
Esther chimed in from the bed with a smug grin. "Even the instructors won't teach you handy little tricks like this!"
Serena's eyes went wide with wonder. "Oh...!"
"But remember," Esther teased, leaning forward with a smirk, "when you quit next month, you have to return that loop to us, okay?"
Serena puffed out her cheeks into a pout, crossing her arms defiantly. "Ah! I told you, I'm not going to quit!!"
We were losing track of time, completely swept up in our own little world, when suddenly-
BANG!
The heavy wooden door flew open, hitting the wall with a deafening crash. We all jumped, our hearts leaping into our throats. Standing in the doorway, her face twisted in absolute fury, was the head supervisor, with a guard towering right behind her.
"My goodness! So this is where you were?!" she shrieked, her voice piercing the air. "Rize! Esther!! Do you two have absolutely no respect for the dormitory rules?!"
We froze under her glare, completely caught red-handed.
"Lady Serena went missing, and we have been frantically searching the entire academy for her!" the supervisor barked, her chest heaving. "How dare you bring her up to the dormitories without permission?!"
She turned around immediately, shouting down the hallway to the servants. "Good grief! Someone inform Lady Serena's knight immediately that we have found her! Tell him we are bringing her down right now!"
Stepping into the room, she looked down at the young girl with a mixture of exasperation and relief. "Lady Serena...? It is time for you to go home."
Before Esther or I could offer a trembling apology, Serena bravely stepped forward, placing herself between us and the angry supervisor. She looked up at the woman, her voice small but remarkably firm.
"I was the one who begged the older sisters because I wanted to see their room," Serena said, taking the blame entirely upon herself.
The supervisor's harsh expression softened instantly into a sycophantic, awkward smile. "Oh, is that so? Well... normally this is strictly forbidden, but... Next time, Lady Serena, please tell the instructors or me directly, and we will personally show you around. Understood?"
I watched the little girl as she was led out of the room. I never could have imagined that I would grow so incredibly attached to a child from such a high noble family. At first, because of her background, I thought she would be cold, spoiled, and ill-mannered. But the more time I spent with her, the more I realized she was just a deeply endearing, sweet little girl.
"Goodbye, sisters!" Serena called out, turning her head back to flash us a radiant, bright smile. She waved her tiny hand energetically. "Thank you for tying my hair! Let's meet again the day after tomorrow!"
As the door closed behind her, a warmth lingered in the quiet room. At first, I had only resolved to treat her well because I wanted to ensure she would stay at the academy and change our world. But now?
Now, she just felt like a precious little sister.
Year XX, April XX
Harry is dead.
I never expected things to spiral so completely out of control. The only fragile comfort left in this nightmare is that, just as intended, Serena witnessed that horrific scene.
I carry a heavy guilt for exposing a young child to something so terrible. It is pathetic and miserable of me to lean on someone so small, but this is the only path left to me.
To ensure that Harry's life-brutally taken by a man from the Grayon family-wasn't a pointless, meaningless waste, we desperately need the help of people like Serena. The Serenity family always claimed to love and patronize the arts, asserting they weren't like those corrupt nobles who feign benevolence while harboring filthy motives. If Serena looks upon our ruinous reality, she will never be able to forget it for the rest of her life.
It is an undeniably selfish thought, I know. Yet, I can only pray that she will save us from the clutches of that demonic Grayon family, and ultimately deliver Latam from its slow death.
A Bitter Farewell
Year XX, November XX
Esther's voice still echoes clearly in my ears, and her final moments refuse to fade from my memory.
If you were going to leave so suddenly, you should have at least eaten your fill of the snacks you loved so much. Now, I finally have the freedom to eat whatever I want, but because you are no longer here, I don't want to swallow a single bite.
My dearest friend, Esther. I miss you so deeply.
We used to promise each other that once we became members of the National Ballet and completed our very first performance season, we would head straight to the most famous restaurant in the city. We were supposed to order the most expensive wine and drink the night away.
...Esther, I think it's finally time for me to go home.
After fleeing Latam, I lacked the shameless courage to face my family, which kept me away for so long. But I miss them terribly. I cannot wander the kingdom forever, nor can I live a lie to those who share my blood.
"Rest well. I'll come visit you again."
The Ghostly Hearth
Is Serena still attending classes at Latam? I left without even giving her a proper goodbye, merely slipping my pointe shoes into her locker as a silent farewell. She is a brilliant, perceptive child; I can only hope she understands the unspoken feelings I left behind.
The train car jolts beneath me, a rhythmic thump-thump keeping time with my racing thoughts. As the setting sun casts a deep amber glow across the passing hills, the reality of my return begins to sink in.
Creak...
"...Mom?"
The heavy wooden front door swings open, but only a heavy, stifling silence greets me. It is quite late, yet the house stands completely dark and empty.
Are they still working late at the brewery?
"...?"
Something feels entirely wrong. As my eyes adjust to the dimness, I notice a thick layer of dust blanketing the furniture. No matter how frantic or busy things became, my parents were never the type to neglect the household like this.
I run a finger across the dining table, leaving a clean trail in the grime. There isn't a single trace of warmth left in this house. It feels like a tomb.
There was absolutely no warmth left inside the house.
The air felt so unnaturally cold that the very space I grew up in felt entirely foreign, pushing me away like an unwelcome stranger. I looked toward the corner of the room, only to see that the house plants were all dried up and dead, their withered leaves drooping in absolute neglect.
Creak-
The quiet scrape of the floorboards cut through the silence behind me. I spun around instinctively.
"...Rize nuna?"
Standing in the doorway was a young man clad in a dark, structured military uniform, his sharp, pale green eyes staring at me in quiet disbelief. It took my mind a painful second to process who he was. fedrick .
Year XX, December XX
The year is drawing to its bitter end.
Today, I spent the afternoon clearing away the heavy layers of cobwebs that had taken over the empty factory. One by one, I sold off the remaining pieces of equipment that no longer served any use. These were the very machines that our family used to wipe down and care for so diligently every single day, treating them like the lifeblood of our livelihood. Now, they have been reduced to nothing but worthless, cold lumps of scrap metal.
...Just like me.
"...Friedrich!" My voice trembled slightly as I dropped the ledger onto the table. "You're home? What brings you here at this hour?"
Friedrich didn't look up, his posture rigid under his heavy coat. "I just had something to check quickly. I have to head right back out."
"Wait a minute," I stepped closer, my heart sinking as the dim light caught his face. "You... you have another scratch on your face. What happened?"
"It's nothing," he replied flatly, his voice hollow as he turned away from me, cutting off my concern before it could bloom. "I'm going to be stationed out of town for a while, so I won't be able to come back home for a long time. Just know that."
I watched him walk away, a heavy, suffocating weight pressing down on my chest. I don't know exactly what kind of duties Friedrich performs in the palace guards, but I can feel it deep in my bones-he isn't doing the work of an ordinary soldier.
Again... he's hurt again.
His working hours and locations are completely irregular, his uniforms change frequently, and he constantly returns home with fresh wounds marred across his skin. And occasionally... a faint, metallic scent of blood lingers imperceptibly around him.
Is he throwing himself into incredibly dangerous work? My once small, bright, and innocent little brother now looks so completely worn down and exhausted by the world.
The Price of a Dream
I should have realized the truth the exact moment I first heard the news of Friedrich suddenly entering the palace.
As it turned out, that massive, life-changing contract with the prestigious noble family was nothing but a grand, elaborate fraud. To pay off the astronomical, crushing debt that incurred from the betrayal, my parents had fled to live under the roof of a distant relative, and Friedrich had bound himself to the palace.
Even while enduring such a horrific nightmare, my family kept it completely hidden from me until the very end. They never let a single complaint slip through their letters. They never showed a single sign of their suffering.
My hands curled into tight fists as tears began to spill over my cheeks, dripping silently onto the dusty floor.
I finally understood the truth, and it arrived far too late. The tuition fees that arrived so reliably every semester-the money that allowed me to dance freely at the academy-had been paid for at the cost of my parents' agonizing suffering and my brother's bleeding wounds.
I shouldn't have come back like this. I shouldn't have failed.
I absolutely had to become a prima ballerina. The final stage was right in front of my eyes. It was a lifelong dream that I had almost completely grasped within my hands.
If I had known that my family's reality was this wretched, I would have never set foot back in this house. I would have stayed in the kingdom and found another way-any other way-to survive and pay them back.
Standing alone in the dark, empty house, having lost absolutely everything I fought for, I have never felt so utterly miserable, small, and useless.
Year XX, November X Day
Writing in my diary for the first time in a while.
I have tried everything within my power to revive the family factory, but it is not easy. It feels as though the factory will never truly recover.
I keep taking on odd jobs and sporadic dance gigs wherever I can find them to pitch in financially, but the compensation is laughably low. At this rate, I will never escape my current pathetic reality-destined to spend my life as nothing more than a parasite clinging to my younger brother.
Instead of being a pillar of support for my family, I am a burden. That crushing sense of self-loathing presses heavily against my chest, day after painful day.
The Echoes of a Forgotten Offer
Lately, the words my academy director spoke to me right before I left the Kingdom of Murachevia keep drifting back into my mind.
"There is a gentleman who is looking to provide you with private sponsorship. He is a newly wealthy entrepreneur who runs a fairly large textile business."
"If you can play your cards right and stay in his good graces, you'll be able to live comfortably while continuing to dance, even as a ballerina in a smaller, humble theater company."
What would have happened if I had agreed back then? What if I had married that rising textile merchant?
If I had, wouldn't my family be living a much better life right now? At the very least, I would have been able to keep dancing without this suffocating worry.
I look back at myself, endlessly tangled in these useless regrets, wondering if my choices back then were truly matching my status. I feel utterly sick and disgusted by my own self-pity.
I remember Esther once saying to me, while watching us push through agonizing stretches at the barre: "Not every life gets to have a happy ending."
Perhaps... my life is destined to be one of those unhappy endings, too.
Year XX, February X Day
A man named Gray Rotman came to find me.
Carrying the unmistakable, imposing aura of a ruthless leader from some terrifying underground syndicate, he sat across from me, knowing entirely too much about my past.
He knew down to the exact details that I had stayed in the Kingdom of Murachevia for a long time to pursue ballet. He knew that, because of this, securing an entry visa back into the kingdom would be relatively effortless for me. He even knew the exact desperate situation we were in-how our factory had been forced to close its doors after we were ruined by fraud.
Strangely enough, the only details in his extensive file that seemed slightly off were the pieces of information regarding my family.
"Why exactly have you come all this way to find me?" I asked, my voice trembling slightly as I looked at him against the backdrop of the burning sunset outside the window.
He looked right at me and laid out a deal.
He told me that if I entered the kingdom on the designated date, completed my scheduled ballet performance, and did just one simple, additional task for him, he would take care of the rest.
The payment he offered was staggering: an advance of 40,000 crowns, handed to me right then and there.
"Are you... are you truly giving me this money right now...?" My eyes widened as I stared at the heavy leather bag sitting on the table.
"Once the job is successfully completed, I will give you the remaining balance immediately," he replied, a shadow of a smirk playing on his lips.
It was an astronomical sum-more than enough to completely wipe out our family debt and still have plenty left over. My hands shook violently as I reached out, my fingers wrapping tightly around the leather straps of the bag, gripping it as if it were a literal lifeline.
There was absolutely no reason to refuse.
"What is it I need to do?" I asked, looking him dead in the eye, ready to do whatever it took to save us.
Tips:
뷔르템베르크 공화국에는 수많은 군사학교가 있다. 그중 궁 내에 위치한 군사학교는 특별한 시험과 추천을 통해 선발된 10대 아이들만이 들어갈 수 있었다.
There are numerous military academies in the Republic of Württemberg. Among them, the military academy located inside the palace could only be entered by teenagers selected through special examinations and recommendations.
이곳에서는 기본 교양을 비롯한 다양한 학문과 군사 기술, 강도 높은 실전 훈련을 함께 익혔고, 엄격한 최종 선발을 거친 뒤 궁의 군인 및 군사경찰로 배치되었으며 일부는 각지의 지휘관으로 파견되기도 했다.
Here, they learned various academic subjects-including basic liberal arts-alongside military techniques and high-intensity practical training. After going through a strict final selection process, they were deployed as palace soldiers and military police, while some were dispatched as commanders to various regions.
이들은 필요에 따라 자신의 신분과 가문 등 관련 정보를 조정할 수 있었다.
They were able to adjust relevant information, such as their identity and family background, as needed.
to be continue