Lola Asina—Year 2018 AS
I twisted around the bedsheets, my finger clutchin' the pillow as I tried to cover my eyes from the shine of the Purple Sun—the shades of violet and lavender split into several different colors in the sky. I had woken up near dawn, keeping my eyes from the scintillation of the Purple Sun.
"Ugh, deathdamn!" I hissed at the Purple Sun; the word was as much a dignity as it was a curse.
My legs kicked around the bed, sending both the clown bag and my purse off it. I turned my entire body around, my back resting rigid on the rough sheets. The rain had finally stopped, the Purple Sun was here, and the fool was sleeping. The scenes of my performance in Magna Tempestas came and went—of King Orinn and Lady Gisli. They are all terrifying. I don't want to be dragged into their political war. Maybe, as Lord Oscytel said, they are all just some great bastards. Laughter escaped me, a mirthful chitter mirroring the stormbirds outside. Our songs mix and give life to a new, beautiful music.
Even if the bed was uncomfortable, I still did not want to leave it. Again and again. Aether moved in the room, in the sky, in the roads, following men, women, and children down the city streets. I closed my eyes, taking in a moment of peace. My breaths evened, drifting into a nice morning nap. Until I shut my eyes open, the knocking on my door ruined my foolish sleep. It feels like the begging of people, when fire started to find and burn them. Their pleas for Tarn to give them one more day to live, to see their fathers and mothers and sisters and brothers. But fire was the only one that wanted Lola.
"L-Lady! A-Are you a-a-awake?!" a soft voice called; her sounds were like a child's whimper of grief for a mother.
I groaned intensely, refusing to answer her. "I am not a mother," I thought. "That girl is not my responsibility."
But the knockings did not stop, never stopped. It increased with every passing second of doom. I could hear the Awakened outside using their abilities to fly, Hunters flying as they travel to hunt in the Death Pits—the rest of the stormfolk rushing to their daily work, to make a living for themselves. "Nobility" and "honour", truest of the words of Awakened. Awakened are honourble people; they fight for what is right, to defend their cities and homerealm.
"L-Lady?!"
Groning and cursing, I got out of my bed, walked to the door, and held its handle tightly. My eyes stared down at my hands, at how scarred they were. Fire that blazed depths of minds, blade of flames and hope—aether shall be the dance of the fool and fire, be thou my promise. Opening the door ajar and peeking through it, I saw what I expected. The little girl from yesterday jolted her head up, giving me a grateful glance. Her fingers moved softly, trying to brush her black hair out of her eyes.
"L-Lady! T-Thank you! I-I mean, I really wanted to thank you. F-for yesterday and t-today."
A smile tucked at my lips. The young girl flushed red, her eyes staring down, her mouth mumbling nonsense. Earlier, I could not see her eyes, but now they were clearly visible. Her amber gaze was a fire that burned beneath my heart. She was a small, sweet girl. Yet, no. She is not mine to take care of; I can't. I don't want to.
Fully opening the door and looking down at the poor girl, I felt my own face reddening; it was a weird moment for both of us.
"D-Don't thank me for that!" I tried to ensure, but my cracked voice had a more vicious plan. "A-Anyone would have done the same."
The girl gripped the hem of her ruined clothes.
"N-No. N-Not e-everyone. N-Never anyone. F-Father, m-mother, or b b-brother. T-They did not."
I slightly stooped, my smile softening.
"L-let's just take you to a shelter, hm?"
The girl's face faltered; for a mere second, I felt her presence suffocating; for a single moment, anger flashed in her amber eyes.
"R-Rebekah doesn't want a shelter. S-She wants y-you who would dance with her."
I tried to ignore her with a light chuckle, but her eyes were both afraid and dreadful, filled with hope and expectation.
"I-I am afraid, I don't get what you mean. D-Do you need food?"
She bit her cheek, her gaze narrowed.
"N-No!"
Her attitude towards me took me aback; her requests made my brain pause for a couple of seconds. What the actual fuck?
"T-Then what?!" I shot back with the same loudness. "I-I am not your babysitter."
The little girl flinched, her eyes opening and closing continuously.
"I-I need you, please, lady."
My eyes twitched angrily; she was on my nerves. I don't want to take care of a child while I can't even properly look after myself. Tarn knows what I will do to the girl, what I'll teach her.
I lowered myself, offering the girl my soft voice.
"W-Well, how about I buy you some bread and then send you back to the box you came from?"
She thought for a moment, her head moving left and right while doing so. After a really petty minute had passed, she finally nodded, eyes beaming eagerly.
"I-I would like some bread," she muttered, "t-thank you."
I looked back at my purse on the floor; somewhere deep inside me, I regretted burning the other purse. I need money. But the fool wanted it. Or did Lola?
The little girl took my hand with her own small ones, smiling shyly at me.
"W-What is your name, l-lady?"
"I-I…" I don't want to give her my name. "I-I am, my name is L-Lola."
She stared at my hand, not so much larger than hers.
"'Lola'..." she uttered, my name rolling around her tongue like a must-solve riddle.
"I-I am Rebekah, n-nice to meet you, Lola."
"Y-You too, Rebekah."
We were standing right next to a small tavern. Rebekah was beside me, looking over the streets with a hunger I cannot name.
"S-Storm City looks much b-bigger when the Purple Sun lights it up," she said, admiring it. Then she added, turning to me: "D-Do you like the Purple Sun?"
"I do," I said, not giving it much thought to it.
I glanced around the city, then at the royal palace on the horizon. Magna Tempestas was deliberately built to overlook the entire Capital. I heard that one can even see the Gentlesmile Hills from the tallest floor, the Storm's Eye, the floor on which the Storm Throne resides.
"T-This place?" Rebekah asked, pointing at the small tavern.
I nodded proudly.
"O-Of course! O-Or did you expect something more fancy?" I liked teasing little fools like her; it reminds me of Lea.
Rebekah placed a finger on her chin, her eyes in search.
"I-I would love to eat my bread here, t-thank you, Lola."
I pushed my hair back, grinning like I was the fool.
Rebekah's hand reached for my own, or more exactly, she wanted to grab the clown bag in my hand. She was just so close to grabbing it from my hands, I pity her to a point, dancing while the fool shall give the fire. I pulled my arm back, not letting the little thief touch the bag.
"I-I, you…" she trailed off, withdrawing her small hand.
A little pinkness was on her dirty and tired face. I did not scold Rebekah; I did not even give voice to what she tried to do and failed to do. I stole many from highbornes in the past, too. I begged them, too. I lived under the rain with my flames, I danced with aether, I gave life to the fool.
"I-I am s-sorry! I-It w-will never happen again."
Tears welled up under her eyelids; her eyes twinkled with water. Desperation and abjection, all coming from the little girl, shattering her voice, her cheeks wrinkled with tears to come.
"She is just overreacting," I thought superfluously.
I knelt to her level and brushed a string of hair from her face; my fingers scrubbed her cheek as I pulled my hand back.
The little girl looked at me with fear; she was afraid… of me.
"I-It's okay, really," I tried to sound assuring enough, enough so that she would not break apart.
"I-I am r-really s-sorry! I-I just wanted t-to, to see the costume."
"I-I said it's okay, Rebekah. W-Worry not, I am not angry."
She rubbed her eyes, her head down, tears resisting the urge to stop, until my thumb moved to wipe them from her cheek.
"N–Now, stop crying, for I fear my stomach will growl at you, hm?" I smiled brightly at her, giggling and tittering.
Rebekah chuckled thimbleful, giving me a smile of her own. We only met because of luck, or was it because of the fool? People meet people by luck every time. Without luck, we would not fall in love, we would not get angry or hate, wars would never happen; even aether would not give its blessing.
"W-We… C-Can we now eat?"
I beamed, putting the fire aside.
"B-By all means, l-let me get that bread for you. Th-Then, we could sit somewhere quiet and t-talk, okay?"
"Y-Y-Yes! I-I would like that."
I raised myself. Rebekah was a sound to be heard, a voice too innocent to miss, a girl too sweet to hate. She reminded me of my dear sister, how she would get flustered just because I gave her a single piece of bread. And I also remember where she is now, burning inside my heart.
Two breads for only two quietus, but I insisted that the tavern keeper add more ingredients to one of the breads, bringing the price to four quietus instead. Tomato, gherkin, and lettuce, all for a single person. Rebekah was waiting for me outside; she was looking up at me, more so at the two loaves in my hands. I motioned to her to follow me with a soft gesture; Rebekah gladly did so, and I let her hold the bag until we arrived at our destination. I brought us to the park where I have been spending my time lately. Lord Oscytel and I had farewelled each other here, under the giant graylord tree.
Rebekah whimpered happily as she sat down under the tree, placing the bag beside her, saliva drooling from her mouth like she was a very hungry winterserpent.
"P-Please!" she begged with desire, reverberating the hunger in her words. "L-Lady L-Lola, p-please!" Her hands reached for the two delicious pieces of food in my hands.
"C-Calm down, Rebekah," I yelped, pulling away from her slightly. "I-I'll give you the b-bread."
Rebekah pouted and leaned her head back on the tree, humming some song under her breath in a graceful whisper. I sat down under the large tree, next to Rebekah. I eyed the two different breads thoughtfully, thinking of which one to give her.
"L-Lady Lola! I-I am hungry!" Rebekah insisted.
Scowling like an old hag, I gave the empty bread to Rebekah. The little girl's eyes gleamed as she took the bread from my hand with her two small hands, and without wasting a single more second, she took a bite, chewing the bread as if it were some sort of divine boon from Tarn.
"T-T-Thank y-you," she tried to say, her words muffled by the bread in her little mouth.
A really wide smile spread on my lips, so wide that even I almost felt my jaw was going to tear in two.
"Y-You are eating too f-fast, Rebekah! S-Slow down."
Rebekah rolled her eyes, continuing to eat the bed with all the greed in her tiny, vain belly. I chuckled, taking a bite off my own bread, filled with many different ingredients from the tomatoes of Bloodblound to the gherkin from Pearl Bay City. Every bite really did feel like a boon. Filling my stomach with the money I earned from performing for the Dream King. Under this tree with a homeless kid I barely know, eating a sandwich.
None of us spoke till we finished our food. Rebekah had finished it much faster than I did, and when she did, she drooled over my food, wanting to eat it too. Well, she did not give those thoughts a song, but from the greedy look on her face, one can easily guess what she wanted. Not very long after, I had eaten the entire bread, feeling the satisfaction of dousing the hunger in my belly.
"L-Lady Lola?" Rebekah asked, snuggling closer to me.
Glancing at the girl, I rested my chin on my hands, sneering like a fool.
"Y-Yes? D-Do you need more f-f-food?"
She shook her immediately, and then grinned like a madman.
"I-I wan-wanted to ask. H-How… A-Are you an Awakened?"
My eyes narrowed, seeing them reflected in her eyes. I do well, look like a frowning mother.
"W-Why are you a-asking me that?"
She fidgeted with her fingers, face red, mine so too. We were like a mirror to one another.
"I-I-I was just thinking, a-aether does move around you well."
My face fell,
"Y-You can see aether? Yo-You are an Awakened as well."
She looked down, cheeks wrinkling.
"I-Is that a bad thing? T-To be an Awakened."
"I-I d-don't know the answer to that." My mind went to a double-sided demonstration, "W-Why did you Awaken? F-For what motive, what trauma?"
"I-I…" She paused, her words twisting before they even left her mouth.
I did not want to ask her something that may be so vile, so dreaded, but Rebekah, who was a girl no older than thirteen, asked me if I was an Awakened. Maybe she lost someone, maybe she was assaulted, raped, even. Perhaps she Awoke because she fell on the floor. Whatever the reason, such a young person's Awakening is always so painful. Getting dragged into aether's mess from such a young age. And I Awakened when I was seven. Perhaps one of the youngest to Awaken in this realm.
"Y-You do-don't have to answer. I-I… F-Forgive me, Rebekah, I-I shouldn't have asked." I am an idiot, a miserable fool for even asking this.
Rebekah jolted her head up, shaking it in protest; her hands trembled in front of her as if they were about to fling from her wrists.
"N-N-N-NO! I-I mean, it is really okay. P-Please."
Nipping my lower lip, air exhaled from my nostrils in relief with the realization that everything was fine, she was fine. Rebekah smiled, her fingers moving over my thigh.
"I-I Awoke after m-my brother c-cursed at me. I-It made me s-so sad. A-And then, I-I began to see purple particles everywhere. A-After some time, their color changed, i-into something like amber."
She was a Secundus, at her Second Awakening.
"Y-You have a brother?"
She lowered her head, snarling.
"H-He did not ha-have legs; he, he was always angry about it. A-And he blamed me f-for it. H-He always looked a-at Rebekah with so much an-anger, a-always so mad. I-It made m-me sad."
My hand moved tenderly, stroking her hair slowly and gently. Rebekah's eyes widened, not expecting my soft gesture.
"Do-Don't be sorry for stories you did not write, okay?"
A very, very tiny resemblance of a smile formed on her dry lips.
"T-That's a nice sentence."
I tilted my head.
"Y-Yes, it is, a very strong person told it to me."
She giggled pithily,
"T-They must have been a s-smart person."
"I-I d-don't know about 'smart' but, yeah."
Rebekah frowned, her eyes enlarging with curiosity.
"W-What about you? Why did Lola Awaken?"
I withered. The memories the fool loved, and Lola hated. The day my life burned by fire and gave life to the next one with the same flames.
"I-I… I-I lost my… I-I lost my… My f-father used to hit me, my m-mother and my li-little sister."
Rebekah almost shrieked after hearing the reason.
"W-Wha? W-Why?!"
I closed my eyes sorely, the tears almost coming to be shed.
"W-When I-I was eight, I liked playing with fire. B-But my f-father did not. H-He did not like me or my mother or my sister. H-He was a Slumberer, thanks to Tarn's love. B-But Tarn was not there to save the girl." I ground my teeth, clenching my fists in pure hatred. "I-I wanted to kill him, to burn him for all of it. I got what I wanted, but the fire did not stop. The orange flames spread across the entire house, which was no bigger than a kennel. I-I danced in the flames while it burned my little sister and my mother. The sight was so awful yet so peaceful."
And with it, tears rolled down as if I were a baby once more, in need of a guardian.
"D-Did you? Di-Did you want it? T-To burn them." She was horrified to some breadth, but she was not a blind girl; she was an Awakened after all.
I could not answer her. How could I give a response to a question like that, and to a girl like her?
Rebekah moved closer, her hands wiping a tear that almost fell down from my chin.
"Do-Don't," she uttered. "P-Please don't c-cry."
I turned my head away, avoiding her own sad gaze.
"H-How could I not? W-Why shouldn't I?"
Rebekah crossed her brows; her fingers twitched violently.
"Have no peculiarity," she whispered, "for shall I liberate you from the wild curiosity the fool has."
The fool, she said, the fool… But how could the fool turn and tell her that she enjoyed it? That Lola did not want the flames to fade but dance over their burning bodies. How could fool tell her that and still be the fool? What would Rebekah do when she learns that Lola laughed at the fire as their bodies burned to a crisp?