CASSIAN
I turned around then. My face felt like stone, the skin tight and dead. I looked at him standing there in the middle of the hallway, his hair messy from sleep, his eyes wet and wide.
"I can't—" I started, then the words choked in my throat. I took a breath and started again, keeping my voice very quiet, very even, because if I let it shake, I'd fall apart right on the floor.
"I risked everything for this. For us. For you." I let the silence sit between us, each word coming out heavy and cold like a stone dropped into a well. "And you—" I couldn't finish it.
Julian just watched me, the tears running down his nose and dripping onto his collar, but he didn't lift his hand to wipe them away. He just stood there and took it.
"I can't help it," I said, and the truth of it felt like an iron nail driving into my own ribs.
