Chapter 14
Planning Pranks And Padfoot
Author's Note: Thanks to all of you giving me well-wishes about my health. Won't go into details, but it isn't as serious as I thought – just something that's never affected me like this before - and I am working toward getting better. However, the issues might linger for a few days, so it might affect my writing speed. Luckily, most of this chapter was already written.
You know what makes me feel better about it all though? 500 Reviews in less than 14 Chapters, and an average of 40 reviews over the last four chapters. This story has nearly 1400 followers, and on nearly 900 Favorite lists. That is incredible! Thank you, to all of you who follow, favorite and review this story!
My muse decided to throw a curveball at the end of this chapter, so the discussion with McGonagall won't happen until next chapter.
Warning: Adult and suggestive language; Sirius gets a little naughty teasing Harry and Hermione.
(Sunday, December 13th, 1994)
The Whomping Willow, which had been trying to swat a branch at a grey tabby cat who had shown up out of nowhere froze in place, as the cat pressed a knot in the tree's trunk. Harry Potter and Hermione Granger crawled out of the hidden passage underneath the Whomping Willow, and the cat followed the couple as they walked away from it. Then the grey tabby transformed back into Professor McGonagall.
"This is where we part for now," McGonagall said, "I must go back the same way we arrived, and go back to the front gate, then take a carriage, so the Headmaster doesn't get suspicious about my return trip. Tempus!"
Numbers appeared out of thin air.
"It is a little past one-o-clock," McGonagall said, "We made very good time. I am sure the two of you are hungry?"
"I had some refreshments in the Hospital Room after my appointment," Hermione said.
"As did I," Harry said, "But it wasn't enough to keep me until dinner this evening."
"When you return to the Den, ask Mallory for a platter of leftovers from today's lunch," McGonagall said. "I will meet you around two, or two-thirty, in the Private Common Room, and we can talk about what happened today."
"Are we also going to have the other discussion, Professor?" Hermione asked.
McGonagall looked from Hermione, to Harry, then back to Hermione. "I tell you what, Miss Granger, I'm going to give you and Mr. Potter each a copy of that book I mentioned. I'll get them from Madam Pomfrey. I want the both of you to read these books, and then we can set aside a date to discuss them when you are finished."
"If you think it would be best, Professor," Hermione said.
"It will make my job easier," McGonagall said. "As you know, my fellow Professors and I have end-of-term exams for all our students to deal with. So I have to focus on that."
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Professor!" Hermione said, "With everything that has happened, the exams have been the last thing on my mind! Oh, goodness, I haven't done any studying at all this weekend!"
"I think you'll do just fine, Miss Granger," McGonagall said, "Perhaps we can arrange it so we can have that discussion after your dancing lessons next Saturday?"
"That would be perfect, Professor," Hermione said.
"I will deliver those books to you when I meet you in an hour or two," McGonagall said.
Harry was rather confused about the discussion that had been going on between his girlfriend and the Lioness at Hogwarts. He watched Professor McGonagall as she transformed back into her tabby cat, and ran back into the hidden passage under the Whomping Willow. He took Hermione's hand and the pair started off toward the castle.
"What was that about, Hermione?" Harry asked.
"Remember what we discussed after we left the Owlery yesterday?" Hermione replied.
Harry's new eidetic memory allowed him to picture said moment in time. He blushed lightly.
"The Talk?" Harry asked, "Really? We're going to have 'The Talk'?! With Professor McGonagall?!"
"I spoke to her while you were talking to Remus yesterday," Hermione said, "And she told me about the best book in the subject. Madam Pomfrey is in possession of those books. So it looks like we'll have to read those books over the next week or so. In addition to preparing and taking for the exams, as well as everything else that will come up this week! How will we find the time?!"
"I am sure you can come up with a good schedule, Hermione," Harry said, squeezing her hand, "You're very good at that. Wait. Are you going to take part in that discussion too?"
"There are some things I do not know when it comes to the magical side of 'The Talk'," Hermione said, "I've tried to find the information in the library, but Professor McGonagall informed me I was reading the wrong books. That is why she is going to be loaning us a couple copies of the proper books. Are you okay with discussing it with me there too?"
"It will make things even more awkward then they already will be," Harry muttered. "But I guess it would be better to learn it together. You know, since we're going to –"
"Start having sex together at some point in the future," Hermione finished. "Not immediately. This 'Talk' is not an invite for you to get me in bed, Mr. Potter."
"Of course not, Vassal Granger," Harry said, with a smirk.
Hermione went pink at that. "Which reminds me. I need to go to the library sometime and see if there is a book about Vassals there. Just another thing I need to do this week!"
"There's my loveable bookworm," Harry said, "I was wondering where she was."
"Oh, you!" Hermione said, rolling her eyes.
"Hermione?" Harry asked, "Is there anything we should talk about - I mean, about what happened today?"
"Not right now," Hermione said, "Especially not outside of the Den, Harry. I imagine we'll be talking about all of this with Professor McGonagall. There may be some things I might want to talk to you about without her being there too. I'll consider this while we head up to the Den."
Before they reached the castle, Harry removed the map from the pocket of his jeans, then opened it up. Ron was in the Gryffindor Common Room, Ginny was in the Library, and Snape and Dumbledore were in their respective offices. Harry kept the map handy as he and Hermione entered the castle. As they entered the castle, and headed toward the stairs that led from the Entrance Hall to the Grand Staircase, Fred and George Weasley walked down the stairs.
"There you two are!" Fred exclaimed.
"We've been looking for you everywhere!" George said. "We looked for you at lunch…"
"But you weren't there," Fred said.
"We were spending time together at a private spot we found on the Grounds," Hermione said. "We decided to skip lunch."
"What's wrong?" Harry asked.
"Before we tell you," Fred said, "Look at your map."
"And tell us where Viktor Krum is," George said.
Harry raised an eyebrow, then shrugged and opened the map once again. He searched and finally found Krum's name.
"He's in the Hospital Wing," Harry said, "With his Headmaster and Madam Pomfrey. What's he doing there?"
"We put him there," Fred said, "Well, in a way. At lunch, we heard rumors that Krum has been looking Hermione all day."
"Then near the end of lunch," George said, "Viktor Krum came into the Great Hall, and walked over to our table."
"He asked where Hermione was," Fred said, "At least, we think he did."
"He badly pronounced your name wrong, Granger," George said.
"Several times," Fred agreed,
"Even called you Harmony like Skeeter did," George said.
"Well, George and I decided to follow Krum after he left," Fred said.
"You didn't!" Hermione gasped.
"We confronted him," Fred said, nodding, "We asked him what he wanted with you."
"He said he was going to take you to the Ball," George said.
"We told him you already had a date," Fred said.
"And a boyfriend," George said.
"That idiot decided to tell us that he was a better choice than the Boy-Who-Lived," Fred said.
"We took that as a personal insult," Fred and George said.
"So what did you do to him?" Harry asked.
"Used a special Compulsion Charm on him," Fred said.
"Made him believe every girl he saw was Hermione," George said.
"Last we heard, he got hexed by three girls who were walking down a corridor together," Fred said.
"He had apparently tried to ask one of them out," George said. "It nearly worked, since she was a fan-girl of his."
"Then he called her Hermione," Fred said, "Or whatever name he jumbled up trying to call her that. That made the girl refuse."
"Then he asked another girl in the group out and called her Hermione too," George said, "All three girls hexed him with different hexes."
"So he's now in the Hospital Wing," Fred and George said.
Hermione cracked up laughing, and Harry chuckled and shook his head.
"Seriously," Harry said, "We need to do something about him. Something that will make him leave you alone, Hermione."
"We already have an idea," Fred said.
"But we won't explain it here," George said.
"Follow us," Fred and George said.
The twins led the couple up the stairs and onto the Second Floor. They walked over to a portrait of three dogs playing poker.
"Ace in the Hole," Fred said.
All three dogs barked, and the portrait opened. It led to a hidden staircase.
"This goes all the way up to the seventh floor," George said, as the four Lions walked through the portrait hole.
"And ends up a couple corridors away from the Gryffindor Common Room," Fred said.
"No need to walk up those pesky moving stairs that sends you anywhere but the destination you want to go to," George said.
"So how do you want to humiliate Krum?" Fred asked, "Simply embarrass him?"
"Or get him banned from the library?" George asked.
"Both!" Harry exclaimed.
"We hoped you'd say that," Fred and George said.
Fred and George laid out their plan as the four Lions traversed the stairs toward the seventh level. They were finished by the time they made it to the top of the stairs. Harry and Hermione were laughing by the time the twins were finished.
"I suppose that means you approve?" Fred asked.
"Yes!" Harry and Hermione said.
"Excellent," George said, "When should we do this?"
"Tomorrow," Hermione said, "After classes but before dinner. Krum will likely be there if he's looking for me, since he apparently thinks I'm always there in my free time."
"Perfect," Fred said.
"We'll see you then," George said, "Here we are!"
They had arrived at what appeared to be the back of a portrait. Fred pushed the portrait forward, and the Lions stepped out of the portrait-hole, and onto the seventh floor. Harry and Hermione split off from Fred and George, as the twins headed in the direction of the Owlery. Harry kept the map open while he and Hermione headed for the Lion's Den. When they arrived, they stepped into the Private Common Room. Mallory appeared as soon as they sat down on their couch.
"Harry Potter has received a package from Mr. Padfoot," Mallory said. "It be clear of any bad enchantments."
She snapped a finger, and a yellow envelope appeared on the table. Harry picked it up, then Mallory snapped her fingers twice as a large platter of food – leftovers from lunch – appeared on the table, along with plates, utensils and glasses. Jugs of water and pumpkin juice appeared as well.
"Thank you, Mallory," Hermione said, "This all looks great. Have we received any mail due to Rita Skeeter's article yesterday?"
"Harry Potter and his Hermy be getting lots of mail," Mallory said, "Mallory and Sadie be sorting it while Mistress take Harry Potter and his Hermy to Diagon Alley. Some be good, some be bad, some be very bad. Howlers, hex-letters, letters that be insulting Harry Potter or his Hermy. There be some good letters, but Mistress be wanting to go through them first, just in case."
"Thank you for your help, Mallory," Hermione said. "You may return to your duties."
"Dobby!" Harry said.
Dobby appeared. "Yes, Great Harry Potter."
"You were present while we met with Ragnok, is this correct?" Harry asked.
"Yes, Great Harry Potter," Dobby said, nodding.
"Please go to Vault 688 and bring me back the Hope Chest that Ragnok described," Harry said, "Then bring me the documents I asked you to bring to my Quarters."
Dobby's whole trip took less than a minute. Soon Dobby returned and snapped his fingers. A large trunk appeared on the floor next to the table, and the documents appeared together on an empty portion of the table.
"Thank you, Dobby," Harry said.
"Dobby, how is Winky?" Hermione asked.
"Resting and relaxing, Harry Potter's Hermy," Dobby said, "Dobby be thinking three days more rest before Winky be fit for duties."
"Thank you, Dobby," Hermione said, "If you see her, tell her I'm thinking about her."
"Dobby be doing so," Dobby said.
"You may return to your duties," Harry said.
Dobby bowed and vanished.
Harry and Hermione put together some plates of lunch. While he dined, Harry opened the large envelope. Inside was a small scrap of parchment, and what appeared to be two compact mirrors. Harry took the parchment and read it aloud:
"Prongslet," he read, "Instead of having to suffer the hassle of writing letters back and forth, wouldn't it be better if we can talk face to face? These mirrors I've given you are called communication mirrors. Your father, Moony and I used mirrors similar to these to talk to each other when we were in detention while in school, and we also used them after we finished our education.
"One of these mirrors is for you Prongslet, the other is for your girlfriend. Simply hold the mirror and say the words 'Padfoot', or 'Moony' to speak with Remus or me. If you wish to speak to Hermione if aren't together, say 'Girlfriend', and she can do the same by saying 'Boyfriend'. Moony and I will always have these available. So you can talk to us whenever you want. Love, Padfoot."
Harry grinned at Hermione, whose eyes were sparkling as she looked at the mirrors.
"These are brilliant!" Hermione said, "I'm going to have to interrogate Padfoot or Moony sometime to figure out how I can make one of these mirrors for my parents!"
Harry took his mirror and opened it up, revealing the mirror on the top inside cover, and a make-up pad on the bottom. Hermione giggled when she saw the make-up pad.
"I guess they look like that so they can pass as make-up mirrors," Hermione said.
"Yeah, like that isn't going to get questions asked my way if someone sees me with it," Harry said.
"So don't get caught with it," Hermione advised.
"Yeah, thanks," Harry said, then cleared his throat. "Padfoot!"
A few moments later, Sirius Black's face appeared in the mirror's reflection. He still looked a little gaunt, and while he still had a beard, it was no longer long and scruffy. But he was grinning as he looked at Harry.
"Harry!" Sirius exclaimed, "I see you got your early Christmas gifts?"
"Yeah, these are brilliant!" Harry said. "Hermione wants to interrogate you and Remus about them, so she can make one for her parents."
"Where is the future Lady Potter?" Sirius asked. "Is she there with you? Wait! Harry, set the mirror on a surface that is directly across from you, then state 'enlarge stage four'."
Harry did as asked, placing it on the couch on the other side of the table. Then he said the phrase as Sirius instructed. The compact mirror grew in size, big enough to reach the top of the couch it sat on.
"Excellent!" Sirius said, as Harry sat back down beside Hermione, "How do you do, Miss Granger?"
"Please, call me Hermione," Hermione said, "I am doing well. And I am pleased to see that you seem to be doing well yourself."
"Better than the last time you saw me anyway," Sirius said, smiling. "Lots of good food, good company, a nice place to sleep, shit, shave and shower."
"Sirius, language!" Hermione scolded.
Sirius shuddered visibly. "Damn, girl, you remind me so much of Lily! Always trying to get me to improve my language too. It never happened with her, and it won't happen now!"
"Then I guess I will have to keep scolding you when you cuss," Hermione said, with a grin.
"As long as you know it won't work," Sirius said, with a wink. "Damn, pup, you got a good girl there. And what is this about you two only getting together a couple days ago? I thought you were a couple when you rescued me in June!"
"Couldn't have told us that back then, could you?" Harry asked.
"I'm afraid I was a bit out of it back then," Sirius said, "Even then, I could still tell how well the two of you worked together. So what does that tell you?"
"That I was an oblivious idiot until a few days ago?" Harry asked.
Or under Potions, he mused.
"And I was unsure about Harry's feelings about me until he asked me to the Yule Ball," Hermione said. "So I wasn't about to ask him out instead!"
Sirius laughed. "Well, at least it only took three and a half years for the two of you to get together. James and Lily took six years to see they were perfect for one another."
"Professor McGonagall told us all about those times when my Dad pranked the boys interested in my mother," Harry said.
Sirius barked a laugh. "I was right beside him helping him prank those blokes too! Good times…"
"Where's Remus?" Hermione asked.
"Grocery shopping," Sirius said, "He'll be sorry he missed you."
"Too bad," Harry said, "We had a very interesting day today. We visited Diagon Alley with Professor McGonagall, and went to Gringotts and the Daily Prophet."
"Remus did mention you had plans to do all that," Sirius said. "But I can wait to hear all about it until Remus and I can talk to both of you together. Anything I should know right now?"
"I learned today that I became Emancipated when the Goblet of Fire spat my name out," Harry said.
"So what does that mean?" Sirius asked. "Wait… that means you're technically of age now! So that means -!"
"I am Lord Potter and Lord Peverell," Harry said, "Second in line to the House of Black."
Sirius huffed. "Maybe first-in-line, pup. I don't know if my little buddies work well enough to give me a future heir."
"Little buddies?" Hermione echoed with a snort.
"Semen, jizz, cum, little swimmers, tadpoles, baby batter!" Sirius belted out.
"Sirius Black!" Hermione scolded, her face a deep red from blushing so bad.
"You asked," Sirius said, with a smirk; then he sighed, "Fortunately, Remus and I have a trusted Healer friend that is going to come by one of these days for an appointment with me. I can test all that stuff then."
"Wouldn't Harry's Inheritance Test have said he was direct descendant if you couldn't have children?" Hermione asked.
Sirius' eyes widened, and he grinned. "That… I hadn't thought of that. It is possible. Still means I'd have to find someone sire a Heir with. Can't do that while I'm a fugitive, can I?"
"Yeah, about that," Harry said, "I read my parents' final Will and Testament. It said that you are my Godfather through the Godfather Ritual, and that Wormtail was the Secret Keeper."
Sirius' expression brightened. "That… that might be enough. Have you given that information to the DMLE?"
"Not yet," Harry said, "We're trying to be careful at the moment, you see. Remus told us all about how Albus Dumbledore was working against you. What if he doesn't want you to have a trial?"
"So we can't do it while we're here at Hogwarts," Hermione said. "But…"
"It can wait until the summer," Sirius said.
"But!" Hermione said, "Just because we have to be here for the Yule Ball, doesn't mean we can't go to London for Christmas Break the following day. I'm considering writing to my parents, and asking them if they'd be willing to celebrate a late Christmas with me… and Harry."
"You've kept that silent!" Harry said.
"I… I haven't exactly told them we're a couple, Harry," Hermione said, "I'm going to write them tonight and tell them about you. Then I'll ask them if I can invite you to my home, so my parents can officially meet my boyfriend."
"I didn't even know their names until I saw your Inheritance Test today!" Harry said.
"You took an Inheritance Test, Hermione?" Sirius asked, curiously.
"I did," Hermione said, "You're looking at the Heiress and last magic descendant of the Noble House of Dagworth-Granger."
"I know that name," Sirius muttered.
"Hector Dagworth-Granger was the founder of the Most Extraordinary Society of Potioneers," Hermione said.
"Damn, girl!" Sirius said, grinning, "That's an impressive ancestor to be related to! That almost makes you a pureblood in the eyes of society. At the very least a highborn half-blood, like Harry!"
"Like I care about that, Sirius," Hermione huffed.
"I didn't say you did," Sirius said, with a smile, "Anyway, I'll be patient for now. You can contact the DMLE during Christmas Break. Maybe I'll get a Trial before you're back at Hogwarts!"
"We can hope," Harry said. "Anyway, I also learned my parents apparently have Portraits! And that they are currently in Potter Manor in Northampton. According to the Will, you and I were supposed to live in Potter Manor together while you raised me if my parents died."
Sirius sighed. "If only. I should have never gone after Wormtail that night, pup. Other than not agreeing to be your parents' Secret Keeper, it was my biggest regret."
"We can't live our lives on 'what ifs', Sirius," Hermione said.
"You're right about that, Hermione," Sirius agreed. "Whatever. Well, if we can get you away from those horrid relatives next summer, we could live in Potter Manor like we were supposed to!"
"We won't have to worry about the Dursleys, Sirius," Harry said.
He explained what his plan was to get himself away from his relatives. Sirius cackled.
"That is an amazing prank!" Sirius said, "Not on the Dursleys, but on Dumbledore! Especially when he discovers those supposed protections around the Dursley's house are gone!"
"If you aren't free by summer," Hermione said, "Dumbledore would probably try to get Harry to stay with someone else. Like the Weasleys."
Harry and Sirius growled and it almost sounded the same. They looked at each other and laughed.
"Remus told me all about those traitors!" Sirius growled, "I can't believe I gave that red-headed traitor an Owl! No wonder Wormtail became that boy's pet. A traitor meeting another traitor!"
"Yeah, well," Harry said, "We're working on dealing with him, his sister and their mother. Sirius, I was wondering something. Maybe you know. Why were my parents and I living in Godric's Hollow instead of Potter Manor? Or one of the other residences?"
Sirius frowned. "I… I don't know, Harry. They never told me. I remember feeling strange about it. But I never asked them."
Harry frowned as a thought crossed his mind. But he decided not to voice the thought right now. Maybe he was wrong, and it was just a symptom of Sirius' continuing recovery from Dementor Exposure.
"That's alright," Harry said, "I was just curious."
"Don't feel bad, pup," Sirius said, "It is a good question. It might have just been that your parents wanted to raise you in a small house. Maybe the Godric's Hollow cottage wasn't well-known to most people. It could be anything. Maybe we'll never know. I do get why you're asking. If they had remained at Potter Manor, you might have your parents today. But, as your wonderful girlfriend said, we shouldn't focus on 'what-ifs'. I'll ask Remus if he knows something."
"Thanks," Harry said.
Harry and Hermione spent the next half-hour talking to Sirius about inconsequential things, such as some of the things that had happened over the past few months that didn't have to do with the Triwizard Tournament, or Dumbledore and the Weasleys. The conversation ended when Sirius yawned and told the couple regrettably that he needed to go and take a nap – which was apparently part of his recovery plan. Harry and Hermione promised they would to speak to him soon, and would do everything they could to see him a free man. Sirius then ran Harry and Hermione through the details of how to control the mirrors, like change their size and what-not. Then they said their farewells and Sirius vanished from the mirror.
Harry stood and walked over to the mirror, shrunk it to its original size, and pocketed it in his jeans. Hermione decided to pass the time until McGonagall came to visit them going over possible topics that their end-of-term exams. So they discussed those topics and nibbled on the remainder of their lunch over the next several minutes, before Professor McGonagall entered the room. She looked rather angry about something.
"Something wrong, Professor?" Harry asked.
"I've just been meeting with the Headmaster," McGonagall said, "I need the two of you to come with me. Headmaster Dumbledore wishes to speak with the both of you."
Uh-oh! What does Dumbledore want to talk to our heroes about? Does he know what they've been up to?
Next Chapter: Harry and Hermione speak to Dumbledore, then have a discussion with Professor McGonagall to discuss the events of the day.