The cold air outside the pack house burned down my throat.
I welcomed it.
It was easier to survive the pain that came from breathing than the pain twisting inside my chest.
I kept running.
I didn't know where I was going at first. I only knew where I didn't want to be.
Not inside that room.
Not surrounded by those people.
Not beneath all those eyes.
Behind me, the heavy wooden doors of the pack house remained closed, but I could still hear the faint spill of music and laughter through them.
The celebration continued.
Of course it did.
Why wouldn't it?
No one had stopped the music because I ran away.
No one had paused the Gathering because my world had suddenly become impossible to understand.
No one cared.
And maybe that was the part that hurt the most.
I slowed when I reached the bottom of the lantern-lit steps.
My chest was aching so badly that every breath felt like it was scraping against my ribs.
I placed one hand over my heart.
It was still beating.
Fast.
Too fast.
I forced myself to breathe.
In.
Out.
Again.
I straightened my shoulders.
I wouldn't let anyone see me stumble.
I wouldn't give them that.
Not after everything.
I glanced back at the pack house.
The windows glowed gold against the darkness.
Beautiful.
Warm.
Full of people.
Full of laughter.
Full of a life I had never really belonged to.
And somewhere inside that building was Keiran.
My mate.
The man I had spent less than a minute looking at before running away from him.
I closed my eyes.
Why did that hurt so much?
He hadn't rejected me.
Not yet.
He hadn't accepted me either.
He hadn't even had the chance to say anything.
I had run before he could.
And somehow, that made everything worse.
Because now I didn't know.
I didn't know what he had wanted to say.
I didn't know whether he was going to reject me.
I didn't know whether he was going to accept the bond.
I didn't know whether he was angry that I had run away.
I didn't know whether he was relieved.
The uncertainty gnawed at me.
I started walking again.
The path leading away from the pack house wound past the main training field and the warrior lodges.
I knew every part of it.
I'd walked these paths for years.
Usually carrying supplies.
Usually doing something someone else had decided needed to be done.
Tonight, for once, I wasn't carrying anything.
Except myself.
Two young pack members lingered near the courtyard fountain as I passed.
They didn't notice me at first.
Then one of them did.
Their voices dropped.
"That was really her?"
I kept walking.
"Apparently."
"Why would the Moon Goddess pair him with—"
The sentence stopped.
Then came the whisper.
"Maybe it was a mistake."
My steps didn't slow.
I stared straight ahead.
Maybe it was.
Maybe the Moon Goddess had made some kind of cruel mistake.
Or maybe I had.
Maybe I'd mistaken the bond.
Maybe I had imagined the warmth.
Maybe my wolf had been so desperate to belong to someone that she'd grabbed onto the first possibility she found.
I hated that my mind could even think such things.
But tonight, everything I'd spent years believing suddenly felt fragile.
I reached the edge of the trees.
The moment I stepped beneath the canopy, the noise from the pack house disappeared.
The forest swallowed it.
Owls called somewhere in the distance.
Leaves brushed against one another overhead.
The wind moved through the branches with a low whisper.
I breathed in.
Pine.
Damp earth.
Moss.
Home.
At least this part of Silvercrest had always felt like home.
My boots pressed into the earth as I followed the narrow trail.
Every step made a faint crunch against broken twigs and fallen leaves.
My wolf remained silent.
She wasn't gone.
I could feel her.
She was curled deep inside me, wounded and exhausted.
As if she was afraid that if she surfaced, someone might hurt her again.
I understood.
I was afraid too.
The farther I walked, the heavier my chest became.
The bond.
That was what I couldn't stop thinking about.
I had always heard stories about mate bonds.
About the warmth.
The pull.
The certainty.
The way two souls recognized each other.
I'd spent years imagining what it would feel like.
I'd wondered whether I'd cry.
Whether I'd laugh.
Whether my wolf would go crazy.
I had never imagined that recognition could feel so terrifying.
My mate had looked at me.
And everyone around us had immediately decided he would reject me.
I had run before I could find out if they were right.
My breath hitched.
I stopped beside an old cedar tree.
For a moment, I simply stood there.
Then my hand found the rough bark.
My fingers dug into it.
The texture scraped against my palm.
I held on tighter.
My knees weakened.
I leaned my forehead against the tree.
The world tilted.
I sucked in a breath.
Too much.
There was too much inside me.
Fear.
Humiliation.
Hope.
Confusion.
And beneath all of it, something that felt dangerously close to heartbreak.
But heartbreak over what?
He hadn't rejected me.
Not yet.
So why did it feel like something had already been taken from me?
Maybe because I'd spent my whole life expecting rejection.
Maybe because the moment I found out who my mate was, I had already known how the story would end.
Someone like Keiran didn't choose someone like me.
He couldn't.
Could he?
I closed my eyes.
Would you have accepted me?
I didn't know whether I was asking Keiran or my wolf.
Neither answered.
I swallowed hard.
"What would you have said?"
My voice sounded pathetic in the empty forest.
I laughed quietly.
"Would you have rejected me?"
The silence felt like an answer.
My chest tightened.
Of course he would.
Why wouldn't he?
I was Elara Hale.
No rank.
No family name worth mentioning.
No impressive bloodline.
No accomplishments anyone cared about.
I wasn't a warrior.
I wasn't a healer.
I wasn't beautiful like the ranked she-wolves.
I wasn't important.
I had spent years telling myself those things didn't matter.
But suddenly, standing alone in the forest with the scent of my mate still lingering faintly in my memory, they mattered.
They mattered so much.
A rustle came from behind me.
I turned quickly.
My heart jumped.
Mara Linton stood several yards away.
I recognized her immediately.
She was one of the lower-ranked wolves in Silvercrest.
We'd passed each other dozens of times.
Most of those times, she pretended not to see me.
Now she stood there wringing her hands.
"I… um…"
She looked uncomfortable.
"I saw what happened."
I didn't say anything.
She glanced toward the path behind her.
"Thought maybe you'd need someone to walk you back."
I stared at her.
For a moment, I couldn't decide how I felt.
Angry?
No.
Grateful?
Not exactly.
There was no reason to be angry with her.
She hadn't done anything.
And there was no reason to be grateful either.
This wasn't friendship.
It was pity.
I understood that.
Still, I offered her a small smile.
"You should go back inside before someone notices you're gone."
Her shoulders visibly relaxed.
She nodded.
"Okay."
Then she turned around.
Just like that.
I watched her disappear between the trees.
Not even five minutes of borrowed concern.
I wasn't surprised.
Pity was temporary.
It appeared when someone was hurting badly enough to make others uncomfortable.
Then it disappeared once the wound was out of sight.
I didn't need it.
I didn't want it.
I pushed away from the cedar.
I could've gone back to my cabin.
But I didn't.
The walls would feel too small tonight.
Every sound would echo.
Every thought would grow louder.
So I followed the narrow trail toward the ridge.
My feet knew the way.
I'd walked this path so many times that I didn't need to think about where to step.
Around the exposed root.
Over the flat stone.
Between the two leaning pines.
Up the final slope.
Then the trees began to thin.
The lake appeared below.
Moonlight stretched across its surface, silver and still.
Beyond it, the human town glowed faintly in the distance.
I reached my usual spot.
The fallen log.
My place.
I sat down heavily.
The wood was cold beneath me, damp with moss.
I pulled my knees toward my chest and rested my chin against them.
For a while, I said nothing.
The silence wasn't peaceful.
Not tonight.
It was full.
Full of everything I refused to say.
My breathing trembled.
One tear slipped down my cheek.
I wiped it away.
Another followed.
I wiped that one away too.
"Stop."
My voice cracked.
I laughed quietly at myself.
"You're embarrassing."
The words were cruel.
I knew they were.
But they came so easily.
Maybe that was the problem.
I'd heard those thoughts for so long that eventually they stopped sounding like other people's voices.
They sounded like mine.
I stared at the lake.
"Would he have accepted me?"
My voice was barely a whisper.
I waited.
Nothing.
"What if he wouldn't?"
My fingers tightened around my sleeves.
"What if everyone was right?"
My wolf stirred faintly.
I felt her.
A small, bruised presence beneath my heart.
"What if the Moon Goddess made a mistake?"
She shifted again.
"No."
I shook my head.
"I know what we felt."
I pressed a hand against my chest.
"He is our mate."
The words were frightening.
Because saying them made everything real.
Keiran was my mate.
The first person in twenty-three years who was supposed to be mine.
And I had run away from him.
Maybe he would hate me for it.
Maybe he'd think I was weak.
Maybe he'd think I was strange.
Maybe he'd tell everyone that his mate couldn't even stand in front of him.
I imagined his silver eyes.
The way they had looked at me.
The way his body had reacted to the bond.
Had there been disappointment?
I couldn't remember.
Everything had happened too quickly.
My mind had already been drowning in everyone else's whispers.
I didn't know what his expression meant.
I didn't know what he had wanted to say.
And that uncertainty was killing me.
"I should've stayed."
My voice broke.
"I should've let him talk."
I covered my face with both hands.
"What if he was going to accept me?"
The question hurt.
It hurt more than imagining rejection.
Because now I would never know.
I had taken the choice away from him.
And from myself.
Maybe I had ruined the only chance I'd ever had.
A sob escaped before I could stop it.
I lowered my hands.
Tears blurred the lake below.
"I'm sorry."
I didn't know who I was apologizing to.
Keiran.
My wolf.
The Moon Goddess.
Maybe myself.
"I'm sorry."
I took a shaky breath.
"I was scared."
The words were barely audible.
"I didn't want them to watch."
My wolf finally stirred.
Not enough to speak.
Just enough to remind me she was still there.
I closed my eyes.
We're still here.
The thought came quietly.
I wasn't sure if it was mine or hers.
But I answered anyway.
"We are."
I breathed in.
Then out.
Again.
The pain remained.
But something else began settling over it.
Not anger.
Not hatred.
Not revenge.
Something colder.
Something quieter.
Survival.
I wasn't going to die because of a bond.
I wasn't going to destroy myself because a man might not want me.
I didn't even know if he rejected me.
And if he did…
I would survive that too.
At least, I hoped I would.
I lifted my head and looked at the moon.
It hung high above the treeline, pale and sharp.
For years, I'd prayed to it.
I'd trusted it.
I'd believed it had a plan for me.
Tonight, for the first time, I wasn't sure.
"Why him?"
The wind moved through the trees.
No answer came.
"Why now?"
Silence.
"Why give me something just to make me afraid of losing it?"
Still nothing.
I looked down.
Maybe the Moon Goddess hadn't forgotten me.
Maybe she had remembered me at the worst possible time.
Or maybe this was simply the beginning of something I couldn't understand yet.
I didn't know.
And for tonight, I didn't need to know.
I curled my arms around my knees and watched the moonlight dance across the lake.
Somewhere behind me, far beyond the trees, the Silvercrest Pack House continued its celebration.
Maybe Keiran was still there.
Maybe he had already left.
Maybe he was angry.
Maybe he was confused.
Maybe he was relieved.
I didn't know.
And for the first time, I realized something.
Running away hadn't protected me from rejection.
It had only left me alone with the possibility of it.
But I wasn't ready to face him.
Not yet.
So I stayed.
I let the tears come quietly.
I let my wolf heal beside me.
And for the first time that night, I allowed myself to admit the truth.
I was afraid.
Not of Keiran.
Not even of rejection.
I was afraid that maybe the whispers had been right all along.
That maybe I wasn't worthy of being chosen.
That maybe there was something fundamentally wrong with me.
Something no amount of kindness, patience, or hope could fix.
I hated myself for thinking it.
But I couldn't stop.
And somewhere beyond the borders of Silvercrest, far past the places where anyone had ever cared enough to speak my name, something ancient had already begun to stir.
Something powerful.
Something that had been waiting.
I didn't know it yet.
I didn't know what was coming.
I didn't know that the life I had always known was already beginning to change.
All I knew was that I was sitting beneath the Blood Moon, wondering whether my mate would ever want me.
And somewhere beneath that question was another one.
A quieter one.
A more dangerous one.
If Keiran didn't choose me…
Would I ever learn to choose myself?