School is meant to be quiet in the run up to the exams. After deciding he should have a conversation with Minjun, he finds himself speechless at the end of the day. Minjun looks worse for wear. His hair looks like a bird's nest and his shirt is torn.
Minjun crunches the lollipop in his mouth and shoves the stick in his pocket. His fingers fumble with the bottom hem of his coat but he eventually pulls up the zip and grins.
"Isn't it lucky that they didn't hit my face?"
Taehyeon doesn't know who 'they' refers to but he knows that Minjun is wrong. The swollen red mark on his left cheek looks a lot like he has been hit in the face.
"Why are you still at school?," Taehyeon asks because it is safer to change the subject than it is to lie. "Shouldn't the teachers have called your parents to pick you up? How are you not suspended?"
"I was the victim," Minjun says, his usual bravado muted as he glances around. "Are you here to take me home?"
"Sure."
Taehyeon will have to give up on talking to Minjun today. The day before the intensive hours of exams wasn't the best choice in the first place. Next time, Taehyeon's nerves will need to solidify with courage when it is more convenient to talk.
There are so many things he wants to know now in spite of the situation. Taehyeon wants to know who fought Minjun and why they did it. He wants to know why Minjun didn't go home to rest. He wants to know why Suji isn't around when there is no more perfect time than today to show off what a loving girlfriend she could be. Taehyeon supposes the same is true for him but he really has given up on the impossible chance of becoming Minjun's boyfriend.
As selfish as it is, Taehyeon hates how unlucky he is. He needs to keep blinking quickly so that the heat rising in his eyes doesn't melt into tears. Focusing his sight on the grime on the outside of the window is helping too. Taehyeon will need to add this tactic to his repertoire. Being pathetic and stupid is a condition Taehyeon is going to struggle to overcome for his entire life. Right now he wants to text Bada and beg for help and another five-day sleepover. Considering how close together the bus seats are, Taehyeon highly doubts he could manage to vent to Bada unnoticed. At the very least, any attempt to protect his privacy will only make him look suspicious and Taehyeon isn't ready for the gentle interrogation that will lead to.
Taehyeon flinches at the nudge, Minjun's knee bumping lightly against his own. Tearing his eyes away from the polluted dust on the bus window, Taehyeon braces himself for the questioning he should have continued to expect.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
Minjun very clearly looks like he doesn't believe Taehyeon. He's actually quite a nice person. He doesn't challenge Taehyeon on that. He simply changes the subject.
"I liked those songs that you were listening to before. Can you show me some more of the songs you like?"
Taehyeon retrieves the case for his wireless earphones and passes one to Minjun. He has made sure to prepare for times like this. He has had to stop listening to music on the way to school so that there is zero chance of him offering Minjun something nasty and dirty to shove in his ears. His sister Taeri has actually been useful for her tutorial of cleaning fiddly things like this. Taeri is unscrupulous and only perfected this cleaning technique to scam people and shops by trying to get refunds on electronics or by selling items as refurbished when all she has done is shine it up superficially.
Unlike the day when Taehyeon was nearly choked to death at school, he doesn't second guess his own music tastes. That day Minjun seemed happy to listen to anything. If his interest was all pretend, Taehyeon isn't going to feel guilty about making him pretend today too.
This is the easiest way out of having a proper conversation about anything Taehyeon has been agonising over for multiple days. They can listen to music. Taehyeon won't need to do more than pretend he thinks Minjun really will look up the songs later.
"What's this one called?" Minjun asks. He's playing along already.
Taehyeon is oddly relieved when he replies, "It's called Mellow Movie."
Taehyeon relaxes into the smooth rhythm of the music. The journey won't be so bad, especially when Taehyeon doesn't need to keep his worries in check. The rumbling of the bus engine totally doesn't sound like people whispering about how he doesn't belong in the seat next to Lee Minjun, of all people. Music is powerful enough to keep those fears far in the periphery of his mind.
"What about this song? Who is this by?"
"It's by IU. You ask every time but you never remember."
The next song brings quiet and stillness. Taehyeon steals all the glances he can whilst Minjun seems to absorb every note of the song. Maybe the song is speaking to him. Maybe, in a universe where anything existed between the two of them, Minjun would relate the song to a moment like this one.
The song ends and Minjun smiles.
"Can we listen to this one again? Who is it by?"
Nothing about Minjun's demeanour suggests that he relates to it at all. That should be all the confirmation Taehyeon needs.
Praying for his eyes to stay relatively dry, Taehyeon swallows against the lump in his throat and says, "It's a song that got big recently. Event Horizon. The singer is Younha. We've listened to some of her songs before. I'll play the song again now."
Again, the two of them sit quietly as the song plays. Taehyeon turns his attention to the view trundling past the bus windows. When the song ends, Minjun speaks.
"Is it a happy song?"
"Not really."
Without explaining anything, the answer has satisfied Minjun. As though he's the type to rake fingernails over a new scar, Minjun tips his head onto Taehyeon's shoulder. He presses too closely and there is a smile in his voice.
"Can we listen to the song again?"
Taehyeon doesn't need to say anything. He replays the song again. He pretends that a song saying goodbye to a person who can't return love the same way doesn't hurt him.
Whilst Taehyeon had thought it best to talk this through with Minjun, relieve him of a burden he's too nice to complain about, there's nothing between them at all.
When changing to the next bus, Taehyeon stops Minjun. He should be able to say this much.
"You don't need to come all the way with me. You can just go home."
Minjun's smile only shrinks a tiny amount. Taehyeon can pretend he never even noticed.
"Wouldn't you like to…" Minjun pauses.
Taehyeon sees the bus he needs to catch pull up a few stops further along the row. Maybe he should have stopped to say this when he was standing at his bus stop so he could make a quick escape at the right time.
"I forgot that tomorrow is a big day for me," Minjun laughs. He winces and shrugs his coat over his shoulders. "Will you come to school tomorrow to cheer us on?"
"I've got to help the others hand out the good luck charms we've been making."
"Of course," Minjun grins. "I didn't think about that. I'll see you tomorrow, then."
"Yeah," Taehyeon agrees. The bus drives away. This is typical. Taehyeon tries to smile.
"Oh, my phone broke," Minjun says, grasping Taehyeon's arm. "I don't think I'll be able to text you tonight. Or tomorrow morning. Is that okay?"
"That's fine."
"Good. Cool. That's a relief," Minjun says. Taehyeon wonders how this conversation must have gone with his currently-fake girlfriend. Minjun is good at pretending those things don't matter. He squeezes Taehyeon's arm more tightly. "And I'll definitely see you tomorrow? Before my exams?"
"I'll be at school," Taehyeon allows. As much as he would love to have a full day off to have a lie-in, Hyejin made the decision for him.
Minjun seems to be waiting for something. Taehyeon wonders whether he is being held in place for something to drop on top of his head. There isn't a comically large 'X' beneath his feet and all he can see above are clouds. They're standing far enough from the tall buildings on this side of the street that Taehyeon thinks he is safe from anything being dropped from a window.
"I will see you tomorrow then," Minjun eventually says. He leans in close and awkwardly pats Taehyeon on the back before he practically sprints down the street.
Next time, Taehyeon thinks. He will talk to Minjun next time. If it even matters then.