(Gilderoy Lockhart)
As the transformation faded, golden fur receded into skin, paws stretched back into hands, and I rose smoothly onto two feet once more.
I dusted off my sleeves, adjusted my cuffs, and rolled my shoulders.
A flawless transition, naturally.
Tonks, meanwhile, was still red in the face.
Very red.
And her shoulders kept twitching suspiciously.
I narrowed my eyes.
"Why," I asked slowly, "were you laughing?"
She straightened immediately, clearing her throat and forcing her expression into something resembling professionalism.
"I wasn't laughing."
"You were absolutely laughing."
"No," she said quickly. "I just… remembered something funny that happened in the office the other day."
I crossed my arms. "While looking directly at my magnificent Animagus form."
Her mouth twitched dangerously.
"Yes," she said. "Pure coincidence."
I remained unconvinced.
Tonks looked away, biting the inside of her cheek.
Interesting.
Very interesting.
"Well?" I prompted.
She sighed dramatically, clearly realising I was not about to let the matter go.
"Fine," she said. "Your lion form is very…"
She hesitated, while I waited patiently.
"…handsome."
I immediately brightened.
"Indeed," I said. "That describes me perfectly."
Tonks groaned. "Merlin, you really are impossible."
"Confidence is an admirable trait."
"Narcissism is not."
"Just a matter of perspective," I quipped.
She rolled her eyes and looked down at the paperwork on her clipboard. For a few moments, only the scratching of her pen filled the room.
I stepped closer, watching as she finished the final notes of my registration.
"Done," she said at last, stacking the forms neatly. "Now I just have to deliver these to the Minister's Undersecretary for processing."
She made a face, and I recognised the source immediately.
"Umbridge?"
Tonks nodded. "Yes."
My smile dimmed.
Understandable.
Dolores Umbridge was widely disliked, even by people who rarely agreed on anything.
I was fairly certain half the Ministry fantasised about pushing her into a swamp.
Perhaps more than half.
Frankly, I never understood why Cornelius kept her employed. The woman had the charm of spoiled milk and the warmth of an Azkaban cell.
Then again…
Politics rarely operated on logic.
It would not surprise me in the slightest if she possessed some deeply embarrassing secret about the Minister.
That would explain quite a lot.
I tilted my head thoughtfully.
"Then let me accompany you on this arduous task."
Tonks blinked. "Are you sure?"
I took my staff back from her and twirled it once before planting it lightly against the floor.
Then, with proper ceremony, I offered her my arm.
"Allow me to escort this beautiful lady into the toad's lair," I said solemnly. "I would not rest easy leaving you to face such a monster unprotected."
Tonks laughed and slipped her arm through mine.
"Alright, kind sir," she said. "Thank you very much for your protection. I'll leave the handling of that beast in your capable hands."
She glanced up at me. "After all, you're the professional."
"Indeed," I said gravely. "It cannot possibly be worse than a basilisk or a pack of werewolves, could it?"
Tonks gave me a sidelong look. "I wouldn't be so sure."
I chuckled. It couldn't be so bad, could it? And I was used to dealing with Umbridge by now, my dismantling of her reforms had even become the highlight of Wizengamot meetings.
Together, we stepped out of the registration office and into the Ministry corridor.
The atmosphere changed immediately.
Unlike Hogwarts, where chaos had a certain whimsical charm, the Ministry possessed a different sort of madness.
A structured one.
People hurried in every direction carrying stacks of files, charmed memos darted through the air like frantic birds, and somewhere nearby someone was loudly arguing about cauldron thickness regulations. I could swear I'd heard that very same argument at least three times before.
As Tonks and I walked side by side, several heads turned to look at us, and our linked arms.
I offered a few polite smiles.
One must maintain standards.
Tonks leaned slightly closer. "They're staring."
"They usually are."
"No," she muttered. "I mean because we're together."
I glanced at her.
Her expression had shifted, not nervous exactly, but thoughtful, guarded.
Ah.
I squeezed her arm lightly. "They will get used to it."
"Will they?"
"Eventually. Humans adapt remarkably well to brilliance."
She snorted. "I was wondering how long it would take you to compliment yourself again."
"Less time than expected, admittedly." I winked.
She smiled despite herself.
Good, I rather liked that smile.
We rounded a corner, passing the Magical Law Enforcement offices.
Several Aurors glanced up as we passed.
One of them nearly walked into a filing cabinet.
Another gave Tonks a questioning look, but she ignored him, an admirer perhaps?
Soon enough, the Ministry corridors grew quieter.
The cheerful chaos faded.
The lighting became slightly dimmer.
The carpets thicker.
And somehow, inexplicably, the air itself felt judgmental.
We had entered Umbridge territory.
The Ministry's upper administrative level was pristine in a deeply unsettling way.
Everything was too polished, too symmetrical, and way too pink…
Even the decorative vases seemed disapproving.
Tonks visibly slowed.
"Oh no," she muttered.
I followed her gaze, and at the end of the corridor stood a familiar office door.
The door was soft pink, with gold lettering. And a small decorative cat plate hanging beside it.
Horrifying, absolutely horrifying.
A witch exited the office carrying paperwork looking pale.
Traumatised, even.
She walked past us without a word.
Tonks swallowed. "You still sure you want to come with me?"
I looked at the door, then at her, then back at the door.
"…A bit less than before," I admitted.
She laughed quietly. "There's still time to run."
"My dear Tonks," I said, straightening my posture, "Gilderoy Lockhart does not run."
A pause.
"Unless there is something exploding, explosions aren't exactly good for the hair."
"That's fair."
I adjusted my sleeves. "Shall we?"
Tonks took a deep breath, then knocked softly.
A sweet, sugary voice drifted through the door. "Come in."
Tonks and I exchanged one final glance, and stepped into the lair.
…
The office was exactly as dreadful as expected.
Pink wallpaper.
Pink curtains.
Pink teacups.
Pink cushions.
Even the scent in the room felt aggressively floral.
I was fairly certain prolonged exposure could qualify as psychological warfare.
Tonks stepped inside first.
Immediately, Umbridge's eyes lifted from her paperwork. A predatory glint entered her gaze the moment she recognised who had entered.
Her smile sharpened.
"Oh," she said sweetly. "Auror Tonks."
Then I stepped in behind her and her expression froze.
The smile remained, but only technically.
The fake warmth vanished instantly, and her eyes narrowed.
"What are you doing here?" she asked in a voice pitched several notes too high to be normal for a human being.
I smiled ruefully and offered a polite bow.
"Good morning to you as well, Madam Umbridge."
Her smile tightened further.
"Yes…" she said slowly. "Good morning, Mr. Lockhart."
A pause.
"But do pray tell… what exactly are you doing here?"
"Why," I said pleasantly, "I was merely escorting Miss Tonks."
"Very well," she said immediately. "Then you may leave."
I smirked.
"Now, now, do not dismiss me so quickly. I wished to observe how one of the Ministry's top employees performs her duties."
I glanced around theatrically.
"Perhaps I may even find inspiration for a future book."
"I do mind," she said through gritted teeth.
Ah.
There it was.
The real Dolores Umbridge, hidden beneath lace and sugar.
She wisely chose not to continue arguing.
Though her surface thoughts were hardly subtle.
'Insufferable peacock.'
'Attention-seeking half-blood.'
'Arrogant nuisance.'
Ah yes, exactly what I expected.
A touch of passive Legilimency made such things easy enough to skim.
No need to pry deeply.
With Dolores, the shallow end of the pool already contained enough unpleasantness.
She turned sharply toward Tonks.
"Well then, Auror Tonks," she said sweetly, "what brings you to my office?"
Tonks straightened slightly and extended the stack of papers.
"I'm here to deliver the Animagus Registration forms for Mr. Lockhart."
"Oh?"
Umbridge's expression shifted into one of interest and calculation.
She accepted the papers and began reading.
Silence filled the room, only the soft rustling of parchment.
Her eyes moved line by line.
Then slowly… Her mouth pinched.
A disapproving hum escaped her throat.
"No," she said at last, lowering the papers.
"This simply will not do."
Tonks blinked. "I'm sorry?"
Umbridge looked directly at her.
"Auror Tonks," she said, "you are familiar with the Ministry's approved standards for official paperwork, are you not?"
Tonks frowned.
"Yeah, but it's not exactly…"
"Hem hem."
That ridiculous cough…
Tonks visibly restrained herself.
Umbridge tapped the parchment.
"This writing does not appear to come from a standard quill."
Tonks shrugged. "It doesn't."
A pause.
"It's a Muggle pen."
Silence.
Absolute silence.
Umbridge stared.
Then she dropped the paperwork onto the desk as though it were contaminated.
"A Muggle pen?" she repeated.
Tonks nodded. "They're faster."
The horror on Umbridge's face suggested Tonks had just confessed to sacrificing Pureblood babies in a Muggle church or something.
"Auror…" she began.
Then she stopped, her eyes narrowing.
"No," she corrected sweetly. "Miss Tonks."
Tonks stiffened.
"Consider yourself removed from your position."
Tonks blinked. "What?"
"Someone who demonstrates such blatant disrespect toward this sacred institution clearly has no place within it."
I watched the colour drain from Tonks' face.
I knew that Auror work had always mattered to her, more than she admitted or showed.
And suddenly, this ridiculous woman was threatening it over a pen.
This absolutely could not continue.
"Wait," I said, and both women turned toward me. Though I'd say I'm using the word woman quite loosely when it comes to Umbridge.
"You are attempting to fire her because she used a different writing instrument?"
Umbridge lifted her chin. "It is a matter of standards."
"It is a complete absurdity."
Her eyes flashed.
"And do you even possess the authority to dismiss an Auror?" I asked lightly.
That landed beautifully, her face reddened immediately.
"How dare you question my authority!"
She surged to her feet. "I am the Minister's Undersecretary!"
"Yes," I said calmly. "Which is notably not the same thing as Head of Magical Law Enforcement."
Her toady mouth opened, then closed, then opened again.
"That authority belongs to Madam Bones," I continued. "Unless there has been a sudden restructuring of the Ministry that I somehow missed."
Umbridge recoiled as though struck, one hand flew dramatically to her chest.
Her complexion deepened into an impressive shade of crimson.
"Out!" she shrieked.
"The both of you! Out of my office immediately!"
She pointed at Tonks furiously.
"And consider yourself dismissed! I shall bring this personally to the Minister!"
"That will not be necessary, Dolores."
The voice came from the doorway.
We turned.
Cornelius Fudge stood there, breathing slightly harder than usual, cheeks flushed as though he had arrived in haste.
Interesting.
Apparently screaming carried exceptionally well through Ministry corridors.
Umbridge froze.
Then, astonishingly quickly, her expression transformed.
The fury vanished, and was immediately replaced by syrupy sweetness.
"Cornelius," she said warmly. "You needn't have come. I was just about to see you."
But he did not appear charmed. In fact, he looked mildly irritated.
"Of course I came," he said. "You were causing such a racket half the corridor heard it."
Then his gaze shifted to me, and instantly, his expression brightened.
"Gilderoy!"
He stepped forward.
"What a pleasant surprise. What brings you here?"
I smiled. "Simply registering my Animagus form."
His eyes widened. "Really?"
Then came the politician.
The performance.
"Then congratulations are certainly in order," he said warmly. "That is a remarkable achievement."
He turned immediately toward the paperwork.
"Allow me to handle the filing personally."
Umbridge looked horrified, and clearly she intended to object, but one glance from Fudge silenced her.
Smart.
She recognised poor timing when she saw it.
Within minutes, the forms were signed, stamped, processed, and completed with impressive efficiency.
Fudge even insisted on personally escorting me through part of the Ministry, which I politely declined.
One must not overindulge politicians, lest they become too clingy.
Tonks walked beside me as we left, looking faintly stunned.
Possibly impressed.
Which is entirely reasonable.
Before departing, however, I allowed myself one final small act.
As we stepped beyond the doorway, I subtly brushed my fingers against my staff.
A near-silent charm slipped into place, delicate and nearly undetectable.
A listening spell.
Curiosity, after all, is a valuable quality.
Tonks and I continued down the corridor.
Several seconds passed before the charm activated.
Cornelius' voice drifted softly into my awareness.
"Dolores," he said sharply.
Her response came immediately.
"Cornelius, why did you behave so humbly before that half-blood? A man of your standing does not need to…"
"That half-blood, as you put it," Fudge interrupted coldly, "is one of the Ministry's largest private sponsors."
Silence.
Then he continued.
"With his influence and popularity, a single word from him could ensure I remain Minister for another term."
His tone hardened.
"Or see me removed from office tomorrow."
Umbridge sounded genuinely startled. "Surely it cannot be that serious…"
"Enough," Fudge snapped.
"I will not hear another word of this."
I let the connection fade.
Interesting.
Very interesting indeed.
Beside me, Tonks glanced over. "You look pleased."
I smiled faintly. "Merely appreciating the rare beauty of political honesty."
She snorted. "That sounds suspicious."
"It usually is."
And together, we continued down the Ministry corridor.
…