(Gilderoy Lockhart)
We left the Flamel cottage soon after dinner, mostly because Nick and Penny were already beginning to look tired.
Which, considering they were both over six hundred years old, was entirely understandable.
Penny had tried to hide it behind her usual lively demeanor, but I noticed the way her shoulders drooped slightly whenever she thought no one was looking. Nick had been a little slower walking us to the door as well, though he still maintained his warm smile the entire time.
The snow had already begun falling when we stepped outside. Soft white flakes drifted down through the dark sky, quietly covering the countryside in a thin blanket of winter.
Nick and Penny stood together in the doorway as we prepared to leave.
"Come visit again before the holidays end," Penny said warmly.
Rosmerta hugged her gently.
Aurora did the same a moment later.
Nick clasped my shoulder with surprising strength for someone his age.
"Keep studying your alchemy," he said with an approving nod. "You've made remarkable progress."
"Thanks to your guidance," I replied sincerely.
He waved that away with a chuckle.
"Talent still matters."
A moment later I took Aurora and Rosmerta by the arm, focused my magic, and the familiar twisting sensation of apparition pulled the three of us through space.
The snowy countryside vanished, and with a quiet pop, we reappeared outside the Three Broomsticks.
Warm light spilled from the tavern windows, illuminating the falling snow that drifted lazily through the cold night air.
For a brief moment everything felt peaceful.
Then both women slowly turned to look at me with a dangerous glint in their eyes.
A very dangerous glint.
Something deep inside my instincts immediately began ringing alarm bells.
I swallowed loudly.
"Well!" I said with forced cheerfulness. "This is where we separate."
Both of them blinked in confusion.
"I promised Sirius I'd go over for a few drinks tonight."
Their brows furrowed almost in perfect synchronization.
Seeing their expressions, my survival instincts kicked in immediately.
"Don't worry!" I added quickly, raising my hands in surrender. "It's just for an hour or two at most."
I gave them my most charming smile.
"Then I'm all yours to do as you please."
For a moment neither of them spoke, then their expressions slowly shifted and satisfied smiles appeared on both faces.
Rosmerta stepped closer first, tiptoeing to kiss my cheek softly.
Her lips lingered just a second longer than strictly necessary before she pulled me down a bit so her mouth could align with my ear.
Her warm breath brushed against my skin.
"We have a surprise for you," she whispered in a low, seductive voice.
A shiver ran down my spine.
"So be sure to return fast."
Then, just before pulling away, she casually reached down and gave me a soft squeeze between the legs, causing my entire body to lock up.
Rosmerta simply smirked.
Aurora stepped forward next. She kissed my other cheek gently.
"Make it brief," she said calmly.
Then, without warning, she placed both hands against my chest and shoved me backward through the tavern door.
THUD~
The door slammed shut directly in my face.
I stood there for a moment, completely stunned.
Snowflakes drifted down around me in peaceful silence.
Meanwhile, a certain part of my body had become stiff as a rock.
I stared down at the obvious problem, then up at the snow-filled street.
Then back down again.
"…Merlin's beard."
How exactly was I supposed to show up at Sirius's place like this?
Here I was, standing in the middle of Hogsmeade, with a very noticeable problem in my trousers.
I just hope that Sirius never hears of it, otherwise he would never let me live it down.
The man would probably laugh himself unconscious.
I pulled my cloak tighter around myself and attempted to angle things in a slightly less… obvious direction.
It did not help much, and the cold winter air certainly wasn't helping either.
If anything, it seemed to be making the situation even worse.
"…Fantastic."
I glanced up and down the quiet street.
A few distant figures walked between buildings, their laughter drifting faintly through the cold night air.
Thankfully no one seemed to be paying attention to me.
Good.
Because if I ran into Professor McGonagall right now, I would simply have to throw myself into the nearest snowbank and remain there until spring.
I took a deep breath.
Then another.
Right.
There was only one solution.
I pulled my cloak lower, squared my shoulders, and began walking through the snowy streets of Hogsmeade with as much dignity as a man in my current condition could possibly manage.
All in the hopes that my condition would subside enough so I could finally apparate to Grimmauld place.
Hopefully Sirius had strong drinks ready.
Because I had a feeling I was going to need them.
…
Saturday, December 25, 1993
As I opened my eyes groggily, my head felt heavy and pleasantly numb, the dull echo of last night's drinks still lingering somewhere behind my temples. For a few seconds I simply lay there, staring at the unfamiliar ceiling while trying to gather my scattered thoughts.
Then I felt the soft warmth of a body pressed against my side.
Ah.
A slow, satisfied smile spread across my face.
So I had made it back to the Three Broomsticks after all.
How exactly?
I had absolutely no idea.
The last thing I clearly remembered was Sirius pouring what he proudly called "a proper Christmas drink," which had tasted like fire, a hint of whisky, and possibly dragon breath.
After that… things became increasingly hazy.
Still, even drunk to the gills, I had apparently managed to keep my promise.
Good man, Gilderoy.
Feeling rather pleased with myself, I pulled the woman in my arms a little closer and gave her a playful squeeze on her soft derriere.
The reaction was immediate, a startled squeal escaped her lips.
But the sound made my brow furrow slightly.
That didn't sound like Aurora.
Nor did it sound like Rosmerta.
My eyes slowly opened the rest of the way and I turned my head to finally look at the woman sharing my bed.
My brain froze at what I saw.
Because the woman staring back at me was neither Aurora nor Rosmerta.
It was Tonks.
Nymphadora Tonks was currently clutching the sheets tightly over her chest, her pink hair an absolute mess as it stuck out in several directions. She stared at me with her eyes wide and her mouth opening and closing repeatedly like a fish that had just been pulled out of water.
For several long seconds neither of us said a word and simply stared at each other, trying to process the situation.
I blinked once.
Then twice.
Tonks finally pointed an accusing finger at me, her arm trembling slightly.
"What are you doing in my bed?!" she demanded.
I raised both hands immediately in surrender.
"Tonksie," I said calmly, doing my best to sound reasonable despite the pounding headache beginning to form behind my eyes. "Maybe you haven't noticed, but this isn't your bed."
She blinked.
"And it isn't even your house."
Tonks frowned, then slowly turned her head and looked around the room.
Her eyes moved from the heavy velvet curtains to the dark wooden wardrobe, then to the tall antique dresser standing against the wall.
The entire room practically screamed old aristocratic family home.
Realization dawned on her face.
"…Oh."
Her shoulders immediately sagged, and the accusing finger lowered slowly.
Tonks collapsed backward against the pillows with a defeated groan, dragging the blanket up over her face.
"Right," she muttered from beneath the sheets.
Grimmauld Place, of course.
That explained everything.
I glanced around the room again, now noticing more details through the lingering fog of last night's drinking.
Yes.
This was definitely Grimmauld Place.
Sirius's family home had a very distinctive… personality.
The old furniture, the dark wood paneling, the aristocratic aesthetic that somehow managed to feel both grand and deeply depressing at the same time.
And judging by the faint sunlight filtering through the curtains, it was already morning.
Christmas morning, apparently.
Wonderful.
I rubbed my temples slowly.
"How much did we drink last night?" I asked cautiously.
Tonks pulled the blanket down just enough for one eye to peek out.
"Too much," she replied flatly.
That seemed like an accurate assessment.
I leaned back slightly against the pillows, trying to reconstruct the previous night.
"I remember Sirius challenging me to a drinking contest," I said slowly.
Tonks groaned.
"Yeah. That was your first mistake."
"I remember winning."
"You absolutely did not win."
"I distinctly remember standing victoriously on the table."
"You were singing Christmas carols to a coat rack."
"…That sounds plausible."
Tonks sighed deeply and finally lowered the blanket completely, revealing her thoroughly unimpressed expression.
"How did we even end up here?" I asked.
She stared at the ceiling for a moment, thinking.
"Well," she began slowly, "after Sirius declared you 'an honorary Marauder for the night,' you tried to demonstrate what you called a 'professional wizarding drinking technique.'"
I winced. "That already sounds like a terrible idea."
"It was."
Tonks shifted slightly in the bed, still holding the blanket tightly around herself.
"Then Sirius dared you to race him up the stairs."
"…Why?"
"No idea."
"And?"
"You tripped halfway up, declared the stairs 'unfairly aggressive,' and refused to continue."
I nodded solemnly.
"Understandable."
Tonks rolled her eyes.
"After that, things get blurry, I think I helped you to bed and you pulled me down with you and kissed me."
I stared at her confusedly. "Why didn't you stop me?"
"I was also drunk and thought it was a dream…"
We both slowly turned our heads and looked at each other again.
A very uncomfortable silence followed.
"…So we did it," I concluded.
"Yes."
Another pause.
Then Tonks groaned and dragged the blanket over her face again.
"Merlin," she muttered. "Your girlfriends are going to kill us."
I lay there for a moment, considering that possibility.
Then I sighed deeply.
"…Yes," I admitted. "They probably are."
…
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