Chapter 284: A World with Only Zeroes
Dana floated less than five meters above the ground, alongside the Cloud team. Occasionally, he would fly a bit further to appreciate the unique desert scenery.
"Come to think of it, I've been in the ninja world for so long, yet I've never been to the desert. This desert really... has nothing..."
Beside him, Hiroto grumbled, "Why else would it be called a desert?"
Although Hiroto had a Sealing Jutsu covering his body to block the heat, trudging through the sand while someone floated effortlessly beside him was annoying.
Noticing Hiroto's annoyance, Dana raised his eyebrows smugly. He switched from sitting to reclining mid-air, as if lounging on an invisible deck chair. All he was missing was a glass of juice. It was ridiculously leisurely.
Dana's flight ability wasn't dependent on posture. He could fly while squatting if he wanted to, though that would look like he was preparing to "drop bombs" from the sky.
Hiroto simply turned his head away.
Perhaps by sheer luck, the specifications for this Joint Chunin Exam were unexpectedly high. More high-ranking officials from various villages attended than last time. Maybe Sunagakure had more face than Amegakure.
However, many high officials wouldn't arrive this early. Dana, arriving early with the contestants, was an exception.
Because they had to accommodate the varying speeds of the young ninja, the pace wasn't fast. The Suna ninja's estimate of half a day's journey was accurate. Dana floated along the whole way, attracting many side-glances.
For example, from the three little rascals...
Ah, no. For minors, we generally call them "little friends."
"That Cloud guy is so arrogant. What's so great about him? Just because he can fly?" Obito grumbled, hands behind his head, occasionally kicking sand.
Young people were always like this. If someone was cooler than them, they felt an inexplicable hostility.
And right now, this coolness was blowing Obito's face sideways.
Might Guy, on the other hand, looked at Dana with admiration, especially at the muscle contours highlighted by the wind. His eyes were filled with worship.
"That must be a body full of YOUTH!"
"Idiot Guy! What weird things are you saying? Disgusting!" Obito retorted immediately.
Kakashi was much calmer. The figure ahead made him want to re-evaluate the ninja world. Even though the man was just lazily floating, the aura he radiated put immense pressure on Kakashi.
It seemed the pinnacle of the ninja world was even further away than he had imagined.
He used to think his father was the strongest ninja in the world, but now he wasn't so sure. As a child who loved his father the most, he felt sad about his own wavering faith.
The three of them were the youngest in the Konoha team, forming a squad of their own.
Sakumo Hatake's intention was to use this opportunity to train his son. Based on the previous exams, the Joint Chunin Exam was indeed a rare training ground to broaden horizons and see the ninja world outside Konoha.
It was a small privilege of being the Hokage.
In the squad, Kakashi and Guy were Konoha's little geniuses who graduated early. Kakashi's talent needed no introduction, and with the Hokage as his father, his growth—both in strength and mentality—was much better than in the original timeline.
Might Guy was the same. His father, Might Duy, was no longer an obscure Genin but a recognized hero of the village. Naturally, Guy's training resources had improved, and no one looked down on him for only knowing Taijutsu anymore.
Obito, however, was different. He was the perennial dead-last. This spot was specifically reserved by Sakumo for the Uchiha Clan, giving them a chance to join this politically correct squad.
With the Hokage's son and a hero's son, the team composition was perfect. Leaving a spot for the Uchiha allowed them to integrate more deeply into Konoha.
Or rather, integrate into the Hokage's faction.
Fugaku Uchiha considered it carefully and eventually picked Obito, who was already friends with Kakashi and Guy, from the few eligible clan members.
His strength was lacking, but the point was to build relationships. Besides, this squad was too young; they were mainly here to gain experience, not to win.
Obito, however, had no such self-awareness. He thought this was his chance to bring glory to his ancestors and prove himself.
The three had only trained together in Konoha for a few days. But teenage friendships were unpredictable. Guy was simple-minded, and Kakashi knew Obito from the Night of the Purple Moon. Neither of them despised Obito for being weak.
But bickering was inevitable.
"Stuck-up Kakashi, if you keep staring at a man like that, be careful or you'll grow styes in your eyes!"
Kakashi snapped, "I'm not staring! And you don't get styes from looking at people!"
"I don't know. Grandma told me: stare at women, get lice in your eyes; stare at men, get styes."
Ahead, Dana's senses were keen. How could he not pay attention to such an interesting trio? They were too recognizable. He had been monitoring them the whole time, and hearing this, he couldn't help but look back at the three kids.
Noticing they had attracted attention, Minato Namikaze, the team leader, fell back a few steps and said to Kakashi, "Kakashi, control your gaze."
Kakashi instinctively wanted to retort, but remembering his father's instruction to listen to Minato, he shut his mouth and nodded.
Dana smiled back. It seemed Kakashi, with his father's company, had a very different personality from Dana's memory.
However, he didn't notice that a certain self-conscious brat was about to cause trouble.
Obito decided to play a prank on the flying show-off to attract everyone's attention. Taking advantage of the distraction, he quietly used the Transformation Jutsu to turn into a member of the Iwagakure team.
The young ninja around him thought he was a straggler from Iwa catching up and didn't mind, but Kakashi and Guy noticed Obito's anomaly.
"That idiot! What is he doing now?!"
Obito sneakily moved forward, gradually passing the Iwa team and reaching the side of the Cloud team.
He estimated the distance and height of the flying target. I can make it.
"Hehe! Stuck-up Purple Moon Demon, let the future Fifth Hokage, the Genius Obito Uchiha, sanction you!"
Seizing the moment, Obito used a clumsy Body Flicker to get directly under Dana. Then he jumped high, hands forming the Tiger seal, and thrust upward toward a certain sensitive area.
"Hahaha! The Fourth Hokage's True Taijutsu Secret Technique! Eat my THOUSAND YEARS OF DEATH!!!"
However, his vision blurred. The expected sensation didn't come. Dana vanished in a puff of white smoke.
"Eh?!"
As his upward momentum ran out and he began to fall, Obito felt resistance from below.
And it was going deeper.
Dana had appeared behind Obito unnoticed. Obito didn't see what happened, but the penetrating pain in his butt became increasingly intense.
"Ouch, ouch, ouch! It went in! IT WENT IN!"
Given their exaggerated size difference, it looked like a strong man skewering a roasted chicken.
Obito shot up another three inches, clutching his butt. Behind him, Dana said, "Young kid not learning good things, aiming for the lower three paths. If you like it so much, I hope in your next life, you live in a world with only zeroes."
(Note: "Zero" (0) is slang for "bottom" in gay culture in some contexts, or referring to "hole". Dana is making a very crude joke/pun here regarding Obito's "Thousand Years of Death" attempt.)
Finished speaking, Dana patted Obito's back several times. Something stuck to his back.
"These Six Hundred Billion Explosive Tags will send you to hell!" Dana whispered in a demonic voice.
"WHAT?! EXPLOSIVE TAGS?! SIX HUNDRED BILLION?! GRANDMA, I'M DYING!"
Overcome by shock and pain, Obito couldn't handle it anymore and fainted.
Dana casually held the limp Obito like a dead fish.
He smiled at the deadpan Hiroto beside him. "Oops. I just wanted to scare him. Seems I overdid it."