Soo you are reading about my upcoming events and schedule he asked me. I didn't say much I just ate the pancake that he has just given me without answering his question. Then he placed both his hands on the counter top and looked at me for a minute like he is knowing something just by looking at my face. Then I said stop looking at me with your these eyes. Why any problem with it he asked me. No it's not your problem it's my problem you don't have anything to do with it I said. He exhales sharply and said say it Zhao Shiza what your Mr heart is feeling right now I can sense it just because you won't say it from your mouth doesn't mean that I won't be able to know it. Yuan what are you talking about I really don't know I said it while looking on the floor just to avoid his eyes cause if I look into them then I won't be able to lie. He smiles and leans down at my ear level and said I know you are bothered about this ninth April event.
And he got it that ninth April event the event where he needs to go with his co actress of the periodic drama series which is soon to be released in May and for the promotion of that drama they need to go to a variety show together but aren't I also went with him to the variety show to promote our drama then what's wrong in this this is also very much the same thing why I am fussing over about it this much this is very normal very normal but these all are words that I keep on saying to myself repeatedly just to make myself understand that there is nothing wrong in it but in the end it's all a waste a waste of time a waste of words cause nothing is working out my fear my insecurity is taking over on me again but aren't I promised that I won't let these unnecessary insecurities ruin our relationship but still I am doing the same mistake again but how can I not why nobody is understanding my feelings for him for few people if they know about me they'll surely think that I am his psycho fan and no matter how much I explain myself to anyone no one is ever gonna believe me and living in this world from past twenty three years I managed to learn that one thing very clearly that people will only believe what they want to believe not what you want to make them believe and I learnt this quickly but today right now my problem is not that people are not understanding me my only worry is that what Yuan thinks about me he thinks that I am ruining his career I am becoming a hurdle in that which I never not even in my worst nightmares how can I make my Yuan's career on stake because of my silliness no I can't I never and while thinking these thoughts in my mind I suddenly remembered the old video of Yuan where he was very young and he was crying like a sweet little baby cause he wasn't able to do dance and singing together correctly and putting his group down and for that he was literally crying there and now look at him my Yuan Yuan knows it pretty well how to play with camera how to use his charm to make his whole fandom crazy over him again and again and trust every time when I see you I fall in love with you again and again it's like a human life cycle that restarts again after completing the process but I am no one to destroy all this and while these thousands of thoughts are going around my mind Yuan is still here in that same position right in front of me and then his voice breaks my self thoughts and he said why you get soo much worried about these things these all are part of my work he said it very maturely but he forgot that I didn't have any relation with this maturity as when God was distributing the maturity I went to admire my Yuan Yuan and then a little smile comes onto my lips while thinking that and then I said what should I do you really don't know how much harder I tried myself to stop overthinking about this but what should I do when my Yuan Yuan is soo handsome and whenever I tried to avoid these things the more I get the news on Weibo regarding his upcoming drama series with other actresses.
What fears you the most he asked me while putting one of his hands on my cheeks and looking straight into my eyes like he is trying to find the answer in it. Then I closed my eyes for a second and then I said what I fear the most is that what if you have fallen for someone else? What if you start thinking that they are much more capable of being with you than me. He laughs a little while hearing this from me and said how could you even think like that am I some trophy that everyone is trying hard to be with me he said. No you are God's precious present that everyone is eyeing on and I can't let anyone take this present from me cause if that ever happened at any worst case Yuan I am telling you this already that my Mr heart will stop beating if any worst day of my life it sees you with someone else I'll definitely die I said it while tears start falling down from my eyes continuously and then Yuan kissed my right cheek and then left one and then he is continuously doing this from my right cheek to left to left to right and I said while still crying Yuan what are you doing. Then he stops and looks at me and said I won't stop kissing your cheeks until you stop crying. Yuan this is not fair I said. This is really very fair I can't let my silly girl cry like this and unfortunately my silly girl can't let herself stop from crying soo this is the mid option only that I have left he said.
And then he said and make this thing very clear to yourself no matter how many projects I'll do with other actresses my heart is only and will always be owned by my silly girl only soo leave this thought from your mind ok he said. Ok I understand now stop doing this I said while still feeling shy from his warm kisses on my cheeks. Then I smiled and took another bite of the pancake to avoid that shyness of mine. And he understands it very well and then he said I need to change this chair. I shockingly asked him why what happened what's wrong with this chair I asked him. Cause your legs are not able to reach the floor he said then I stared at him for a while and then I said are you making fun of my height? No I am just changing the things in the house for my silly girl so that she can live comfortably here. This is really not quite acceptable Yuan why it seems like you are hiding it from me that you were making fun of my height I asked him. He smiles and said no I just realised that how few things in the house are not comfortable for you so I just need to change them according to my silly girl's comfort.
I smiled and said Yuan you know what whenever I feel pain fear or any kind of thing that makes my body feel that I am not safe you know what the first thing I do. What he asked me. The first thing I do is say your name no matter wherever I am whatever I feel at that time the only thing that I always do loud and clearly is always saying your name 'Yuan' I didn't do it purposely it's just slipped out from my tongue and sometimes my tongue really betrays me in this as when I say your name it really doesn't matter for me how many people are around me and what they even think about me the only thing that matters to me is that saying your name in those type situations was neither in my hands nor in my control but have you ever wondered why I say your name always in those situations. Why he asked me while looking at me like he was waiting to hear this answer from me.
I smiled and said cause you are my comfort zone my safe place that my body knows very well more than me even for sometimes as whenever my body feels any danger around it or something which is really off to me or I don't feel okay it automatically goes to its safe zone place and that place is you saying your name at that time like I try to control my tongue but it didn't and it said your name only saying it makes me feel that you'll come to save me to protect me but you never did as you were soo far away from me even now also when we know each other and are in a relationship also if I say your name you won't come now also cause you might be busy in your own work you can't stay with me whole day like you have nothing to do I know you have a life that you have really worked hard for how can I become the biggest hurdle in that I can't I never.
Whether you'll stay close to me or not my Mr heart was is and will always call your name whenever it detects danger around me despite knowing pretty well that this won't make any difference you'll never ever come to save me from those situations but saying it will always make my Mr heart feel that even if it's just for span of minutes it makes it feel that you'll come to save me from that situation.
He cups my face with both his hands and said why do you love me soo much. I smiled through my tears that are forming inside my eyes but didn't come out and said as I always say loving you was never in my hands if it was really in my hands then I would never let my Mr heart lead this painful journey of our love no not love love is between two people but here I do worship my love and it could be done by one person only I said to him. Soo does that mean that in our story you'll be the one who'll face all the problems alone and bear the pain and I am not even doing anything for that?
I smiled and held both his hands in mine which were previously cupping my face and I said Yuan your existence near me makes me breathe and you are saying that you are doing nothing. This is all my mess and my messed up life that only I messed up for myself you had nothing to do with it. It's my own creativity of creating problems for myself I said.
Then he pressed his forehead to mine and said then we'll solve these problems together and that line why it seems like a promise to me an unsaid promise but whatever it is I feel secure right now as now nothing wrong is gonna happen to me as long as my Yuan Yuan stays close to me like an unsaid unsung promise and when my jealousy and insecurity fade away I didn't even realise it's all just my Yuan's magic over me and now my Mr heart finally comes to a peace of ease and it will remain like this as long as my Yuan Yuan is holding me like this in his arms and then breaking the moment his phone rings and when he picked up the call and...