Lin Chudong stood on stage, gazing at the packed house. "Quite a crowd," he said. "I'm pleased to see so many of you here."
"The farthest must be a stop or two away, right?"
Zuo Quan: "Not that far!"
Lin Chudong: "Allow me to introduce Teacher Zuo Quan."
Zuo Quan: "You're too kind."
Lin Chudong: "As you know, crosstalk relies on four pillars: speaking, imitation, humor, and singing. But what exactly does 'singing' refer to?"
Zuo Quan: "Why don't you tell us?"
Lin Chudong: "Singing refers to traditional *Taiping Geci* and folk songs. Popular songs fall under imitation."
Zuo Quan: "You're quite skilled at popular songs."
The audience erupted in playful catcalls.
"Sing! Sing!"
Lin Chudong quickly waved his hand. "Singing on a crosstalk stage would be unfair. I can sing other things, though."
Suddenly, a cook in the audience shouted, "Sing 'Eighteen Touches'!"
The crowd roared with laughter.
Zuo Quan frowned. With so many people, the audience's interjections were overwhelming.
Moreover, Lin Chudong seemed to be deliberately leaving pauses, as if waiting for the audience to chime in.
Many of the interjections were nonsensical, and if he didn't handle them well, the audience might boo him.
Lin Chudong pointed at the audience member and said, "Look at your hobby!"
"Do you think I'm your neighbor?"
The audience erupted in laughter.
Big Fei's punchline landed perfectly, and his quick wit in responding to the audience's interjection was flawless.
Zuo Quan: "Someone from next door wouldn't know that."
The entire audience roared with laughter again.
Even Lin Chudong couldn't help but laugh. Zuo Quan was such a brilliant straight man.
The audience's interjections immediately revealed the difference in their crosstalk skills. Great Xin Crosstalk forbids audience participation, but here, Zuo Quan effortlessly handled every comment.
Lin Chudong: "If we're talking about singing, it has to be Teacher Zuo's wife—Sister-in-law sings the best."
Zuo Quan: "My wife is indeed a good singer."
Lin Chudong: "Just mentioning Sister-in-law... my heart, tsk tsk..."
Zuo Quan: "What are you smiling about?"
Lin Chudong: "Sister-in-law is so generous. Last time, I was backstage carrying a bowl of noodles when she turned around and knocked it right out of my hands. I let out a little yelp."
Zuo Quan: "Oh?"
Lin Chudong: "The moment I yelped, she immediately said, 'Don't worry, I'll buy you another bowl.'"
Lin Chudong paused, and the audience suddenly grasped the pun. They burst into laughter.
What a clever use of homophones!
Lin Chudong: My heart felt warm at that moment. Of course, I have to go home tonight...
Zuo Quan quickly interjected, "Wait! What do you mean 'compensate you with a bowl'? I said I'd compensate you with a bowl of noodles, not anything else!"
Lin Chudong looked innocent. "I only said a bowl of noodles. What did you think I meant?"
Now it was Zuo Quan's turn to be bewildered, and the audience erupted in laughter and catcalls.
*After all, Lin Chudong never said anything inappropriate. He only said "compensate you with a bowl." If you interpreted it as "compensate you for a night," that's on you.*
Zuo Quan said, "I thought I'd just compensate you with a bowl of noodle soup."
Suddenly, a female audience member shrieked, her voice piercing the air and drawing everyone's attention.
"Big Fei, I love you!!"
It was no surprise that Big Fei had fans in the audience, and they were all thrilled to see him performing crosstalk.
Lin Chudong looked at her. "You must be Teacher Zuo's wife, right? I almost didn't recognize you with your clothes on..."
Zuo Quan: "Go! Don't talk nonsense!"
The audience roared with laughter again, and the female audience member flushed crimson, covering her face and laughing uncontrollably.
The crowd was instantly energized. At this crosstalk show, even the audience's interjections were funnier than the main act next door.
The woman Big Fei teased couldn't stop laughing.
Lin Chudong: Look how sweet she's smiling.
Zuo Quan: Why is she smiling so sweet?
Lin Chudong: Because I have diabetes.
Zuo Quan: Holy shit...
The audience erupted in laughter.
Big Fei was too bold—he even made his straight man curse.
Several audience members were doubled over with laughter, clutching their stomachs.
Li San, arm around his wife, slapped his thigh repeatedly in amusement.
"This is my first time at a crosstalk show. Are they always this hilarious in small theaters?"
His wife replied, "Mine too! You'd never see this on TV."
"Exactly! They'd never let him broadcast this. Big Fei is killing me!"
Zhang Mengnan pulled out his phone to record a clip, his hand shaking with laughter as he captured the moment. He quickly uploaded it.
His videos had been getting tens of millions of views lately, and his follower count was skyrocketing—all thanks to Big Fei.
Lin Chudong: Don't let my tough image on TV fool you. My health isn't what it used to be. Even my sister-in-law says I'm not as strong as I once was.
Zuo Quan: Why should her opinion matter?
Lin Chudong pointed at the woman who had chimed in earlier. "I have a witness! Ask her if my health has declined."
The audience roared with laughter again. This impromptu joke had landed so well, it was being milked for multiple punchlines—his on-the-spot improvisation was truly brilliant.
Zuo Quan was deeply impressed. Big Fei's reaction speed was incredible. The crosstalk had just begun, and the audience was already roaring with laughter. The atmosphere was truly electric.
Just then, Li San's phone rang. He had taken a video earlier and posted it in the company group chat, and now several colleagues were asking where he was, with some even calling directly.
Li San crouched down and tiptoed out, thinking he should leave quietly to avoid disturbing the audience.
As soon as he left, Lin Chudong called out, "Hey, where are you going?"
Li San awkwardly pointed outside.
Lin Chudong: "Oh, the restroom, right? Hope it's a success!"
Zuo Quan: "Pfft! What's so successful about using the restroom?"
In the audience, Cheng Huanhuan and Deng Siqing's cheeks ached from laughing. Big Fei was hilarious! His ability to command the stage was extraordinary.
Suddenly, a chef shouted, "Let's get our money back!"
One voice started it, and soon many joined in the chant.
"Refund!"
"Refund! Refund!"
Onstage, Lin Chudong paused, then retorted, "Refund? You're dreaming!"
"Our policy is no refunds!"
"Tickets bought in Beijing, refund window in Afghanistan!"
Zuo Quan: "That's a place you don't want to visit."
The audience burst into another wave of laughter. They had never heard crosstalk like this before—it was like a casual conversation, yet every line was a punchline, the jokes coming nonstop!
***
Great Xin Crosstalk.
The theater was packed, and on stage, Lu Bomin and Chen Hexi were performing with all their might. After a lengthy, rapid-fire monologue, the audience responded with scattered, tepid applause.
This crowd was nothing like TV viewers. They had paid hard-earned money for their seats, and they expected a good show. If the performance was good, they'd play along out of courtesy. But if it was bad, awkward silence was the least of it—they'd just boo.
Someone pulled out their phone and saw a video from next door, instantly piquing everyone's interest. The free ticket holders in the back, without so much as a goodbye, began filing out the door.
The sudden exodus of a large group immediately drew the attention of the front-row audience. As everyone turned to look, Lu Bomin and Chen Hexi on stage paused.
This pause immediately killed the momentum.
The audience erupted in boos.
"Get off!"
"Go!"
The two performers, their faces burning with embarrassment, hastily bowed and retreated backstage.
Meng Xin and Yu Hong, still changing into their costumes backstage, rushed out in a panic. By now, half the audience had already left.
Meng Xin's face darkened. *They're leaving again?* he thought. *The place next door is packed. Do people really pay 300 yuan a ticket only to leave halfway through?*
***
Zuo Quan's apprentice retrieved some small notes from the audience and handed them to Lin Chudong.
"This is a special segment for our theater," Lin Chudong announced. "The audience asks questions, and I'll answer them randomly."
He picked up a note and read:
"If killing weren't illegal, who would you kill first?"
Lin Chudong answered without hesitation: "If killing weren't illegal, I'd fucking hide."
The crowd burst into laughter.
"Damn, you've got a lot of enemies, huh?" Zuo Quan remarked.
"You all know me," Lin Chudong replied. "But if killing were legal, I'd go next door and kill two of them."
"Take me with you!" Zuo Quan offered.
Cheng Huanhuan nearly choked on her drink. The two of them were too good at this banter. If Meng Xin next door heard this, he'd die of anger.
Lin Chudong picked up a second note and read: "Someone called me an idiot. Is that illegal?"
The question drew more laughter; only a special kind of person would ask this.
Lin Chudong adopted a serious tone: "Ah, a legal question—you've come to the right person."
"If someone calls you an idiot, you can absolutely sue them. In our country, there's a crime called 'invasion of privacy'."
Zuo Quan: "Hey, that's practically an insult!"
"Hahahaha..."
The audience erupted in laughter, clapping and cheering in unison.
Big Fei's act was truly brilliant, his improvisational skills astonishing. The questions were bizarre and nonsensical, but Big Fei transformed them into hilarious punchlines.
Lin Chudong picked up the last note. "Alright everyone, this is the final question. After this, we'll wrap up for the night. Head home early."
Reading from the note, he said, "Big Fei, someone scammed me out of a billion yuan. What should I do?"
Lin Chudong looked at the audience, utterly bewildered.
"Did you burn the wrong kind of paper?"
"Hahahaha..."
The crowd burst into uncontrollable laughter. *What the hell are these questions?* If Big Fei hadn't read them aloud, they might have suspected they were pre-written. His improvisational skill was truly remarkable.
As the show ended, the two performers took their bows.
A young apprentice stepped forward. "Ladies and gentlemen, that concludes today's performance. Please exit in an orderly fashion."
The audience began to chant.
"We're not leaving! Do another one!"
"Do another one!"
"Not going home tonight!"
"Encore!"
"..."
The audience roared. Lin Chudong took a sip of water in the wings. Zuo Quan asked, "What do we do?"
"Encore!" Lin Chudong replied.
Zuo Quan quickly drank some water, and the two returned to the stage to thunderous applause.
As the crowd grew, people even started sitting on the stage itself. A small 300-seat theater was packed with over 500 people!
Lin Chudong performed from 7 PM to 11 PM, making twenty-eight curtain calls and ending up drenched in sweat.
Fortunately, he was a singer who had specifically trained his breath control. Otherwise, any ordinary person would have lost their voice long ago.
Finally, around 11 PM, the audience began to disperse.
"Teacher Big Fei, you've worked so hard," Zuo Quan said. "If we keep this up, the audience's expectations might become impossible to meet."
Lin Chudong nodded. "Almost. I'll perform one more show tomorrow. After that, it's all yours."
Zuo Quan nodded. He had already brought back the junior brother he used to perform crosstalk with, and they were preparing to start anew.
Although Big Fei wasn't there, the audience was still enthusiastic. Lin Chudong had already mastered his act.
The notes might not be as effective as Big Fei's quick responses, but they would still have some impact.
The most important lesson he'd learned from Big Fei was to leave the audience satisfied.
Twenty-eight encores were unprecedented in the history of crosstalk.
If he could cripple Great Xin Crosstalk, he could slowly build up his own operation afterward.
That evening, Lin Chudong returned to Sister Deng's place to rest. The crosstalk performance had exhausted him. Fortunately, his physique had improved by +4; otherwise, he wouldn't have been able to handle it.
Deng Siqing massaged his shoulders and said, "I've noticed you're more driven by revenge than ambition. Do you really need to go all out and destroy him?"
Lin Chudong smiled. "Leaving someone like him around would be a disaster. I can't afford to be soft."
"I heard rumors that Director Sun is being transferred back to CCTV. What about *Longing For*?"
Lin Chudong replied, "I've been on shows at Beijing TV before. They wouldn't cancel my show just because Director Sun leaves, would they?"
Deng Siqing said, "Be mentally prepared. Even though you've worked with Zhang Qinxue, she doesn't have much influence at the station. With Director Sun gone, your show might be reassigned to someone else."
Lin Chudong frowned slightly and nodded. "I understand. You take over for the next two episodes. Record a couple of episodes for me."
This was Lin Chudong's first hit show, and he wanted to give credit to those around him. Since Sun Xuan was leaving, he decided to let Deng Siqing take over now to avoid complications later.
Deng Siqing nodded. "Is Lin Qiqi still participating?"
Lin Chudong shook his head. "No, she's unavailable."
"Oh." Deng Siqing's expression remained neutral, making it impossible to tell if she was pleased or displeased.
Noticing Lin Chudong's awkward expression, Deng Siqing smiled.
"What's wrong? Afraid I'll clash with Lin Qiqi?"
Lin Chudong smiled awkwardly, neither confirming nor denying.
Deng Siqing assured him, "Don't worry, I'm a reasonable person."
Her words only made Lin Chudong more awkward. He hadn't even dated much—how had he ended up being labeled a playboy?
***
Meng Xin barely slept that night, and the next morning he had dark circles under his eyes.
Based on yesterday's performance, he expected even fewer audience members today.
Lin Chudong had actually come back for encores twenty-eight times yesterday. *What the hell is wrong with that guy?*
*Is this crosstalk or a desperate act?*
Meng Xin didn't fear the physical exertion; the real problem was he couldn't come up with that many jokes!
Even if he stood there and told jokes all day, he couldn't come up with thirty different ones!
Meng Xin had his apprentices post in the fan group: "Today's crosstalk performance is free!"
He had no choice but to pull out the big guns.
*You think you're popular? Fine, I won't make any money then!*
*We'll lose a few days of profit—who cares? We'll lose money to gain publicity!*
The moment the announcement went out, the fans immediately erupted in cheers.
*Three hundred to listen to you? You can't have any flaws.*
*One hundred to listen to you? You can have some flaws, and we'll endure.*
*But if it's free? Any flaws you have are perfectly acceptable!*
*That's human nature.*
Even though offering free tickets would severely drain their own fan base, the situation was dire. If they could eliminate the competition, they could monopolize this market!
***
The next morning, the ticket line at the Grassroots Crosstalk Theater was as long as ever.
Li San and Zhang Mengnan ran into each other in the queue.
"Hey, it's you again! How was it yesterday?"
Li San smiled. "Thanks to your recommendation, brother. It was a blast! Big Fei's act was hilarious, and Zuo Quan was a great straight man. My wife even made me buy two more tickets."
"Haha, great minds think alike! Four hours of entertainment for three hundred yuan—worth every penny."
"I heard the place next door is free today."
"Not going, even if it's free. The one next door is a joke—night and day compared to this place."
***
Seven o'clock in the evening. This time, Lin Chudong didn't bring Cheng Huanhuan and Deng Siqing. The venue was too crowded; if they were recognized, it could cause chaos.
Lin Chudong bowed to the audience from the stage.
"Let me introduce you to Teacher Zuo Quan," he said.
"You're too kind," Zuo Quan replied.
"I'm a newcomer to the crosstalk world, and my stage name is Big Fei. I've performed here for two days now. Some of you like me, and some of you don't."
"Everyone has different tastes," Zuo Quan said.
"As the saying goes, 'One type of performance attracts one type of audience, and one type of banquet welcomes one type of guest.'"
"Each to their own."
"No need to convince anyone. If you like it, that's the only truth that matters. To put it crudely..."
"How so?"
"If I like it, I don't care who it belongs to!"
"What kind of nonsense is that?!"
The audience erupted in laughter. This time, Big Fei felt even funnier than before; they were already chuckling before he even spoke.
When Big Fei had been telling his serious jokes earlier, the audience knew he was just setting the stage. If it were someone else, they might have zoned out or grown impatient during the setup.
But when Big Fei spoke, it was completely different. They all waited patiently.
Perhaps it was Big Fei's natural rhythm, or the success of the previous two shows, but the audience was already in the mood before the show even began.
They even found Zuo Quan to be incredibly funny, with his quick wit and frequent, perfect interjections that had everyone roaring with laughter.
Lin Chudong's rapid-fire jokes sent the entire audience into fits of laughter.
After a few punchlines, the audience started chanting from their seats.
"Sing one!"
Lin Chudong smiled. "Alright, I didn't get to sing much yesterday, so I'll sing one for you all today!"
The crowd erupted in cheers.
"But singing a pop song wouldn't be fitting for this setting. How about a piece of Taiping Lyrics instead?"
"Yes!!"
Although Big Fei was a singer, his role today was that of a crosstalk performer. According to the traditional "say, sing, act, and joke" structure of crosstalk, singing should mean Taiping Lyrics—the true essence of the art form.
No one knew what it would sound like when a professional singer like Big Fei performed Taiping Lyrics.
Lin Chudong cleared his throat, his resonant voice ringing out with a touch of theatrical flair.
"They say the heavens are kin, but the heavens aren't truly kin—they have the sun, moon, and stars. The sun and moon race across the sky, aging us all, and carrying away so many souls from this world."
"They say the earth is kin..."
Applause erupted from the audience. Big Fei's singing was truly flawless—his voice was incredible, and his Taiping Lyrics were just as brilliant.
I wonder what his crosstalk colleagues would think if they heard this?
A crosstalk performer who can't match Big Fei's vocal range or his Taiping Lyrics—what right do they have to call themselves a crosstalk actor?
"They say colleagues are kin..."
Lin Chudong paused at this point.
The audience immediately booed, "Boo—!"
"It's over," Lin Chudong declared. "Crosstalk is finished. The audience knows how disunited we are."
Zuo Quan: It's been over for ages.
Lin Chudong: They say colleagues are kin, but sometimes they're not so kin. The scheming and backstabbing are heartbreaking—fighting for fame and fortune leads to so many falls, and even kin turn against each other to this day.
But if anyone's kin... it's the audience!
The entire theater erupted in cheers again. These 300-yuan tickets were worth every penny! The audience members who managed to snag tickets these past two days were truly blessed with incredible luck!
***
Meanwhile, Meng Xin's performance also drew a large crowd, as it was free to attend. Many came simply to watch the spectacle.
As Meng Xin and Yu Hong performed energetically on stage, a spectator suddenly shouted, "Teacher Meng, you're so handsome!"
The two performers froze. Meng Xin frowned, annoyed.
"Didn't I tell you not to engage with the audience? Don't these people have any manners?"
Hearing this, the crowd grew restless.
"Refund our tickets!"
These spectators had been unable to get into the Grassroots Crosstalk Theater, which was already at full capacity. Any more people would have triggered a fire safety inspection.
Such heckling was commonplace at Big Fei's shows, and these spectators hadn't had their fill of it yesterday. Today, they'd come here to continue.
Shouting "Refund our tickets!" wasn't entirely serious; it was meant as a tease.
But Meng Xin's temper flared. He'd just warned them yesterday not to engage, yet they'd treated his words as if they were mere air.
"Refund your tickets? Don't you know they were complimentary? You didn't pay a cent! You can't stand it unless I insult you, can you?"
After Meng Xin finished speaking, the stage fell silent. The spectators holding up their phones to record were stunned. An actor clashing with his audience was a rare sight.
After all, the audience is your bread and butter—they're the ones paying your bills.
But Meng Xin's mindset had shifted. The audience here today hadn't paid a dime.
In his view, if you're not paying, you should at least cooperate. How dare you not cooperate while getting a free show? You should just go along with it, even if it means taking a few insults.
Suddenly, a spectator in the crowd shouted, "Does not paying make you less of an audience?"
His words struck a chord with the entire crowd.
"Exactly! Who do you think you are, talking down to people? I only came because I couldn't get tickets for the other show—otherwise, I wouldn't touch your garbage!"
"You suck! You're nowhere near as good as the guy next door. If I'd gotten tickets, why would I listen to you?"
"Great Xin Crosstalk is trash! I'm never coming back!"
With that, the heckled spectator grabbed his teacup and hurled it at the stage.
One throw set off a cascade. Soon, everything within reach—melon seeds, teapots, cups—was flying through the air.
Meng Xin's face paled. Yu Hong reacted swiftly, grabbing him and dragging him backstage.
*Thud, thud, thud!*
A mountain of debris piled up on the stage, creating a truly shocking scene.
Big Fei's show might be lively, but this was even more chaotic.
-----------------------
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