'Wow, never thought I'd get nostalgic for this…' Alucard thought as decapitated a charging nightmare creature with his blood arm which he had shaped into a blade.
He blitz through the pack of half awake beasts, his blood skates leaving a crimson trail on the grey streets of the Dark City.
'Oh who am I Kidding! I love this shit!'
He was as the Butcher after all, what kind butcher would he be if he hated the job?
'Some lame bastard who's not me that's for sure!'
And in just under a minute the pack had been slaughtered and exsanguinated of all their blood. A pack of awakened beasts.
That was a new record for him!
He let himself revel inwardly at the accomplishment, before reveling outwardly.
'HA! Suck my bbc Nephis! And by that I mean my big bloody cock!'
What's that? Are you confused about what exactly is going on here?
Why is Alucard relapsing into his butchering ways?
Why is he hating on Neph so openly?
Why does he have a bloody penis?
Well I shall answer them for you. Don't, the exposition dump will be short and no I am not Gluttony, I am but your lovely Narrator.
Back to the exposition dump…
On the day that the cohort returned to the Dark City and after they slayed the Forsaken Knight, with no help from Alucard, Nephis challenged the seat of the bright lord and handily defeated him.
This act had ignited the current civil war that embroiled all who were in the castle.
So why wasn't Alucard inside participating?
Well he had his own problems to deal with, specifically with an old enemy that he now had to emit was the his nemesis. The man that stole his family jewels.
"Alexander Anderson" his mood shifted when the memory of the villain appeared.
Everyone had survived their one on one fights, hell, Neph had faced a man with a transcendent echo and won without being mutilated. That fact alone made his ire to Nephis much stronger than before.
So over the past three days he had been searching for the false priest of sun god while also shaping a prosthetic Johnson for himself with blood. Neither task was going all that well.
A large boom shook the earth, Al easily sensing its source being nearby.
He began blood skating towards the commotion, wondering what could have done this?
An awakened devil? Perhaps a blood beast? He did need to kill all those before he left.
When he arrived he was shock to see that instead of a horror, fiend or monster there was a tall man whose boot pressed against the corpse of Anderson.
The man was muscular in a fantastical sense, like a movie star who had gotten that fit for a singular role as the main hero of a big franchise film. Bronze skin olive covered his melon sized muscles, shining in the dim light of the forgotten shore as if they were recently oiled.
He dressed in a barbaric fashion, a fur and leather skirt was what he wore beneath his torso along with his archaic sandals. Beneath that was a tight body suit that cut just under his groin and his shoulders and the only piece of armor he wore on his chest was some leather strap.
The man pointed a whip at Alucard.
"HALT! Friend or foe!"
Alucard Blinked, rubbed his eyes then blinked again.
"Is this, are you, what are you?"
The chiseled, oiled up puffed his chest out. A breeze blew in his direction, just strong enough to make his long blond hair dance,
"I AM BELMONT, AND I DO GOOD!" His voice boomed, not that he himself forced the volume of his voice to increase. Instead the world made his voice more present in Alucard ears.
The act put him awe.
"WOW! Just like my favorite gay porn actor!"
'Dude wtf???' Gluttony questioned, giving Al such an intense imaginary side eye that it snapped him out of his stupor.
"I didn't say anything of the sorts! And my name is Alucard!"
"Alucard?" Belmont frowned
"The name of my noble friend doesn't really fit you, I can smell the blood on you"
It was Alucard's turn to puff up his chest.
He leaped high into the air, back flipped four times, front flipped three times, bounced on it in the air and landed on his feet perfectly.
"That is because I am the Butcher. I have slain dozens of men and ten times the nightmare creature"
Belmont brandished whip; "how horrible"
Before Alucard could spout some sort of venomous comeback, Belmont decided to show mercy on the Vampiric Emperor's soul. He bitch slapped him.
All of Alucard's fight was gone in an instant, and after a short convo he took the strange man who apparently had no aspect back to the castle.
***
At the castle the siege was still going on, but there was break between each engagement and this was a special break for those attracted to the masculine form.
"OMG! Who is that!!!"
"His body is unreal"
"Did that Seb guy bring him?"
Changing star's camp began to cheer for Alucard as he had just brought what the people needed, eye candy.
Nephis herself came up to Alucard and shook his hand with a firm grip.
"A bum no longer, you are" she said with wisdom beyond her 18 years.
Alucard sobbed into her arms, for he had never known he needed a dominant woman to praise him.
Many threw themselves at Belmont, even offering the man to be apart of his harem.
His response?
"I am Belmont and I do good, I'm afraid you are all too young for me and I am uncomfortable with polygamy"
The people swooned harder.
In fact, milf Yuki appeared and was like:
"Yo Belmont, you like fox girl cheeks?"
And he was like:
"Yeah, I do"
Then Alucard slid in like:
"Hey Yuki! Remember me?!"
Then she was like:
"Idk you gang!"
And the—
"Dude, Obe where are you going?" Bad_Gamer said, ever so rudely interrupting my narration.
The young author sat in plain arm chair that I ever so graciously provided to him (because his broke). He wore the skin of Natsuki Subaru, a character I did not know much about besides the basics of his isekai story. And the Aura monster meme, a very good meme.
I closed my book and sighed
"Well I was telling my April fools story to the audience"
"Can you even call that story"
"No…" I answered as easily as I drank my tea, short and smoothly
"But it's an April fools chapter, and I'm tired so whatever"
"Come on dude I at least put effort into my chapter"
"I'm sure you did, also I'm hotter"
The end