Sora returned from the morning walk he impulsively took with a sigh. His depressing, poppy, yet gangster playlist still swam in his ears, the singers struggling to lift his spirit. He thought walks were supposed to make people feel alive, ready to take over the world. He felt even worse than before. His body now as heavy as his heart.
Slipping off his sneakers and trudging to the kitchen sink, he let the chill from the tile seep into him. In all this, he had settled on one fact: if he didn't occupy himself, he knew exactly where his mind would wander, and nobody wanted that. He shut his eyes and breathed deeply, mentally preparing.
The stack of dishes became his next project. He scrubbed, rinsed, even counted them.
On the last dish, he finally let out a breath that he hadn't realized was stuck in his throat. He turned on the tap, letting the water run over his hands, eyes fixated on the soap bubbles, until the sound became background noise.
How would he act when he saw them again? His fingers moved around the soapy ceramic bowl and subconsciously halted. He wasn't trying to think about this. In fact, he actively pushed it all away, but something slipped through and it brushed against a very weak point in his heart.
Would they move out to be together?
"Sora?" A presence against his back made him suck in a sharp breath. Before he could process it, someone had turned off the tap and taken the plate from his hands. He saw the dish be lowered and heard the soft clang of weight against the metal sink, but it felt far away.
Glancing to the side, he caught sight of one half of the latest happy couple. He did all but scoff at him, wanting nothing more than for his legs to take him away. Or a portal. Whichever was faster.
Dae's eyes were questioning, but careful. The way he looked at him like a pitiful child didn't sit right. He was fine, and he would prove it to them.
"Good morning," Sora simply said, backing away from the sink. He leaned against the island in a manner he felt was natural.
Dae raised an eyebrow then turned to rinse the last dish out. "A good morning indeed." He dried it and set it aside. "What have you been up to? Feels like I haven't seen you in so long." He faced Sora. They stood on opposite sides as Dae also leaned on a counter, folding his arms. His face held just the right amount of friendliness for Sora to feel like a stranger.
"Stuff." He said with more frost than intended and quickly tried to correct himself. "School things. I have a group.. project.. and things of that nature."
Dae nodded slowly, his concern only deepening. "Are you good? Is it stressing you out a lot?"
Sora wanted to scream: Do you really want to know what's stressing me out?! Maybe the fact that you're hooking up with our best friend? Or worse, that you're falling in love with each other!
Oh gosh, I sound like such a jerk.
"I'm fine." He turned to leave, but Dae hurriedly stopped him, pushing off the counter to grab his hand.
"Wait, what about our morning tea? Where are you running off to? Sora, talk to me." The tingling feeling of where the other grabbed made his body betray him. Surprise curdled into panic when he looked back at Dae, eyes stinging as his vision blurred.
Dae's eyebrows shot up and Sora could barely make out the sight of him opening his mouth to speak. Before words could escape, close footsteps coming down the stairs sounded out. Sora retrieved his arm and bounded out the back door.
Barefoot on the pavement, Sora's feet pressed against the rough, slightly uneven concrete as he ran, soles numbing, but he barely noticed. His chest hammered with a rhythm that had nothing to do with the second round of morning exercise. Instead, every step seemed to echo the memory of Dae's hand on his, the warmth lingering even as his mind screamed to ignore it.
Somewhere between the splashes of small puddles and the blur of the street, he realized he couldn't calm down, couldn't stop thinking, couldn't stop feeling.
He stopped across a random park and sat on the pavement, tears steamrolling down his face. The coarse surface was cold and indifferent, as he wished he could be.
Who cries about their friends finding happiness?
Yet, every tear and every choked sob said all the the things he couldn't bear being out of his control.
After a minute or two, the trembling in his shoulders softened. A long, shuddering breath left him, and for the first time in a while, the world seemed just a little quieter.
He sniffled, wiping his face with his sleeves. A line of snot followed. "Ew." His expression scrunched up as he wiped again.
Breathing and back to reality, he scanned his location. The park before him looked inviting enough. Empty benches, leaves rustling in the breeze; breeze he could finally feel on his skin.
The concrete beneath him felt solid again as the ache in his chest dulled. His palms pressed against the cool ground then he pushed himself upright and looked around. What a dull street.
Few cars were scattered here and there, but there was hardly any commotion. It felt too calm to be a road in the city. Still, he looked both ways before advancing into the park. The signboard on the gate clung for life on its last nail, the words "Sachuan Park" barely visible.
He stepped onto the gravel path, the faint crunch of small stones underfoot blending with the soft rustle of leaves. The park wasn't empty after all. A few people strolled slowly, some jogging, others lost in their own worlds.
His eyes drifted across the space until he noticed a pond glinting in the morning light and a figure sat on a bench by the water, back turned to him, shoulders relaxed as if nothing in the world could touch them. Nearby, a little girl tugged at a kite string, laughter carrying in the wind. Sora slowed, unsure if he wanted to approach or simply watch.
Something in the calm of the scene coaxed him forward. He made his way toward the bench, careful not to startle the stranger.
He sat on the edge and stared into the still pond. It didn't take long for him to feel out of place. On second thought, he was probably intruding. Maybe they just wanted to be alone and he ruined their day by rudely inviting himself over. He would just leave.
He was about to go to an empty bench when he turned his head and froze.