Will King return to the court in time for the first match of the season?
James Hwang is voted in as Diego Paolo's replacement.
Zay was not sure what his thoughts were. He had promised the conversation, which was why he was here, but he did not know what to say. He had thought about Pandi's confession, but he had not yet come to a decision. "It's been rattling around in my brain, but it hasn't really settled anywhere yet."
Pandi nodded. "That makes sense. You've been dealing with a lot of other stuff."
"Yeah, but I promised you an answer."
"I can wait." That was the most mature thing Zay had heard come out of any man's mouth. "Take your time. Think about it. I'm not interested in you for rebound relationship purposes, so I'm willing to wait as long as you need to formulate your answer."
"But what if I say no? Then you'll have wasted all this time for nothing."
Pandi shrugged. "I don't see it that way. And if you say no, it's fine. I think we're both mature enough to stay friends."
Zay ran his teeth over his bottom lip. "I know. It's just…no one has ever said they like me. I mean, I've had guys say that they'd like to have sex with me, but I don't think that really counts."
Pandi shook his head, his eyes both soft with empathy and hard with fury. How could he care about Zay and so viciously hate other people at the same time? "That definitely doesn't count. That's not love; that's lust. They're very different things."
Zay tucked his knees up to his chest and set his chin on them. "Well, that's the only experience I have. So I'm flattered that you like me and think I'm pretty, but I have no idea what to do with that information."
Pandi leaned back, arms crossed loosely over his stomach. "Do you have standards for the man you want?"
Zay nodded. He had had his standards set in place ever since he had discovered that he was an omega. He had added a standard when he had realized he was genderfluid, not schizophrenic, but he knew what he wanted. "I think you could probably guess a lot of them just because we're friends."
Pandi stared at the black screen of TV. "Well, I'd assume gay. Actually, wait, bi." He glanced at Zay for confirmation.
Zay offered a faint smile. "Bi would be best because of my genderfluidity, but gay works. That's not really one of my standards. I want someone who wants me, no matter what state I'm in." As if speaking about it was causal, he blinked and found herself a bit uncomfortable in her body.
Pandi's gaze sharpened, as if picking up on the shift. He hesitated and then asked, "Are you she/her now?"
Zay stared at Pandi in shock. "How did you—"
"I've spent time around you, Zay. I think I'm beginning to understand how you operate. I can tell when you switch."
"It took Camille months to figure that out."
Pandi shrugged. "I mean, I am a therapist. I get paid for my ability to tell how people operate."
The doorbell rang, and Zay jumped like a startled cat. She got up to go get the food. "Almost forgot about the food," she commented as she set the plastic bag on the table.
Pandi got up and joined her.
They divided up the food and then sat down. For a while, they eat in relative silence.
Then Pandi said quietly, "Just let me know when you've figured it out, Zay. I want you to take your time and think about it. I don't want you to make a decision that will later make you unhappy."
Zay froze, wondering if Pandi was just being self-deprecating or if he was warning her. "Why would being with you make me unhappy? You're kind and considerate and so understanding. What's there to be unhappy about?"
"Let's see. I'm older than you." Pandi unfolded his hand a finger at a time as he listed off reasons. "I'm divorced. I'm still figuring out my gender identity. I'm a private person, and you're in the public spotlight. I'm pretty OCD, which makes me really controlling sometimes." Pandi went to his next hand. He had more reasons?
Zay reached out and covered Pandi's hand with her—no, his—own. "Pandi. I don't care. I don't care that you're older than me. That makes you wiser and more mature. I don't care that you're divorced. You were in a loveless relationship. I don't care that you're still figuring yourself out. Everyone is, even if they don't think so. I don't care that you're a private person. I honestly need more of that in my life. I need people I can be myself with who doesn't want to step into the spotlight with me. I'd be happy if I could post pictures of us or whatever and if you came to my matches, but that's not a dealbreaker. And I don't care that you're OCD. I'm wild, and I could do with some structure in my life."
"I didn't say structure. I said control." Pandi shook his head. "You don't want a controlling boyfriend. Everything I've heard and read says that's toxic."
"Pandi, you're not toxic." Zay laughed a little. "In fact, I think you're about as far from toxic as someone could get. You're aware of your own shortcomings, and I don't doubt that you're trying to overcome them." He finished his food but hesitated to stand up. "I've said everything, I think, so the ball's in your court."
"My court? How is the ball in my court?" Pandi shoved back from the table and started pacing, something Zay had not even thought Pandi might do. "You're the one who was supposed to decide!"
"I did decide," Zay replied, realizing it was true. "I think we could work. So now it's up to you to make a move." He got up from the table with a little smirk on his lips. "We're doing this the traditional way, so you can pursue me if you want. Your choice." Turning to go to the door and acting like he was going to leave, he was not at all surprised when Pandi's hand settled on his shoulder.
"Please don't go." There was something so gentle and pleading in Pandi's voice, like he was unsure how to ask for things for himself.
Zay smiled to himself before turning back around and tipping his head like he was curious. "Have you made a choice so quickly?"
Pandi's other hand settled on Zay's other shoulder. "Let's just say you've given me a great reason to be decisive."