* **
For a moment, I thought I had still been falling asleep in the great hall for the afternoon but my tired eyes went fully shut as the music box played, I realized I had slowly drifted away into sleep. I thought I would have another nightmare since my body felt cold but strangely enough, I dreamed about my mother instead like she was the one singing the lullaby. I was back in that old village again and I am seeing her from the distance looking back at me and smiling amidst the warm tone and scenery of a summer's afternoon.
But when I woke up, I was in a strange room.
It is smaller and definitely not my room, nor is it the Duchess'. I'm guessing it is one of the guest rooms. And I find myself changed into a night dress. It felt like I had just had the most delightful sleep of my life. Was all that I needed a change of environment to get away from my nightmares? I have basically been cured.
As I rest my back on the head board, combing my hair, in comes my maid with a tray of breakfast in her hands.
"My lady! Thanks goodness you are well!",she rang as she hastened and placed the tray on the bed before she went and checked my temperature.
"I have not been sick for long, I hope", I greeted as I looked over to the steaming bowl of soup.
"Only for the night, but you've slept for so long. It is already the afternoon", she smiled and began to feed me. And as I looked out the window, it still the gloomy weather of winter but bright enough to be considered afternoon.
"Did you brought me into this room?", I asked before opening my mouth for another spoonful of soup.
Fina came to a pause before answering me. "You must been too ill to notice", she sighed. My eyes persisted for answers. "Her Grace, your mother, tucked you in and she stayed up all night with you", she excitedly recounts.
"I must thank her"
"Your good health is already much gratitude for her grace, my lady", Fina smiled as I took my last bite. "Now, let's get you ready"
"Am I to have another play date?"
"Unfortunately, no. Her Grace has rebuked such visits", I ignored her knowing stare as she clearly emphasized on the incident, but I have no regrets. They deserved it and I had yet to talk to my mother about it.
"Only the doctor will be coming today for you check up", Fina grunts as she picked me up from the bed.
"I'm fine", looking up at her as she put me down."Yes, but we have to make sure"
"And mother?", she sighed once more and gave me a pitying look after I asked such question and put her hand on my head.
"I'm sorry you didn't get to see her leave but rest assured, she will be back in the evening", and with the tray in hands, she walks on over to the door.
"Head on over to the bath now little one before the water gets cold, I will be back shortly with your necessities", Fina excuses herself.
I looked over to side table were my yesterday clothes had been neatly arranged. I was about to head over to the bath as I had been instructed but something compelled me to stop, my dress seemed to demand my attention as I noticed a small piece of paper that was peeking from its pocket. It sparked a curiosity, I don't remember putting it there yesterday so I went and checked pulling it out from the pocket and unfolding the paper. It was written in an unknown language but unmistakably with my handwriting but then again I do not recall writing it. As I read through it, however, the hairs on my body stood and gave me cold feet.
It was nothing but instructions and at the very bottom, prophecies.
'Reality is the fools meal and to yours a fantasy' , the top read in red.
My eyes widened and it is as though my brain underwent a reset that I began to recall everything the more I read. Uneasiness seeped through my blissful morning woke upon the realization that this is a daily occurrence I must endure. Looking at the tallies I had previously written, I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I had already forgotten the progression twice now and if I hadn't picked up this piece of paper now, that number would only increase and I'd go about my days so naively. Heck, I might even forget about it, not unfold the paper and simply throw it away.
It is not even about me letting my guard down but simply the will of this life that isn't even really mine. Those accursed trickster upstairs, I really wish that I could simply pull a trigger to their heads.
But at least, trouble has been avoided successfully. If I could I would engrave the instructions into my eyes so that I would see them everywhere and not forget them.
When Fina came back, I had already soaked myself in the bath. She thought I had drowned.
Although I was relieved that I finally got a good night's sleep, I couldn't be at ease for the rest of the day. The anxiety of my resets accumulating bothered me even when I tried to convince myself otherwise and that such things could not be prevented. I just hope that it won't reach to severe complexes when it does because that will just be another headache for me to deal with.
For the next coming days, I rested will in that room and I even tried to sleep in my room again but with Rika's company. The terrors had indefinitely stopped and it was thanks to the old Duchess that it did but I had hardly ever seen her since then.
One day, I finally figured out why. I was in the middle of conducting my little science experiments in the great hall with Jhon when I overheard Gora and Grandma Gak talking about the duchess upstairs in the second floor corridor just before the stairs. They seemed to have came from the west wing.
"Why haven't I heard that my mother is sick?", they were startled when they heard me, they didn't notice me coming up to them, now midway in the staircase. They both looked at each other communicating with their eyes clearly implying that I wasn't meant to hear their conversation.
"Grandma Gak?",The old woman averted my gaze after hesitating on an answer.
"Gora", she shyed away from me and it took me a second maintaining a staring contest with her before she finally retreated and answered.
"W-we didn't want to worry you, my lady", Gora finally gave in.
It's no wonder why I haven't seen her.
I sighed. "I would like to tend to her", I continued up the staircase and went to the old duchess'--my mother's room but I could feel that they still were against it.
I stopped and looked back at them. "Please". Defeated when I pleaded, they let me.
Just in case something were to happen, they insisted on waiting outside the door.
When I got inside, I found her laying in bed like the dying old hag that she wants to be, breathing heavily and red from her excruciating body temperature.
She looked like she was in pain but also sound asleep. For the first time I saw her in her most vulnerable state. If I just take out one of the poisons I had made she would simply just die in her sleep. No one in this house knows that I study poison anyway, except maybe for Jhon suspecting my child play experiments. But then again, there's no knowing whether she has written a will for me yet or not. She has blockade her office since I sneaked it, which is my biggest mistake as of this life for not anticipating such counter defense.
Sigh.
Noticing the small basin on the side table I washed the towel in it and placed it on her forehead, even though its cold water alone was enough to make me faint from the cold.
Since she is sick, this is the first time that I had ever been at ease with her. The oracles weren't shy about the amount of information they instilled in me for the sake of my role as the reincarnate. I know her whole life, I've even seen her as a child in those projections, which I find uncomfortable seeing as she is an old woman and we are practically strangers. Knowing all of these things, I cannot help but see these beings as mere prop. And yet I feel so oddly as one of them yet not amongst them.
For this woman to mourn for such a man for a long time even up until the day you died, I wonder what kind of person he is to you. Everyone else says he was a kind man but I wonder how he was to you. Good at sex maybe?.
You were known as the fiercest maiden in the court, never swayed by the allures and riches of men, you even ignored all of the many of your suitors in your youth but not the duke. Though, you were an ass to him in the beginning, the two of you ended up being in love and inseparable.
There's no doubt the duke's descriptions will sound angelic and yours of a rouge barbarian once this play gets displayed in Oasis.
Considering his character, he would've been a good father to me more than you as a mother. If he was still alive, you wouldn't even be like this. The both of you would make to be great parents. Then my role would be much easier.
* **
Under an old apple tree, a young couple sits. Comfortably resting for the rare afternoon summer where the sun shines bright without any gloomy clouds and their laughs that could be heard from a distance. The cheerful husband and his foxy wife.
"Darling, if we ever did had a child what would you have named it if it were a boy?", the woman asked her husband as he was peeling apples for her.
"Eliase Nicolo the III, of course!", the man playfully responded as he placed his hand on his chest, swearing like a knight.
"Hahaha! I knew it!",his wife laughed at his silliness, holding unto her stomach to keep it from bursting from much laughter.
"What?"
"And what about a girl?"
"Hmm…", the man thought hard for a while as his wife watched him whilst snickering.
"I'm thinking of putting our names together like Nicaise from my Eliase and Niccolo or simply Maeve from your name, Maevein"
"Woah, you really want a daughter do you? It's so obvious!"
"Hahaha! Well I've only had brothers and grew up without a mother, so I wanted to know how it feels like to raise a girl"
"It is certainly a lot harder than raising boys. What do you think the kid would've even looked like?"
"Well, they would've taken after my handsomeness"
"You fool, have you seen yourself?"
"What? But isn't that why you've fallen for me in the first place?Because of my charming good looks?"
"Nonsense, I simply took pity of you for not getting any maiden", the two turned silent for a moment and then burst out with laughter together.
"Hahaha!"
"I bet they would've taken after your too"
"Not at all, if we'd ever have a child, I would much prefer them take after you"
Then, the duchess awoke up from her slumber.
She got up from her bed, massaging her head as she looked out the window thinking, 'Out of everything we did, why that memory of all things?', she thought.
* **