The next day, Konoha Hospital.
In the hospital room, two pairs of dead-fish eyes met—one from the man standing at the door and the other from the patient lying in bed—both locked in silent confrontation.
After a long pause, Kakashi was the first to nod slightly.
Using the excuse of having accidentally entered the wrong room, he stepped back and closed the door behind him.
"Wait a damn minute!"
Gintoki's voice rang out.
...
The Gintoki on the hospital bed was a pitiful sight.
Multiple fractures covered his body, his neck secured in a brace, and his head wrapped in layers upon layers of bandages, leaving only his eyes exposed.
The only parts of him that could still move were one arm, one leg, and a certain 'special counting stick' he had personally confirmed with the nurse to be unharmed.
Of course, the nurse had also rewarded him with a sharp slap and a scathing 'you pervert'.
"Why is he still alive?"
Kakashi furrowed his brows, pinching his chin as he pondered for a full five minutes, yet no answer came to mind.
Unable to make sense of it, he unconsciously muttered aloud.
"Hey, what the hell are you saying?" Gintoki's expression instantly darkened at the sound of his voice.
"Did I just hear something absolutely outrageous come out of your mouth? Are you cursing your big bro? Are you cursing the big bro who raised you with blood, sweat, and tears?"
Kakashi's eye twitched. Just as he was about to retort, Obito barged in through the door and cut him off.
"Kakashi! You're way out of line! How dare you curse your own big brother like that? I'm cutting ties with you!"
After angrily berating Kakashi, Obito instantly switched expressions and hurried over to Gintoki's bedside, bowing deeply at a 90-degree angle as he respectfully presented a shopping bag.
"Aniki! I got everything—this month's Shinobi World Fresh and Juicy Special Edition, strawberry milk, and Sweet Chestnut, Sweet Dumplings!"
Kakashi: ...
Later, as he watched Obito hold up the magazine for Gintoki, flipping through each page while occasionally feeding him sips of strawberry milk and bites of dumplings, Kakashi found himself too exhausted to even comment.
"Too fast! I didn't even get a good look at that woman's details! A woman's body is like the universe itself! If you don't examine it carefully, you'll miss all its mysteries!"
Obito immediately straightened up and responded loudly after Gintoki's stern reprimand.
"Got it! Aniki!"
"Hold it a little higher, kid! This sage hasn't even glimpsed the outline of the cosmos yet!"
From another hospital bed, Jiraiya—who was in just as sorry a state as Gintoki—strained his neck, eyes locked onto the magazine in Obito's hands, determined to uncover the secrets of the universe with his own two eyes!
"A woman's body is the universe." Jiraiya silently committed this phrase to memory, resolving to include it in his next novel.
"See, this is like a galaxy, that's like a planet, and that one over there is basically..."
Gintoki pointed at the magazine and began explaining the mysteries of the cosmos.
While Obito looked flustered, Jiraiya listened with great enthusiasm, mentally noting down these grand lessons in cosmic theory.
"Uh… Aniki, you don't have to explain! I'm still too young for this!" Obito protested, his face burning red.
Gintoki once again put on an extremely serious expression and admonished him.
"Too early, too early! If you always think it's too early, sooner or later you'll end up as pitiful as this old man here!"
"Who are you calling pitiful, you brat! In the eyes of Jiraiya, one of the Sanin, you've still got a long way to go! You should know that the most attractive women are always the ones you can't have!"
Gintoki shrugged and pointed at Jiraiya without even turning his head and said.
"See that? Finding some high-sounding excuse to cover up his failures—isn't this old man just pathetic?"
"Yeah!"
Obito nodded emphatically to show he understood, and to make it clear he would never become a pitiful man like Jiraiya.
"Brat—!"
Jiraiya couldn't take it anymore and exploded in anger, but before he could jump off the bed, a nurse who had somehow appeared behind him delivered a solid punch to his head.
THUD!
"Enough from all of you! This is a hospital! No shouting, no dirty jokes! If you can't behave, get out!"
Both severely injured patients—Jiraiya and Gintoki—who had been smacked on the forehead by the nurse, responded weakly with their eyes rolling back.
"G-gomenasai..." ×2
Watching Gintoki and Jiraiya pass out almost simultaneously, Kakashi could only sigh and shake his head before silently leaving.
He didn't want to stay another minute!
After Kakashi left, Gintoki—now subdued by the nurse's scolding—learned something shocking from Obito during their conversation.
—The Uchiha clan's secret hideout had apparently exploded last night!
...
On a high mountain outside Konoha.
At the cliff's edge, Takasugi, clad in a purple yukata embroidered with golden butterflies, held a smoking pipe between his fingers.
A smirk played on his lips as he gazed with interest towards Konoha.
"Shinsuke, why didn't we seize the Nine-Tails yesterday? I heard the seal weakens the most when the jinchūriki gives birth."
Tobi, scratching his not-so-bright head, asked in confusion.
"Because..."
Takasugi inhaled and exhaled a slow puff of smoke before turning away, leaving only a cryptic remark...
"That place had him there."
Utterly baffled, Tobi and the nearby White Zetsu exchanged glances, completely clueless about Takasugi's meaning.
"Who is he? A friend? Your friend? That silver-haired guy we saw at the hospital yesterday? What's his name? How do you know him?"
Tobi hurried after him, chattering like a nosy old woman, but Takasugi ignored him and walked away.
...
At the Uchiha compound, the restless and troublemaking young men of the clan had gathered today to discuss the explosion of their hideout.
"Anyway, I think this is definitely the village's conspiracy!"
"Exactly! I don't know why they'd bother blowing up an empty hideout with just some old stone tablet, but it's absolutely the village's doing!"
"They must be trying to intimidate us with this warning!"
"We can't take this! Clan leader, let's rebel!"
Facing these... ahem, dumbass elite members of his clan, Fugaku would have been spewing furious rants if not for his stoic demeanor and calm reputation.
If the village really wanted to mess with the Uchiha, would they just blow up some ancient stone tablet?
Are the higher-ups sick in the head or something?
Honestly, if they truly wanted to target us, we'd have been wiped out overnight!
Rebel? Who the hell gave you the courage?
The Sanin were all in Konoha yesterday!
Add the Yellow Flash, the Shiroyasha, and the former Hokage in his prime—are you all out of your damn minds?
Are you kidding me?
"Shisui, were you just laughing? What's so funny?"
A certain Uchiha standing close to Uchiha Shisui asked him.
"Ahem, I was just thinking of something happy," Shisui replied, while inwardly applauding the recent explosion incident.
Well done, well done!
With that stone tablet gone, he would be the only Mangekyo wielder in the Uchiha clan who knew what was written on it.
There would no longer be any Uchiha losing their composure after reading the tablet's secret inscriptions!
Brilliant!
This move was absolutely brilliant!
Why hadn't he thought of it before? His foresight must have been lacking!
At that moment, Fugaku on the podium couldn't help but let out a snort of laughter, provoked by the irrational behavior of some Uchiha below.
"Clan leader, were you just laughing too?"
"...No." Fugaku replied with his usual stoic expression before quickly regaining his authoritative demeanor.
"In any case, I will investigate the truth behind the explosion at the base as soon as possible and give everyone an explanation! Meeting adjourned!"