Konoha, Shopping District.
Gintoki, his head wrapped in thick bandages with only his eyes visible and holding a staff to disguise himself as an enlightened monk, coughed twice the moment he spotted Orochimaru hurrying past—signaling to Jiraiya beside him that their target has arrived.
Jiraiya, also disguised as some kind of monk with sunglasses, clasped his hands together and coughed lightly before launching into his performance.
"Passing by? Don't miss out!"
"Family heirloom secret medicine for smooth pregnancy and childbirth!"
"Only one left—destined for the fated one!"
Orochimaru, who seemed to be on some urgent mission and was in a hurry, suddenly stopped when he heard Jiraiya's sales pitch as he passed their stall.
Seeing Orochimaru's suspicious expression, Jiraiya panicked internally, worried about being recognized.
But following Gintoki's instructions, he deliberately ignored Orochimaru, shaking his head while fiddling with prayer beads.
"Amitaba, Amitaba..."
Gintoki lowered his voice, sighing and shaking his head before falling silent, as if Orochimaru wasn't even worth his attention.
Orochimaru frowned.
This guy seemed to be judging him, implying he wasn't qualified to buy such a thing.
How was this different from the usual con artists he encountered?
Normally, swindlers would hype up their goods and desperately try to sell them.
Something unusual was definitely afoot—could it be that these two weren't frauds?
Orochimaru stared intently at the two monks who paid him no mind, trying to glean something from their expressions.
But… five whole minutes passed, and the two monks still hadn't acknowledged him or said a single word to him!
Growing increasingly puzzled, Orochimaru decided to observe further—and that's when he spotted a "Secret Medicine Testimonials" booklet on the stall.
"Thanks to the master's secret medicine, my child is unbelievably healthy! —Mrs. XX"
"After drinking the master's medicine, I even won the shopping district lottery! —Mrs. XX"
"It cured my years-long foot smells! The master's medicine is worth every penny! —Mrs. XX"
"So lucky to be the fated one! My baby started training right after birth, and become a kage level ninja at 5! Thank you, master! —Mrs. XX"
...
Watching Orochimaru meticulously read through each testimonial, Jiraiya grew uneasy and shot Gintoki a look.
Hey, kid, is he really gonna fall for that made-up crap?
Catching the glance, Gintoki subtly signaled back: Calm down! If we blow our cover now, it's all over!
Seeing Gintoki's bloodshot, sweat-drenched eyes, Jiraiya couldn't help but feel exasperated.
You're the one who needs to calm down!
Just then, Orochimaru, who had been engrossed in the testimonials, finally spoke.
"What are the conditions to become the fated one?"
...
About half an hour later.
After paying two million ryo for the "fated one" qualification, Orochimaru placed the legendary, scientifically inexplicable family heirloom pregnancy medicine—along with a handwritten note—into the mouth of a white snake as thick as an arm.
After completing all this and sending the white snake to find his disciple Anko, Orochimaru hurriedly made his way toward the village entrance once more, looking as though he truly had some urgent mission.
"So… does he have some kind of mission?"
Watching Orochimaru's quickly disappearing back, Gintoki asked while unwrapping the bandages from his head.
Jiraiya, taking off his sunglasses, replied casually, "Probably. He mentioned this morning that he'd be away for a while. But forget that for now—hurry up and find us a place to split the loot, kid!"
No sooner had he spoken than, a certain blond Fourth Hokage appeared before Gintoki and Jiraiya, looking frantic.
"Jiraiya-sensei, Gintoki, have either of you seen a pair of monks selling medicine for pregnant women? I heard they were just here!"
Jiraiya: "…"
Gintoki: "…"
"Why aren't you two saying anything? I heard it's a super effective secret family recipe! Did they already sell out? Damn it! I came as fast as I could!"
Seeing Minato's look of regret, Jiraiya and Gintoki remained silent.
...
That night, in one of Konoha's… intelligence-gathering establishments.
"Ahahaha! That Orochimaru actually fell for it so easily—this Sage is dying of laughter! You did good, kid!"
After several rounds of drinks, thoroughly buzzed and with a scantily clad lady on each arm, Jiraiya couldn't stop grinning.
Meanwhile, Gintoki, equally drunk and bleary-eyed, said nothing, focusing solely on his drink.
"Two million—I take the lion's share, you get…"
Gintoki raised his glass at the right moment, hiccuping and cutting in, "Drink up, drink up! We'll talk business when we're sober!"
"Hahaha, fair enough! Hey! Miss waitress, more drinks, more drinks!"
After calling for more alcohol, Jiraiya suddenly remembered something and narrowed his eyes at Gintoki.
"Hey kid, you didn't put anything harmful in that medicine for Orochimaru, did you?"
"Of course not. It was just strawberry milk."
"Strawberry milk?"
"Calcium, calcium—don't you know? As long as you get enough calcium, everything in life goes smoothly! Whether it's childbirth, luck, or even athlete's foot—everything works out!"
Jiraiya: "…"
...
The next day, Jiraiya woke up in the intelligence-gathering establishment, utterly bewildered as the shop owner demanded payment.
Once he realized what had happened, he cursed Gintoki for being shameless—how could the kid just skip out on the bill?!
After scamming Orochimaru out of such a huge sum, he didn't even pay for their drinks?!
What a cheapskate!
Grumbling under his breath, Jiraiya eventually settled the bill and left, swearing to himself that he'd have a serious talk with Gintoki about the loot split the next time he saw him.
...
Hokage's Office.
Without knocking, Jiraiya pushed open the door and called out before even stepping inside.
"Minato, where's that silver-haired kid? I've searched all over Konoha and couldn't find him."
"Silver-haired? Oh, you mean Gintoki? He was assigned a guard mission and has already left. If you're looking for him, sensei, you'll have to wait about ten days."
"What?!"Jiraiya was dumbfounded.
The guy had left the village before he even got a glimpse of the money, and their expenses from yesterday hadn't been cheap!
...
Ten days!
Jiraiya waited a full ten days before finally spotting Gintoki's return at the village gates!
The moment he caught sight of that silver hair, Jiraiya couldn't help but rush forward eagerly.
"Hey, kid! Time to split the loot! As your senior, I'll take care of it—how about I take 70% and you get 30%?"
"Huh?" Gintoki rolled his dead-fish eyes and flicked away a black speck from his pinky.
"What are you talking about? Wait… who are you? Do you know me?"
Hearing this, Jiraiya finally understood.
This brat was trying to keep all the money for himself!
"Hey! Don't play dumb with me! The two million ryo we scammed from Orochimaru—at least half of it is mine! Hand it over! Give me everything!"
Jiraiya shook Gintoki's shoulders vigorously, completely unaware that a certain snake had also returned to the village at the same time and overheard every word.
"Jiraiya, what's going on?"
Hearing Orochimaru's voice behind him, Jiraiya answered without thinking.
"This brat tried to keep all two million we scammed from you! Even though I also—"
Before he could finish the word "helped," Jiraiya suddenly realized his mistake.
After a moment of silence, he mechanically turned his head and, upon seeing Orochimaru's ominous expression, instantly prepared to flee.
However…
Because he caught sight of a certain green-clad beauty standing behind Orochimaru, Jiraiya missed his best chance to escape and was captured along with Gintoki.
"Tsu… Tsunade?"