Lalin never brought Kunlapat home to meet her mother.
Not once. And she had never even thought about doing it.
Back then, Lalin always had an excuse at the ready. Her parents weren't okay with it. That was her line. But now, this same woman was getting ready to bring Kunlapat's own best friend home. Those excuses from the past hammered a brutal truth into place: she had only ever been a 'secret' to Lalin, something shameful, something tucked away in a dark corner and left there to rot.
Kunlapat bit down on her lower lip until she tasted something bitter and metallic. She forced a thin smile for her friend, but inside she was in pieces. Anda had no idea that every word she'd just said was driving a knife deeper into an old wound.
Back when she and Lalin were together, Lalin never once did anything like this. It was always about being afraid her parents would find out. Always the threat of breaking up hanging over their heads. Nothing more...
It was so profoundly unfair.
"Hey, Pat..." Anda's voice cut through her thoughts, and Kunlapat pulled her gaze away from the river below. She blinked quickly, burning the heat away from her eyes, hiding the fractures there before anyone could see.
"Hmm?" She answered flatly, keeping everything buried under a mask of calm.
"Are you free tomorrow?" Anda asked, voice soft and coaxing.
Kunlapat looked at her friend with an expression that said she already knew something was coming. "Depends. What is it?"
"Come be a model for my clothing brand. I still haven't found anyone." Anda pleaded. "I can't ask Joy again. I already feel bad about it. And I've shot so many photos of myself my face is practically sore. Please, Pat. Come on, come on."
Kunlapat looked at Anda making that pitiful face and let out a quiet sigh. She surrendered to the persistence, because saying no to her own best friend wasn't something she could actually do, even knowing full well that saying yes meant tangling herself up with the last person on earth she wanted to see.
***
"P'Anda, You didn't tell me P'Pat was going to be the model for the brand shoot today."
Lalin kept her voice steady as she said it, working to hold her expression together. She had just arrived at Anda's condo to help with behind-the-scenes work, only to discover that the day's model was the very person she least wanted to face: 'Kunlapat.'
Anda was busy checking the camera and hadn't noticed the anxiety flickering in her girlfriend's eyes even slightly.
"I only asked Pat yesterday," Anda replied, eyes still on the lens. "You wouldn't be my model, so what else was I supposed to do?"
"If it's putting P'Pat out, I can do it," Lalin offered quietly. She didn't want Kunlapat getting any closer to Anda than necessary.
Anda looked up and smiled. "Next time, okay? It's too late to change things now."
Lalin's mind churned. She wanted to keep Kunlapat away from Anda, wanted to put as much distance between them as possible, but she couldn't figure out how.
"What's wrong, babe? You're pouting." Anda teased her gently, trying to ease the tension.
Lalin turned her pout on. "Are you into P'Pat or something?"
She decided to play jealous. If it could create some friction between Anda and Kunlapat, maybe that was enough. She was just looking for an excuse to push Kunlapat out. But unfortunately, she had no idea what the real effect of those words would be.
"Pat and I are just friends," Anda said, voice soft. But her eyes flickered for just a moment, a small, involuntary flash of something painful.
"You never know. P'Pat is gorgeous. Maybe you might catch feelings without even realizing it," Lalin pushed, keeping the tone half-joking. But the words landed like a fist to the gut for Anda. They hit exactly where it hurt.
"Don't go getting jealous over me and Pat," Anda said lightly, laughing it off. "The thought alone is terrifying." She smiled at her girlfriend, a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, completely unaware that the person she was talking about was standing right there at the doorway, listening to every word.
Kunlapat stood completely still. She had always known that Anda had feelings for her, and she had always pretended not to notice, keeping things carefully neutral because she didn't want to lose the friendship. She also knew Anda had been trying, quietly, to move past those feelings. And then a thought slipped into her mind, clean and cold: if Lalin ever found out that Anda had been in love with her all this time... it would make for a revenge that really would sting.
"I'm here." She stepped inside, voice perfectly level. "Oh, Nong Lalin's here too?"
The moment Anda opened the door, Kunlapat directed a sweet, slow smile straight at Lalin. Then she moved deliberately, pressing close to her best friend.
"Whose perfume is that? It smells amazing."
She let her nose drift near the curve of Anda's neck, sniffing playfully, close enough to make the gesture unmistakable. Anda froze, going stiff and still. Kunlapat had never been like this before.
"What perfume are you wearing today, Anda?" She murmured, keeping her voice light. "Seriously, it smells so good."
Anda's wide eyes turned to her friend in bewilderment, but Kunlapat only smiled back serenely.
"Why do you look so confused? It smells nice, I'm just asking."
"It's the same one I always wear. I've used it forever," Anda said, still puzzled.
"Funny, I don't remember it. We sleep over all the time and I've never caught this scent," Kunlapat said, smile sharpening at the edge.
The double meaning landed instantly. Lalin's expression curdled. She shot Kunlapat a look that was anything but pleasant, and Anda rushed to smooth things over.
"Pat! Stop it, she'll get the wrong idea."
Kunlapat laughed. "Nong Lalin's not the type to overthink things." She turned that sweet, blade-edged smile on Lalin. "Right?"
"Right," Lalin answered tightly. "I can already tell P'Pat just likes to play around."
***
The clothing shoot for Anda's brand went smoothly, at least in Anda's eyes. Because behind the camera flashes and shutter clicks, Kunlapat was angling closer to Anda than she ever normally would, draping an arm around her shoulders, whispering in her ear, until Lalin, who was supposed to be helping backstage, could barely stand to look at any of it.
The irritation and jealousy she had been pressing down started burning their way up, threatening to boil over. She knew exactly what Kunlapat was doing. Whether it was a test, or a deliberate provocation, or something done purely to make her blood run hot, it didn't matter. It had gone too far.
When her patience finally snapped, Lalin grabbed her phone that night and fired off message after message.
[Chat log]
Lalin: P'Pat, what was that today? That's not funny.
Kunlapat: What did I do?
Lalin: Really?
Kunlapat: Think whatever you want.
Lalin: P'Pat, I'm being serious. Why did you do that? Did you want me to be jealous? Honestly?
Kunlapat: If you're going to send messages like this, I'll unfriend you again like before.
Lalin: Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about, P'Pat.
Kunlapat: You're imagining things.
Lalin: P'Pat, just tell me what you want. Tell me.
Lalin: .....
Lalin: P'Pat.
Lalin stared at her phone screen, her nerves fraying by the second. The stress was getting to her and she caught herself biting her own nails until they stung. She didn't even understand what Kunlapat actually wanted. All she could do was keep sending that name over and over, hoping the other end would respond.
On the other side of the city... Kunlapat sat in silence and let her phone light up. The notification sounds came one after another, relentless. She didn't even glance at it. Lalin was flooding her with messages, but Kunlapat chose to ignore every single one. Her face, in that moment, held nothing but a kind of cold, hollow shame.
What exactly was she doing? Was she really trying to mess with Lalin's head by using her own best friend as a pawn?
The look in her own eyes, reflected back at her from the mirror, was one of pure self-contempt. Her lips curved into a thin, humorless smile aimed at herself.
Vicious and selfish.
No different from Lalin at all.
***
The next morning, Kunlapat walked into her usual coffee shop as she always did. She had barely slept, lying awake with Lalin cycling through her head in an endless loop. She settled into her seat and stared at the hot green tea in front of her, unfocused, the heat building at the corners of her eyes.
"Why are you sitting here by yourself?"
She recognized the voice before she even turned around. Lalin was standing there, and without asking, that slight figure walked over and sat herself down across the table.
This coffee shop.
It used to be their place.
"That's my business," Kunlapat replied, voice flat. She kept the storm inside of her locked behind a wall of cool.
Lalin's gaze dropped to the cup of green tea in front of her. "P'Pat still drinks green tea. You never change, do you?"
She tried to make it sound casual, but there was a layer of meaning underneath the words. Kunlapat never changed. When she liked something, she kept on liking it. And Kunlapat knew exactly what that look meant. It was saying: you still feel the same about the person sitting in front of you, don't you.
"Maybe I have changed," Kunlapat said, voice flat and tight. She reached out, picked up the cup of hot green tea, and poured the whole thing into the trash without a word, right in front of Lalin's face. Then she set the empty cup down on the table with a sharp crack and stood up to leave. Lalin caught her by the wrist.
"We should talk, P'Pat," Lalin said, and her voice was serious now. "Properly."
Kunlapat looked back at her, eyes blazing. "We broke up. What more do you want?!" She wrenched her wrist free with enough force to make the point.
Lalin looked at her, and there was real pain in it.
"You still love me, don't you, P'Pat?"
"I'm asking you to be honest with me. Please."
.
.
Don't Talk About the Ex (English version)
by Hojicha