TW: This chapter contains mature themes and triggering content (sexual assault,abuse, violence, homophobia). Read at your own discretion.
"What would you like to play?"
"I don't like games."
It was the middle of July. Instead of warm days, rain and a cold, strong wind swept through our town, blowing with a force that felt like a tornado. Luckily, I wasn't outside, which spared me from experiencing it again — two days ago I had, and it hadn't been pleasant. I had started to fear the weather, which seemed to grow worse every year.
James had organized a get-together, one where our whole group was supposed to come along with Mary. But to my surprise, I was the first one there, and the others were supposed to arrive any moment. At least, that's what I hoped.
"When will they get here?" I asked, biting my fingernails. I was a little impatient, though my mind was drifting to Lilou, the girl I'd met in therapy. It had been such a strange meeting, and lately I'd been searching for her around town. I even went to the cinema hoping to see her, but she wasn't there. She wasn't in the park either. I could have asked for her number, but what if she thought I only wanted it to ask her out on a date?
James didn't answer. He just walked over and sat on the floor beside me. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a blue bracelet on his wrist. It caught my attention because I'd never seen him wear something like that. I asked him where he got it.
"Oh… Mary gave it to me," he cleared his throat. "Do you like it?"
"Maybe."
"I can give it to you, if you want."
My eyes widened.
"What? No, it's a gift for you," I gestured with my hands. "She'd be mad if she found out you gave it away…"
"She wouldn't. You can always buy another one."
Another one? I hadn't thought of that. Still, it wouldn't be right to Mary. Even if I found out what store it came from, there was still a problem: I had no money. I couldn't ask my mom — things were already tight. Damn, now I had to find a way to close this conversation.
"And where did she buy it?"
James raised his right eyebrow. His eyes drifted upward for a second before returning to me.
"I don't know. You'll have to ask her. Probably not in Willow Hollow."
I dropped my gaze to the floor.
The clock in James's living room chimed. It always let out a characteristic cuckoo sound that echoed through the whole house. Annoying as hell, and I was glad I didn't live here. Thankfully, the cuckoo bird returned to its little house after a minute. Because of the noise, I didn't notice when James laid his head on my shoulder. I flinched and immediately moved away.
"What?" He raised his brow again, sounding confused, like he didn't know what I was doing or why I had pulled away.
"You… put your head…"
"So? We're friends."
"You know… it feels weird…"
"Friends do that all the time, what's so weird about it?" His tone was firm.
A thought crept into my head — was this some kind of trap? But I quickly pushed it away. Maybe he was right. Maybe friends did that. But friends didn't do it when one of them had feelings for the other, without the other knowing.
"Right."
He touched my cheek with his fingers, staring at it blankly.
"What are you doing?"
"Looking," he answered. "You have a nice face. A really nice face." He laid his head on my shoulder again.
I fell forward onto the floor, rolling onto my back, and he just shook his head and laid down on my chest. My heart started beating faster and faster. I hoped he wouldn't notice and ask me about it.
"Really?" I swallowed.
"Yes. You could become someone great, someone you can't even imagine right now," he said, stroking my cheek up and down with his fingertips. Being in such an uncomfortable position was getting to me.
"Sure…" I tried to control my breathing, but it wasn't slowing down — not for a minute. That only made me more nervous. "What if Mary comes and sees us like this?"
"She won't."
His confidence started to irritate me. The shoulder thing, maybe you could explain away. But this? No one would believe any excuse. Even if I were in her place, I'd slap both of us in the face.
"Even if she did, so what?" James sniffed. "I know she wouldn't break up with me."
"I don't doubt that," my mouth was dry, and my breathing sounded ugly.
"I hear doubt in your voice."
"Excuse me?"
"You think she would break up with me, don't you?" His tone was pressing, almost like he had a problem with me not believing him. "Would you be happy then?"
"Why would I be happy?" I smiled nervously. "You'd be sad, and I don't want you to be. I'd be worried about you."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"You'll have to prove that to me someday." James burst out laughing. "Don't worry, Mary and I will be together for life. And if not, she can't live without my big dick, so…"
I was speechless.
"What? She'd sooner die than go without it for even a moment. Want to see?"
My eyes widened. I hadn't expected that. My thoughts froze like a broken record, and so did my voice, stuck in my throat.
"I don't want to."
"Your loss."
Drrr.
The phone rang, echoing through the room. James looked at me and rolled his eyes.
"All good things come to an end," he lifted his head from my chest and stood up. He picked up the phone. "Hello?"
It was Ryan, waiting at the door with the rest of the group. James quickly ran to let them in.
For the next few hours, James didn't pay me a second of attention. And inside, I felt an empty, nostalgic void — one I wished he, or someone, could fill. It wasn't me anymore. It was someone else.
***
The voices grew clearer, sharper. I turned my head toward their chairs. Sitting there were only Jeremy and Joshua. Three people were missing. As I wondered where they had gone, my eyes darted quickly to the bed where I lay — and there, resting on it, was a hand.
"Who's that…?"
From a blurry shape, the figure of a man formed, a face staring at me with mad desire.
Ryan.
He grabbed me by the ankles, pulled me toward him, and flipped me over.
"Ryan?"
"Shut up."
When I woke up at the party and saw you, a demon possessed me, yearning to possess you. I hadn't known this feeling before. I felt immense shame then; I'd never felt this way about any woman, let alone any man. From that moment on, I couldn't stop looking at you; my desire for you never diminished for a second.
When I had sex with Cassie, I imagined you down there, calling my name and screaming for more. When I masturbated, all I could think about was you and how tight you could be inside. I'd never done anything with you before, I tried to be a gentleman, but for a long time I couldn't. I watched you lick their cocks and swallow their cum with such thoroughness that I almost couldn't resist running up to you and taking you.
Mike, dear Mike, I hope you didn't like what they did to you as much as what you'll get in return.
You don't realize how hard it was for me to hold back my desires for you, until the day finally came when they came true. And fuck, I can't take it anymore.
***
I pulled up his shirt; his back felt as light as a feather. I wanted to leave something behind, but at the last second I stopped myself; I wouldn't hurt him. When I touched his skin and squeezed, a spine immediately appeared on his back. I don't like seeing bones visible, but I'll endure it; that's not why I waited so long. I see several bruises on his legs. Two are huge, on the right and left thighs, and closer to his feet are small bruises, as if he'd hit something with a bang. I also see tiny bruises around his pelvis, but I don't care.
"Ryan..." Jeremy groaned.
"What?" I growled, ripping the condom with my teeth.
"Leave him alone, he..."
"Shut your mouth or you'll be next."
"But..."
"I said something. Jeremy, you don't want to join Mike, do you?"
"I don't want to, but Mike is already... exhausted, leave him alone."
"I guess I didn't make myself clear, because I'm about to get up, take you, put my cock in you, and enjoy your screams."
That silenced him. He buried his head in his knees, and I heard a soft sob, thankfully not very loud. But it turned me on. My cock was getting harder and harder. I smiled to myself.
His buttocks were firm and small, terribly pale and cold, which shouldn't have surprised me, since he'd been lying on that disgusting floor for so long. I opened his anus wider to check for any residual semen. I inserted two fingers. Mike immediately straightened up. "I'm doing this for our mutual benefit," I said. Mike tried to pull his hand away, but I caught it and placed it on his back to keep him out of the way. Maybe now he'd be more comfortable.
I pulled my fingers out of his asshole and there was no cum. They cleaned him up good, or the bitch cleaned herself.
"How did you do that?" I ask Mike. I slapped his ass, and he didn't react. It made me a little angry, so I slapped him again. No reaction, like he was dead. I shook my head and snorted under my breath. "Okay, I'll wake you up."
I put the condom on my penis. My breathing was ragged with excitement and adrenaline. Suddenly, the smell of alcohol mixed with the cigarette smoke from the cabin filled my nostrils. I love that smell.
"I love it," I tell myself.
"Ryan... they'll be here soon," Jeremy said, tears welling in his eyes.
"I said something, damn it."
He fell silent again.
I spread his ass again and quickly entered. A wave of warmth enveloped my cock, and I began to feel more and more comfortable. The first movements of my hips went back and forth; I didn't want to go fast, just slow, savoring it.
"Ugh... ah..." A moan escaped Mike's lips, sending goosebumps up my bare legs.
I pressed harder. I pressed against him with redoubled force. I let out another strangled moan. Mike clutched at the sheets as if he were about to die.
"I know you like this," I said aloud. "Don't pretend, faggot."
"Ugh..."
I pushed myself deeper into him, causing him to straighten even further. I grabbed his head and turned him to look at me. Mike shed a few tears that began to roll down his cheek, and I wanted to lick them away.
"You don't know what you're doing..." I didn't take Mike's words seriously. He repeated the same phrases over and over again to push me away and free himself. I knew every nook and cranny of his vocabulary, every recess of his brain cells that ran through his mind as he did so. He could have even hit me now, or reached for something to get away from me, but I knew he wouldn't be able to.
I tried to push myself even deeper. This was his punishment for disobeying me; it was always like this: you either submit or you suffer.
Suddenly, I felt empty, cold air enveloping my penis. Mike crawled through the covers and with a thud, fell to the ground with her. He knelt, scraping his smooth skin against the floor, causing abrasions. He headed for the door. I stood up silently, sighing at the pathetic sight. I felt sorry for him; he truly looked like he was fighting for his life, even though I knew he wanted to; he hadn't been forced here, but he had done it himself. It wasn't my fault this was happening now.
I removed the condom. From a distance, Mike didn't move, just shifted a few millimeters.
"Mike, where are you going?"
Jeremy covered his ears and remained in the same position. A few drops of snot dripped from his nose onto his pants.
Disgusting, I thought.
Mike knelt there as if nothing had happened. It seemed to me that he was trying to stand up. "No, not this time," I kicked him in the stomach and he cried out in pain.
I grabbed him by the hair and pulled him to the bed, but he resisted. I let go and sat on the floor.
"Okay, if that's what you want," I said. I felt like if I didn't put him back in, my balls would explode, and what pissed me off even more was that I hadn't come inside him yet.
I noticed more bruises appearing on his stomach. They looked nasty, and for a moment I thought they were about to tear a hole in me. And on his neck was the imprint of a hand, a large hand. Probably Malachai's or James's. I was surprised because I hadn't noticed it before.
"Ugh..." my penis slammed hard against the inner walls of his ass, and I felt another wave of euphoria. I slid in and out of him second by second. Now I could see his aching face. My hand went to the bruises and pressed them.
"Ah...!!!"
"Don't cry," I scolded him.
He immediately rolled his eyes, and I heard something shoot out and land on my shirt. It was his semen. A smile spread across my face, and I couldn't say I wasn't excited.
His legs lost all their strength and looked like they were about to fall off.
"When I look at you, you attract me even more."
Mike turned his head away from me.
"No..." His eyes widened.
I touched his nipples, which were already erect, and squeezed them. I began rolling them back and forth, so that one side felt pleasant and the other more painful. He probably wouldn't feel anything spectacular, but that didn't deter me.
"Do you like it?" I asked.
He gritted his teeth and didn't answer.
"I'm asking you, do you like it?" I squeezed even harder.
I feel like I'm about to come. My breathing is getting louder. I accidentally spit on Mike, saliva falling onto his face, which now looked rather suggestive.
"Ah... Ugh... AAA!!!" I'm coming. I push my cock in one last time.
"Ryan..." Jeremy looks at me from the corner of his eye.
"Get away from me," I turn my head to my lover. I lean closer to his face. "Open your mouth, baby," I said, enjoying the power I have over him, and no matter what I say, he'll do it without restraint. I think that's the point, and it really impresses me. I don't feel like an ordinary person, I don't feel like a mere mortal, but like a being who can do whatever he wants. I put my tongue in his mouth. Our tongues intertwined rather quickly, and I tilted my head to the side. "
"What the fuck are you doing?!"
Someone grabbed my hood and threw me across the room.
"What's wrong with you?!" I screamed.
They were there. James, Joshua, and Malachai appeared in their full glory. They smelled of alcohol mixed with cigarettes."
"What are you doing?" Malachai asked, not entirely indifferent; James was more nervous, and Joshua looked worried.
Mike tried with all his might to get up from the floor. But when he almost succeeded, he fell back down. Fresh semen leaked from his ass and dripped onto the floor. It could have been mistaken for some kind of oil or greasy food.
"He can barely stand, fuck!" Joshua sniffed. He took a few steps toward Mike. He offered him a helping hand. Mike wasn't convinced at first, but I didn't hesitate to trust him for long. He helped him up and let him go, but his legs began to shake; he couldn't take a single step forward.
"It hurts..." Mike began to sob. He planted his foot diagonally, and his leg looked broken, which didn't bode well. "I want to go home, please let me go, I won't tell anyone."
Silence fell.
The only sound in the cabin was Mike's sobs, echoing off the walls. He shifted slightly to the side, and his moans of pain turned into screams.
"Mom's waiting for me... we were supposed to watch a movie tonight..." His voice broke mid-sentence. "I don't want to... I don't want to be here anymore... I'm so sorry."
Small tears formed in a torrent of water. He opened his mouth, let out a short moan, and began to cry again. Cum continued to flow from his ass in small streams.
"Y'all are fucked!" Jeremy shouted. "You're crazy... what's wrong with you!" He was reacting similarly to Mike. He was experiencing all these emotions in the same way.
"We're not fucked," I said.
Joshua tugged Mike by the arm. "We'll go slowly, okay," he said.
Mike wasn't listening. His head was spinning back and forth. Something rose in his throat, he bent down and vomited onto the floor.
"It's okay," Joshua consoled him.
"No, no, no, no!" Mike wiggled out from under his arm and pushed him aside. "No, leave me alone, I don't need your help!... I just want to go home!" He waved his hands in front of his face and covered his mouth. "Why don't you understand?"
"We can't let you go," Malachai said, not even bothering to look him in the eye. I thought he was a coward, but now I'm absolutely certain of it.
"Because?"
"Because no, end of story," I interjected. I could see they were struggling and would have given up immediately. They should be glad they had me, or they would be ruined. Even James is acting like a little wimp now. After all, he's the leader, and a leader should be in charge, in control. He's failing. I've hated the way he tried to dominate everyone from the start, and now it's all coming to the surface. "James," I turned to him, trying to gauge his reaction. He swallowed hard, loud enough that I bet everyone heard. "James, say something."
"Yes... Ryan... is right," the liar said. Uncertainty clouded his words. I can't believe how easily you fall for it. You should be ashamed of yourselves. What kind of people are you?
"What... are we doing?" Malachai stuttered halfway through.
"I have an idea," I said aloud.
***
I had many thoughts in my head that I was afraid to share with anyone privately, and I feel like this fear protects me from the consequences of judgments and actions. In a way, I'm proud of myself; there are secrets that should be kept to yourself and only yourself.
"Mike, what are you thinking?" Jeremy asked me.
"Uh... I have no idea."
"Will you go to the store with me?" he asked.
"Uh... okay."
***
They blindfolded me with a cloth and laid me on the bed. Darkness enveloped my eyes. In the meantime, I felt a slight prick, they injected me with that thing from the syringe. Again.
Where a moment ago I felt everything, now I feel nothing, and the worst part is, I'm starting to like it.
I have no idea how long this will last, I don't know what time it is, I don't know if my mother has texted me, I don't know anything.
"Knock."
The bed felt heavier, as if two people were sitting on it.
"Knock."
Because of the drug, I didn't recognize the voice. I could only guess, but it would be pointless, because it wouldn't do me any good anyway. I exhaled through my nose.
"Knock."
Someone's fingers began to touch my stomach. They began to move higher and higher, touching my ribs.
"Knock."
Sweat ran profusely down my spine and forehead. I concluded that my entire back was wet, and this physiological phenomenon would make the sheets damp.
"Knock."
Another hand, bony and large, slid under my pants.
"Knock."
Something's wrong, I have to… remove the blindfold. Trembling, I tried to do so, but someone stopped me at the last second.
"Knock."
They removed my underwear, grabbed my arms, and lifted me, but they didn't move me to another seat. I wasn't sure what to expect or who it might be. I couldn't focus on the details; my sense of smell was impaired, and all I could smell was my own sweat mixed with their semen. I heard the sound of a zipper being unzipped. I clenched my fists, anticipating what would come next.
"Ugh..." someone I couldn't see inserted something inside me, grabbed my buttocks, and started moving them. They bounced up and down. I wanted to take the blindfold off so badly, but I knew someone wouldn't let me. Even more terrifying was the thought that it might be someone else, not them, but someone else. Perhaps someone I didn't know personally. The other person's breath traveled down my neck, and he repeated it for a moment more, when suddenly he grabbed my arms and pulled me toward him. My body arched horizontally, my head falling against his crotch, and something grew in his pants.
Something fell to the ground with a loud thud, but I didn't hear anyone pick it up.
The first person pulled me harder and harder, pressing their penis deeper, touching my stomach and then my waist.
"Ugh...aaaa..." I slowly lost saliva. The second person immediately shoved his penis down my throat. I started choking on it immediately upon entering. I punched him in the stomach to get him to pull it out of me, but he responded by doing the same thing I'd done to him seconds earlier. He was pushing deeper and deeper into my throat. It definitely wasn't James or Joshua, because this wasn't their game, so could it have been Malachai? So who was the first person?
A scream wanted to escape my lips; the harder I clenched my jaw, the more I felt the strange pain.
"Knock."
At the same moment, both men entered me, filling my body with cum from both ends.
The crack of a high-five between them was loud and juicy, the kind I heard when other guys were watching a game and the team you were rooting for scored, jumping around drunk, and then went off to drink more alcohol.
They pulled out of me. The bed felt lighter, indicating they had already left it. A moment later, I heard the door slam shut.
***
"Mike," it was James's voice.
The tourniquet began to tighten; someone tied it much tighter. My back hurt terribly, as if a car had run me over or I'd been trampled. My throat burned, and there was a fishy taste in it that made me nauseous. I felt my organs throbbing as if they were about to explode. I could feel sticky semen in my ass. I hated it when something stuck to me and wouldn't come off; it was incredibly irritating. My head hurt, and I tried to lift it, but to no avail. What was happening to me?
"Mike," James repeated.
"James… please, untie this, please."
"I can't yet, not now," he grunted.
It was even weirder because I couldn't hear anyone but him. My stomach was growling. The desire for water and food was overwhelming my mind. I had to eat something immediately, or I wouldn't be able to cope.
"At least... please give me some water and food. I'm hungry..." I said. For about a minute, I heard nothing; silence fell, enveloping the entire house.
If I weren't in this situation, I might have enjoyed it. Now I feel awful.
I stood up from my lying position, but it only took a moment for me to feel vomit rising to my lips. At the last second, I stopped myself from vomiting and returned to my previous position.
"They went to the station..." he said.
"Who?"
"Malachai and Ryan..."
"Getting food and water?"
"Yes."
"When will they be here?"
"Soon."
"Where's Jeremy... where is he?" I haven't heard from him in a while. I'm worried they've done something to him; I wouldn't survive that.
"With Joshua."
"And where's Joshua?"
"I can't answer all your questions," he replied gruffly, his knees cracking as he spoke.
"You wouldn't have to... if I'd fucking seen something!" I shouted at him.
Suddenly, the sound of a lighter woke me up completely. It wasn't long before cigarette smoke filled my nostrils.
"Do you want a smoke?" He changed the subject.
"No, answer me..." I felt him shove a cigarette into my mouth. I accidentally inhaled, and he took it away. I wasn't used to smoking — in fact, I only smoked occasionally, and it usually choked me. It wasn't my form of relaxation, nor was it something I'd smoke every day, so I started choking.
"Chill out, bro," was all he said.
"Chill out…?"
"Yeah…"
"What the fuck are you talking about?!"
"Don't yell at me!" He raised his voice.
"You caught me here, raped me, beat me, did shit to me, blindfolded me, immobilized me, and now you're telling me to chill out,what's wrong with you?"
"You could have avoided this if you weren't a whore…"
I punched him square in the face, heard him fall to the ground.
"Don't call me that."
"What else can I call you...huh?" He stepped closer. I could feel his gaze on my face. "You fuck several guys at once and take their cocks in your mouth. Tell me, when other guys are taking you, do you even think about me?"
I didn't answer.
"I'm asking..." He slapped my leg, not hard enough to make me die of pain. "When you fuck other guys, do you think about me?"
Silence.
He snorted and spat on the floor.
"Do you like doing it with other guys?" My breathing was ragged. "You like it when they put it in your mouth and you think it'll never end, right?"
"Stop..." I touched my sweaty hair.
"That's an awkward question, isn't it?"
"I... I don't like that."
"Why are you trying to deny it?"
I could still taste the cigarette in my mouth.
"I'm not denying anything."
"I think so."
"..."
"Did we really rape you?" He touched my cheek. I quickly pulled away.
"Yes..." I replied immediately.
"Are you sure?"
"One hundred percent."
"But we're friends. How can a friend hurt another friend like that?"
"..."
I hate it when he sticks out his business card, labeled "friend," and defends himself so boldly, confident he can convince people to agree with him.
"So what?..."
"Are you afraid to admit you wanted this..."
"Because I didn't!"
"Why are you raising your voice now? I'm talking to you normally. Besides, did I force you to get in my car?"
"..."
"So how did it end?"
"Today isn't the only day you did this," I lowered my voice.
"So, which days were those?"
I tried to remember, but my mind went blank.
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"You should know first."
First? What does he mean?
"Speak more clearly, asshole."
"I keep talking, and you don't even try. Why don't you try? You should prove your point, right?"
What's the matter?
"I have no idea," I imagined him raising his hands and making a sad face.
"So what do you mean..."
"You also said we beat you up, do you have any proof?"
He interrupted me, and my blood boiled. Seriously, is he going to pretend to be an idiot who knows nothing?
"You hit me, you son of a bitch, just now..."
"It wasn't even a hard hit, I mean, something more serious, do you have any?"
"In my body and inside," my mind was slowly losing control, tears welling up in my eyes. I wanted him to stop talking to me, to go away and leave me alone.
"Inside me? I'm afraid not."
"I have it inside me..."
"Where?"
"In my butt," I said quietly. I heard him start to laugh, and then the short, quiet laugh turned into a loud, booming one.
"What are you laughing at?"
"I didn't hear what you said, where?"
"Why are you doing this to me?" I covered my ears with my hands. I hoped it was just a dream I'd wake up from soon; nightmares didn't last forever, that was the point.
"Mike, you have a vivid imagination."
"..."
"Who do you get that from, Mom or Dad?"
The mere thought of those two people made me lose my appetite. My stomach tightened to the point of exhaustion, and I felt a tremendous discomfort on the outside; my legs felt numb, the exact opposite of what I felt on the inside. This wasn't a dream at all. The first tear started to fall, and then a whole swarm of them rolled down my cheeks.
"Shut up!" I turned my head away from him. "Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!"
"I'm so sorry."
I couldn't smell the cigarette smoke at all. He'd obviously stopped smoking moments ago.
"I feel sorry for you."
I didn't respond. I just cried, left alone and in the dark. I didn't have a single living, kind person with me now. I felt abandoned, abandoned to my fate. I've come to the conclusion that no one can save me, much less my mother and Jeremy. I'm alone.