TW: VIOLENCE
Night had fallen.
We arrived at the abandoned building with James, Joshua, and Ryan, and Mike was about to show up. I knew that in just a moment something would happen—something that could make others sick to their stomachs, or worse.
James had brought a few beers and handed me one.
"Drink up, Malachai, or else you won't be able to get it up," James said to me.
"Now it's my turn for him to suck my—" Joshua started, but Ryan cut him off unexpectedly.
"He probably wouldn't even feel anything."
"Wanna bet?" Joshua snapped, irritated.
"No need for bets. I know you've got a small one," the idiot snickered. Joshua lunged at him with his fists, but James slammed a beer against my stomach so hard I barely managed to catch it. Then he stepped up to Joshua and grabbed him by the jacket.
"Knock it off and chill," James said.
I pulled a lighter and a pack of cigarettes from my pocket, took out two, and handed one to James. With the other two, I wouldn't have shared with anyone. I lit mine and placed it between my lips. Slowly, I inhaled, savoring the smoke as it filled my lungs. Then I passed the lighter to James.
"When's Mike coming?" Ryan asked.
Just then, my phone buzzed with a notification. It was from Mike.
Mike: You guys at that house?
He sent a picture of the building we were in. What I didn't get was why he sent it at all—he'd been here a few times already. Maybe he just wanted to make sure. That was possible too.
Me: Yeah.
I lifted my gaze from the screen.
"Hope you didn't tell Jeremy we were here," I said flatly, then yawned.
"Of course not," they all answered in unison.
James immediately added,
"I think Jeremy would shatter into a million pieces if he ever found out what his husband was doing."
That fucking monster.
I heard the floorboards creak.
"Speak of the devil," I muttered.
Through the doorway, Mike stepped in, looking slightly disoriented. Joshua, Ryan, and James walked up to him to greet him.
***
We'd been sitting there for nearly fifty minutes. The others laughed and cracked jokes about Jeremy and Mike, while Mike just stared quietly, saying nothing.
My legs were starting to go numb from sitting still. I stood up and stretched. I felt Mike's eyes on me. I turned my head toward him.
"What?"
He dropped his gaze to the floor.
I lit another cigarette. Honestly, I didn't even want to smoke right then. I didn't know why I lit it—just watched it burn down on its own. I flicked the ash, and in a blink the cigarette was nearly gone.
"Mike?" Joshua's voice cut through, directed at him. "You gonna blow me?"
I looked at them. I saw no emotion coming from their faces, only a stone-cold expression that could haunt you in your dreams.
Mike didn't say anything for a long while. Instead, his eyes shifted toward the door.
"So, little flower?" Joshua continued. Mike's eyebrows rose, his legs pressed tightly together, his right leg trembled, and on his left I noticed goosebumps. He grabbed a piece of his hoodie and clenched it tightly. He often did that whenever he felt in danger.
"No."
Mike answered after taking a deep breath. He knew what awaited him, but every time, he still said the opposite. I never touched him, never. Even though I witnessed everything, it never crossed my mind to stop it—I was too afraid. I know each of us is a completely different person on our own, but when we're together, it feels like we're playing made-up characters, roles to survive, to avoid angering anyone in our group of six. I think no one really likes what's happening to Mike, but none of us has the courage to say it out loud.
"It's kind of boring here," Ryan muttered.
"Yeah," James agreed. "We need some kind of show."
"What kind?" Ryan asked.
My cigarette had burned down, leaving only the filter. I tossed it as far away as I could. Then lit another one right away.
"Stop smoking so much," Joshua threw a beer cap at me. "Don't you know it's bad for you?"
"Same as drinking every day," I shot back.
Mike stood up. He brushed the back of his pants and, trying not to draw attention, wanted to leave. The others looked at him, and he tilted his head down. I didn't know whether they would do something or not. Mike took a step back, a big one, then quietly turned around. Something felt off. He was getting closer to the door, just a few steps away from leaving this house and never coming back. James, Joshua, and Ryan didn't react with a single sound. A bead of sweat rolled down my neck.
"Where are you going?"
He turned when he heard my voice. His face twisted into a grimace, like he had just remembered something important and had to rush back.
"I…"
He started with excuses about how he had to hurry home. To be honest, I didn't care to listen anymore. I was tired of hearing the same thing over and over again.
I walked up to him. Mike immediately hunched down.
"I don't want to hear your excuses anymore," I couldn't believe I was the one taking the initiative instead of them.
"Okay…" he said, almost inaudibly.
"You've been really depressing lately," the corners of my mouth curled upward. I noticed he was hiding something under his sleeve. Quickly, I grabbed his arm and pulled the fabric back. There were many small cuts on it. "Why are you doing this?"
He pulled away from me. I bit my lip.
"If you don't want to tell me…" I grabbed him again and pressed a cigarette against one of his cuts. Mike whimpered. "I'll make you feel something else."
I shoved him to the ground. Then, out of nowhere, Joshua rushed in, grabbed him by the hair, and dragged him to the center of the room. I walked over to where they sat and sat down in silence. Joshua started unzipping his fly.
"Take it in your mouth," Joshua said aggressively.
Fear filled Mike's eyes. I started to wonder if maybe I had gone too far? Maybe I should have taken it easier, or just let him go. The more I thought about it, the more…
"Just no teeth."
It pulled me out of my thoughts, and it began.
***
Afterward, Mike lay on the floor, turned away from us. After Joshua was done, James came next, and with him, it lasted much longer than it had with Joshua.
James zipped up his fly and sat next to me.
"Malachai, drive this bitch home," James said with a laugh.
I felt the food from earlier rise up my throat, threatening to spill out. But I still tried to play the part of someone unfazed.
"What am I, a taxi?" I snapped. "Find someone else to be your chauffeur."
James added something after a moment, but I didn't listen. I was fighting myself completely.
"Maybe he should just walk," Ryan chimed in.
A silence fell, ringing in our ears louder than any sound.
"Let's just go, it's late," Joshua vetoed.
We all stood up, except for Mike. He still lay there, his back turned to us.
The others left the building. I turned my head to look at him. I wanted to offer him help. My left foot shifted to the side, I glanced around to see how far the others had gone. In the distance, I heard James shout:
"Wait, I left my jacket!"
I nodded to myself and slipped out quickly before he could suspect anything.