(1)
I think I had a long dream.
It's pouring. I'm standing on the last step in front of the main building of our high school, wearing my uniform. In the middle of the sports ground, Chenhui's standing all alone, smiling, with his head tilted. But the rain's so heavy that my vision's all blurred, and I can't tell if he's smiling at me. Even though I'm totally soaked, I don't feel cold at all.
I start shuffling toward him, begging him to look at me. But no matter how far I walk, he still seems so far away. Getting nervous, I walk faster and faster, then I start trotting, then I'm running, shouting at him, over and over, more and more hysterically, "Chenhui, look at me! Look at me!"
I take off my glasses and rub them hard, trying to wipe the water off. The moment I put them back on, I realize it's Lee, not Chenhui.
I don't know if I actually screamed out loud, but when I wake up, I'm covered in sweat. In front of me is a wide expanse of white wall, which feels strange. Normally, when I wake up in my own bedroom, I should be seeing the wardrobe in front of me. My just-woken brain doesn't seem to be working properly either. No matter how hard I try, I can't remember why I'm in this unfamiliar place.
The lights in the room aren't on, but I can still sense a faint glow. Just as I swivel my head round, planning to check the window to figure out what time of day it is, I suddenly notice a figure sitting on the chair next to my bed, and it gives me a fright.
As soon as he sees I'm awake, he leans over and hands me my glasses from the nightstand, then gets up and goes to turn on the lights.
That's when I finally see – It's Lee.
I look around and notice that next to me is another bed, perfectly made. My first reaction is: why am I in a hotel double room? But I quickly realize that the bed I'm seeing is a hospital bed.
"Why are we in a hospital?" I ask him. As I speak, I notice how dry and scratchy my throat is, and my voice comes out sounding like I have a cold.
Lee comes back and sits on the chair again, arms crossed over his chest, looking at me without speaking. He just lets out a deep sigh.
"What happened?" I ask again. What day is it? Why didn't I hear my alarm? How come I woke up naturally instead? I push myself up and realize my lower back is sore.
Lee still doesn't say anything, but then gets up and sits on the edge of my bed, and pulls me into a tight hug. It bewilders me a bit, but there's also something familiar about it. We haven't hugged like this in a long time, and I'm not sure if he's still wearing the same cologne he used back in college.
Then he lets go and says softly to me, "You really scared me. One of my coworkers at ACE recognized you and called me. They said they'd already called an ambulance."
What he says triggers something. My last clear memory really is from ACE.
"What happened to me?" I ask. I don't know what happened, but if an ambulance was involved, it couldn't have been anything good.
"Alcohol poisoning," Lee says, looking at me seriously. "They rushed you here and had to perform an emergency gastric lavage."
I stare at him in shock. I don't remember a single thing.
"How could it be that bad?" Alcohol poisoning? I always thought that only happened to people who were allergic to alcohol.
"I really shouldn't have asked you to come to my studio after your work. I'm guessing you hadn't eaten dinner that night? And then you drank too many different kinds of alcohol."
"Oh my god… how could I let this happen…" Then a thought hits me hard, and I immediately ask, "Where's my mom? Does she know about this?"
Lee shakes his head. "We haven't told her. We didn't want to worry her."
"We?"
"I told Lili. She was practically losing her mind."
I can't believe it. How could I have caused such a huge mess?
I pick up my phone to text Lili and check if my mom messaged me.
17:46. Wednesday.
To my shock, I've been in the hospital for two days. My mom sent a message last night asking if I'd be coming home for dinner this weekend. I quickly reply, making up an excuse that I have to work overtime and won't be going home.
Then I text Lili to let her know I'm okay now.
Not even thirty seconds later, her reply comes in:
You better stay alive. If you dare die like that, I swear I won't let you off even after I die.
I send back a kneeling emoji.
While I now feel fully awake, my mind is still a bit scattered. I realize I had left the studio in such a hurry that night, it feels like there were things I hadn't gotten the chance to properly say to Lee. But now, with him just sitting quietly by my side, I don't really know where to start.
Also, for me, my last memory is still of leaving the studio and going to ACE for drinks, but Lee and Lili have already gone through two whole days of anxious waiting. So, I'm not even sure if now is the right time to bring up those conversations again.
Just then, someone turns the handle and opens the door to the ward. I turn my head to look.
The person who walks in looks so familiar; and it almost feels unfamiliar.
"Chenhui?" I ask uncertainly. What is he doing here? If Lee weren't here with me, I might actually think I had died.
My first instinct is to glance at Lee, and I see that he doesn't seem all that surprised.
Then Lee says to me, "I'll leave you two to talk. Call me if you need anything."
He gets up and walks out of the room. Before leaving, I notice Chenhui giving him a polite smile.
(2)
Chenhui walks over and sits down in the spot Lee just vacated. He casually throws his messenger bag onto the chair.
Then he sighs too. I know, what happened to me is indeed something that warrants a sigh from everyone.
"Why are you still the same as in high school?" He props one hand on the bed. His tone sounds like a scolding, but there's also a hint of teasing in it.
It's at this moment that I really take a good look at him for the first time. Though I still occasionally see him in WeChat Moments photos, when someone you haven't seen for ten years sits in front of you again, everything feels surreal. He's wearing a dark green bomber jacket. He doesn't seem to have gained or lost any weight compared to before. The only noticeable change is that the sides of his hair are trimmed shorter than they used to be in high school.
"Why are you back? Has your wedding already taken place?"
If what happened to me even impacted his wedding, I'd truly feel terrible.
Chenhui nods lightly and says, "It was the day after Yun's wedding. I got a call from Lili yesterday. She sounded so anxious she was about to cry. So, I quickly booked a flight back for this afternoon."
"Come back to attend my funeral?" I joke, though I can't deny that deep down I'm a bit resentful he hasn't come back in so long.
He clicks his tongue. "Don't say that."
"I made you worry again. I'm really sorry." I've imagined many scenarios for how I might meet him again. Maybe at a high school reunion, maybe on some street in Beijing while I'm traveling, maybe even at ACE. But I never imagined it'd be in such a pathetic situation. I just came out of a two-day coma. I can't even imagine how pale I look right now, or what my hair looks like. Whatever. It's not like he hasn't seen me in this state before.
"Why did you drink so much?" He asks me.
"I wasn't in a great mood, but I didn't expect to drink that much." I scratch my head, wondering how to explain it.
That's when I suddenly remember that Lee told me Chenhui had come back before. But now that he's sitting in front of me, I somehow can't bring myself to ask for confirmation.
"We're not young anymore. You really should watch your alcohol intake," he says with a smile.
"You're one to talk. Who was it that used to get drunk every time we went drinking at The Joker's? And I was the one who had to get a taxi to get you home."
Chenhui frowns, pretending to be puzzled. "Are you accusing me of never paying the taxi fare?"
"It's been ten years, my friend. If you're planning to pay me back, don't forget to include all the interest."
He bursts out laughing and says, "That's fair. How about this, I'll treat you to a few nice meals over the next couple of days. That should cover the interest."
"When are you heading back?" A few meals to repay the past ten years? Does he have any idea what those ten years were like for me?
"The morning after tomorrow. I can't help it. Work stuff." He shrugs.
"Alright then. I'll go get ready now. Let's start with meal number one." I get out of bed and, for the first time, put on the neatly placed slippers under it.
Chenhui stands up and asks, "You can go out to eat already?"
"Why not?" I say, turning back to him as I walk into the bathroom.
With him outside the hospital and looking at the sky, I think I really like the dusk this time of year. The sky is still bright enough for you to pause and admire the afterglow – warm and serene, like the beautiful ending of a long, gripping movie that keeps you quietly seated until the final credit scrolls to the top. It reminds me of how I used to love walking with him under the same kind of afterglow after school. If my younger self had known I'd get to do this again ten years later, it would have brought him so much comfort.
It must've rained recently, because I see puddles on the street. I like the air after it rains, clean and fresh, so I stop to take a deep breath, which tickles Chenhui.
"What? Haven't breathed fresh air in a while?" he jokes.
"No, it's been a while since I breathed air with you in it." I say it on purpose to tease him.
He giggles and says, "Then why didn't you come to Beijing? You'd have that kind of air all the time."
"Are you trying to argue with me?" I pretend to scold him. "I haven't eaten for two days. If anything happens to me, it's on you."
"Alright, alright. Let's pick a place to eat," he says, pulling out his phone and scrolling through restaurant reviews. "What do you feel like eating?"
I glance at his screen and casually point to a restaurant. "How about this one? The breaded pork cutlet looks pretty good."
"Are you sure you can handle pork cutlet right now?" he turns to ask me.
"Keep talking and I'll faint right in front of you."
Chenhui shakes his head. "You really haven't changed a bit."
On the taxi ride to the restaurant, the route starts to feel more and more familiar. When we're just two blocks away, I realize the restaurant must be right across from ACE. And this place used to be where I had my first blind date – JERRYS COFFEE. I guess it went out of business at some point. Honestly, the coffee was so bad that even someone like me, who doesn't really know how to appreciate coffee, could tell it was terrible.
"Oh, just FYI, that place across the street was The Joker's," I remind Chenhui as I cut into my cutlet. Now, we're sitting by the window with a clear view of the street.
"Yeah, I know. It's ACE now," he says while casually stuffing a piece of meat into his mouth.
I put down my knife and look up. "You seem to know a lot."
He looks up too, smiles, and then continues cutting. "I'm a local, after all."
I smile too, without asking any further.
"Want something to drink?" I ask as I scroll through the drink menu on my phone.
"I'd like some alcohol. But since you just got out of the hospital, maybe you shouldn't drink." He takes my phone and starts browsing.
"I'll just have some juice. You shouldn't drink either. Looks like they only have wine here. And it's expensive." I glance across the street at ACE and continue, "Besides, whenever you get drunk, you start talking nonsense. You're married now, remember? Better not say something you'll regret."
Chenhui looks at me, a bit surprised. "Do I? I don't even remember."
It doesn't matter if he remembers. I remember.
"Anyway, just have juice with me." I take back the phone and order two apple juices.
I'm not proud of the fact that I drank too much and ended up in the hospital, but I really don't know when I would've seen this person again if it hadn't happened. Sitting here like we used to in high school, eating and talking. It's actually really nice. We're almost 30 now, but Chenhui still tells me about interesting things from his job with the same excitement as he used to. For a moment, it feels like it hasn't been that long since we last saw each other. Like we just took off our school uniforms yesterday and somehow ended up here today.
I used to imagine our reunion being very dramatic. Maybe I'd yell at him for being so ambiguous with his feelings back then. Maybe he'd cry and apologize. And now, all I can say is that TV dramas' plots are indeed all lies.
This is already really good. We're just like two old friends who haven't seen each other in a long time – well, not like, that's exactly what we are – catching up over a meal. No dramatic plot twists, no complicated emotions. Just this. And it's good.
Since we weren't far from our school, we decided to walk there after dinner to digest. Though I've lived in this city all along, I haven't had many chances to visit the school again.
When we get there, I find that the gate is much more grand than it was ten years ago. Though it's already too dark for us to see clearly into the campus, I can still make out the track where Chenhui and I once ran six kilometers together. I see the steps where Wenfei picked a fight. I even see the classroom window I once stared out of, nearly blinded by the sunlight, which led me to skip PE and gave me my first chance to privately talk to the boy – the man – standing beside me now. Maybe running as punishment has been banned. Maybe the steps have been renovated. And maybe our classroom has been turned into a computer lab or something. Everything might've changed. But I suddenly feel grateful that these memories, which turned summer into a season I no longer hate, still belong to me, no matter how much has changed.
I turn to look at him, standing beside me, also staring into the campus, lost in thought. I wonder what he's thinking. Maybe the same thing as me.
Chenhui tells me that after he settled in Beijing, his mom moved there too, so they sold their place here. That's why this time he's going to stay at a hotel he booked online. But now that I've woken up, I figure there's no need for that anymore. I invite him to stay at my place for the next couple of days.
"Do you still have that Jennifer Aniston poster up in your room?" he suddenly asks as we walk home.
If he hadn't mentioned it, I would've completely forgotten. "Not in the place I live now. The place you stayed at back then is where my mom lives now. My old bedroom's just a storage room. If you're curious, we can go see if the poster is still there."
"Are you sure your mom still remembers who I am?" He turns to ask me.
"Of course."
She even thinks you liked me.
By the time we get to my neighborhood, it's fully dark. It's gotten a bit cold, but that's alright. After all, Spring Festival is just around the corner.
At the convenience store near my building, I go in to buy him some toiletries. When I come out, I see him standing under a streetlamp not far ahead, facing away, waiting for me.
I don't know why, but I suddenly stop walking. I just stand there, watching his back quietly. A strange warmth fills my chest. Maybe it's only now that I truly realize he's back. He's flying back to Beijing the morning after tomorrow. And then, who knows how many years it'll be before we see each other again.
Maybe ten or twenty years from now, I'll run into him somewhere with his family. He'll look older, with crow's feet at the corners of his eyes. I might be a little fat, or even bald (I hope not). Maybe I'll greet him like he's just one of those old friends I haven't seen in ages, like I'm not sad at all about how much time has changed us.
But I know there are some things that never change. We'll always be there: Chenhui's arm around my shoulder, two tins of Diet Coke in his hand, both of us in our school uniforms. We'll always be the boys whose names carry similar meanings.
Maybe we'd better just leave them there, in the hottest days of summer, when everything is as beautifully miserable – or miserably beautiful – as melodies.
I wonder if the me from ten years ago would be satisfied with this ending.
"Come on, let's go home." I put my arm around him, something I've never done before, and we walk away, "You'll see your cap still hanging on the coat rack when you walk in my home."
"My cap?" Chenhui asks curiously, "What cap?"
"And Into the White Night on my bookshelf as well."
"OK. I do remember I gave you that."
(3)
The next day, we make plans to have a meal with Lili. When we meet, she doesn't even exchange a few pleasantries with Chenhui before she lashes out at me. I know I'm in the wrong, so I just lower my head and stay silent, occasionally mumbling a soft sorry. Chenhui clearly doesn't expect this either, so he simply stands quietly beside me, not daring to speak.
Two days later, Chenhui and I go to the airport together, the same airport where I saw him off when he left for college. He's still carrying that same messenger bag he brought back with him, only now it looks stuffed to the brim.
"I think Mom made too many dumplings," I say to him as we line up at the check-in counter.
"Not really. I'll finish them in just two meals." He pats his bag, then opens his wallet taking out his ID card.
"She hasn't made dumplings for me in a long time. But as soon as she heard you're back, she suddenly became so hardworking."
He smiles and gently taps my forehead with his ID.
After he's gotten his boarding pass, we stroll slowly toward the security checkpoint.
"Let's not wait too long before we see each other again," he says. "Why don't you ever come to Beijing to see me?"
"I never found the right opportunity. And even if I go, it's not like you'd definitely have time to hang out."
"I can take time off. I get vacation days every year that I can apply for," he explains.
"No need to trouble yourself. You have a family now. Save your leave for more important things," I say, while helping him pull out the corner of his collar that's caught under the bag strap. "Just let me know… when you come back next time. That's enough."
He pauses for a moment, then nods.
"I should go in now," He says as he glances at the time on the large screen, then turns to me.
"Okay."
Just as he's about to turn and leave, I stop him. "Oh. Wait."
"What is it?" he asks.
I know this is something I can only do on impulse. If I think too much, I'll never have the courage, just like last time when I saw him off.
So, I step forward and hug him, tightly. I guess it might look strange, like I'm trying to tie him down. But I don't care. Maybe the people around us are looking on in confusion. I don't care, either.
He doesn't say anything or push me away. Then slowly, his arms wrap around me too.
"Take care," he murmurs.
"You too."
Then I let him go.
As he's ready to walk through the security gate, he turns around and gives me a call me gesture, just like last time.
I crack a smile and nod.
It's only when I get into the taxi that I feel a wave of drowsiness wash over me. Airplanes are already the fastest mode of transport, so why does everyone always book such early flights?
Just as I'm on the verge of drifting off, I suddenly hear a familiar melody coming from the radio in the car.
"You were there for summer dreaming. And you gave me what I need. And I hope you find your freedom, for eternity…"
I open my eyes in surprise, just to make sure I'm not dreaming. This song is a bit old, and not even one of Robbie Williams' most popular tracks. Yet somehow, it's playing on the radio today, by pure coincidence.
When I think back on the time that I spent with Chenhui, I don't remember how many PE classes we skipped, I don't remember how many Robbie Williams songs we listened to, and I don't remember how I lost sleep at night thinking of him. All I remember is his smile – always warm, yet somehow cooling me down during the dog days of summer.
We were there for summer dreaming.
(4)
When I get home about half an hour later, I realize I forgot to charge my phone last night, so it has already powered off. Dragging my feet into the living room, I flop down onto the couch and plug my phone in without thinking.
Then I glance around aimlessly. My eyes fall on the photo of me and Chenhui taken at The Joker's. It's sitting on the TV cabinet among several other photos, including one of me performing on stage in kindergarten and another of me and Mom at a zoo during a trip to somewhere I can't quite remember. After years of being exposed like that, the colors have already started to fade.
Just the day before yesterday, when he came over, he noticed it and seemed surprised that I still kept the photo there so seriously, as if it were something very important.
I mean, of course it's important.
As for that whole million-dollar-if-slobbish deal on its back, however, all I can say is, what a pity. Looks like that's not happening anytime soon. Maybe in another twenty years, there'll still be a chance.
When my phone finally turns back on, I receive a message from Lee:
I only got you one week off. Remember to go back to work next week!
I look at the message and smile faintly.
Got it. Thanks. I reply to him, then think for a second and add, And also, I'm sorry.
Sorry? For what? He replies almost instantly.
Sorry for being a jerk to you.
It's something I've always wanted to say to him. Back when we broke up in college, I might've considered him one. I never imagined I'd one day use the exact same word to describe myself. But what goes around really does come around.
A jerk? That's funny. I thought I was the one.
Yeah. You were too. We're just two different types.
I don't know what Lee is doing now. Maybe he's chatting with bar guests while secretly texting me. Or maybe, he's teaching kids how to paint.
Let's call it even? He asks.
It's a deal. I text him back.
So… what's the plan?
I stare at the white message bubble, not knowing how to respond. That's a really good question.
Yang, what's the plan? I ask myself quietly.
Just before the screen goes black, another message comes in from him:
Don't worry. Take your time.