I stared intently at the four unruly brats who had committed a cardinal sin.
Yami, Sasuke, Naruto, and Hikari were on their knees, each with several planks strapped to their feet and arms. Their arms were held in place by outstretched hands. If even a single plank fell, their punishment would be extended by two more hours.
At that moment, I turned to look at a soulless Itachi, crucified on a wooden cross I had hastily fashioned.
"I expected more from you. I can't believe you let these four steal scrolls from my private office to light. I don't think they tricked you, and if they did, I question your ability to be a Chunin," I said.
"That's not how it was," Itachi said, sounding utterly exhausted.
Honestly, I didn't really care what had happened or how it had happened; what happened happened, and I know perfectly well who the real culprits are, but the others are also accomplices, so they too must be punished.
Like the fact that they managed to convince Yami that it was a good idea to acquire more powerful jutsu, or that Sasuke wanted to acquire some technique to impress Fugaku.
There's also the fact that, since they stole the scrolls and were using them, they managed to convince Itachi, in his brilliant mind, that the best thing would be to teach them how to use them correctly instead of taking them away and stopping this once and for all.
"Do you think the punishment is fair?" I asked Mikoto, who was at a table with a cup of tea and a dessert, watching all this.
"It seems fine to me. I have no problem with you giving them the punishment," she commented, smiling affectionately.
I could see Itachi making a face as if to say, "This may have been for the best," since Mikoto can be quite severe in certain aspects, and the punishment I'm giving everyone is walking through a meadow full of flowers compared to the ideas that the woman who terrified all the Uchiha ninjas in her time might have.
"What do you think?" I asked Yoshino Nara, who was sitting next to Mikoto.
"I think you were too lenient, thinking that whatever I did, I'd force them to stay like this all day," she added, sipping her tea.
Now she says these things, but I don't know if they'd actually be capable of doing them.
I couldn't help but glance at Shikamaru, in a corner, fear in his eyes, watching this whole spectacle.
I think maybe they're not exaggerating too much.
With that, I sat down at the table with the other two mothers.
"My legs hurt," Naruto complained, tears welling in his eyes.
"Shut up, loser, it's your fault we're like this," Sasuke retorted.
"My fault?" Naruto questioned incredulously. "Yes, it was Hikari's idea to do all this."
"Idiot, do you think you can say anything about it knowing what's going to happen?" Sasuke said.
"Do you have anything to say against me?" Hikari glared at Sasuke, making him shudder, silencing him.
"No," he said simply, silently.
"Hehehe, who would have thought Sasuke was afraid of a little girl?" Naruto mocked, irritating Sasuke, but he didn't say anything.
Hikari's laughter was short-lived, as Hikari, with a speed that belied her actual ability, struck Naruto, who was standing next to her, in the chest without dropping the planks she was holding, causing him to exhale and throw them away.
"Naruto, you'll have to stand there holding those planks for another two hours," I said, looking at him.
"But, this is so-and-so's fault!!" Naruto tried to defend himself but received another blow, this time to the face, making him look at Hikari, who glared at him.
"Do you have something to say?" the redhead asked, to which Naruto shuddered.
"No," he said, putting the boards on himself and remaining silent, destroyed both physically and mentally.
Seeing this, I couldn't help but laugh inwardly; the truth is, Hikari's boards were lighter than everyone else's, which is why she could do that.
This might be favoritism, but I think she managed to manipulate Naruto and Sasuke to her liking, convince Yami to help them, and somehow get Itachi to assist them with some of these jutsu. I can't help but feel she deserves a reward for the whole spectacle she put on, hence her lighter punishment.
When I arrived, Yami confessed everything that happened, so I know how Hikari did it all.
Sometimes I worry about these kids; I feel like I'm creating monsters, one in the more ninja-like realm, like Yami, and another more political one in Hikari's case. In fact, I can't help but imagine her all grown up, surrounded by other girls her age; she acts like the leader of her group, a group where the leader is a rich girl who despises everyone equally.
This is just a thought that crosses my mind; I don't think it will actually happen.
"It's a shame Kiki and Yumei couldn't come," I said to the two mothers who were with me at this table.
"Kiki, I have to go to the hospital since Ino is sick, and Yumei had to cover for Choza at the business, as he's away in the capital taking care of some business matters," Yoshino explained simply.
(Note: Ino and Choji's mothers' names aren't known, so I just used the first ones that came to mind.)
"Hmm, at least they're okay. I wonder what's been happening in the village, since the trip I took turned out to be quite long, longer than it should have been," I complained, leaning back on the table, holding my head.
This is why I had gathered this group of supermoms. The best way to learn about the information circulating in the village is through the gossip passed from housewives to housewives.
I could learn about politics from clan leaders and ninja matters from the reports they submit, but the current situation in the village, the citizens, the hidden things, and the things no one says out loud are the things only discussed among housewives.
"I have some juicy gossip for you; two days ago, Alan, the neighbor across the street, caught his wife cheating on her with Kai, his best friend," Yoshino began excitedly.
"Yes, it was unbelievable; the Uchiha police had to intervene, since it almost escalated. According to what Fugaku told me, Kai lost an arm."
"That bastard works at a convenience store, so he'll probably get fired for not being able to do his job properly," Yoshino said, shaking her head.
"That bastard works at a convenience store, so he'll probably get fired for not being able to do his job properly." "From what I understand, Kai was always jealous of Alan, since he managed to become a ninja and he didn't, so he secretly courted his wife and, since Alan had to go to the border, he took advantage of the situation to commit his crime," Mikoto explained in considerable detail.
"I wonder if they'll get divorced; they don't have much to divide anyway, since the house burned to the ground. " Yoshino finished her story and moved on to another. "But anyway, let's move from heartbreak to love, since my cousin is getting married soon."
"Really? To whom?" the Uchiha matriarch asked.
I was half-listening to the conversation while eating the cake in front of me.
"She's marrying the head of the mafia," she said, astonishing Mikoto and making me choke.
"Cough, cough," I coughed, staring at the Nara matriarch. "To whom?"
"The head of magic. You're the Hokage; you settled the dispute between him and the other organization that was trying to take over the lawless area of the village a while back, so you should remember them," Yoshino remarked.
"If I remember correctly, this young man's name was Makoto, wasn't it?" Mikoto suggested, racking her brain.
Hearing this, I couldn't help but feel a sense of betrayal.
After becoming Hokage, I had done what I said I would: I'd fallen into the conflict I myself had orchestrated and manipulated, acting as a savior. They created a small utopia where one sector would be overseen by Daiki, who would become the yakuza, and the other side, by Makoto, would be known as the mafia.
"Ah, yes, I remember now, but since when has your cousin been planning to marry the mafia leader?" I asked, gripping my fork tightly.
"Hmm, I recall her telling me they met three months ago and that he proposed a week ago," the Nara matriarch explained.
So he did it while I was away; thank goodness, that way I won't punish him for keeping things from me.
"Seeing how secretive the mafia boss is, I imagine it'll be a small ceremony; I wonder if I'll be invited," Mikoto asked idealistically.
"I have no idea, but I know I'm definitely getting an invitation since I'm the bride's cousin," Yoshino teased.
"Lucky her," Mikoto complained.
"I should be saying that, especially with Izumi-chan; having such a great sister-in-law must be a blessing. I just hope the woman who marries my son is even a quarter as decent as she is," Yoshino now grumbled.
"She's right about that. I don't understand what Izumi saw in Itachi, being so antisocial and absent-minded," Mikoto said, ignoring the fact that Itachi wasn't far away, listening to everything.
From here, I got the gossip that Itachi has a cute girlfriend, who turns out to be Izumi.
"It's not obvious; good women are attracted to distant, emo, and especially depressed men, something Itachi perfectly embodies with his permanently dead-fish face, and another one who has the same expression. I've been thinking about finding Kakashi a partner," my part of the gossip began.
"Kakashi, the student from the Fourth Hokage?" Yoshino asked.
"Exactly. Thanks to my knowledge of math and statistics, I did a survey and realized that fewer and fewer ninjas are having children and, consequently, fewer partners. I have a feeling this is because they're all depressed and traumatized," I explained.
"Kakashi, the student from the Fourth Hokage?" This story I've told is a bit of a mix, yes, since I didn't conduct any surveys; it's purely based on my own taste and what I've observed lately.
"So, inspired by a book from another country that I read a long time ago, he decides to create the Department of Coexistence and Happiness," I said.
"Coexistence and Happiness?" Mikoto asked.
"Yes, it's based on the idea that a ninja, once he reaches a certain age, around 20, will have some of his ancestors' stories made public in a department where they'll find him a partner."
Basically, it's inspired by Chinese and Japanese dramas where people hold up signs and posters trying to find husbands or wives.
"But why would you do that?" Yoshino questioned.
"But why would you do that?" "Easy, the mortality rate for ninjas is quite high; some die young, some don't have children, or, in certain cases like Danzo, they live their lives without offspring, but that's a special case, since it's pretty obvious he likes Hiruzen. But if things continue like this, there will be a shortage of ninjas in the coming generations," I gave my grand speech.
Now, what was the truth? I was doing it out of pure morbid curiosity and to see what might come of it.
Kakashi never had a partner or children, so my thought is, what if now that I'm here, it happens?
I'm not crazy enough to be with a loser like Kakashi, but I imagine there must be some woman desperate for money who would take him, and following that line of thought, what if I do the same with the other single ninjas?
With that line in mind, I couldn't help but chuckle to myself. The drama within Honoha is endless; with everything I know and everything I'm going to stir up, I can create a great storyline, something to brighten my days at the office reading documents and endlessly assigning missions.
I can't wait to put my evil plan into action.