This Is My Castle
The students' days off should also be days off for Sirius, the Headmaster of Hogwarts.
Or at least, they should be.
Unfortunately, besides being the Headmaster, he was also the Head of the Black family, and although he had left almost everything related to his family name in Remus's hands, there were still matters that required his signature and personal attention.
That was why, every weekend, Lupin would show up carrying a stack of paperwork even larger than the one already sitting in the Headmaster's office and make Sirius review and sign every single document one by one.
"You know, I appointed you as my representative for all these annoying things so I wouldn't have to deal with any of it," Sirius complained, glaring irritably at the pile on his desk.
Lupin stood beside him with a completely calm expression.
"And I've told you hundreds of times that's not how these things work," Remus replied patiently, as though this exact conversation happened every single weekend.
"You know, when friends get together, they're supposed to talk about life, romance, and drink butterbeer. Not do boring paperwork," Sirius said.
Even as he complained, his hand never stopped moving, continuing to review and sign each document as quickly as Remus would allow.
"We don't have lives, romances, or time to drink butterbeer anymore," Remus added.
"What happened to us?" Sirius lamented, sadly shaking his head.
"We grew up. Well... at least I did."
"Well, in—"
Before Sirius could finish, a few gentle knocks echoed against the office door.
Since Sirius wasn't expecting anyone, he raised an eyebrow.
"Come in," he replied without giving it much thought.
But the moment he saw who entered, Sirius's face twisted with obvious disgust.
Even Remus, upon seeing the visitor, couldn't help frowning for a second before returning to his professional expression.
"Umbridge," Sirius said, pronouncing every syllable as though even saying her name disgusted him while the woman walked in dressed in blinding pink, looking remarkably like an oversized toad.
She entered pretending to be perfectly composed, though the stiffness of her steps made it obvious she still remembered her last encounter with the castle's creatures.
"Good afternoon, Headmaster," she said before looking towards Remus and stopping in her tracks.
She wrinkled her nose in obvious disgust.
"...And company," she added, glancing sideways at Remus.
Remus answered with a polite nod.
The contempt between them was entirely mutual.
"To what do I owe the honour of this visit, Inspector?" Sirius asked, not even bothering to stand or return her greeting.
Umbridge adopted that pleasant expression of hers that somehow became more fake and more revolting the longer one looked at it.
"I simply wished to discuss a small inconvenience I discovered during my tour of the castle."
"Oh, so you've already found some hybrids you'd like to burn. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I can't allow that within the castle grounds," Sirius replied mockingly.
Remus hid a small smile.
Umbridge pretended not to hear him.
"I have confirmed that numerous magical creatures roam freely throughout Hogwarts. Kneazles, magical birds, little forest sprites... Even hippogriffs and unicorns come far too close to the school grounds," she said without dropping her sickeningly sweet smile.
Sirius calmly set his quill down on the desk.
"Oh, so you've already met the gang. And?" Sirius asked with complete calm.
Umbridge blinked, caught off guard.
"And? Mr Black, we're talking about potentially dangerous creatures living alongside students," she said, frowning as though genuinely appalled by the Headmaster's response.
"I think we're talking about different creatures, Inspector. The ones that have lived here long before you ever showed up are peaceful, friendly, and just as much a part of Hogwarts as the forest, the lake, or these very walls. The fact that they're more visible now doesn't make them any more dangerous."
Umbridge slowly folded her hands together in front of her, clearly irritated.
"Besides, there's an agreement between Hogwarts and most of the magical creatures living in the forest. They respect our boundaries. We respect theirs. In return, the students receive their protection," Sirius added, completely unconcerned by the inspector's expression.
"Protection from what, exactly?" she asked mockingly.
"Do you honestly think there's nothing out there worth protecting them from? Dark wizards, dangerous creatures, curses... That ridiculous book you're forcing into Defence Against the Dark Arts won't make any of them disappear."
Sirius looked at her with open disdain.
"It's rather ironic that you, of all people, pretend there's nothing worth protecting students from after creating laws that label werewolves and hybrids as threats."
Meanwhile, Remus couldn't help making the slightest movement at the words werewolves. Even though Wanda had freed him from that condition, the title of werewolf still followed him throughout the magical community.
"You should be careful with your words, Headmaster Black," Umbridge said, clearly displeased by his open contempt for the Ministry.
"I know perfectly well what I can say. You should remember your role as Inspector just as clearly. Interfering with creatures protected by Hogwarts is not one of your duties," Sirius replied, his gaze cold and unwavering.
Under Sirius's stare, Umbridge instinctively took a step back, though she quickly regained her composure, cleared her throat, and recovered her fake smile.
"Even so, for the students' safety, I believe it would be far wiser to remove those creatures from the vicinity of the school."
Sirius let out a quiet laugh.
"No. And I can assure you that not even Dumbledore himself could come here and drive them away. If that's all you have to say, you're free to leave," Sirius said flatly before returning to the documents in front of him.
The reply was so blunt that even Remus raised an eyebrow.
The Inspector took a slow breath, trying to keep her emotions under control, though it was obvious from her face that she had no intention of accepting that decision.
"And consider this a warning. You were lucky Red was busy tormenting our library assistant. If he'd been there, two days in the Hospital Wing would've been the least of your problems," Sirius said without looking up, though a contemptuous smile appeared on his lips.
For several seconds, no one spoke.
At last, Umbridge regained that polite expression of hers.
"I understand," she said with a slight nod of her head. "Then there are certain parts of the regulations that will have to change."
Sirius raised an eyebrow and, this time, looked up at her.
"Was that a threat?" Sirius asked with a coldness that erased every trace of satisfaction from Umbridge's face.
Remus watched Sirius out of the corner of his eye, ready in case his friend decided to take the confrontation one step further.
Umbridge shivered slightly and took half a step back, but managed to hold her ground.
"Of course not," she replied immediately.
"I merely believe that certain creatures should remain within the environments suited to their kind..."
Her eyes shifted towards Remus.
"...rather than being permitted to mingle freely with ordinary people."
Remus remained perfectly still, refusing to give Umbridge the satisfaction of a reaction.
Instead, Sirius smiled.
"You know what? You're right," Sirius admitted with a nod.
Umbridge looked pleased...
For about a second.
"Horrid creatures shouldn't be appearing before decent people..." His eyes locked onto Umbridge. "Especially when they're pretending to be respectable human beings."
Umbridge's smile vanished completely.
"And one more thing... your position as Inspector doesn't change one small detail: this is my castle. If you have any more complaints, you can submit them in writing. Remus will be delighted to file them away with the rest of the paperwork nobody has any intention of approving," Sirius said sharply. "Remus, show the Inspector out before she gets lost," Sirius added, already tired of speaking with her.
Remus merely rolled his eyes, but still took a couple of steps towards Umbridge as though he were ready to escort her.
She immediately pulled a face of disgust.
"That won't be necessary. I remember the way," she replied before giving Sirius one last look.
He didn't even bother looking up.
After watching Umbridge's back disappear as her footsteps echoed down the corridor, Remus turned towards Sirius.
"You know, you should stop making enemies everywhere you go. Your life might be a little easier," Remus commented with a faint smile.
"Pff."
That was Sirius's only reply, not even bothering to lift his eyes from the paperwork.
Remus, however, kept his gaze fixed on the now-closed door.
Umbridge had lost that argument.
But she wasn't the kind of person who gave up so easily.