Damn, no fuckin way I just started making a journal on webnovel.
It would throw my life away if someone irl found this.
Well as the day began yesterday at may 5, I'm still sick from the food poisoning/ flu / whatever is fuckin my life over right now. Even as the day ends. I still haven't submitted the report I was supposed to submit on may 2. Thank God I have an excuse.
Just doomscrolling on reels, wasting my life away. Why do I do this? I've asked this question many times, and I've figured an answer out: my trauma. But there's wayyy too much to unload, so I can't unload right now. Maybe when I go back to France, where I primarily reside now, I can figure everything out, after all I have free healthcare there.
Why do I lie, I know that's gonna be insane to do especially since, I don't speak french enough to even talk to the doctors over there.
Man fuck this shit, I should've just taken a loan and gone to a US university.
Fuck this shit.....
Damn I woke up half asleep at 8. Makes sense I guess after all I slept somewhere like 3.skmething hours according to the alarm I remember setting. Hit the shower, game back made myself a coffee and then started studying for this stupid exam which begins at 10:30.
Just upload everything to chatgpt and let the 23 euros I pay every month work it out. Lol
They made me a mock exams full of mcqs lol.
Kind crazy that when the exam began, I was nervous and then found it easy lmao. I guess gpt really helped huh.
Had a shitty school lunch of a burger, fries, water some fruits out of a shitty salad bowl, and a can of Sprite, against dr.gpt orders to idk, why'd I do that. Part of me thinks it's cuz I wanted to see if I could stomach it and if I was feeling better. The other half just craved unhealthy shit I guess. It's crazy that I'm addicted to this shit. It's so unhealthy. I hate myself
But I don't know. I want to change but,....
Anyways sat with the rest of the class. Started talking to O.I and C.M and M.G and in between that annoying fucker called G.S butts in with his stupid french accent, saying stupid shit.
First the rest of the class leaves, clement leaves, then show some brainrot about John pork, tim cheese, Simon claw and that other mf, Marvin beak. I don't really know it myself, but pretend like I know it really well.
After mg leaves, while me and oi just stay behind talking. Mg prolly went to do some bullshit lol.
Me and oi then have some deep talks while I find out why I don't have the nurse on my WhatsApp was cuz I misplaced one number and forgot to add +212 to it.
Anyways just send a message to the school nurse for some drugs.
Excited to go out for dinner with my favorite taiwanese C.M, the new french girl of Chinese origin here and the Morrocan girl, had a small sinking feeling after eating lunch that I couldnt go.
Kept that thought to myself.
Went back to my room, started lying on the bed, Instagram, wasting my phone charge, edging that shit lmao.
Stoped for some time to wank off. Finished, got a reply from the nurse saying that I should come at 15:30 for some medication. Lol I busted somewhere before that time. I asked here to wait for me, that I just saw her message. Cleaned up, dressed up, and saw the nurse. Gave me two pills each of two types. One for my nausea and one for my headache, Doliprane.
Went back home, kept in the table. Wanked off once more, because hypersexuality. Holy shit I'm fat. Post nut clarity hit like a truck.
Went back to sleep to wake up in time for dinner outing for Chinese. C.M woke me up, realized I felt bad, I realized I couldn't go. My stomach hurt and I felt like sleeping. I should really go see a doctor.
Woke up sometime later. Stayed in bed eyes closed hearing other people outside having fun. I never really understood sloth as a sin as a child but now. Yea...
Cm arrivrd back, we chit chatted. Told him I'd go to McDonald's at night to get a happy meal. Annoying but idealistic, kinda of optimistic guy I'm jealous of, VM arrived to my room almost instantly after I replied to him on WhatsApp. Maybe I shouldnt reply....
Bought some medicine for me, a balm, vitamins and an antibiotic he thought would help me, chatgpted that shit and I can only have the vitamins and the balm. Kept bugging me to do some bullshit, accidentally let it slip that I'm going outside later to get food, insisted on coming with me, left one vitamin tablet with me. And well left.
Not even 5 mins later asking me when we're going when I'm peacefully scrolling reels.
Wtf
Leave him on notifications till he sent a random message I don't remember what that made me call him and tell him we leave the dormitory to go to McDonald's at 22:55. Go the toilet in case I need to shit, unfortunately
Nothing goes down.
Started walking towards mcd, immediately regrets it, bro cannot stfup.
Omg
Goes to mcd, and of course who do I see there through my side eyes, tg. I don't see mg with him. But I avert my eyes and pretend I don't see who they were.
Lmao honestly speaking why am I even friends with that attention seeking hoe.
Holy shit
So called only one for her boyfriend of 2+ years, poor guy mm. From what I know this bitch is not at all wife material. 2 different guys I've seen her with including tg that she straight up loves to hang out with.
And her face whenever I see them together is funny as well.
Do I feel jealous, maybe a little bit, but honestly speaking, I know what kind of girl she is, so I don't really regret it but damnnnn.
The paradoxical nature of man.
I don't know exactly what I'm jealous of, but I'm jealous of something I guess.
These days due to Instagram I'm being more anti-Semitic than ever, but really? Idk, I would still like to visit synagogues and do the Sabbath one day. Seems like a really healthy thing to do.
Anyways bought the guy a big mac with petit soda et petit frites and bought myself a happy meal. Regret that a lot or do I???
My happy was alright, small but alright. He gave me half the big mac. Shouldn't have eaten that, too much cheese in it for me and my stomach. Wtf is wrong with me.
Anyways we start debating for some time about morality and human rights, but yea
Left McDonald somewhere around 00:20.
Ths shit it crazy. I realize I shouldn't talk and just be silent in case I fuckin vomit. This mf just keeps yapping.
Fuckin hell, never going with this guy again even if he's well intentioned.
Home, feel badzz in ze stomach. Ok, cuz I take good shit but decide taking hot shower might be good since I feel cold and shivering.
Take off all clothes, take hot shower, feel bad while taking hot shower.
I think I might have rabies. Probably not but still....I feel like the cat that bit me had some agenda or sum shit.
I really should see a doctor. But yea of course I think, I'll be good soon.
Idek
..
..
...
Think about writing a journal for every motherfucker to see.
Well here it is.
Day 1 (prolly the last lol)
As I finished writing thisz it's 02:23 am may 6.
Damn I still have the report to do and I have the clas today in the morning at 8:30.
Bye