Medical Center. Outside the VIP Ward.
Plastic surgery hotshot Dr. Mark Sloan was getting roasted left and right by the crew.
Adam was just clapping back casually.
Dr. Montgomery was straight-up fed up with the sleazeball.
Dr. Shepherd's gaze at Mark was still dripping with jealousy-green vibes.
And Dr. Burke? Pure competitive smackdown mode—standard rival stuff.
Beep beep.
Beep beep.
Adam's pager buzzed.
"I'll be back in a bit," he said, glancing at it with a grin, giving the group a quick wave before heading off.
It's not like he was gunning for the attending gig right now—nah, this was the Chief calling him. And with the hospital chairman acting all hush-hush, plus the attendings hyped up like this, odds were the Chief wanted Adam—resident with no attending title but attending-level skills—to take point on the bigwig.
"He's so full of himself!" Mark grumbled, watching Adam strut away. "Sure, he's good, but he's just a resident. You'd think he was already an attending—ridiculous!"
"Adam's got the chops," Montgomery shot back with a smirk. "If you're so great, why don't you go toe-to-toe with him right now? Let's see if a big-shot attending like you can outshine a 'lowly' resident.
Oh, wait! My bad—Adam wouldn't touch plastic surgery with a ten-foot pole. You've got that locked down."
"…"
Mark had no comeback for his ex's savage burn.
Okay, fine, I said 'I love you' while still screwing up like every guy does. Is it really that big a deal? My body might not be all yours, but my heart? Totally yours. What more do you want? Ugh, women…
Chief's Office.
"Adam, perfect timing! We've got a special patient who just came in—you're on it. Come with me," Surgical Chief Richard said, hopping up the second Adam walked in. "Keep this under wraps, though. Don't breathe a word to the other attendings…"
"You mean the hospital chairman, Chief?" Adam asked with a grin, falling into step beside him.
"You already know?" Richard blinked, then chuckled at himself. "Right, with how popular you are around here, your intel's probably better than mine…"
"I heard it from Dr. Montgomery and the others," Adam clarified.
"Addison?" Richard's voice shot up. "Wait, 'and the others'?"
"Yup," Adam said, rattling off Burke and the rest.
"Damn it!" Richard cursed. "No secrets in this hospital, huh?"
Then, puzzled: "Sloan's in on it too?"
"We're all curious," Adam said, cracking a smile. "Seems like he's angling to be your successor, Chief. So, naturally, we're concerned."
If phones had cameras back then, he'd have recorded Richard's reaction and sent it to Mark for kicks.
"'We'?" Richard shot him a "yeah, right" look, then got nosy.
"Mostly the Nurses' Anti-Sloan Alliance," Adam explained with a laugh. "You know, the ones who dated Sloan, compared notes, realized they all got the same treatment, and banded together. Word is they're even planning a website to expose his slimy side to the world."
"Like that 'Ted Mosby Is a Jerk' site?" Richard said, lighting up with recognition. When Adam looked surprised, he puffed up a bit. "I surf the web too, you know."
Getting older, he was terrified of falling behind the times—especially in medicine, and especially as surgical chief. Pure admin types? Replaceable. Easy to fire.
But the ones riding the cutting edge? They're untouchable. Firing them hurts the hospital more than them—they'd have job offers lined up before the door hit their ass on the way out.
Total power-move protagonist vibes. Not quite "Dragon King Son-in-Law" or "Smirking War God" levels of epic, but for regular folks? Plenty satisfying.
Who wouldn't want that kind of main-character energy if they could grab it?
"Exactly!" Adam grinned. "Chief, you're totally with it. The nurses got the idea from that site, but their styles differ—one's a sneak thief, the other's a straight-up bandit.
Oh, and that 'Ted Mosby Is a Jerk' site? It's 'Barney Stinson Is a Jerk' now."
Barney's all about the slick moves—thief vibes. Mark? He's brute force—hot body, pretty face, plastic surgeon cred—like a bandit raiding the village.
"Why the name change?" Richard asked, thrown.
"Barney's too slippery," Adam said. "He's been using his buddy's name to scam people—plus a bunch of fake names and identities. Even aliens aren't safe.
Thanks to the internet, someone sniffed out his real deal and spilled it online."
"Pretending to be an alien? That actually works?"
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Richard's jaw dropped. Sure, he prided himself on staying young at heart and keeping up with trends, but his worldview was still stuck in a box. He couldn't even fathom how wild things had gotten out there.
"You'd be amazed what these girls dream up," Adam said, shaking his head. "What's out there is just the tip of the iceberg. Tons of women still don't know they've been duped—some are still waiting for their 'alien' to swoop back in a spaceship."
"Barney Stinson…" Richard muttered the name, then caught Adam's odd look and rushed to clarify. "I just think he's a total creep. Gotta warn the girls at home about him—make sure they don't fall for it."
"Smart move," Adam said, his eyes flicking over Richard's new haircut before nodding seriously.
He knew Richard didn't have kids. His wife, fed up after 20+ years of him obsessing over the hospital and surgery, had kicked him out recently. She was even shacking up with someone else at their place now.
New 'do, hitting up the old friends' bar—Richard was gearing up for a love-life comeback.
But if he said it was for the "girls at home," fine—probably meant nieces or something. No way he was studying Barney's playbook… right?
Those anti-Barney victim squads built sites to unmask his shady antics and warn women off. But there's a flip side: plenty of guys see Barney's "legendary" track record and buy into his game even harder.
And it's given Barney fresh ideas.
He's set up fake sites, crafting new personas—then hits the bars pretending to be a low-key celeb dodging the spotlight. When the girl doesn't recognize him, he drops his fake name, hammering it home so she won't forget.
Then he dips.
She gets curious, Googles it, and bam—fake sites say "New Barney" is a reclusive billionaire, adventure junkie, who almost pioneered the "Barney Brothers Shrink Surgery."
Cue Barney strolling back in, confessing he's seen it all but only she moves him now, and asking her for coffee. Under that rom-com heroine onslaught, how many keep their cool? Most just swoon and say yes.
Ermmm.
Even if that gig gets busted, his "noble twin brother" can step in—redeeming the evil twin's sins with a "fix it" (double kill) twist.
Outside the VIP Ward.
Adam and Richard walked up, chatting and laughing.
"Scram, all of you—beat it!" Richard barked, his head already throbbing at the sight of the attendings.
"We're here to help."
"We know the deal—kick us out, we'll just come back."
"…"
Burke and the others stood their ground.
Richard glared at his stubborn crew. Not one budged. Their logic checked out—chasing them off was pointless. Sighing, he ignored them and pushed the ward door open with Adam in tow.
Inside, the hospital chairman—a balding old guy—was hunched over, clutching his back. He perked up at Richard. "Richard, finally—"
Then he spotted the posse behind him, and his face darkened. "What the hell are these four freaks doing here? Did 'discreet and confidential' mean nothing to you?!"
"Larry, they're here to see if they can pitch in, just like me," Richard said, exasperated. "I'm putting Dr. Duncan in charge of you."
"Thanks, Adam," the chairman muttered, forcing a smile through his irritation.
"My pleasure," Adam replied with a smooth nod.
"Vultures!" the chairman spat, his eyes sliding off Adam to the four attendings jockeying for Richard's job. With a sneer, he added, "Fine, you all wanna be the new chief? Step right up!"
And with that, he dropped his pants in front of everyone.
Everyone: "…"
(End of Chapter)