The voices in the background sounded distant and distorted as Nyangdeng laid motionless on the bed. She could only manage to open her eyes without feeling a blaring pain. It didn't matter what body part she tried to move, the pain from her leg still shouted at her body to stop moving. And she did. The pain was too great for her to rebel. As her eyes blinked open the people in the room immediately averted their attention to her.
"Are you ok?" A woman asked, tearfully.
Nyangdeng's eyes glided to the woman on her left. At first the woman's face was blurry in Nyangdeng's vision, but as it adjusted, her face became familiar. It was Ashri, Adut's wife. To Nyangdeng it seemed as if forever since she last saw her. Suddenly, tears began to fill her eyes, as she reached out to touch the woman she considers to be her aunt. Immediately, tears began to overflow from Ashri's eyes as she grasped Nyangdeng's hand and hugged her tightly.
"Aunty Ashri." Nyangdeng said tearfully, ready to break down in tears at any moment.
"I'm so glad you're alright." She said, hugging her more tightly.
Nyangdeng couldn't say anything else, she was too busy trying not to cry, but no matter how hard she tried, the warm feeling that she felt in that moment was too comforting and nostalgic for her to hold her emotions back. She aggressively hugged her aunt back, squeezing her with all the strength she could muster, completely ignoring the pain, as she sobbed on Ashri's shoulder. Nyangdeng didn't want to let go, she didn't want that moment to end. It seemed as if it was forever when she last experienced this feeling, the feeling of peace and love. But she knew the moment was temporary, but no matter how much she tries, she can't bring herself to let go. She doesn't want to be trapped in this cruel reality full of chaos and people with insane motives. She wants to go back to the past where she was happy and didn't have to worry about danger lurking at every corner. She wants to go back to a time where she could play with her brother and see his bright smile. She wants to go back to a time where she could run around freely and play with strangers she has never seen before. She wants to go back to when she was a menace to Keji and the other shop owners. She wants to be a kid again, she wants to embrace a reality of peace and ignorance. She just wants to feel whole again. But eventually after a while, she calmed down and let go of her hold on Ashri.
"What happened?" She asked, tears still trickling down from her eyes.
Nyangdeng told her everything and the others listened. She told her about everything from the protesting all the way up to the crazy man who was responsible for her knee injury. They all listened to everything in horror, except for one man whose tired but handsome face remained motionless throughout the entire story. Nyangdeng thought he looked really familiar, but didn't know why.
"Where exactly is Atem and Thon?" Micheal asked.
She described the building's whereabouts and specific details of what it looked like to the best of her ability.
"Alright, and you have no idea where Akeer, Arop and th?"
"Girl." The unknown man said, stepping forward.
"Did the boy you met recently somewhere around your age, with black hair and green eyes and looks like a smaller version of me?"
Suddenly, Nangdeng was hit with a realization. She had wondered where she had seen that handsome yet annoyingly charismatic face from, it was from that boy. Nyangdeng nodded in response. Suddenly the man's tired face lit up.
"And you have no idea where he is? You must have some clue where they must have gone after the rally. Think."
"Alek, stop." Ashri said, screamed at him.
"Don't you see that the girl is traumatized, she already has been through enough, and you want her to relive everything again. …Has it not been bad enough that you got my husband killed, now you want to drag everyone else to go die for you. Sorry, but no. Your son is our last priority after all the shit you put us through."
Nyangdeng's eyes went blank as she was slapped again with another realization. Adut is dead.
"What did you say? You're blaming me?" Alek said, his voice getting louder after every word, as he stepped towards Ashri. But Micheal stopped him. Looking down on Micheal's grasp on his arm, Alek suddenly swung his fist against the wall, cracking it. The loud tremor of his swing completely brought silence to the room for a couple of seconds, before he grit his teeth and turned around to walk out the room, but before he could even get a foot out, Ashri said something that stopped him in his tracks.
"Give me my husband back you selfish bastard."
Everyone's eyes were on him as he stood at the doorway, looking straight ahead, not saying a single word as he walked off. Even with him being gone, the tense air didn't immediately vanish. Everyone stood in the room for several seconds before leaving, except for Ashri and Micheal.
"Miss, do you mind if I get some time alone with my niece?"
Ashri looked at him angrily for a second, then kissed Nyangdeng on the forehead. Telling her, I'll check up on you later. Another fucking deadbeat, she mumbled under her breath as she passed Micheal. He only sighed in response as he watched her leave. Now they were the only ones in the room. The tense atmosphere still lingered, but it was greatly reduced by the others' absence.
"Nyangdeng, …." He paused.
What do I even say to her, he thought as he reached out to touch, but refrain from doing so.
"Uncle,... I'm so glad… to finally get to see you." She said, sniffling.
Micheal went over to her and embraced her, as if she was his only surviving relative. And at that moment, she was. He had no idea if Arop and his youngest nephew were still alive. So he made a decision, no matter what happens, he will protect this crying girl at any cost. Whether it be at the cost of his flesh and blood, or committing an unforgivable act. He will do it all, just so she doesn't have to deal with the same things he had to go through back then. Even if he becomes a demon.
"Don't worry Nyangdeng. Nobody else will hurt you. I swear."
"...Will you go searching for everybody else?"
"I will." Micheal said, in a reassuring tone.
"Look for mom last. She is down in the underground sewers. Probably hiding somewhere, so I'm sure she is safe."
Micheal nodded, avoiding her teary eyes. He couldn't tell her. He couldn't bring himself to. He has to ignore and carry it with him as if nothing ever happened. Only then can he function. Only then he can climb farther up.
"I should get going. Yell if you need anything. I'm sure that aunty Ashri of yours will come running."
"Hey, uncle Micheal, before you go, could I ask you for some advice?"
Micheal turned around. Curiosity struck him.
"About what?"
"It may sound kind've weird but you can't ask any questions ok. …I don't want to talk about it."
"Alright."
"What if your pairs around you are doing things you can't even imagine ever doing. Like standing up against bullies, being brave, being able to not cry as often, having a high pain tolerance, and protecting each other without even a second thought."
"Maybe they have a reason to keep on pushing forward. Maybe it's because of something they hold dear, or someone."
"That's love right?" But what if you genuinely do have love for someone, but that love doesn't magically make you into some kind of hero? What then? Is it because my love isn't great enough or it's because I'm a naturally weak person. Please tell me uncle, why am I so weak and pathetic while everybody around me is leaving me behind. …I feel so alone. She said, tears escaping her eyes.
Micheal looked at her pitifully. Where was this all coming from, he wanted to ask. But he decided to answer her question.
"It's not because you're weak Nyangdeng. It's because you're only a child."
Nyangdeng sniffling immediately stopped, her teary eyes became dull, as if she had been hit with the last thing she possibly wanted to hear. Micheal noticed, but he just wrote it off as her being sad.
"Nyangdeng, nobody expects you to be brave or do stuff adults should be doing. We're adults because we're strong enough to protect the ones we love, so don't feel ashamed for being a child. And besides, being a child means you're still innocent and pure, so no need to go and do the dirty work that we have to do, ok Nyangdeng. Be a kid a little longer."
She nodded in response.
"Alright then, see you tomorrow. Have a good night."
She nodded again. Micheal sighed as he left the room, but not until he took a final glance at her before he locked the door. Immediately after the door was locked she bit her lips until blood trickled down, before she began crying again.
"I'm not weak. I can be strong. If being weak means being a child, then I'd rather kill that child and get rid of the burden. …Then nobody would look down on me. He won't look down on me. I could finally catch up to them and be their equals. I must kill myself."
Meanwhile, as Micheal walked throughout the building he kept replaying what Nyangdeng asked him over and over again. He knew what the context was behind that question, but whatever it was he hoped to be nothing of concern. Because that question of hers reminded him of his past and how weak he was compared to those 2. But he convinced himself it was nothing serious. It was just a child feeling powerless and left out, he thought to himself as he sat down on a sofa, staring up at the fan blades in a trans. He wasn't the only one. Just a few levels above him, Alek laid down on the roof, staring at the stars, and so was Lual, sitting in his office across his planning table, staring at the same night sky. All of them were reminiscing about the past, all those years ago.
All Micheal could hear were the loud roaring sounds of bullets and bombs destroying the town. He could also hear the raging fire around him, slowly burning buildings to ash. Death sung its melody as it passed by his town where all his most beloved and painful memories took place. But Micheal had no interest in hearing its voice, he had an objective, to find his sister and make sure she was safe. He doesn't care about those adults who abandoned him. They could all die for all he cared. Nobody is most important to him in the entire world than his sister. He is certain that's the only reason why he is even alive. So mustering all his strength he pushed the rebel off of his body and stood up, beaten in body alone but not in spirit. As he stumbled forward he realised there was a piece of wood, wedged in his right thigh. Gritting his teeth he pulled it out and continued forward. He couldn't run, but he could maintain a good pace. He noticed that at the top of his vision, there was a red colour blocking it. So he wiped his face and his eyes and he saw the bright red color of his blood, completely smeared on his hand. Micheal didn't panic, still he continued to move forward, only hoping that his body doesn't give out until he makes sure she is safe. And with that will burning brightly in his chest, he dragged his beaten body all the way to his house. Orange light danced in his eyes, as he stood in front of his burning home. Micheal began to jog towards his house with all of his will, trying to ignore the pain that plagues his right thigh. Then mustering up all his strength from his chest to his throat, he screamed his sister's name. And he was responded to with a scream. It was coming from the other side of the yard. Immediately he ran to where it came from. For a second he was stunned, but then he felt rage taking a hold on him. Right before his eyes were his parents, kneeling down and begging the soldiers for their lives as they offered up the only thing they had, that was of value to them. Their daughter.
"Let go of her." He said, rushing forward.
The soldiers all turned to look at him and laughed as one soldier blocked Micheal's punch and delivered his own punch to the gut. Immediately sending Micheal to the ground. He vomited, coughed, and wheezed, but he still managed to get back up on his feet, stumbling as his vision darkens. He remembered long ago, one night when he and his sister were together, he promised he would protect her. She may have dismissed it as just delusional ramblings of a child, but he intended to keep that promise no matter what.
"Micheal, leave. Run now, hurry." His sister said.
"Listen please sir, we don't know him. Take her and let us go."
"Yes, take her. And take him too."
Micheal couldn't believe the words coming out of his parents mouth. How could they, he thought as he grit his teeth. We are your children, how could you just abandon us without a second thought. Do we mean nothing to you? Do you only see us as nothing but unwanted burdens you can just discard at any moment? How could you be so cruel? Where is your humanity?
"Come here baby." A soldier said, holding on to his sister's waist as he put his hand on her breast.
She struggled to break free and eventually the soldier began to get annoyed.
"Bitch, stop resisting." The soldier said, slapping his sister to the ground.
Micheal saw his chance, he grabbed a knife from the nearby soldier's leg and jumped up and stabbed him in his left eye. The man screamed for his life, but his screams were not loud enough to reach Micheal's ears. The only thing he could hear were his loud panting and the screams and yells from the people surrounding him. The soldiers rushed towards him. Before any of them could even reach him, he quickly lodged the knife into the soldier's neck, ensuring the kill. Right after, he felt a kick to the side of his ribs. Pain shot through his body, however that did not stop him from quickly getting on his feet. This was his chance. If I just evade past those hands I can reach her, that was the message his brain sent to his body. As the forces from above rained on him, he tried his best to dodge. Some landed on his jaw and cheek, and although it hurt alongside his stomach and ribs, he reminded himself that the pain was only temporary and in order to survive he must persevere. Eventually he successfully weaved through the group of soldiers, now there was no one in between him and his sister, all he had to do was grab her hand and run away with her, he would even carry her if he had to. But of course things just weren't that easy. Suddenly Micheal felt himself falling forward, but luckily he managed to catch himself. Confused, he looked down and saw a hand on his ankle.
"What the." He said in disbelief.
The hand's owner was his very own mother clutching tightly. For a split second their eyes met. And her gaze shook him. His mother didn't look up at him with the eyes of a mother, she looked up at him with the eyes of a beast with dark yet transparent eyes, all revealing the mixture of anger, disgust, and the ugly element of loathing. All mixed together to form the terrifying color of black. But he didn't get the chance to revel in his mother's betrayal as he was very swiftly hit with another on his left cheek. Micheal crashed to the ground. He immediately tried to get back up, but he was met with a back hand to his cheek. He tried to kick and throw a couple of punches, but they were all ineffective against the man who he considered god for all his life, his very own father. Micheal's eyes teared up as he tried desperately to fight off his father, but with each one of his punches of resistance the weaker they became. And eventually it wasn't just his father, the soldiers also joined in on the fun, beating him relentlessly. And at that point Micheal was completely submerged in the vast ocean of his mind. Sounds were all distorted and muffled, his vision became blurry as it eventually faded into darkness. In his left ear, he could hear the loud screams of his sister for them to stop. He could also hear her crys. And he could hear their betrayer screaming at her to be quiet. Though his vision was completely embraced and engulfed in black, he could still see the scenes captured by the most valuable thing he has, his mind. And with that mind he swears to never forget that moment, that pain, that betrayal, he will remember it all. He swore to himself that he will armour himself in his pain, and with that pain he will reveal that self that has been embraced by black.