She couldn't even hold the smile anymore, she failed promising herself to still be "her."
It just slipped off her face like dead skin.
Tomorrow was the Matsuri. The summer festival she used to look forward to every single year. Lanterns glowing like captured stars, her yukata flapping in the breeze, the smell of takoyaki sizzling on hot plates, kakigori melting sweet and cold on her tongue, laughter echoing down crowded streets. She used to drag Kaoru out of his apartment by the wrist, yelling about how he'd turn into a "moldy manga zombie" if he didn't come with her.
Now the thought of it made her stomach twist into knots.
She hadn't been to his place in weeks. Hadn't touched a single game. Not D00M, not Minecraft, terraria, not even Ultrakill—nothing. She would open the launcher, stare at the colorful icons until they blurred together, then close it again without clicking anything. Everything felt… empty. Like chewing on cardboard and pretending it had flavor.
She hated how dramatic that sounded, even in her own head. Kaede Kagami.—Loud, energetic and bright, unstoppable Kaede. Now reduced to this. A girl rotting in the dark because the world moved on without her.
But it was true. Everything was boring now. Painfully, suffocatingly boring. The kind of boredom that wasn't just "nothing to do," but the terrifying realization that nothing could reach her anymore. Not her parents' worried glances when she walked past them like a ghost.
Her phone buzzed on the nightstand for the tenth time that hour. She didn't even glance at it. She already knew who it was. Emi with another dumb nonchalant meme. Takeshi trying to organize another group voice call. Naoki sending some new indie game recommendation. And Kaoru… Kaoru's messages she left on read every single time, the little blue ticks mocking her like accusing eyes.
She was ignoring all of them.
Her own brother. Their friends. The only people who actually gave a damn.
And she knew—she knew—she was carving wounds into them with every ignored notification. She could picture her mother's worried face when she walked past the living room like a ghost, earbuds in but nothing playing. She could imagine Kaoru's frown deepening with every unanswered text. The guilt was a living thing inside her chest, thick and slimy, crawling up her throat every time she swallowed.
But she still couldn't move. She just... Couldn't.
She couldn't summon the energy anymore. Couldn't paste on the high-energy little sister act. Couldn't be the reliable one who was always down for anything, the one who made everyone else's day brighter just by existing in the same room.
So she stayed here. Curtains drawn so tight that even the afternoon sun couldn't breach the gloom. Lights off. Door locked. Curled up in the same hoodie that still faintly smelled like his laundry detergent and the cologne he used to wear before everything changed.
It hurts.
God, it hurt so much she sometimes pressed her fist against her sternum just to feel something physical to match the ache inside.
Because deep down, beneath all the numbness, she still loved them fiercely. She missed Kaoru's dumb snort-laugh when she made a particularly bad pun. She missed Emi stealing her snacks during movie nights and the way Takeshi would dramatically defend her in arguments. She missed feeling alive. Feeling anything other than this heavy, colorless fog that pressed down on her ribs until she couldn't draw a full breath.
Missing them wasn't enough to make her get up.
Nothing was enough anymore.
And that terrified her more than anything. That one day she might wake up and even the missing would be gone. Just… nothing. An endless, silent gray.
"It's so damn annoying…" she whispered to the empty room, voice hoarse from disuse. "It hurts. It's actually… physically hurting. How is there enough room in the world for everyone else to find someone—except for me?"
The words hung in the stale air, pathetic and small.
She buried her face in her knees.
A soft knock on the door made her flinch.
"Who's there."
"Kaede? Are you there? It's me. Kaoru."
No response.
"C'mon, where's that high energy? Our parents called me that you haven't been really responsive, and.. hanging out with our friends. If you don't open this door, I'll have to use the spare key to open it—"
"Shut up. Leave. This is violating my privacy," Kaede's voice came through the door, quiet, eerily flat. Nothing like her usual explosive volume. The abnormality of it sent Kaoru's blood running cold.
"Well then, siblings invade each other's privacy, no?" Kaoru tried to keep his tone light, but worry was already creeping in. "Besides, I've already opened the door."
The door creaked open. Kaoru stepped inside, eyes adjusting to the darkness. Kaede was sitting on the floor against her bed, knees pulled to her chest, hoodie swallowing her small frame. She didn't look up.
"What are you hiding?" he asked gently, closing the door behind him. "You can tell me, Kaede."
"Listen. The house is too quiet, Mom's started cooking for four again just incase if you decide to come out of your room... but also just to see her daughter."
"I don't wanna do this anymore," she whispered. "I'll rather be a shut in sister..."
Then, at the worst possible timing, the heavy storm arrived. Rain slammed against the window like angry fists, thunder rumbling in the distance as if fate itself had decided to soundtrack her brëãkd02ñ
"I.. really miss the old times," Kaede continued, voice cracking. "I really do. Naoki, Takeshi, Emi, You, Aya and—me."
"It... just doesn't seem the same anymore."
Kaoru noticed the old game controller still sitting beside her pillow.the batteries had probably died weeks ago.
"Damn, I'm not really the comforting type of brother but.. I'll try for you—
He sighed, scratching the back of his neck so hard the skin turnd red. He reached over and picked up the dead controller, tossing it lightly in his hand.
"Look, i'm a 'idiot'. I get stuck in my own head with deadlines and i forget everything else. But if you think a few new characters or a girlfriend means i'm replacing my teammate, you're even stupider than i am. First thing tomorrow we're buying new batteries. And i'll be the one to pick out your Yukata for the Matsuri festival. No excus—"
Kaede interrupted, her voice suddenly cold yet jagged with pain."You don't even understand it anymore... let alone understanding me. I'm not a joke. Big Bro. I'm not just 'high energy' or 'the little sister.' I'm a person who is suffocating because the only person who ever truly saw me... Has his eyes closed now. You have everything you want. And I'm just the ghost of a girl version of you used to be."
"Am I... really that easy to leave behind?"
Kaoru stood frozen. A stack of old childhood drawings he had brought as a peace offering slipped from his hands and scattered across the floor like fallen leaves.
"i am the same, Kaede," he said quietly, his voice cracking on her name. He looked down at the scattered drawins, then backup at her, eyes wild with panic "I'm still the same idiot. i just... I screwed up, okay? I get so caught up in—"
"Stop..."
"Stop looking at me like that! It hurts." Kaede's voice rose, cracking painfully."It hurts because I've spent my whole life making sure everyone else was smiling, and now I'm looking around and realize I'm the only one standing in the dark. I can't 'high energy' my way out of this one. I'm just alone. I'm just... so incredibly alone."
"But you aren't alone? Wait… Don't tell me—"
"That I… changed?"
"YES! ISN'T THAT OBVIOUS!?"
Kaede's scream tore through the room, raw and desperate. Thunder crashed outside, lightning flashing across her tear-streaked face.
"What happened to the Chunnibyo you, Big Bro?!" Kaede's voice cracked halfway through the sentence. She hated that. Hated sounding weak Infront of him. She was supposed to be the loud one. The funny one. The one who could turn pain into a funny joke before anyone could noticed it was real.
"Where did he go?! You were the one who told me we were special."
Lightning flashed across the room. For half a second. Kaoru could see how hard she was trembling.
"You were the one who said the world was too small for us." Her hands clenched tighter. "But now you look at her the same way adults look at each other when they're decided where they belong."
"Am I the only one didn't grow up?" The real fear crawling inside her chest was worse.
Maybe everyone else had grown correctly… and she was the one frozen in place.
"TELL ME!"
"Just—tell me. Please... I beg you."
"I..—"
"See? Even my own brother, my partner in crime... Never knew I'm losing myself."
"Kaoru, do you think—this is it? Is my whole life just going to be cheering from the sidelines for the people I love?"
"I'm so loud, and somehow people still look past me."
Her voice shrank.
"It's like I got left in some lost-and-found box nobody remembers checking anymore..."
Kaoru opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Because the horrifying part was that she was right. He noticed Aya's flustered face. Naoki's anxiety. Takeshi's exhaustion. Emi's cute side for Takeshi. But he never knew what Kaede truly—felt.
He had mistaken her screaming for happiness for so long that he never realized it could also be a cry for help.
"Of course, The silent treatment!" Kaede laughed, but it came out broken. "You always do that when things get hard."
"Kaede, I—"
"Wanna know why I'm angry?!" Her voice cracked violently. "Because It's not fair. It's just not fair!"
She wiped her eyes aggressively. Like she was angry at herself for crying at all.
"It hurts, okay? it hurts in a way I can't even make a meme about." Her breathing became uneven."I'm always somebody's sister, somebody's friend. Somebody cheering in the background while everyone else gets chosen for something bigger."
Kaoru felt his chest tighten.
"And I know that sounds selfish." Kaede laughed weakly again. "God I know it does. But what's wrong with wanting to matter too?"
The room went quiet except for the storm outside.
"What do I even do now, big bro?" She whispered "because I think I'm starting to disappear."
Kaoru stared at her like he was seeing a wound that was bleeding Infront of him for years.
"I didn't know," he said quietly. And thr worst part was that he meant it.
Guilt twisted violently inside his stomach. It was a painful twist for him.
He stepped towards her slowly, like he was afraid she would break apart if he moved to fast.
"I'm sorry, Kaede. I'm so, so so sorry." His voice shook. "You don't have to pretend you're okay with me around anymore."
"What do you even care?! I've always been teasing Aya Takahashi, but I didn't think you'd actually become the trope, Big Bro! A mangaka and his editor? Really?! It's so obvious! It's so... standard! You used to be the hero of an epic, and now you're just a character in a cheap romance manga! You changed because of love... and you didn't even have the decency to be original about it. You left me in our world for a story I've already read a thousand times!"
"...It was supposed to stay as a joke!"
"I... changed because of love?"
"You changed, okay?! You changed and I know that sounds selfish and stupid and—I know I'm supposed to be happy for you, I am happy for you, but every time you look at Aya like that it feels like I'm standing outside a window watching everyone else become real people while I'm still pretending!"
before he could even speak a word.
She slams into his chest so hard it knocks the air out of him, her fingers clawing at the fabric of his shirt as if...
She's trying to climb inside his ribs just to feel a heartbeat that isn't her own.
"I... just can't breathe! Can't breathe! Can't breathe!! It's too much—it's too much quiet! Why is my life the only one that's empty?! I'm so tired of being the 'fun' one, the 'loud' one, the one who's always fine! I'm not fine!"
Each droplet carried a fragment of her pain, as Kaoru's shirt absorbed them in silence, bearing what she could no longer hold.
"ii'm starving for it..."
Her nails dug into her sleeves.
"The way you look at her."
Silence.
"Why am I the only one who's still—ALONE?!"
"Just make it stop! Big brother, please... just tell me what's wrong with me!"
Kaede's voice had finally burned out, leaving only a hollow silence where her screams used to be.
She reached for an amber amulet—the anchor to a kingdom they had built out of nothing but whispers and shared dreams—and unlatched it.
The metal felt cold, dead.
She looked at him and realized the most painful truth of all. He hadn't become a monster or a villain. He had done something worse. He had withered into an ordinary brother, a man who saw the world for exactly what it was and nothing more. The "Special" version of him, the one who lived in the margins of their imagination, was gone, replaced by a stranger wearing her brother's face.
Kaoru didn't let her fall. The moment her knees buckled, his arms locked around her shoulders, pulling her so close his chin rested against her messy hair. He was shaking just as badly as she was, his fingers digging into her back as if he could physically hold her shattered pieces together.
"I don't have answers," he whispered into the dark room, his voice completely broken. "I don't even understand anymore. Just... keep going, put all your frustration at me, it's okay. I'll stay here until it hurts less. So just... let it out."
"Ka-kaoru... You abandoned—me. What happened to us? Our Creativity, the games, the stories we live and play in... Was it all just a era for you?"
Kaoru looked down at his trembling hands, his chest tight. He hated himself for what he was about to say, but he couldn't keep lying to her. He couldn't let her stay trapped in a childhood that was already gone.
"Kaede.. people grow up, and eventually... Change."
The moment Kaoru said the words, her heart changed...
"No! NO! You're wrong! Growing up sucks! I hate it! Because when people grow up, they don't just change, Kaoru—they disappear! Eventually, you'll look at our games and see just plastic. You'll look at our books and see just paper."
"You're already starting to forget the magic we swore was real! I'm... I'm terrified, Kaoru."
"I'm afraid that if I grow up too, there will be no one left to remember who we used to be."
Every word felt like another sparkdying in her throat.
"I'm holding onto these memories so hard my hands are bleeding, and you're just... letting go."
Her game consoles, her Playstation, Xbox. Everything doesn't feel the same joy as having a older brother to share her dreams with.
"And! Don't you even notice!? You act so goddamn 'Normal.'! It literally feels like you are just like—like a stranger to me..."
"Even worse... You stopped speaking our language."
In a silent voice, Kaoru could barely speak his words. It was like his entire nature was trembling. Not out of fear, no—it was guilt.
"I-it's fine to tell the truth it's gonna be okay, just tell me this.. is this about Naoki Leaving?"
"NO! this isn't about Naoki Leaving, it's about everyone changing themselves so fast... Naoki leaving for college, you and Aya Takahashi are dating, Takeshi and Emi are in their own world, while.. while I am left behind in the world I own that doesn't exist anymore."
"Remember our promise? You—broke it. I-i guess promises never last forever, huh... Kaoru?"
The rain is the only thing making noise now. She's sitting on the floor, her back against the door Kaoru just walked through. She isn't screaming anymore, she's just empty. Her eyes are bloodshot, staring at a spot on the rug as if she can see the ghost of everything they used to be.
Kaoru reached out, hands trembling, but stopped. The distance between them wasn't just physical, he felt it was a gulf between worlds.
"Kaede...—"
Kaede laughed once. Bitterly.
Then her expression twisted again.
"Was it all a.. lie?" She muttered, her fingers digging into the pillow of her palms until the knuckles turned white.
She finally looks up, a single tear tracking through the mascara stained on her cheek. There's no fire left in her expression—just a cold, hollow exhaustion.
"You're such a damn.. damn liar."
"Why did you...? Why—I hate you." She chokes on the words, her breath hitching in a jagged, sobbing rhythm. She reaches up, clutching her chest as if trying to physically hold herself together.
"I-I wish I could reach back and pull you out of every memory I have. I want you—erased."
She drops her head into her hands, her shoulders shaking in silence. She doesn't want an apology. She doesn't even want Kaoru to leave. She just wants to have never known him at all.
"Ow. That... hurts."
"I.. don't know what to say anymore... I think that's the worst thing you've ever said to me."
"But is that really what you want? To just... forget everything?—To forget me?"
The air in the room was suffocating, thick with the weight of things left unsaid for years. Kaede wasn't just crying. she was vibrating with a frantic, jagged energy, like a wire about to snap. Kaoru stood by the window, his silhouette looking painfully "normal" against the backdrop of the world he had chosen over her.
The rain tapped softly against the window.
Kaoru couldn't breathe.
"It's so quiet, Kaoru. It doesn't matter how big that house is—the silence is literally screaming at me!" she shrieked, her voice cracking.
"You rarely visit. You're always working, or with her, or you're 'busy'... And I'm just sitting there like an only child in a museum."
Kaoru flinched, his hand tightening on the windowsill. He tried to speak, to offer some logical comfort, but she didn't give him the chance.
"I'm the one stuck with the pressure! I'm the one carrying the burden of the companies and the family name because you ran away to follow your 'passion'! But what about my life?! What about what I wanted?!"
She stepped forward, her eyes wild and bloodshot, fixed on him with a look of pure betrayal.
"You got to keep your soul, Kaoru, and you left me behind to be the one who grows up and pays the price for it! It's so damn... BULLSHIT!"
The silence that followed was worse than the screaming. Kaoru finally turned around, and for the first time, he didn't look like the successful mangaka or the confident older brother. He looked small.
"Just. Get. Out. Kaoru."
"i'm sorry." he whispered, looking at the childhood drawings scattered like fallen leaves on the rug. "I'll be here whenever you've decided to forgive me."
He tried to read a book written in ink made from blood that ran in another's veins, his.
The door clicked shut. The distance between them was no hallway. It was a gulf between worlds. Kaede sat back against the wood, eyes bloodshot, staring at the spot where the 'special' version of her brother used to stand.
Her heart.
"Liar." She whispered to the empty world.