The time had come. Ming Ran had known that this was something that would have to be addressed eventually, however, he had never imagined that it would. be like this. Actually, he hadn't known how it would be. Khan Qing held him by the collar and pressed him into the wall, her eyes filled with tears.
"Why didn't you say anything?" she hissed. Ming Ran closed his eyes and let out a breath. Why hadn't he told anyone? That was a good question. Even he didn't really have the true answer yet. He had justifications, but not an answer. He wouldn't have that for a long time. She slammed him against the wall again. He was glad that she had chosen a time and place like this. There were few good places to have private conversations at this sect. Khan Qing had ambushed Ming Ran on his way down the mountain and dragged him to a remote corner of the woods. A place completely undisturbed by anyone. Then again, Khan Qing had always been good at hiding away. She hadn't become one of the best assassins for no reason.
The hidden place she had chosen was an old temple. The walls had worn away and the stone was covered in lush moss. A single willow stood undisturbed and thriving in the nature that had taken over the shrine. It was tucked away in the midst of a forest, forgotten. The land was odd in that it was like the forest had grown to hide this shrine away, rather than had taken over the land it was built from. The roofs had long since withered away and shattered pots were littered here and there. The willow stood on what seemed to have been an alter at some point. Khan Qing kept him pinned against a wall with a strange mural carved into the stone. Neither of them had any mind to pay attention to the details of the place they stood.
She leaned in again, her voice barely above a whisper, yet it seemed to echo in the enclosed canopy of the vines that had become an incomplete makeshift wall and roof. The weeping branches of the willow hid their sorrows and bitterness behind a curtain. Here they could truly bare their hearts to each other.
"Answer me."
When did you find out?
"That isn't an answer."
I'm not sure I have one for you.
"You must have an answer. We were your friends. We were looking for you. Everywhere. We were all so, so devastated when you died, Elle. Why would you-" Ming Ran shoved her off him.
I am not Elle. He glared at her. He wasn't Elle. He hadn't been for eighteen years. They stood staring at each other for a long time. Khan Qing broke eye contact first. There was a time where Elle and Lulu were closer to each other than they were to any of the rest. They leaned on each other and seemed to understand the constraints and expectations that were forced upon each other. If Ming Ran had told his secret to any of his friends of his past life, it would have been Lulu's reincarnation. There was an understanding of hidden soul mates who understood each other more than anyone else. However, Lulu was also someone who wanted nothing more than to please the others. Lulu had on more than one occasion caved into what Billy wanted because she wanted to please him. Her drunkard father never had shown her love as a child, and had mostly beaten her. On those rare occasions where she could make him happy, she felt like the world would be fine. Theo was the one who took her from her birdcage and helped her fly again. Elle had seen it thought. Lulu had flown into another birdcage of her own accord. If Ming Ran had told Khan Qing anything, she would have told the rest of them in a heartbeat, because that would make them happy. Old habits truly died hard.
"You're different now. You used to care about when we suffered. You just watched us. For years. What the hell?" she looked back at him again, "And you had no reason for it?"
You won't like the reasons I have.
"Yeah. Go ahead. Tell me. Tell me why you left me to suffer! Do you have any idea how much shit I've had to put up with for the last twenty-one years? Wen Quinn blamed me for everything. Everything. And I had to take it. Because I had killed you!"
You killed me? You didn't though.
"I know that! He has it in his head that it was my fault. We had discussed what our next lives would be and somehow that ended up getting you killed."
You didn't kill me. I was murdered. So stop listening to him.
"Easy for you to say! All you had to do was come out and tell him--"
Tell him what? That you didn't do anything? That I was murdered? Would he have listened?
"You would be the one saying it."
Because everyone listened to me so often. I told Ren that I felt something was off. She shrugged it off as "I was unexperienced with men and nervous". Does that sound like listening to you? None of them listened to me.
"You heartless--" she took a deep breath, "Do you have any idea what we were all going through? Can you imagine losing your best friend, someone you thought of as family? We were all devastated!"
I just want to move on. We all have new lives--
She grabbed Ming Ran's collar and pulled him close. Tears filled her eyes and her breath was heavy.
"You don't get to decided that for us! We worked so hard to find you! We at least deserve closure!" she screamed. Ming Ran stared at her. Khan Qing sobbed quietly, "We're not perfect, alright? We aren't. I know that. Still... don't we deserve to move on too?"
Will that help you? Truly? Ming Ran saw that Khan Qing hadn't heard him and lifted her chin to sign again.
"What do you mean? Of course!" she stared into Ming Ran's eyes and realized she had no idea what would happen either. She looked down and steeled herself, "But, how will any of us know if you never tell us?" Ming Ran sighed and looked up at the sky. It had started raining. He watched the rain fall, felt it fall onto his face, and knew that things couldn't stay like this. Not really. He nodded, slightly. A mountain doesn't disappear in a day, it is worn down until it is but a valley. Like this, feelings and bonds could not fade into nothing, it needed time and for the elements to start to wear away at it. It was time to try and find closure. He looked at Khan Qing and realized he had one more desire: it was time for Khan Qing to fly free in the sky. In this life, he would see it happen.
I'll tell them.