As soon as she was in position in Manji Formation, the Asura Path clone cast aside her Hokage Cloak and tore off her top, revealing that her white skin was segmented with lines that hinted at the existence of compartments hidden all over her wooden body.
"Do you have a screw loose!?" Sakura screeched, turning on the spot and grabbing the clone's wrists before she could strip out of her striped blue-and-white bra. "Quit it, you perverted freak!"
"No, you quit it! Don't you remember seeing this in the anime? I need to strip to use my powers!" Asura Path゠Horny Sakura protested. "Now let go of me! Don't make me use the Ribbed for Her Pleasure, Self-Lubricating Sasuke-kun Fuckmaster 3000 on you! With its extra-long battery life, I guarantee you won't be walking straight for days afterwards. I'm warning you!"
And as she said so, a hidden compartment in her wrist popped open, and out came a multitool filled to bursting with various weapons… including one extra-large, suspiciously shaped black rod, its surface dotted with countless tiny bumps. The tool produced an even more suspicious buzzing noise as it vibrated and jackhammered back and forth indecently, squirting some kind of lubricant from its tip.
Sakura let go of the clone's wrists and dodged the unidentified substance, which splashed against the back of the Paragon clone's head on the other side of the Manji Formation.
"Don't threaten me with a good time," Sakura said weakly, swallowing hard. "But seriously, what's the deal with the Asura Path spawning in with… that thing!?"
Sakura had always thought Pain's Asura Path rather odd thematically, its modern "hot" weapons clashing with the otherwise notable absence of firearms in the shinobi world, though that wasn't to say guns didn't exist, however. Three years ago, she had spotted one of Gatō's men waving about a lever-action rifle during the Battle for the Great Sakura Bridge in the Land of Waves, and she had seen primitive flintlock rifles in the hands of the kunoichi of the Manyū clan.
In any case, seeing as she hadn't manufactured puppets for her Six Paths ahead of time, Sakura hadn't been expecting much from her Asura clone, but activating her powers seemed to have automatically transformed her into a cyborg pre-equipped with all manner of weapons. It seemed the Asura Path drew her design from one possible endpoint of humanity in some far-flung cyberpunk future…
Sakura had finally realised her childhood dream of becoming a giant robot… except she could only be one or the other at a time.
"Now watch this," Asura Path゠Horny Sakura said confidently, holding her forearm steady with her left hand as she levelled her fist at Shira. "ROCKET PUUUUUNCH!"
And before Sakura's bewildered eyes, the Asura Clone's forearm detached, belching flames and smoke from the stump as it rocketed towards Shira's head, who was busy beating the living daylights out of Animal Path゠Lesbian Sakura. Predictably, he dodged aside the moment he heard the roar of the rockets, and the fist sailed past him, vanishing into the forest, bound for parts unknown… though the screams of pain that erupted from behind the trees when it exploded in a storm of senbon suggested it had definitely hit something.
Hopefully not a friendly.
"It's not over yet!" Asura Path゠Horny Sakura exclaimed, tearing off her O-cup striped bra.
"Iyaaaa!" Sakura screamed.
Even though the Wood Clone was unable to use Mangekyō Sharingan abilities with the Rinnegan Sakura had created her with, every pair of eyes on the battlefield was immediately drawn to the enormous, bouncing breasts that flopped against her ribcage with a wet clatch, as if she had used Ame-no-Uzume-no-Mikoto.
However, much to the disappointment of the male Sand-nin, who had clearly been expecting a peep show, all they were going to get was a fireworks display. The instant their gazes drifted south, they were met by the brilliant glare of the Light Rays of Censorship™ instead.
Kira-Kira…
"Now, take this!" Asura Path゠Horny Sakura shouted. "Plasma Style: Super Boob-Beam Cannon!"
The light emanating from her nipples intensified… and moments later, twin beams erupted from her chest, scything through the treeline and carving through everything in their path, whipping about in erratic trajectories as the Asura Path clone laughed maniacally, causing her breasts to sway unpredictably.
"Stop firing weird things from your nipples!" Sakura cried, a lone tear forming at the corner of her eye. "It's great that you're saving the village and all, but at the end of the day, I'd still like to be able to look people in the eye…"
"Duck!"
Through the Human Path ゠Inner Sakura's eyes, Sakura caught sight of Shira streaking towards her.
"Don't turn around with your headlights on!" Sakura yelped as the Asura Path clone swivelled. "The village is behind us!"
Shira was fast, but she could still keep up…
"Seven Heavens Breathing Method: The Fourth Activation!"
Shira's yellow aura deepened.
"???"
Sakura's brain shook as Shira's fist slipped through her guard and smashed into her nose, causing her mind to go blank for a fraction of a second. Her clones started towards her, but by the time they had turned, Shira had already retreated to a safe distance, bouncing on his heels to keep the blood rushing.
"Tighten the Manji Formation!" called Paragon Sakura. "The Main Body got hit!"
Stars danced before Sakura's unfocused eyes. Her brain was rattled; she was stunned.
"Seven Heavens Breathing Method: The Fifth Activation!"
None of Sakura's Six Paths clones could react to Shira's movements any longer. His speed hadn't even reached the level of the Fourth Raikage or Naruto, but their eyes could no longer keep up with him. All around Sakura, the sound of splintering wood rang out again and again as Shira flitted back and forth, each punch and kick carving deep gouges into the clones' hardened bodies as he attempted to reach Sakura at the centre of the Manji Formation.
"Susano'o again?" Sakura thought to herself dizzily. "No, it's too late, he'll slip in through the ribs before the muscles finish forming…"
Time seemed to slow down to a crawl as the main Sakura's eyes turned scarlet again, three black tomoe spinning into yaezakura patterns. She watched in slow motion as Shira shattered the Animal Path into a thousand wooden splinters as he soared through her fist first, a look of pure determination etched onto his hardened features… by swapping out dōjutsu, she had temporarily lost her connection to her clones, but with this, she could finally catch a glimpse of him…
"Shikotsumyaku… Dance of the Willow."