I walked into the sanctuary still carrying a swirl of emotions from the week. Before taking my seat next to my friends, I stopped to chat with a few people in the congregation. There's something comforting about familiar faces when your heart feels a little messy.
I can't stand feeling invisible anymore or being treated like I don't matter. These feelings had been building because of Lucy and Jonah. As I turned around, I scanned the rows behind me until I spotted them sitting together three rows back.
As I took my seat, the frustration settled heavily inside me. My stomach dropped as I watched the countdown on the screen ticking closer to zero. Finally, the choir stood. It was time for praise and worship. I stood with the rest of the congregation, already feeling a little lighter just being there with them.
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Amazing Grace,
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
I was blind, but now I see.
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When they sang, "I once was lost, but now I'm found," it kept echoing in my mind. The word "found" felt so heavy, almost unsettling. Was I found? Or was I still wandering, pretending I had it all figured out while feeling unseen and invisible, especially because of Lucy and Jonah? Standing there in the sanctuary, surrounded by voices lifted in worship, I felt both connected and completely alone at the same time.
After we sang two more songs, a young girl stepped onto the stage to read her poem. She looked nervous, but her voice stayed steady.
"Hello, everyone! My name is Mariana, and I would like to share a poem with you. I heard this poem a long time ago, and it was written by two of my dearest friends. It's called 'Savior to the Broken Heart,' and it touched me so deeply. I hope it touches your heart, too."
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Savior to the Broken Heart,
Father of orphans and husband to the widows.
Savior to the broken hearted and redeemer of sinners.
You were pierced for our transgressions, You were crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon You, and by Your wounds we are healed. (Isaiah 53:5)
Father, it was Your death on that cross over two thousand years ago that set us free.
On that fateful day, while shepherds were tending their sheep, an angel appeared and declared that a child would be born in the city of David, a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.
You chose to demonstrate Your love for us on that cross as Pilate led You away to be beaten. You bore thirty four lashes from the soldiers.
After placing a crown of thorns upon Your head, they gambled for Your clothes by casting lots.
"Let's not tear it," they said to one another. "Let's decide by lot who gets it." This happened so that the scripture might be fulfilled: "They divide my clothes among them and cast lots for my garment." So this is what the soldiers did. (John 19:24)
Even this was not enough as they shouted, "Crucify Him." As they led You away like a lamb to the slaughter, up Calvary, and nailed You to the cross.
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"Father of orphans." Those words hit me harder than I expected. I am an orphan now, aren't I? A half orphan, at least. And Mary watching her son die, I thought about Mom as she watched Dad slip away, and how she watched me struggle to accept it. How does anyone prepare for that kind of loss? How does anyone survive it?
It was a beautiful poem that moved me to tears. After that, the pastor stepped onto the stage and began his sermon.
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Basic Needs and Spiritual Needs
(Matthew 4:4, NIV)
Intro: As humans, we have basic and spiritual needs that must be met in order to live a full and satisfying life. These can include fervent love, security, food, pastoral support, and purpose.
When we do not feel fully satisfied in any of these areas, it can lead to serious problems in our mental, physical, and spiritual health. For example, if you do not feel safe, you might seek that security within gangs, which can lead to destructive behaviors.
On the spiritual side, you might feel numb to the things of God, like when you hear that "God will provide," but you do not feel it yourself. How can you believe in something you do not feel present in your own life? The goal of this sermon is to help you understand these needs and how they can lead to a more fulfilling and complete life.
By understanding and meeting these needs, you will be able to improve your mental health, physical health, and spiritual health while also serving those around you better.
1) The first thing the Lord's word talks about is fervent love in 1 Peter 4:8. "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." This fervent love is meant to be shared with one another. These strong feelings of deep love also connect to a desire within us to feel loved in return. It is a deep longing that we often try to meet ourselves without realizing that by loving others, we may also begin to experience that love more fully in return.
2) The second thing the Lord's word talks about is security in Psalms 18:2-3. "The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I have been saved from my enemies." This means that God desires to be our fortress and stronghold during difficult times, and He will save us from our enemies. Without this sense of security, we can become unbalanced mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. This can damage how we perceive those around us, causing us to react in defensive or destructive ways.
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I could not listen anymore. The words from the sermon, the poem, and everything else felt like too much all at once. My heart grew heavy, and before I could stop myself, I stood up and walked out.
Security. Love. The very things I have been searching for my whole life, now laid out so plainly in front of me. But hearing about them and actually feeling them are two completely different things. How can God be my security when I feel so vulnerable all the time? How can I love others deeply when I am terrified they will leave me like everyone else has?