Ryder blinked at me with tired eyes, "Why are you doing this?"
I smiled at him, "I just want to, and I didn't want you to worry about cooking, so I just got it for you," I said as he laughed.
I handed him his pancakes, a fork, and whatever else came in the bag.
"Do you want some, or are you just gonna stand there and look stupid?" he asked me with one eyebrow raised, and I smiled and quickly got in bed next to him.
"Here," he said as he shoved a pancake on a fork in my mouth.
I quickly ate it as he laughed, "You're so stupid."
"Only for you," I beamed.
Something about him made me actually wanna try to be a good person. Beyond just the fake version of myself.
I would say I don't know why, but I do know why. It was him. It was all because of him. There was no sugarcoating, no alternative meaning. I wanted to be better for him because he deserves it.
He deserves to see this giddy side of me that I had forgotten about because I hid it for so long, "What are you doing?" he asked me, giving me a weird look as he continued to eat his pancakes.
"Nothing, I'm just happy."
"Hmm, that's good," he said.
"Yeah, I like being happy," I said.
He smiled at me, "I like it when you're happy too. Was the sex that good?"
I nodded, "I mean, yeah, but it's more than that. Just treating you good makes me happy, and just yeah, I don't know," I said, stuttering as Ryder continued to smile.
"You're a cutie," he said.
I smiled at him as he continued eating.
I leaned my head against the headboard, turning slightly so I could still look at him.
He was on his phone as he absolutely demolished the pancakes in front of him.
My smile grew; something about this made me so happy.
My eyes raked down his body; his French braids are messy now. His dark skin had a few blemishes here and there, his gorgeous eyes were staring down at the bright screen, and his mouth was opening and closing as he ate the pancakes.
His beautiful neck, going down to his body in my shirt, and the rest of him under the covers. Holy fuck.
I looked down at his hands, with the cast on one arm and the ring I gave him…I…Wait, I felt myself looking around my once boring room that has been completely taken over now.
I should propose to him for real.
Not just an under-the-table slide, to make him happy, or to prove a point. I should actually plan something out, just like the date, make a whole day out of it, surprise him again, and give him everything he deserves.
I looked at the ring on his finger, "What are you looking at? You gave it to me," he said, shoving the ring on his finger in my face without looking up from the bright screen.
"My bad, I'm not looking at it, I'm just zoning," I said, lying to him. The ring was a little loose, so maybe I should go a size down.
"Okay," he muttered.
I am going to pick a good spot, I'm gonna get a ring that I think he will like. Not too flashy and probably smaller, because I don't think he would want a big ring.
Maybe I should get him two, like a band, and then one with a diamond, so the band could tone down the diamond. I think he would enjoy that.
And then I'm gonna get down on one knee just like I did all of those years ago, but this time I know I'm actually sure.
Theres no real doubt in my mind, just whether he would like the ring or not, or if he is worried about what he should wear. Not the crazy doubt that he would say no, just like I had with Lova.
I had spent months thinking about it, and the only thing I would think about was her saying no. Isn't that crazy? And I still went through with it, even with all the doubt in my mind.
Now I actually know I'm sure.
After a couple of hours, Ryder had gone back to sleep, and I was talking to Leo, "Well, I definitely heard you all last night. But I think that you are becoming a better person, like just in general. Communicating your feelings is one of them. You used to never do that. I felt like I was always guessing what that empty head was thinking. But you coming to talk to me about this shows you are getting better."
I nodded, spinning around in my chair, "I mean, I actually cried in front of him yesterday."
"Wow, that's crazy, and then y'all fucked for like 2 hours."
I reached how to smack him, and he moved back, "Sorry, sorry," he said, and then he nodded his head at me, "Why did you come and ask me about this?"
"Why?"
"Yeah. I feel like there is always a reason when you come ask me weird questions about yourself."
"You caught me, I…I want to propose to Ryder, but like for real."
Leo's eyes went wide. "It feels a little soon."
My smile dropped. "Is it?"
"Hey, hey. I mean, yeah, it is, but I think that we have all lived many lifetimes in the past couple of weeks, oh my god. And if this timeline or moment feels right, you should go for it. Don't let me stop you."
"Now I'm thinking it's too soon."
"Don't, don't worry about that. Ryder is going to say yes."
I smiled, "I know."
"If you know, why did you run it by me then?"
I shrugged, "You just wanted someone to hype you up?" he asked, and I nodded.
"Okay, I will be your wingman. I think we put all of the mafia shit on the back burner for now, and of course, you are gonna plan it all, but I will help you with dates and time because I know that you aren't very good with time management."
I smiled, "Thank you so much."
"Of course, boss, that's what best friends are for," he said, and he stood up.
He walked closer to me and then pulled me up, so I was standing, and then he hugged me, "I will support you no matter what. If you think the time is right, then I think so too."
"Thank you," I mumbled, and he pulled back.
I felt my heart skip a beat as I got all excited. Being engaged, being married, all for real, made me so fucking excited, so happy. I can't.
"Dude, you are shaking," Leo said, laughing as he made his way to the door. I followed after him, "I'm so excited."
"I know, I know. Now all you have to do is try to keep it a secret and plan when you are going to go ring shopping."
"Do you wanna go with me?" I asked, and he turned around, "Yeah, sure."
"Okay," I nodded. I looked around, "Well, I'm gonna go back to Ryder. You have fun with your man," I said, and Leo smacked me.
"He's not my man," Leo said, rolling his eyes.
"The conversation you guys had the other day says otherwise."
"We are just in a 'talking stage,' I guess."
"I don't know what that means."
Leo rolled his eyes at me again, "We are starting from the beginning and taking things slow."
"Don't let me catch yall fucknig." he kicked me in the shin, "don't let me hear you guys again," he said, and we both started laughing.
I walked back up the stairs, back into our room, and I got back in bed with Ryder, who was up just on his phone.
"Where did you go?" he mumbled.
"Just talking to Leo about the convention."
"You sound suspicious," he said, not looking up from his phone.
I started laughing. Holy fuck, he was good, "sorry," I said, kissing his neck as I wrapped my arms and legs around him.
This time, I'm sure, I know he will say yes; there is no doubt in my mind. I know…I'm gonna propose.