Julien closed the car door behind him and waited impatiently for the vehicle to take off. But even after a minute had passed, then two, they didn't move.
"Hurry up."
He couldn't be here for even a second longer.
Andrew stared at him for a while, as if itching to say something. But he held his tongue and slowly pulled off. The castle grew smaller and smaller until it was no more than a memory.
Julien couldn't relax, and it wasn't long before Andrew finally said what was on his mind.
"Are you, okay?"
So you couldn't stay quiet after all.
"Just drive."
Julien bounced his foot impatiently.
He wasn't trying to be rude, but if he could just get one second to himself—
"Would you cut that out?"
Andrew kept glancing at him, and it was really starting to grate on his nerves.
I should've sat in the back.
Andrew furrowed a brow, but in the end, he didn't look at him again. Julien closed his eyes, trying to ignore the man beside him.
It wasn't working.
Damnit.
He felt jittery, high strung, and more than that, he was angry.
No matter how many times he went there, he could never get used to it, no, he thought he had.
Julien covered his eyes with his hands, preventing himself from acknowledging the other in the van. He felt… he wasn't sure. He was angry, resentful even, but there was another feeling swelling within him, like he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't.
The van rolled to a stop and Julien blinked his eyes open just in time to see their gate blink shut behind them as their vehicle warped to the next Monico center.
Julien took a deep breath.
It didn't do much, but at least they were closer to home.
Julien paused.
He didn't want to go home.
He hesitated, watching familiar scenery pass by as they made their way towards the circular line. Then again as their vehicle docked within one of the vehicular freights of the CAE.
Julien picked at his thumb.
They were three stops away from home.
At two stops his heart rate began to speed up.
At one stop his palms began to sweat.
Then the train began moving again, and the next stop was their own.
I can't do this.
"Take me somewhere else. Please."
Andrew licked his canines uncomfortably, hesitantly, he said.
"That's… not a good idea."
Julien scoffed.
"Since when do you have opinions?"
Shut up Julien.
Andrew visibly frowned and looked in his direction.
Julien ran a hand through his hair. The things he should be saying lodged in his throat.
Sorry.
He needed out.
"No, I… Just, anywhere else."
The train stopped and once the van detached from the freight, Andrew put the vehicle back into drive and exited the station. Soon enough, they were on the backroads, tracing the edges of the forest.
It was the way back home.
He just said he didn't want to go back.
"Fucking hell, will you listen to me?"
Andrew glanced at him, furrowed his brow, glanced at him again and finally spoke.
"...Where?"
"It doesn't matter where, just stop!"
Andrew tapped the steering wheel with his right index finger and pulled over to the side of the road. Putting the hazards on, he looked at Julien again.
"Do you need help?"
"No."
Julien unbuckled his seatbelt and opened his door.
Just don't do anything.
Andrew grabbed his arm, preventing him from going any further.
Frustrated, Julien tried to yank his arm away, but Andrew's hold was firm.
"Andrew, let go."
"...This, isn't a good place."
Julien pressed his lips together into a derisive smile.
"A good place? I don't fucking care, I said let go."
"Calm—"
"I'm calm. So as I've said a dozen fucking times Andrew, let me go!"
He laughed self-deprecatingly.
"Or what? I'm not gonna run out into the road Andrew, I'm not a fucking 12 year old."
Andrew loosened his grip.
"I never—"
Using the opportunity, Julien yanked his arm free.
"Never what? Never looked down on me? You're doing it now and I need you to STOP!"
Julien stepped out of the vehicle and started walking in the opposite direction. Clenching his eyes shut and gritting his teeth, he pressed into his head again and again—a fruitless attempt to get himself under control.
Breathe. I can't—
Andrew quietly stepped out of the vehicle. Grabbing Julien's arm again, he shook his head and prevented him from going any further.
He laughed, his head spinning from the lack of oxygen.
"What the hell are you good for if you can't even listen to the most basic instructions? I said let me the fuck go! Or what? I'm not the one paying you to listen to whatever the fuck I have to say so it doesn't matter what I think does it?"
Andrew narrowed his eyes.
"Get back in the car Julien."
That quiet, that calm, Julien wanted to wipe that look off his face so fucking bad.
"I knew it."
Andrew tugged on Julien's arm, pulling him back towards the car.
"What do you want me to say?"
Julien dug his heels in, but it did nothing to stop his movement.
"Admit it."
Andrew kept silent for a while, his eyes facing straight ahead.
"…There's nothing to admit."
"Don't play dumb with me Andrew."
Julien struggled to break free.
"You don't care what I have to say at all do you? You're just my sister's little bitch and now here we are! Are you, or are you not treating me like a fucking child!"
Julien laughed as Andrew released his arm. They were beside the van again.
I can't even leave on my own anymore.
"All of you just care about your fucking selves."
He scoffed, a mocking tone entering his voice.
"But oh, oh poor Jules right? It'll all be okay as long as we keep quiet right? Just admit it, you like acting like you know better than me don't you? Does it make you feel special? Self serving pricks—!"
He slammed his fist on the side of the vehicle, causing it to rock slightly.
"Oh, but I think I know what it is! I'm a puppet! Puppets can't make their own choices! Puppets don't have opinions either! It's perfect!"
He hit the palm of his hand into his skull several times, attempting to mitigate the rising headache. Andrew reached out to stop him and he swatted his hand away.
"You people get to know Every. Fucking. Thing. But you can't even give me one explanation?"
His breathing was heavy, and Andrew used that brief moment to finally open his mouth.
"…I work for you."
Julien's anger flared.
"That's your explanation? That's it? I knew that from the beginning, are you fucking kidding me? I'm asking why! I'm asking for just one good fucking reason I'm supposed to accept that I'm stuck with you. ONE."
Andrew didn't say anything.
Julien stumbled back.
"…I've been trying, you know, I tried so hard to pretend this was normal. I wanted to pretend that maybe, just maybe you didn't know anything yourself, but I KNOW YOU DO! SO JUST Once—"
Julien's voice cracked as his throat tightened. Shaking his head, he held back the heat building behind his eyes and circled the vehicle.
"It's driving me fucking nuts and I'm sick of it."
He climbed into the driver's seat, but when he went to shut the door, Andrew grabbed hold of it.
"And you, you just keep—"
Andrew didn't say anything, but his eyes burned with a silent fury.
Julien shivered, but he was more angry than unnerved. Unperturbed, he prodded at Andrew, leaning closer until they were face to face.
"Go ahead. Say something. Say anything. Why keep it to yourself? Or what? You think that'd be enough to shatter me into tiny little pieces? Please, with the shitty month I've been having, you'd be lucky if there were any pieces left at all."
Andrew frowned.
"...Are you done?"
That made Julien livid.
"Am I done? Yeah, you know what, I am."
Julien sat back down and put the car in drive, not caring to readjust the seat to his level. He pulled on the door to close it, but Andrew just stared at him. Unmoving, the man sighed.
Julien scoffed, letting go of the handle.
"Can't even trust me to drive a car by myself? It's not like I'm gonna kill myself. Oh, why don't you tell that to my sister? See how she treats you when she hears I'm getting worse under your oh-so-diligent care."
Julien pulled on the handle again, and this time, Andrew let it go.
"Take a fucking hike Andrew. And while you're at it, go fuck yourself."
Not paying any attention to whether he ran over Andrew's feet or not, he sped off, leaving Andrew behind.
—
Andrew stared into the distance, his expression unreadable as he watched the illusion of the vehicle long gone from view. If he were just more adept with his words… he frowned.
Frustrating.
He inhaled, letting the chilly wind caress his lungs and cool over the simmer of frustration built over the course of their 'conversation.'
He let him go. Even though it was exactly in moments like these that he was meant to keep an eye on him, he still let him go. He pursed his lips.
A mistake.
Running his hands up the sides of his face, he caressed the scars that marred it as he whispered.
'¿Qué estoy haciendo mal? (What am I doing wrong?)'
He ran his hands back down, joining them together to cover his mouth with his hands. He traced the stars in the night sky.
Was knowing more a crime? The only thing he'd done was review his information and come into work—he couldn't tell him what he knew even if he wanted to. Was that really so unacceptable to him? He was taking care of him, he was completing all the things he needed to and adjusting accordingly. So why…
He looked in Julien's direction again.
Maybe… maybe my approach was wrong from the start.
He tried to understand, but without Julien's input, there was only so much he could do.
What was he supposed to do?
He sighed, dropping his hands.
This was why he should've stuck with what he was good at.
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a lighter and flicked it open, watching the flames dance in the wind. He swore off it after his sister's death, but he couldn't help but crave a cigarette right about now.
Instead, he muttered to himself, tracing the edge of the heated brass with his thumb.
'El siempre lleva un zurrón de preocupaciones en su rostro. (He always carries a burden of worries on his face.)'
He knew Julien's resentment wasn't meant for him—not entirely. But his harsh words managed to get under his skin regardless. It was one of the complications of being human.
The orange flame danced within his eyes.
He was only human.
Looking back up, Andrew traced the constellations and let his frustrations fade with every breath he took—until his mind was as quiet as the night sky.
Julien wasn't wrong.
Sometimes, he was treating him like a child, even if only because that's what he was familiar with—and he shouldn't have. Julien was… unfamiliar. His approach should've reflected that.
He was negligent.
Looking into the distance once more, Andrew lowered his eyes. Now he had another issue to deal with. Julien was missing and dangerously angry.
He also seemed… scared.
A familiar fear he should've never caused again.
I need to reassure him.
Even if he couldn't spell out his objective, what he could do was provide something stable for the other to hold onto and the two of them could build from there. But first, he had to apologize.
Andrew began to move, trailing the edge of the forest with heavy steps.
He would do better.
Not for himself, but for the sake of the one he was meant to protect.
Passing by a distance marker by the side of the road, Andrew sighed.
It was going to take a while to make it back to the city by foot, but with no sign of Julien's return, he didn't really have much of a choice. He hoped to at least make it to a motel before daybreak, or even just a bench to sit down and contemplate his life choices.
Either way, he kept walking.
He absentmindedly flicked his lighter open and closed, open and closed several times, letting the heat of the flame and the click of the latch aid in keeping his mind steady.
Whew.
As Andrew walked along the forest's edge absorbed in his thoughts, a rustle came from within the pitch black canopy. Quiet and unnoticeable, it stalked closer to the unassuming human.
—
Julien was parked at a nearby park, not far at all from where he'd left Andrew—alone, on the side of the road, and in the dead of night to boot. He had no intention of leaving him for long—though he had no idea how long he'd been sitting there either.
Even if it wasn't cold, Julien already felt bad enough driving off without him.
Not just bad, he felt horrible.
I didn't mean to, that wasn't what I wanted.
I was just, just—
Julien finally had a word for what he was feeling, especially now that it was at the forefront, fresh and ripe.
It was shame.
He slammed his head onto the horn, the sound echoing against the empty park equipment.
I shouldn't have done that.
He lifted his head and took a deep breath.
I need to go back.