Chapter 25: Final Calm
-19:45:00
When she first opened her eyes, or technically one eye due to the other being covered, all Maiya Hisau could see was white. She briefly wondered if this was the afterlife before dismissing the ridiculous idea; as if a woman with so much blood on her hands would ever see the pearly gates.
Another second, and her vision sharpened enough to make out individual ceiling tiles and lights typical of a hospital room. That conclusion explained her feeling of lying on something soft and the inability to move her right arm. With a grunt, Maiya shifted her neck to look down, and sure enough, she was in a hospital bed, her clothes replaced with a light-green robe and her arm in a sling. An IV drip ran from her other arm to a stand next to the bed.
Memories of last night began to flow through her mind as she scanned the room (partially for weapons, old habits) when she finally noticed she wasn't alone in the room. "Rise and shine." A familiar shinobi had propped himself up next to the closed door, his eye gazing back at hers with a weary sheen to it. "I'd ask how you're feeling, but, uh…"
Maiya's lip curled briefly before she cleared her throat. "Well, I'm alive," her voice sounded so raspy, and Kakashi was promptly by her side, offering her a glass of water with a straw. She sipped tentatively, wincing as the coolness traveled down her dry throat, but when she stopped and made to speak again, the words came out more smoothly. "Thanks." The Servant nodded before straightening, Maiya watching him. "…You're a Shadow Clone, aren't you?"
"Indeed I am." Kakashi did that eye-smile of his. "Even experienced ninja can have a hard time telling the difference. You really do have a knack for ninjutsu, Maiya." The woman shifted in her bed trying not to think about the warmth flickering inside her at his praise, only to stiffen at his hand on her left shoulder. "Easy. You were roughed up pretty badly."
"R-right." Maiya took a breath to focus (on anything besides his touch) and scrutinized herself. "What's the damage?" She shot him a look before he could answer. "And don't sugarcoat it, Kakashi."
The Heroic Spirit of Assassination huffed. "Of course…" She's a stubborn one. "Well, it could've been worse: Your right shoulder was dislocated and your left ankle nearly broken, you have two bruised ribs and one cracked, but according to the doctor, your lungs got away scot-free." She eyed him warily, and he raised a hand to placate her. "Don't worry, I hypnotized the staff into letting you rest in this private room and fudge your paperwork. Kiritsugu, Saber and I are the only ones who know you're here."
Maiya relaxed minutely; no chance of her being ambushed and used as leverage against Kiritsugu, then. Not that she'd ever let them take her alive for that. And his description matched her own findings. She could feel some soreness all over her limbs; whatever sedative she'd received was probably wearing off. The ankle was a nuisance, though…
She promptly stiffened again as Kakashi's fingers prodded around her eye. "Sorry, but you took a nasty hit here, and I want to make sure you didn't get a concussion or something."
"I-I'm fine. Head's sore, of course, but I can think clearly." Well, that wasn't entirely the truth, but she forced down any strange thoughts or the like at her current situation. Just check for brain damage, he'd do the same with any other teammate. That's what the woman told herself as she stared unblinking back into that watchful dark eye.
Another few seconds that felt like hours, and Kakashi finallyreleased her face and stepped back. The tension inside Maiya was released in one breath, though she swatted away any… irrelevant emotions. No time for such nonsense. "What about the team, is the pack alright?"
"Pakkun and Akino are sporting a couple bruises, but they'll be fine after squeezing a few piggyback rides off of Bull. My boys aren't just cute and cuddly." Assassin X chuckled at the relieved grin that flitted across her face before both turned serious again. "Kiritsugu and Saber are unharmed, and Assassin's gone for good. This time, we made sure of that."
Fuyuki General Hospital's secret patient hummed to herself while digesting this information. "They were still under Kirei Kotomine's command, right? He must've ordered them to spy on us, wait until our guards were down." She frowned at her own negligence; part of her job had been making sure something like this wouldn't happen. Of course, nobody had seen this coming, not even Tokiomi Tohsaka, apparently. The memories of Maiya's Shadow Clone came to mind, specifically the blatant shock on the magus' face when Kiritsugu had told him about Assassin. Sowing discord among the enemy camps… I guess a little good came out of the trouble. Wonder what Ma'am would say-
She stilled, not just because she found herself wondering why she would care about the other woman's opinion… but because she noticed a worrisome detail amidst her ally's explanation:
"Kakashi… What happened to Ma'am?"
Assassin X slumped a little despite himself, shame stirring inside of him. "…While my clone brought you here, we tried to rescue her. We managed to finish off Assassin, like I said, but it turned out Rider X had them lead us on a false trail. Our whole group's been searching all night for Irisviel and found nothing." It was a painful confession to make, both for his pride as a shinobi and a Heroic Spirit, and with the understanding he'd let his comrade. Even from his lowered head, he could tell Maiya was frowning at him, and he couldn't blame her.
What the Servant wouldn't realize even later was that he wasn't the source of her displeasure. Maiya Hisau was certainly unhappy with Irisviel's kidnapping, worried to a degree she'd have never expected towards a homunculus, furious with herself at not being able to prevent this, but with him?
None of her injuries could hurt her nearly as much as seeing a person like this so downcast.
The rustling of fabric made Assassin X lift his head to see Maiya trying to shift her legs to the side of the bed. "Whoa there," he hastily moved to block her, "you're in no shape to leave the bed, let alone the hospital, Maiya!"
"I've been through worse, Kakashi," she gritted her teeth trying to slip free of his grip, "and I can't stay down any longer." She grunted as he pushed her back. "Damnit, let me go! Irisviel was my responsibility, it's my fault she was taken-"
"No, it isn't." She stiffened instinctively at the tone, then her chin was tilted up so she was locking gazes with Kakashi again. "Whatever happened last night is not your fault. Kiritsugu and Saber don't blame you for it, and neither do I. Irisviel wouldn't either if she were here."
Shaking her head, Maiya muttered. "But she isn't here. Because I couldn't protect her."
"That's on Rider X. Maybe Kirei Kotomine, too, Kritsugu certainly seems to think so, but you did everything you could, Maiya." He leaned away sighing to gesture at her. "Besides, look at yourself. You can't even stand with that ankle, and fighting is out of the question." She shuffled her hands together, but Kakashi shook his head. "Any clones you summon will be in no better shape, Maiya. The best you can do now is recover and not beat yourself up."
Maiya glared at the ninja, but there wasn't any heat in it. As much as it infuriated her, he was right: She couldn't operate a rifle properly with her arm like this, so anything short of luring Masters into her room and shooting them from the bed was beyond her current state. Finally, she echoed his sigh. "Don't beat myself up…" She smirked bitterly. "This coming from you?"
Her smirk softened as Kakashi scratched his head with a self-deprecating chuckle. "Saw right through me, huh? Well, do as I say, not as I do." He sat down next to her. "Kiritsugu wanted me to pass on a message when you woke up." That killed what little humor Maiya had gained. She didn't want to think of how she'd failed him or his wife…
A squeeze on her uninjured shoulder made her focus back on this oddly interesting foreigner. "Your mission is complete, Maiya. Recover and leave the rest to the Servants." Kakashi then drew his hand away. "Those were Kiritsugu's words, and if you don't believe me," he held up her phone with an eye-smile, "you're free to give him a call yourself." He placed the phone on the table before adding, "Please don't think you're being discarded. I'm positive Kiritsugu cares for you, so don't make him worry by dragging yourself half-healed across the city."
Maiya stared carefully at the Heroic Spirit; she'd known him for only a few days, but noting idly how his chair had been slowly approaching her bed or the look in his eye, she couldn't help but wonder if when Kakashi said "Kiritsugu," he meant "I."
She closed her eyes. Relevancy of these ridiculous musings aside, Kakashi wasn't one to lie about this. If Kiritsugu wanted her to stay in bed, then he surely thought she couldn't assist him any further. A thought like that would've broken her heart if the child soldier grown up still had one. But even if that were the case… the ninja's pleading might've mended it.
Assassin X for his part worried his words wouldn't be enough. There's nothing Maiya wouldn't do for Kiritsugu, no matter how wounded she is. I mean I could tie her down, but that's a little drastic, not to mention I'd have to deal with the staff. It's not like I can tell them it's a kink or- "Alright."
He blinked, returning from his musings to reality. "Pardon?"
"You win." Maiya fell back against the mattress with a huff. "If Kiritsugu trusts you and Saber to be enough at this stage, then I won't argue with him. It's not like I'd be of much help like this." She rolled her eyes at hearing his relieved sigh. "But… can you tell me what the current situation of the Grail War is? I promise I won't sneak out, Kakashi, I just…"
The Shadow Clone nodded in agreement. It never hurt to have the latest information during wartime. "Well, it seems like last night was pretty exciting for everyone. The Matou residence is a pile of rubble, and its head either dead or incapacitated. Avenger X is gone, too." Assassin X tilted his head slightly. "Tohsaka manor was another hotspot, though. From what we can determine, both Tokiomi and Lancer X were killed there, maybe another Servant, too."
Maiya's eyes widened. Two Masters and possibly four Servants eliminated within a single night? So in other words, Kiritsugu's team only needed to deal with three Servants and two Masters to win the Holy Grail. Irisviel's face inadvertently appeared before her sight, but she let the image linger a while. This is what you want, isn't it? Maiya mused, recalling their final talk. "…Rider X is still out there, isn't he?"
Kakashi hummed, his eye narrowing. "And Saber doubts Archer was the other casualty. With his abilities, he could probably sustain himself without a Master for a while, and… I've got a bad feeling." His gaze drifted from her to the wall. "We're reaching the endgame now."
A jolt ran through Maiya at that last sentence and the cold surety it carried. This was the moment they had hoped to reach as intact as possible. With her out of commission, Irisviel captured and regrettably very probably doomed, both Servants' powers common knowledge, and Kiritsugu himself out in the open, it was hardly ideal… but they hadcome this far.
With that in mind, she finally gave in to the softness of her bed. "Then it looks like all I can do now is not get in the way of your other duties." She rolled her eyes again at the gimlet eye aimed her way. "I know, I know, stay here and recuperate. I promise to do just that."
"As your concerned comrade, I appreciate it, Maiya," Assassin X told her, final details on his mind. "There's a gun under your pillow, and I stashed a kunai on either side of your bed." He winked as she quickly confirmed the weapons' locations. "Just in case. Oh, and should you get lonely, there's a certain group of hounds always happy to see you." He scratched his chin. "At this point, I doubt you even need handsigns to perform the Summoning Jutsu…"
Maiya bit on the inside of her lip so as to keep any… immature… noises locked up. She then noticed Kakashi getting up, and she realized two things upon seeing this action. The first was that this would almost surely be the final time they'd see each other; no matter if Kiritsugu's team won the Grail (though she hoped with her heart it would be so), the Servants would remain in this world no longer. Kakashi's wish would return him to his own world, there'd be no chance of him staying here or point for that matter.
The second thing was just how much it hurt Maiya to consider this. The Servant hadn't hidden his plans from her, and she'd known his departure to be inevitable, just like with Saber. But the prospect of never seeing the King of Knights again wasn't half as dejecting as saying goodbye to this quirky, clever, mysterious ninja who'd treated her kindly and as an equal consistently in the five days she'd known him. It wasn't as if these courtesies were given exclusively to Maiya or she felt herself more deserving of them than her teammates, of course, she wasn't some lovestruck fool like that fiancée of El-Melloi's.
But… she'd be lying if she claimed she hadn't begun to feel anything for him. Maiya didn't know how it happened or why, but she wanted to see Kakashi claim the Grail, she wanted to see him truly happy… and yet, in the same breath, she didn't want to part ways with him. Not yet. Even now, she wanted him to stay and spend a few more minutes with her.
It was ridiculous. There was only one other man for whom she'd wrestled with herself like this, and even with Kiritsugu, it hadn't felt so raw, so hard. I have terrible luck with men, don't I? She lamented privately. One falls for a homunculus supposed to be the key to his dream coming true, the other comes from another world and will be heading back there at the end of all this…
"You're not in the way, Maiya." Once again, that man's voice disrupted her thoughts and drew her attention. Kakashi was standing tall in front of her bed, hands in his pockets. "Sorry if I'm dragging this out, but I want to make it clear, you are not a burden. Not for me or Saber or Kiritsugu." He shifted sideways, but his eye was trained on her. "And you made a promise last night, remember?"
Irisviel lying there on the ground came to mind, the things she had told Maiya. What one mother had implored another.
…There you go again, you masked jackass. You really need to stop doing that, it's not right of you to lead a woman on like this. It's not fair of you to keep propping up a broken, still heart like mine… Making it believe that there are good men out there… and that it could one day belong to one.Part of Maiya wanted to voice all of these heavy thoughts, but her self-discipline won out. She'd been content just serving as a tool for Kiritsugu's mission. She didn't mind at all being Kakashi Hatake's comrade, even if he wouldn't see her as… more.
Assassin X could almost see the cogs in her head turning even while keeping his Sharingan covered. He could only hope Maiya would listen to him; for all her coolness, she had a stubborn streak matched only by her devotion to Kiritsugu. It impressed the Copy Ninja, if he was being honest. What a kunoichi she might've made on my world.He made to leave.
"…Kakashi." He paused and turned back to see the woman sitting upright, dark green eyes trained on him. She opened her mouth before closing it again, her gaze dipping briefly. When it rose again, he could've sworn he saw a little color on her features, but her words drew his attention. "…Thank you for saving my life. And… always being there…" Yeah, there was some red. Hope a blood vessel didn't burst…"For me… a-and everyone else, of course!"
Maiya coughed a little at the concerned look he gave her. I'm so pathetic… But despite the weight in that thought, she decided to send him off with a smile and a final statement, both of which came from her heart. "Kiritsugu and Saber are lucky to have you by their side." I know I was.
Warmth spread through Assassin X's own cheeks. "Th-thanks…" Generally, Maiya Hisau was by no standards unattractive, but… in that moment, the smile on her face seemed to brighten the whole room. For a woman like this willing to do anything for him…
The Shadow Clone sighed silently, in a way that might've been considered wistful, before disappearing from Maiya Hisau. Yeah… Kiritsugu's a luckier man than he realizes.
In Miyama Town, a girl younger than Maiya was waking up as well, and she, too, was in for a mixed morning.
Now, Rin Tohsaka wasn't much of a morning person, not to mention school was still closed. The light tapping rousing her from her blissful sleep, filled with dreams of learning magecraft and fighting from a certain green-wearing hero, was therefore not appreciated. She pulled her covers over her head with a groan, but the fabric let one word through. "Rin…"
"Five more min'tes, Mo'er…" She mumbled while burrowing her face into the pillow.
"…Um… Big Sister?"
Rin peeled an arm loose and waved lazily. "I'll get up soon, Sakura, no worries…" She shifted about a little more; sweet sleep drew ever closer once again.
But a tiny part of her mind had stirred from her mother's touch, and hearing that second voice, as young as hers and so much nicer, flicked a couple more switches on. The end result was Rin bolting up into a sitting position to stare at the two standing by her bed.
She blinked twice, then rubbed her eyes as hard as she could. She even pinched her cheek a little to rouse herself from the dream, but the sight stayed the same, if a little blurry: Her mother peering down at her with a sad smile, holding her by the hand right beside her.
"S-Sakura…?"
Sakura Tohsaka fidgeted where she stood in her pajamas, eyes flickering to any other part of the room to not meet Rin's wide ones. "G-good morning, Big Sister," she mumbled barely audible.
But Rin heard it all the same. Her mouth drifted open briefly before clamping shut out of reflex. A girl of the Tohsaka family did not under any circumstances drool. What she did when facing a sister that wasn't her sister anymore, though, that she hadn't learned yet. "Sakura…" Rin slowly pulled herself loose from her sheets and stepped onto the floor.
Something kept her from closing the distance, though: An inner voice sounding very much like that of her father: "Sakura is no longer family, Rin." Right… That was how she'd kept telling herself, every day for over a year. She needed to follow her father's wishes; such was her duty as his daughter. Even though the hurt look in Sakura's eyes nearly broke her heart.
But then… what was Sakura doing in her grandparents' house this early in the morning? Rin took a step towards her without realizing it, her thoughts too busy with each other to stop her body. But the other girl flinched away, huddling by her mother's leg. Rin wanted to cry.
Aoi glanced from one daughter to the other, her smile dimming slightly. Then she squeezed her youngest girl by the shoulder and said, "Your sister said good morning, Rin. Aren't you going to greet her back?"
Rin's turquoise eyes shot up to her, her brain halting all other thoughts to register both her mother's words and her clear tone. "Mother… She's…?" She couldn't articulate her question right for some reason, but she hoped her eyes would be enough to get the message through.
Aoi's smile returned with a single nod.
Sakura for her part had woken up in her mother's warm embrace for the first time in… a while. That blissful feeling followed by a clumsy but heartfelt snuggle from Uncle Kariya had warmed her up quite nicely (though she'd needed to cut it short for a quick trip to the bathroom) this morning. But seeing Rin again… watching her movements… It wasn't a very big room they were in right now, but the distance Sakura felt between them…
Any further thoughts the youngest Tohsaka had about the matter were cut short as something slammed into her. She might've fallen over from the impact, but two arms wrapped around her tightly while a weight settled onto her right shoulder. "Good morning, Sakura…"
Rin couldn't see anything between her head wedged up against her sister's head and the tears gathering in her shut eyes, but she didn't care. "I-It's good to see you… So good to see you."
"…I m-missed you, Big Sister…" Any remaining tension in the girl's body slowly fell away as Sakura completed the hug. A quiet sniffling rippled inside Rin's ear, and this time, she knew exactly what to do:
She reached up with one hand and patted Sakura on the back of her hand. "I missed you, too." She pulled her tighter to her, grinning despite her tears as she remembered a vow made to her yesterday. You were right, Jade. If you brought her back, then… Thanks.
Aoi was thinking much the same as she watched her little girls huddle together after a year apart. Would I get to see them together again, she wondered beneath her smile, if those… foreign Servants had never appeared?
A question for a magus, she decided. At that, her heart clenched. I wish you could see this…
"So, Mother…" Rin's voice shook Aoi from the grief rising in her. She looked down to see her eldest daughter staring up at her with pleading eyes, her arms still holding Sakura close. "Is she… Sakura's staying with us again, right? She's… one of us, isn't she?"
She smiled and shelved that pain for later. It would be a crime to break such joy between the two so quickly. So, Aoi knelt down to ruffle her daughter's hair. "Your sister's not going anywhere, Rin." Definitely not back to the Matou's,she added to herself while turning to Sakura. "I… I know we've made mistakes. Very big ones. We… I've let you down. But… our home is your home if you wish it so, Sakura. Now and forever." Such wasn't the promise of a magus' wife or the stand-in head of a prestigious family, but that of a mother.
Maybe that was why, after a moment of consideration, Sakura nodded with a tiny smile.
Aoi didn't think twice about pulling in both of her girls for the biggest hug she could manage. Two whole minutes passed, and she still refused to let them go. "Mother, you're squishing us," Rin whined in one ear, the other picking up a giggle from Sakura.
"Such is my motherly duty, dear." Aoi planted a kiss on both of their dark-haired heads, drawing a groan from Rin that did nothing to hide her grin matching Sakura's, then nodded towards the door. "Now then, let's all have some breakfast." She ushered them gently out, silently elated to see Rin clinging onto Sakura all the while.
A quick trek down the steps, and then they had reached the kitchen from which a light rummaging could be heard. Rin blinked at the sounds; Grandfather and Grandmother weren't usually up this early. Her confusion must've shown because her mother said, "Ah yes, we have a guest this morning."
The trio walked into the room to find a hooded man at the stove. He moved a little stiffly, but it didn't seem to hamper his enthusiasm as he made the finishing touches on his work. He turned towards them, and Rin gasped in joy. "Uncle Kariya, you're here too?!"
Kariya Matou beamed underneath his hood as he set down a plate on the table. "Apparently." He spared Aoi a quick look, getting a subtle nod in return, then knelt down to meet the girls. Sakura snuggled more deeply into his arms than Rin, but he felt their warmth all the same. "I dropped by with Sakura last night, and your mom let me stay because it was so late." All true, he noted to himself, but missing a few details. "And I wanted to repay the favor, so…"
As if on cue, a tea kettle whistled on the stove. Kariya turned towards it only to receive a gentle pat on the shoulder from Aoi as she crossed over. His smile widened, and he let her handle the tea while enjoying the two bright sparks against him.
Rin and Sakura peeled away from their honorary uncle's hug much easier than their mother's, but the younger sister lingered a little longer. "Uncle Kariya," she asked, "why are you keeping your hood up? Are you feeling cold?" Rin shared Sakura's curiosity from where she sat.
"O-oh, no, no, I'm alright, Sakura," they could make out a hasty but gentle smile despite the cotton, "I'm just, uh… not really photogenic at the moment." Kariya gestured with his left hand to the fresh food (rather weakly, both noticed). "Now come on, it's all fresh and hot."
Despite their curiosity, both girls' stomachs rumbled in unison at their seats, and with matching blushes, the Tohsaka sisters thanked for the meal while their giggling mother poured the tea. They'd already filled their plates by the time both adults were seated, and at a smile from Aoi, they tucked in heartily. Sakura finished her first serving the quickest, to her minor embarrassment, but Kariya passed her fresh rice and eggs with an encouraging grin.
Rin giggled at her sister's face before sipping her tea, more warmth flashing inside her at this old scene, one she hadn't dared to hope for again: the family complete at the table…
Only then did she realize the family wasn't complete. "Wait, Mother," she set down her chopsticks and turned in her seat, "won't Father be joining us this morning?" Rin then slapped her own forehead, missing her mother's sudden whitening. "Right… he's probably still fighting in the Grail War with Jade…" She knew she shouldn't complain about the circumstances; Father was doing his part for the honor of their family, just as she would have to one day. She couldn't get in the way of that, after his and Jade's visit yesterday.
"Oh, right!" Rin's head snapped back up to smile at her sister who was having a third serving. "Sakura, you have to meet Jade, she's Father's Servant and she's amazing!" Her mind was already conjuring scenarios of her two sisters getting to know each other. Rin couldn't wait to introduce them…
But Sakura just stopped eating and stared sadly at the table. Worry splashed inside Rin. "Sakura…?" She quickly thought of something to say; the last thing she wanted was for her sister to think that she'd replaced her. But the words caught in Rin's throat when she felt Kariya's sad gaze resting on her. "W-What's wrong…?"
She barely registered Sakura stiffening next to her, on account of the new tears that began to glitter in he-their mother's eyes. "Oh, Rin…" She already began to shiver with those two words, and the warmth of this morning cooled. "I… I'm afraid I have to tell you something…"
Outside the Zenjou residence, two old friends were having a similar discussion, their grief no less than that of those inside.
Sir Lancelot du Lac sat by the front gate without his helmet to hide his defeated mien, so great was his pain. It was only his discipline as a knight that kept him from slumping over completely, and he'd shed most of his tears these past hours. Beside him stood his old King, her emerald eyes shimmering with sympathy.
The search for Irisviel had proven futile as feared, but Saber had continued it all the same both for her sake and Assassin X's; she couldn't just stand by and let him run himself ragged, especially since she knew Kakashi blamed himself for their friend's capture. Thanks to her own experience with guilt, Artoria had known talking her partner out of it would take a good long while, so she decided to lighten his self-appointed load and take up half of the search. Assassin X had combed through Miyama Town, Saber rode down the Shinto district's streets only to come up short after fifteen hours. She had sensed the former Berserker's presence while veering off course, and while he remained thankfully non-aggressive towards her, there was little else to be happy about.
Saber's Yamaha V-Max was parked just around the corner, there being little need for a ride. What joy she normally felt even after releasing the handlebars had been quickly snuffed when Lancelot began his tale. He had spared no details of the two teams' adventure: their arrival at the Matou manor, Lancelot's duel with Avenger X and triumph, the others' destruction of Zouken Matou's abominations, the young girl that was their mutual goal nearly dying and Gandalf saving her life, rendezvousing at the Tohsaka home, Lancer X suddenly assaulting them before slitting her own throat, Rider X's appearance… and Gandalf sacrificing himself so Lancelot could usher their Master and the girl to safety.
Based on his tale, Saber could surmise Tokiomi Tohsaka had met the same fate as his Servant, the latter another tragedy in a night rife of them. The King of Knights had only met the emerald-clad Servant of the Spear twice, but she'd respected her as a fellow female warrior. And the otherhero casualty… Artoria knew her sorrow couldn't compare to Lancelot's. "I am… so sorry for your loss. Caster X…" She shook her head. Addressing the Gray Wizard by his class designation did him a disservice. "Gandalf… He was a good man."
"He was," her Knight of the Lake agreed, trying in vain to wipe away his tears. "He was a great wizard, a better partner than I deserved…" He turned slightly to eye the house he'd guarded all night. "It was he who saved young Sakura's life. He convinced my Master and Tokiomi Tohsaka to stand and fight together. If it weren't for him, this miracle would've never happened, so why-?" His breath hitched, his head sinking in defeat.
"…Why did it have to come at such a cost?"
Artoria could only watch the hero of the Round Table weep silently where he sat, tears of her own gathering. She wished she could say something, anything, to take away his grief, but none of the speeches she might've given in life seemed good enough, especially since she too had liked and respected the Heroic Spirit of Spells. But King Arthur had been known across his kingdom as a stoic, unyielding leader even in the… saddest… of times…
Lancelot looked up at her in that moment, and even though her mouth continued to fail her, some of his tension actually softened. "I don't think I have ever seen you grieve this openly before," the Servant risen from madness commented before hastily amending his words. "Not that I believed you incapable of grieving, my King, I simply-"
"It's alright," Saber assured him, finally managing to find some words. "I have never had much… aptitude for expressing my feelings. If you can see my regret for your loss, then it is only through the efforts of others I have developed thus far." She closed her eyes. "One of those others was surely your partner, Sir. As for your question, I wish I knew. You and I had both sacrificed so much in our lives, yet still they ended along with our home in tragedy."
Lancelot founds himself straightening his sitting as his King's eyes opened. Old habits die hard. "I suppose we should both be used to losing dear comrades by now," Artoria went on, staring up at the morning sky. He hummed to himself at her choice of word. Comrades? "And maybe we are, but the pain doesn't lessen. Perhaps it's a good thing it doesn't." She returned her gaze to him. "But based on your story, Gandalf chose to stay behind. I suspect he wouldn't want you to bury yourself in the same pit he helped you dig yourself out of."
"…Probably not," he agreed with a weary sigh. "Guilt is among the heaviest of shackles, I need not tell you that. But I suspect if he were here in this moment, he would scold us for wrapping ourselves up with it." A bittersweet smile then drifted across Lancelot's face. "Forgive me for this insolence, my King, but I believe I would've preferred Gandalf as your court wizard in life rather than Merlin."
King Arthur giggled despite herself. "I imagine others would've shared your preference, sir. I can't deny I do." Aside from Kakashi and Irisviel, Gandalf had shown her the most support and counsel in her time here. He had criticized her way of kingship but in a compassionate way. He encouraged her to think about her ideals while declaring them no worse or incorrect than those of her rival King. The lack of aggression between her and Iskandar was solely thanks to that wise old wizard from Middle-Earth. The loss of him was… was…
Saber frowned. No… "Loss" was too neutral, too clinical a word for Gandalf's death. Rider X had killed him, and it wasn't even a necessary step for the Holy Grail, she suspected. She knew Megatron too well by now. That star-crushing tyrant had gleefully murdered their friend simply for standing in his way.
And one glimpse of the Knight of the Lake's right fist clenching tightly enough the gauntlet was creaking, just as it had been this entire time, told her he knew the same truth. "Lancelot." He faced her, his mouth set in a set line that might've obscured his inner grief and rage from anyone other than Artoria.
"Gandalf the Gray did not die in vain." The King of Knights' own face had shifted to that which she had often worn in life: Cold and stern, steadfast for the sake of justice and chivalry and merciless to all evil. "And his murderer will notgo unpunished. This I swear to you in the name of the kingdom you and I served together."
Lancelot gazed at her wordlessly, taking in that familiar splendor, that unwavering conviction that had drawn so many to her side. It had drawn him in, too, as a young knight. He sank to one knee in fealty. "On behalf of my partner, I thank you for your words, my King. And I am aware my mission is now complete, and I am therefore subject to your judgement."
"Be at ease, Sir." Arthur knew the request her sworn sword would make. There was no need for him to voice it. "I am not so cruel as to deny you the chance to deliver justice yourself." She offered him her hand. "I would welcome your aid in hunting down Megatron."
Still kneeling, he grasped it without hesitation. "My sword is yours as ever." A magnificent blade of Fairy-forged steel emerged for only an instant in his free hand, its tip piercing the ground. Shadows seemed to converge around the Servant's narrowed eyes as he silently finished his vow. And its steel shall be the last thing Megatron will ever feel before I cast him from this world.
-16:52:19
At the top of Fuyuki's local mountain Enzō, Kiritsugu Emiya sat alone. He had spent four hours checking every nook and cranny of the Ryūdō Temple and come up short on any clues. It had been a long shot, but taking into account that it was close to where the city's leylines converged the most, he couldn't help but be careful. Aside from Enzō, only three other places were definite for the Holy Grail's emergence, and his team had already combed both Fuyuki Church and Tohsaka residences. The former was empty at the time, allowing him to set up a couple precautions, and the latter only revealed the apparent end of Tokiomi's team.
He closed his eyes. The enemy Master's death was tactically speaking one less concern. There was no point dwelling over the death of a fellow father, and Kiritsugu had kept his end on not interfering with Tokiomi's personal mission. Judging by Saber's report, though, Tokiomi seemed to have succeeded in saving Sakura with Kariya Matou's help…
The machine that was Kiritsugu Emiya ignored off exhaustion creeping in. He'd been awake for more than forty hours now, but it wasn't the longest stretch of time he'd weathered. A few power naps here and there, plus some basic magecraft safeguards, were enough to sustain his basic needs while maintaining alertness.
Saber had relayed her entire discussion with Berserker an hour ago; it annoyed Kiritsugu a little that she didn't equip herself with surveillance tech like Assassin X, but it turns out, modern vehicles aside, her technological acumen was pretty much what you'd expect of a medieval knight. Nobody needed another flaming laptop hastily vacating a window, thank you very much.
The King of Knights' verbal recounting had thankfully been concise and informative. With Tohsaka and Zouken out of the picture, that left Kiritsugu as one of only three Masters remaining, and Kariya appeared good on his word. He and Berserker were both solely interested in keeping Tokiomi's family safe and killing Rider X, two goals with which the Mage Killer had no issue. The death of Caster X was… regrettable, but it left Assassin X and Saber with one less opponent they'd have been reluctant to face anyway. In short, the only real obstacles left to acquiring the Grail were Archer, Rider X and Kirei Kotomine.
Kiritsugu lit a cigarette and winced slightly at the familiar taste; since his sampling Gandalf's pipe, average tobacco just wasn't the same anymore. The old bastard spoiled me.
He gave himself a mental smack before drawing forth the Thompson Contender. Of the sixty-six Origin Rounds Natalia had forged from his bones, he had used thirty-seven prior to his alliance with the Einzberns. Thirty-seven rounds, thirty-seven dead magi. He had fired two more over the course of the Holy Grail War up till now, and while the thirty-ninth shot hadn't necessarily killed Archer X's copy, the fact it harmed her proved Servants weren't necessarily immune to his unique Mystic Code. He'd therefore gathered the remaining twenty-seven bullets yesterday; what with his arsenal severely depleted thanks to the late soldier Servant, he knew he'd need any and every weapon available to finish this War.
Spirit particles gathered at that moment inside the courtyard, preempting the materialization of another weapon, a highly useful if vexing one at that.
Hands in his pockets and forehead protector pulled over his left eye as usual, Assassin X swiftly crossed the distance to his Master. "Maiya's safe and recovering at Fuyuki General, my clone checked up on her not long ago." He received a small nod from Kiritsugu at his report, though a slight relaxing of his posture told more. Kakashi knew mentioning the latter wouldn't be appreciated, so he continued. "I just checked on the council hall again. Didn't find any signs of abnormal activity there, and it's pretty full right now, probably for all day."
According to Kiritsugu's intel, the four most suitable places in Fuyuki City to summon the Greater Grail were, from top to bottom concerning leylines, Mount Enzou, the Tohsaka home, Fuyuki Church and a small spot in the middle of Shinto. The last one had emerged by accident and wasn't as optimal as the others due to both its comparatively underdeveloped leylines and the council hall built atop (not exactly a private location). Even so, covering one's bases was part and parcel in wartime.
The Mage Killer hummed to himself while finishing his cigarette. He and his Servant were currently on the most logically sought-after location for victory. As the new overseer, though, Kirei's access to the church could make it home base, but he hadn't been there for some time. Kiritsugu himself had checked while looking for Iri- He shut his eyes and opened them to refocus. Rider X was another factor he couldn't neglect: A cunning and utterly ruthless tactician who clearly showed little regard for the Grail War's secrecy. He couldn't put it past that behemoth to seize the hall, but would he risk a public assault now? The people of Fuyuki were a hair's breadth from discovering the truth. Would Master or Servant care?
"But, uh…" He paused in his ruminations to see a distinctly sadder Assassin X. "…I'm afraid there hasn't been any trace of your wife. Saber and I searched everywhere we could think of, but…" The Copy Ninja sighed in defeat and regret. "…I'm not sure she's even alive anymore. I'm sorry."
Kiritsugu's nostrils flared to draw in oxygen, then he released the breath through his mouth… before saying, "It can't be helped. You and Saber did your best, Assassin X, and I thank you for that."
Assassin X eyed the man carefully. "No offense, but you seem… prepared for this news. Eerily so."
"I've been preparing myself for when I lost Iri since the day I fell in love with her." Kiritsugu kept his tone as stoic as ever. He didn't need to explain the peculiarities behind his wife's fate and frankly, he didn't want to. "My life's a dangerous one, Assassin X, and I knew sacrifices would have to be made if I wanted to achieve my goal." He glanced up towards the sky. "That's just how the world is."
Kakashi Hatake considered this before admitting, "Not just this world. Still, the excitement of last night would be hard on a healthy person, and Irisviel's sickness… Aren't you worried Kotomine might use her as a hostage?"
Kiritsugu shook his head. "As this stage, even with a Magic Circle or treatment to sustain her, she'll only continue to deteriorate. Kotomine can't keep her stable for long, and… Iri would never let anyone use her as a weapon against me." He shot Assassin X a pointed look. "I'm not happy about these thoughts, but there's no point getting caught in what-if's or trying to prop ourselves up with false hopes. We have a War to finish."
Assassin X visibly had something to say about his coldness, but he simply shook his head in a way that rankled Kiritsugu for some reason. "The cynic routine isn't going to do us any favors, either. To paraphrase something I said last night to your pupil, cynicism and realism aren'tthe same thing." He withdrew one hand to gesture towards his Master. "Irisviel loved you and wasn't afraid to show it. You don't need to hide your grief from me, I won't use it against you or mock you for it."
If those words were meant to reassure Kiritsugu, they were quite off the mark. "You think you know me so well…" A growl escaped him as memories of the prior evening surfaced in his mind, the moment this familiar of another world uttered two names he shouldn't have known, two names absolutely precious to the boy he'd once been. "Tell me, what gives you such insight into my being, Assassin X?"
The shinobi didn't flinch from the accusation. "Well, you already know quite a bit of my past, Master. You've dreamed of it." Scratching his head, he sighed before making his confession. "After our little… debate following Lancer's death, I took a quick nap of my own to clear my head a little, and, well…" He tapped the side of his head. "It looks like this whole dream-memory thing can go both ways."
Kiritsugu frowned at Assassin X, scanning his body for any hints of lies or trickery. "…You dreamed of my past?" Three different emotions flared up inside him: indignance at anyone peering into his deepest parts; relief because crazy as the idea sounded, it was better than the thought of Iri being pressed for information; and… something else. He couldn't be sure.
"Hey, don't ask me how or why," he received a shrug in response, "I'm no expert on this contract between us, maybe it only works if there's a strong enough connection between Master and Servant or something." He put his hands back into his pockets. "Either way, I saw some… poignant things. Your childhood, or rather, the death of it…" That grey eye was locked onto his as Assassin X said softly, "They were so intense I couldn't have escaped them if I wanted to. …Sorry."
That last word set "irritation" high above the other emotions on "Top Things Bubbling Inside Kiritsugu Emiya's Skull." "Spare me your pity, it means nothing to me." The cold killer noticed a throbbing in his fingers and looked down to see them locked painfully tight around the Calico's handle. "We've too much on our plates to waste time on sentimentality."
Kakashi wasn't a licensed therapist, but he still sensed Kiritsugu wasn't quite as dismissive about the whole situation as he wanted to be. "Fair enough, I was just answering your question. Just so we're clear, though, I'm not judging you. We have a little in common-"
"Do we?" He stopped and blinked at the sudden glint in those dull dark eyes. "Yes, I suppose we do…" The admission took him aback even more, and it wasn't over. "So, how can you?"
The machine that is Kiritsugu Emiya could put away emotions and personal feelings as easily as clothes no longer useful into a closet. It was a simple, efficient process he'd performed since the night he took his first life.
"…How can I what?"
But the audible confusion in that question, coupled with lack of sleep, the frustrations from Maiya's injuries and the loss of Iri, caused the machine to overheat and the man to snap. "How can you stand there and… and… be you?!" Kiritsugu slammed down his gun and gestured furiously at the other man. "I've seen your life, and somehow you've seen mine. Sure, the details aren't exactly the same, but we both lost our fathers, we chose to learn how to take lives, we lost someone precious to us before later killing another, we've spent years submerged in the darkness of our worlds, so why the hell are we so different?!"
He stopped, chiding himself for the sudden outburst. Taking a breath, the Mage Killer stared at the stone tiles beneath him. "I just… I don't know how you can do it, Assassin X. How can you stomach being in the presence of a chivalrous fool like Saber, let alone consider her a friend? How can you speak fondly of a village and ideals that took so much from you? How can you wear that headband with pride despite the weight it carries?"
Kiritsugu Emiya stared wearily at his Servant, finally voicing the question that had been on his mind for more than fifty hours now. "…How can you still have faith?"
"…When you can't?" The Copy Ninja finished, sole visible eye reflecting his Master's melancholy. He sighed after a few seconds. "Honestly, I don't know what to tell you, Kiritsugu. I'm not as idealistic as you make me out to be, either. Much as I'm ashamed to admit it, I wasn't much better in my youth than you are now."
Yes, Kiritsugu knew that boy, an aloof, arrogant prodigy who ought to be a model ninja. "You had to take care of yourself after your father's… passing." He frowned again, this time at himself. What was the point of prettying up a suicide? He didn't care about Assassin X's feelings. "You were trying to make amends for his disgrace, and it was wartime. It was perfectly logical to conduct yourself like that… if a little tragic."
Assassin X shook his head. "I respect you don't want me pitying you for your past, so do me a favor and don't rationalize the mistakes of mine. A childhood trauma's no excuse for callous behavior, and it ultimately didn't make me a better shinobi or person. I nearly abandoned one of my teammates and got the other one killed scrambling to make up for it." He walked over to a nearby stone and sat down drumming his fingers against his headband. "It cost me my old eye and my team everything else."
Another memory came to Kiritsugu, one not originating from him: Looming over an angry, self-righteous boy tied down so he could stop and listen to something other than himself for once. Though the memory belonged to Kakashi Hatake, Kiritsugu could picture himself encouraging the last Uchiha to let go of his revenge, to find another purpose in life. Sasuke however scoffed and accused him of not knowing a thing. "Maybe if I were to kill all the people you cared for… everyone who meant something to you…" The smirk he sported should never be on someone so young. "Maybe then you could lecture me, because you'd know what it's like for me!"
"Well… Quite the theory you have there. Unfortunately, it's a bit late for you to put it to the test." Kiritsugu had no idea how his Servant could've managed to smile with the next statement, but he did. "Everyone you're talking about has already been killed." At least it shut Sasuke up for a few seconds. Too bad the lesson didn't seem to stick; another regret.
Rather than dwell on the image of a battered Naruto lying in the rain, Sasuke long gone and beyond the best hounds' tracking skills, Kiritsugu offered a rare sliver of sympathy. "Neither Rin nor your sensei blamed you for Obito's death. Obito himself forgave you." Odd that such a hotheaded idiot could meet his end with such dignity. "You put his Sharingan to good use, too, protected your home countless times. Even at the cost of… Rin."
Both flinched in unison as the exact same scene flashed through their brains. They saw a dark shape flitting out of a dust cloud before their signature technique. They saw their hands stained with blood by going halfway through a chest, brown eyes losing life as a mouth weakly uttered their names for the last time…
Kiritsugu shut his eyes and banished the scene; it wasn't his name Rin had uttered, damnit! "You made the smart choice that night. You stopped the Three-Tails' rampaging through the Leaf Village and saved thousands of lives-"
"I didn't save them." Assassin X cut him off. "Rin did. She… jumped into the path of my Lightning Blade. I killed her," a tiny tremor slipped into his words, "and I'll never forgive myself for that, but Rin protected the village. She had the courage to do what I couldn't, sacrifice a life, her own life, for the sake of our home." He fixed Kiritsugu with a gaze that nearly made him shiver, but his next words were soft. "Would it have been better for you if Shirley had done the same?"
The Mage Killer forced himself not to flinch at the question. He still found himself considering it. "…I don't know. The process of her Dead Apostle transformation… If she could kill herself, she wouldn't have begged me… She was always so kind… wouldn't have spread it like a plague to the entire village. I could've stopped her if I hadn't… hesitated."
Kakashi watched Kiritsugu silently trembling where he sat. No crying, but that was likely because he'd recovered some self-control. "Maybe… or maybe you would've ended up her first victim. You were in a no-win situation, Kiritsugu, from the moment you woke up that morning to when you confronted your father and Natalia got you off that island."
Kiritsugu noted the distinct lack of judgement in Assassin X's tone. He was keeping his word, and that, he could appreciate a little. "You acted more decisively with Natalia, and this time, you were better prepared for it." The Man of One Thousand Techniques continued with that same tone. "I don't know if even my younger self could've kept his cool if he'd been in your shoes that day."
"Five more seconds talking with her, and I mightn't have pulled the trigger," he confessed.
Assassin X nodded, part of him wondering if Natalia Kaminski had kept talking to put her pupil's mind at ease so he could pull the trigger. It wasn't like her to be so chatty, he considered, or sentimental. Maybe she knew what Kiritsugu was up to… and was looking out for him. He couldn't be sure, though, and such speculations were best left at a time where his comrade was less emotionally vulnerable.
Therefore, he steered the conversation back on track. "Well, with the way things turned out, it's little wonder we made our worlds' darkness a part of our lives," Assassin X pointed out. "You became a freelance hitman for stray mages, I joined Anbu ops." He could still feel that white dog mask over his face. "We both worked in the shadows to protect others who stood in the light."
Kiritsugu huffed. "How poetic, considering the bodies we left in our wake." Sympathy swelled inside him again, prompting him to add, "What others called you, though, 'Comrade-Killer,' 'Cold-Blooded Kakashi…' Such names weren't fair to you or your sacrifices."
"Life's not fair, right?" Assassin X appreciated both the gesture and the irony of it coming from Kiritsugu. "At least once a day, I can't help but think to myself Obito should've survived that mission, not me…" The pain inside him grew alongside the confession. "Maybe he could've saved Rin… supported Minato-sensei… trained those kids properly…"
The Copy Ninja's Master wanted to glance away, so strong was the melancholy emanating from him. Instead, Kiritsugu kept his eyes locked on the Servant of Shadows. "…I know the feeling." That masked head shifted slightly towards him. "It should've been Shirley who survived that night, not me. I've thinking that every day for about twenty years. She was… full of energy and kindness, always so happy… She believed in Father's research more than I ever did. She wanted to prove that magic can be used to help people… She would've used Father's teachings to help so many…" Inwardly, he was shocked with himself. Iri had been the only one the stone-cold to whom Mage Killer had ever confessed these thoughts. Up till now, and the words kept spilling out before he could even stop and think.
He shut both his mouth and his eyes, taking a deep breath. He could still feel Assassin X's eye on him. "But these thoughts don't really matter, do they? No matter how much we wish it were different, Shirley, Obito, Natalia, Rin… They're all long gone." Kiritsugu Emiya muttered softer than he'd intended. "You and I are all that's left."
"Yeah…" Assassin X huffed before straightening. "But that's all the more reason for us to honor their memories. It's why I stand by the creed Obito told me, one I would've mocked if it weren't for him opening my eyes." Noticing Kiritsugu shooting him a look, he shook his head. "Yes, protecting your comrades isn't always the right decision. My father showed me that long ago. Just because I can think logically doesn't mean I believe in it any less. Even though I knowit's a tall order, I still vow to stand by my comrades… because they stood by me even when I didn't deserve it." He shrugged. "The Lord Third, Minato-sensei, Guy…"
At that last name, the image of a green-suited, energetic buffoon who appeared to be Bruce Lee's long-lost twin inadvertently popped into Kiritsugu's head. "How you can consider a guy like Might Guy-" He stopped and concentrated on not slapping himself for that sentence. And damn him, he could sense the grin Assassin X was hiding. "How he ever became your best friend, let alone your rival, is beyond me."
"Truth be told, that was largely due to his efforts, not mine." The Heroic Spirit shrugged again, a fond smile under his mask. "Guy's always been a… spirited fellow, but in a way, I think he's exactly the kind of friend I needed back then. Always greeting me enthusiastically and badgering me with challenges, I could either be annoyed with him or self-loathing, not both." He shifted in his seat. "If it wasn't for him, I might've stayed in Anbu forever."
"Would that have been that such a bad thing?" Kiritsugu pulled out his cigarette box, hesitated, then returned it to his pocket. "Aside from your… misgivings with Itachi Uchiha, you can't deny you were a very effective operative. The Nine-Tailed Fox's rampage wasn't your fault, nor were… their deaths."
Assassin X slumped at the memory of his teacher and a red-haired woman. "I couldn't protect Minato-sensei and Lady Kushina, either, as a member of Anbu… even after Minato-sensei assigned me to watch over his wife." He forced himself not to dwell on the melancholy in those memories. "Still, he did that for my sake, too, you know. Get me away from missions that just resulted in me killing people, let me experience a little peace and serenity…"
"Even though you didn't believe you deserved it." The Master finished his Servant's thoughts but in understanding, not malice. "At least it kept your mind off Rin a little, huh?" He was answered with a single nod. Wish I could've done that… Who am I kidding? I've never been any good at focusing on the positives…
As though he could read his mind, the Servant of the Shadows said, "It's hard not to be negative when you're immersed in darkness all the time. That's why the Lord Third decided to relieve me of my position and reinstate me as a jōnin." He turned thoughtful. "I'm pretty sure Guy had something to do with that decision…" Probably, Kiritsugu mused drily before Assassin X went on. "Then he had me take on a team."
Kiritsugu gave him a pointed look. "A team containing both the revenge-driven survivor of the Uchiha clan and the host of the Nine-Tailed Fox. The Third Hokage would've been a fool not to have one of his best men keep an eye on those two."
"There was that," Assassin X relaxed again, "but I don't doubt he did it for my sake, too." He laughed at the raised eyebrow sent his way. "Oh, those three were a total handful at the best of times, I can't deny that. But… there's something invigorating in guiding young minds. They were all impressionable, innocent to how cruel a shinobi's life can be, even Sasuke."
"Especially Sasuke." Kiritsugu inspected idly his gun. "Honestly, I'm not against revenge itself. Some bastards need to be put down, and their victims ought to have the right for that. Still, it's a tricky business. No matter how hard you train or how much you deserve it, there's no guarantee you'll get the chance." Also, something about the whole business with Itachi Uchiha came off as strange to Kiritsugu. He only knew the prodigy through Assassin X, but he didn't seem the type of person who'd just wake up one morning and decide to butcher his clan. A piece was missing… Ultimately, the last Emiya sidelined the puzzle for another time.
Whether or not he knew what his Master was up to, Kakashi wasn't done. "Yes, Sasuke, Sakura and Naruto were a bunch of naïve, flawed brats… but isn't why folks like me fought so hard in the War? To give them a chance to grow into shinobi while still have time to be kids?" He faced Kiritsugu completely. "I was far from a perfect teacher for them. Hell, I don't even consider myself a good one. But I never regretted accepting them as my students. They helped me remember that I was still human, what it means to feel happy.
"So, to answer your questions in a very roundabout way, how can I still have faith in ideals and heroes like Artoria?" He shrugged. "Because others had faith in me even when I didn't."
Kiritsugu Emiya stared at his conservation partner for seconds that felt like hours. "…Is that really the reason we turned out so different? Because you received more support than I did?" Questions that should've been skeptical instead came out as searching.
"What makes the idea so far-fetched?" Assassin X countered calmly. "Sacrificing yourself for the benefit of others is a noble thing, but it helps to remind yourself what you're fighting for." He hummed in thought. "You know, I said something similar to Saber yesterday, but I'm pretty sure there would've been a place in the Leaf Village for you, too, Kiritsugu."
He scoffed at the idea. "As an Anbu member, maybe, just like you used to be." Then again, Kiritsugu could picture himself wearing one of those masks. The best use for me would be in Root, I suppose; I could infiltrate its ranks, slit Danzō's throat in his sleep, assume control of the Foundation and put it to proper use in defending the village…
"You have a talent for cloak-and-dagger business, I'll grant you that," Assassin X's compliment(?) cut through the Mage Killer's musings of an entire unit operating under his command. "But that's not what I meant. I didn't realize it myself at the time either," the ninja admitted, "but I probably would've burned out a long time ago if I had dedicated all of my life to just completing missions. My old team, Guy and the Hokage's, Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke… the whole village supported me as much as I supported it.
"Kiritsugu, you dedicated so much of your life to creating a world of peace and no bloodshed, you gave yourself no time to appreciate the good parts of the world around you, or the flashes of peace some of your missions wrought. You surrounded yourself with people like Natalia and Maiya, people who were just as specialized in ending lives as you." The Master wanted to refute that, but he couldn't find a strong enough counterargument. The Servant held out both hands before him. "It's a matter of give and take: Protect your home so it can provide for you at the end of the day. There's only so much one person alone can accomplish. Pomp and flair aside, that's the logical endpoint of the Will of Fire."
The Will of Fire… that silly ideal drummed into the heads of every kid of the Village Hidden in the Leaves. Imagining an entire village as your family, it sounded so pretentious, so ridiculous.
…Such were Kiritsugu's thoughts, but he couldn't muster any derision for them. If anything, he just felt tired. "Look, it's not that I don't see what you're getting at, Assassin X, but accepting it, believing it myself… it's just not that easy for me. Not anymore." His gaze dropped to the tiles again. Be it as a machine or just a deluded killer, there wasn't anything left in him to be considered human after everything he'd done. "If there's anything this world has taught me, it's that you simply can't save a life… without sacrificing another."
"That may be true…" Assassin X eyed him carefully. "But tell me, which life did you sacrifice in order to save Irisviel's?"
The machine that is Kiritsugu Emiya froze to a halt trying to process the question. An attempt to summon indignant anger sputtered out completely; Iri's name wasn't being used against him, he just knew that. Instead, his brain had picked up the query, analyzed it, and delivered a clinical verdict. "She didn't have… a life back then." The memory of snow and wolves flashed before his eyes, her naked body in his arms, covered by his cloak. "She was just another homunculus, an empty shell of magic in the shape of a human."
Assassin X nodded patiently, annoyingly so. "Yes, Jubstacheit made all of that quite clear upon introducing you to 'her.' He made it clear, too, that a new version of her could be created when he threw her out into the cold. Yet you stopped her from being devoured by wolves all the same. Why? She wasn't a real person, you said so yourself. Her 'death' wouldn't have hampered your plans. You didn't owe her anything. So, why?"
Crafty bastard… He was repeating the exact same questions Kiritsugu had asked himself in the aftermath of his rash actions. All he could remember at the time before storming out into the cold was disgust with the old Einzbern head… and Shirley's voice. "Kerry, what kind of man do you want to be when you grow up?" The question his mind would never forget.
"I know what you're doing, Assassin X," Kiritsugu muttered, shoving away the distractions as he always did to concentrate on his objective. What said objective was, he wasn't quite sure yet, but he'd see it through. "You're trying to worm some human decency out of me, convince me to see the error of my ways. Fine, I saved a homunculus back then, and considering she became Iri later, I don't regret it at all. It doesn't prove anything."
"I disagree. Your actions back then proved that even at a time when you were the Mage Killer the most, you were still capable of empathy. Dismiss it if you want, but you went to such lengths afterwards in helping Irisviel cultivate a personality, a sense of being." Assassin X gestured outside the gate. "You taught her about the world outside the Einzbern castle. An awful lot of work for a heartless hired gun. Redundant, too… unless you had another reason."
Kiritsugu scoffed. "I thought you weren't a therapist."
"I'm not, but I like to think I'm a decent judge of character." Kakashi crossed his knee over the other, resting his elbow at the top. "Humans are social creatures, and despite your best efforts, we both know you're still human. I think part of you wanted to be accepted for all your sins, and then you met a being as innocent and curious as a child. Someone you could teach about the wider world, show them the beautiful things you couldn't enjoy anymore without feeling guilty. Someone you hoped could and would accept you despite all the blood on your hands. Sure, it all happened by accident, but Irisviel came to love and be loved by you." He inclined backwards while still watching his comrade. "Tell me I'm wrong."
He wanted to. He really, really wanted to just dismiss the ramblings of this familiar and go do something more productive (like empty his Walther at Fuyuki Church or something). It wasn't just the words, it was that damnable understanding in them. Assassin X hadn't condemned him a single time throughout this blasted conversation, and the worst part was, Kiritsugu just knew he wouldn't.
After having seen so much of each other's lives, human and Heroic Spirit had formed an undeniable connection. They could disagree, they could yell at one another, but they understood each other. And try as he might, Kiritsugu Emiya just couldn't hate the Copy Ninja, just as Kakashi Hatake couldn't simply denounce the Mage Killer.
That didn't mean Kiritsugu was completely happy with this setup, though. "Why should I say what we both know?" He shook his head in disappointment. "Ever since the War's begun, I've been struggling to regain my edge. I'm not the same as I was when the Einzberns hired me." He glared out at the city. "Ten years ago, I wouldn't have bothered letting the Hyatt evacuate before triggering the bombs. Maybe then I could've wiped out Archibald's entire team in one fell swoop, and then Archer X would've never terrorized the city."
When Assassin X acknowledged his theory with a nod, he continued. "Instead, I hesitated. And I hesitated because…" He sighed. "I couldn't help but think about the families inside that building. They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time." He clenched his fist. "And then a couple nights later, they died in an explosion anyway."
"That wasn't your fault." Assassin X fixed him with a cold look. "Archer X blew up the hotel just to make a statement. You considered those families because you'd formed one yourself. That's the only real difference between who you are now and where you were ten years ago." He softened. "You found something tangible to fight for: a family."
Kiritsugu turned away from the city. "And look at the result. Iri captured, my judgement compromised because of it… Missing Rider X's trick is just as much my fault as it is yours, Assassin X." He told a slight fib now, the better to keep the Servant from discovering the truth about Iri. His judgement wasn't compromised, not one bit. "A while ago, I offered her to run away with me. Abandon the Holy Grail War, get Illya out of the castle, just live somewhere as a family. For a single moment, I would've given up everything I'd spent my whole life trying to achieve. I might've done it if Iri hadn't stopped me."
Assassin X kept his face neutral, a lie of his own. He'd witnessed this moment of weakness with Saber and bringing it up probably wouldn't do any good. Instead, he said, "Your love for your wife and daughter only becomes a weakness if you consider it a weakness. Irisviel told Maiya and my clone last night how happy she was to be a mother, how happy you made her in sharing your dream with her." There was another secret in there, one he'd keep for Irisviel, but the rest Kakashi suspected she wouldn't mind being told. "Your daughter, Illya, I bet Irisviel would want you to keep going for her sake."
Kiritsugu wondered briefly just how far this memory-dream thing could go; Assassin X had just voiced what had been exactly on his mind upon receiving Avalon from Iri. Nah, it can't go that far, and he's been too busy to take frequent naps. I'd know if he had. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for Illya." No point hiding that from the man who'd seen the bond between him and his little girl firsthand. "If I had to choose between her and the world…"
"Spoken like a true father," Kakashi gently stopped that line of thought. This conversation was already depressing enough. "The Mage Killer from ten years ago wouldn't be having such thoughts, but that needn't be a bad thing. Valuing life isn't weakness, Kiritsugu, and disregarding it isn't strength." He tilted his head. "Then again, I don't think you need anyone telling you that."
"Really?" The Mage Killer arched an eyebrow at him. "Last time I checked, there's a list of victims in at least four digits who'd probably disagree with you."
The Copy Ninja mirrored his expression. "The fact you bother to keep count shows you're not as callous about loss of life as you present yourself to be. You and I both know your whole modus operandi revolves around keeping the number of deaths as small as possible in comparison to the number of lives saved." He leaned a little forward. "Remind me, when you left Alimago Island with Natalia, what was your wish: taking lives or saving them?"
Kiritsugu said nothing; they both knew the answer. So, Assassin X leaned away again, his posture as nonconfrontational as can be. "You know, another part of the Will of Fire involves passing on dreams. I guess it's like sparks drifting off the main flame to grow into their own fires elsewhere. The next generation carrying on where the previous one left off."
The Master clicked his tongue at the ideal, though not with his usual disdain. "There's nothing of me I want Illya to inherit," he refuted softly. "My methods, my experiences, the blood on my hands… I'll sooner damn myself a thousand times over than let her end up with a life like mine."
"Irisviel wanted the same thing," Assassin X noted. "She joined this Grail War so it would be the last." All the more reason for them to succeed. "You said it yourself, Kiritsugu, you will save this world. But it isn't just out of altruism anymore. You want to make a world where Illya can life a happy, safe life. Maybe where no kid has to live the way you…" He sighed. "The way we did. Inheriting a dream doesn't mean going down the same road, though, and if you succeed in creating this utopia, it means Illya has a chance to grow up the way you wished you could've." He nodded to himself. "I wished the same for those three…"
Kiritsugu needed little effort to recall his Servant's fondness for the three kids under his tutelage. Loud-mouthed, temperamental, arrogant, a heap of trouble for the jōnin. Yet every second-hand memory he had of Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto was tinged with feelings of mirth, concern, exasperation, pride and affection. The feelings any true parent would know.
The pace and chaos of this Grail War had left Kiritsugu with little time to ponder how he and the other Masters had been able to summon seven more Servants, much less ones originating from alternate worlds. But staring at this masked man seating opposite of him, he felt he knew exactly why Kakashi Hatake answered his call.
Assassin X in turn stared at the man who brought him to this world. This man in a dark suit with bitter eyes is who he could've grown up to be if Obito or Minato-sensei or anyone else hadn't snapped him out of it. I guess there's one more difference between us, though: I settled for protecting my village while he wants to save the whole world. Or maybe I would've widened to do that, too, if I'd kept… losing.
"Gotta admit," the Master finally said, "I'm surprised you haven't told me once to stop considering practical solutions to problems just because they seem a little immoral."
"I'd rather ask you, Kiritsugu Emiya," the Servant replied, "not to limit your gaze to these 'practical solutions.' They're not always the only or even the best solutions, and it's for your sake, too, not just your family's. Life's already dark enough without people like us ignoring the light, if you'll pardon the metaphor."
Kiritsugu barked a laugh even as one last memory came to mind, only this one was all his: A wizard conversing with him for the first and last time. "I see a man who has been peering into the darkness for so long, he has trouble seeing the light in anything. Including himself." Different Servant, but the same encouragement for him to put aside his "sacrifice the few to save the many" policy and look for another way.
…I wish it were that easy.
The sound of brisk steps made both turn to the temple's entrance, their conversation put to an incomplete end. Saber in her modern suit quickly came into sight, her solemn frown softening briefly as she glanced to Assassin X who rose to meet her. "How are you doing?" He asked his partner as they shook hands.
"No better than you, I wager," the Servant of the Sword sighed. The grief on Lancelot's face was still a fresh picture before her eyes. Not to mention she had her own failure to report. "I chased every possible idea, but I couldn't locate Irisviel anywhere in Shinto." She registered a sad nod from her friend as confirmation that he'd had the same luck, or lack thereof, then turned to their Master. "I am truly sorry."
The interaction between his Servants had given Kiritsugu a chance to reassume his stoicism. "It can't be helped," he declared neutrally. "I don't have a clue where she is, either, but we have to get back on track." He straightened in his seat. "It's time to finish the Grail War."
A week ago, Artoria would've had some strong words to say about his apparent flippancy to his wife's situation. But in her current state, she noticed a few lingering signs in the man's demeanor; a tight fist, narrowed eyes. A shared look with Assassin X confirmed her suspicions, so she let the matter lie. Kakashi's better at dealing with him than I am, anyway. Saber cleared her throat and began. "Kariya Matou's abdication of the Holy Grail stands, he affirmed it to me himself after I finished speaking with Lancelot." She hated referring to her former subject by his class name, especially since he'd risen above his madness. "Their only interest now is in killing Rider X themselves."
"No simple task," Assassin X pointed out, "but it stands to reason we can work with them on that. I investigated the Tohsaka home to verify what Lancelot told you, and it checks out. Tokiomi Tohsaka's dead, and based on spiritual residue, Lancer X and Gandalf died in that house. I know Archer and Rider X were there, too," he huffed, "as was Kirei Kotomine. In fact, I have a feeling it wasn't his Servant who killed Tokiomi."
This time, Kiritsugu didn't stop himself from lighting a fresh cigarette. He took a few puffs to consider the possibilities. If Kotomine did kill his old teacher, then… "What about Archer?"
"I'm pretty sure he left the house alive and in one piece. No signs of him fighting, and he is not a subtle combatant." There was an edge in Assassin X's voice, suggesting that he, too, had come to the same conclusion.
Saber quickly picked on the implications. "You think Kotomine formed a contract with him? But… Archer and Rider X have never shown particular signs of trust or camaraderie." She frowned, thinking back to the few times she'd seen those two together. "In fact, I'm certain they hate each other."