(Rytem's POV)
We shared a room, trained together, and ate meals together. Just Netalai and I. I didn't attempt to talk to Raijian again and instead convinced one of the maids to sneak us some wine from the kitchen and give me her old deck of cards.
This way, Netalai and I could have real fun. Mainly because when I let him drink, he didn't mind as much when I cuddled close to him at night; it felt nice.
I can't usually get to be so close to him.
I'm afraid he'd push me away, and I would rather die than be rejected by Nelly. I don't know what it is about Netalai... but he is my light.
No matter what my parents or friends did for me, I felt nothing, so I was always seeking a thrill, doing things I knew I shouldn't, like drugs... torture, anything that made me feel something.
I couldn't spend time with kids my age because of that; they were boring... much like The Idiotic Fire Prince, only wanting to do simple, harmless things that couldn't invoke any excitement.
I found Netalai on the streets one evening after... a day of having fun. I saw him curled up on the ground near rubble, covered in filth, crying, and hugging his knees to his chest.
He was so lovely.
The sun shone on him that day, like a spotlight shining on him just for me, and everything about him sparkled.
As people passed, he was pleading for anyone to help him, to give him a haven for a night or two.
No one bothered to listen, and most pretended not to see him.
I knew God had given me a gift because I felt my blood pumping for the first time, without needing to do anything debased.
So I rescued him and brought him home with me.
My parents were happy to take him in because we had always been well off, and Netalai was a sweet boy... the definition of angelic, and I was his savior.
The thing I liked most about him... was that he needed me.
He was always the first to welcome me home and present me with gifts. He would even convince my parents to wait for me to return so we could have meals together. Always smiling, being so grateful and innocent... I love how he needs me. He already makes me feel important, but I want to be his everything, all that he needs. He's the only thing I possess that matters to me.
It has been 2 years, and now all the Chosen have arrived in the Palace. Insinz arrived last. He became aware of his powers on his own, and like Netalai lost his parents a long time ago, but he didn't cling to anyone for help. Even in the palace, he was very self-sufficient, and I hated him... because Netalai admired him.
During the Ritual of Right Rejection, they were the last 2 to choose their vows. I chose to remove my connection to remorse; I've never felt guilty about anything anyway. After sitting and waiting with him a while, Tana approached me, saying,
"You should leave. I need to sit with the last two so we can go over what is important to them." Her words were unsolicited and irritating. "Some people don't know what matters to them unless they think hard about it. I think Netalai needs more time, and maybe being alone would help." I frowned at her but got up nonetheless and waited outside the door. It was another hour before Netalai made his decision.
"What did you give up?" I asked as soon as I saw him. He looked away from me and said,
"You tell me what your vow was first." He had never been so direct with me, and I hesitated to tell him because I know how he is; there's no way he'd want to be with someone unapologetic.
"I gave up sadness... I am tired of feeling depressed over the past so... I decided to force myself to stop." He looked me in the eyes, melting them into my soul.
"Oh... that doesn't sound like you." He remarked, then he speedily walked away. He's grown... I'm still a few inches taller, and he's also thin compared to me. He is delicate and still so lovely just like the child I pulled out of the gutters, but even more so, now he looks like someone who wouldn't need to beg anyone for help. He's now a being who people would beg to let them kiss the floor he's walked upon or to lick his shoes. Long golden hair that fell past his waist, thick eyebrows and lashes, and soft features. Those features appear extra unhappy today. Is he mad at me? After I arrived in my room, I found Netalai grabbing our deck of cards and walking to the exit,
"Where are you going?" I interrogated. He rolled his eyes at me and said,
"I'm going to play cards with Hyzi." ...Hyzi... who the heck is that?
"Why? Who is that? Do I know him?" He nodded,
"Hyzi is the name Insinz's mother gave him... he said I can call him that because we're friends." Friends?... When did that happen? Have I ever taken my eyes off of Netalai for longer than a moment?
"...Oh... When did you two become so close?" I asked, trying to mask my jealousy and rage.
"Hmm... while you were out at the brothels... I woke up, and you weren't here. He was awake too, so we talked." Because the King and I get along well, I am allowed a bigger room and nicer accommodations than most of the others, as well as being allowed to visit the establishments within 2 miles of the palace, I've only left on nights I knew Netalai was asleep. Netalai is free to come with me, but he doesn't like crowds, so he has always refused. If he did, I would avoid the brothels, someone like him shouldn't be in such a place... I always thought he was in a deep sleep when I left.
"Oh, is that what you're mad about? I'll bring you with me next time." I offered, only to pacify him... I don't think I could stomach watching those whores throw themselves at him.
"No thanks, I'm going to go play cards with Hyzi." Of course, he'd say no. I'm partially relieved, but the rejection still hurts.
He left me for the first time that day, but he'd continue every night for months on end after that.
Sometimes he didn't bring the cards. I hated those nights the most because he'd say they were just going to talk.
Talk?! What value is there in just talking?! Why would he want to talk to Insinz instead of me?!
I frequently broke things in our room to redirect my anger. I had the servants replace them before Netalai could see...
One evening, I was fed up, so I stayed home and drank the Bane I found in the kitchen, waiting for him to return. He didn't... not until 5 minutes before roll call in the morning, and even then, he didn't speak to me.
What is his problem?!
After training, he headed to Insinz's side right away and said,
"Did you understand today's lesson at all?" Insinz nodded and smiled with an air of confidence,
"Yeah, of course."
"Then why were you playing dumb when Tana asked you all those questions?" Netalai asked, his eyes shined with something unfamiliar as they spoke... I hated it.
Insinz tapped his chin as he answered,
"Because it's fun... seeing her frustrated."
Netalai playfully punched his shoulder and grinned widely,
"Wow, you bully! Well, if you actually understood everything, I have some questions..." Netalai started.
"Wait!" I yelled at them, cutting off the conversation. I was staggering, and in dire need of water... sleep... maybe even food. "I can help you... If you need help. I got all the concepts memorized, let me help you." Netalai frowned and then turned away from me.
"No, you should go to sleep, looks like you need it... or get that woman you've been seeing to take care of you." They both walked away from me then, and I fell defeated against the wall, holding my head.
I decided to take their advice and return to the brothel. The girl who usually tends to me, Aria, came to my side immediately, with a glass in her hand and a bottle of Bane-lased wine in the other..
"Oh dear, you look awful." She commented with her thin peach lips. Her short lavender hair fell across her face slightly as she leaned over to pour me a drink, and revealed her cleavage to me, as if by accident. "What's on your mind, sweetie? I'm here to listen." She stated, trying to hand the beverage to me. I slapped it into the wall, shattering the glass, and she yelped in surprise, and then I grabbed her wrist and said,
"I don't want to talk today, let's just go to the back." She relaxed after my suggestion and replied,
"As you wish, my prince."
To me, all bodies are beautiful. I can't say I have a preference, but women came to me easily, even outside of this place. I'm often approached on the street and invited into the homes of numerous women, for an evening of pleasure, on occasion, a man would, but it was much rarer... I have no problem finding someone; people always flock to my side, like moths to a flame.
So why can't I stop thinking of Netalai even when I'm physically inside of another person? Why can't I get him out of my mind?!
And why is he the one pulling away when he should feel lucky to have me?!
After I was finished with here, she lay there next to me, shivering and drenched in sweat while I lit up a joint of Inspiration...
"... It's time to talk," I muttered to myself, then I put out my joint on her shoulder, searing her skin. She screamed, so I leaned down to muffle her with my mouth until I heard the sizzling stop. When I pulled away, she had tears in her eyes and stared up at me, holding her injury. "Stop being dramatic, the wound will be gone in a few hours." I chastened while rolling my eyes, and then I got out of bed and began getting dressed.
"What ... did you want to talk about?" Aria asked tearfully, keeping up the persona like the professional she is. She sat up and hid her bare body by pulling the sheets up over her breasts.
"Oh... that wasn't directed at you. We're done here." I left her and made sure to pay extra for the time we spent together with the hostess so she wouldn't complain too much about how things ended. She did provide a nice distraction, but it didn't last long.
To my surprise, Netalai was in the room tonight, sitting on the bed we share, waiting for me. My heart fluttered with excitement. I'm so happy I might cry.
At least I was happy... until I saw the glare on his face.
"You're home late." He commented.
"Are you jealous or something? I wasn't aware we had that kind of relationship." I remarked bitterly. He didn't respond. He just stared at me coldly. What if he really is jealous? Whatever is wrong, I need to fix it. So, I panicked and added, "It's just a brothel; they mean nothing to me."
I said it just in case, to quell his worries. It was also the truth.
I would love to have more with him... but if I let him get any closer, he'll see the real me and... I know he wouldn't approve.
"Oh... what about the gambling... the drugs... do those things also mean nothing?" I was stunned... when did he find out? My sweet gullible Netalai... My stomach churned knowing I'd been found out...
Who the fuck told him?! Were the servants secretly spying on me? What right do they have to interfere in my relationships?!
"They... I mean... if it bothers you, I can stop... I would do anything for you." He grew quiet again, so I sat next to him and combed my fingers through his hair.
"Did you... Feel bad when you killed Gini?" He interrogated, causing my heart to stutter. It's been years since I even thought about my mom. Why is he bringing her up now?
I put my hand down and replied,
"Of course... she's my mother." I couldn't think of one nice thing to say about her, so I left it at that. I hope that's enough to assure him, if not, I don't know what I'd do.
"You acted sad for a few minutes when I brought it up in the past, but I haven't seen you shed a tear for her, and when I bring her up now, you brush it off, but I loved Gini! She was a kind woman! She gave me a home, and she cared about you! She cared about both of us; she didn't deserve to die." What he was saying didn't affect me, but the passion in his voice did. He's upset... but of course, she didn't deserve to die; most people don't. I couldn't see why it mattered, so I smiled with relief.
"Is that what you're mad about?" I asked with a dismissive chuckle. With such a petty complaint, I'm sure I can win back his favor.
That's when he punched me in the face, so hard I tasted blood, felt my nose break, and fell to my knees all in the same instance.
"Of course I'm mad! This is a big deal! You should be mad at yourself! You disgust me! And you're always grabbing onto me at night, have you ever stopped to consider how that makes me feel?! I don't want to hurt your feelings by pushing you away, but... I need you to keep your hands off of me from now on... I'm moving into my own room." I wiped the blood from my face, then looked up at him and said,
"Wait... Please don't. I'm sorry... What do you want me to say?!" I feel like throwing up. This is a nightmare; it has to be... but if it's not real why am I in so much pain?!
"Nothing. You confuse me... everything you say and do contradicts. You think I was going to play dumb for you forever, huh, bitch? Fuck you." He then grabbed his clothes from our dresser and left the room, slamming the door behind him.
I want to chase him down and drag him back... but I can't. That would only make his hatred grow and if I do that... he won't need me at all. He won't want me.
I'll become trash.