Thread and Spool
When winter comes, it does not come all at once. It is a creeping tide, and rolling thunder and a gentle morning breeze colder than the last. Carrying golden brown leaves from tired tree and whispering past pale cheek, robbing warmth from them as it goes.
From the urban town Deeping in the woods, down a winding path,Panam stood there before a imposing wooden gates, for a long time, she stood there.
POV:Panam
You can a wife that lost a husband a widow and a child who lost their parents an orphan. However what do you call a parent who lost their child? Is it so tragic to not even have a name for it, or is having a name for it worse than not?
These are things I think about because this is the only way I can delay the inevitability of things.
I thumb the yellow flower in my hand, already withereing. Before the ornate gates are a mountain of bouquet flowers. Expensive it would seem. They are all mostly red.
Mine is yellow, because she liked yellow. I take a deep breath again, the cold filling my lungs with sobering clarity. It didn't stop the trepidation in my heart.
I shift forward, my traditional dress rustled. Black, with a red veil over my head. "I need to give this flower to him." I thought to myself. "I owe him that much."
I stepped forward more confident and rang the bell. Once, silence, twice... three time...
The intercom chimed in, the voice behind it lulled with a nasal tone.
"Yes?"
I answer slowly. "Rodrick. May I... have an audience with Mr. Woods."
A brief silence then, "You may leave your flowers at the gate, miss Frei."
I consider it. I seriously do. I'd rather do that but I'd rather not a flower speak for me, that was not my intention in the first place after all.
"I rather give it to him myself. And, I would like to... Speak to him. Personally. Please."
The intercom cuts off and the gate does not open. A gust of wind flanks and the less secured flowers brush along with it. I look up to see the churning low hanging clouds.
It looked as though it I stood on my toes that if I touch it, it would carry my away and swallow me in the grey.
Forward the gate doesn't open still and I know that I will not enter. Half if me expected such. I turn on a heel and begin shuffling away. Of course why would Reina's father see me.
I survived and she did not. He must hate me for that. I don't blame him.
A loud buzz almost blared and I turned before the gates slowing groaned back with the mechanical patience of a lumbering ancient wood.
Was it a mistake? Do I enter?
As if to answer me gale whips past me shoving me from behind and I stumble forward. I shiver clutching my arm inch closer to the mansion.
POV: Panam
Autumn leaves scrape along the floor, whisp all about me, one crashed about my head. I do not look up, atleast not high enough, atleast not to the monument timber I March to.
Is it still the same as I remember?
When I was younger, a little girl back then I came here. Reina would her friends, me. To play with her at her manor.
I look up from the cobbled path looking at all the aged statues of the men and women. Silk poured over them into robes and dresses billowing in non-existant winds I do not have to endure on top of this one.
Carved from wood, almost everything that could be wood was wood. Different shades, different texture, hardness, colour and quality of wood kept from being a shade of brown.
I would not have thought that these tall regal figures were all servants that had died while still employed with the Woods family. Not because it was dangerous but due to natural causes. Reina assured me on that one.
I notice myself shudder, and tug my jacket a little closer. Blowing warm air into cupped hands stepping up the stairs into the mouth of the main building swallowed into a hallway of wood, it shielded the wind from me. Sniffing quickly, I gathered myself reaching the carved window of a coiling snake that was the door.
My hand lifted and knocked the door lightly. That is what I wanted to do. The door had groaned open suddenly, my heart almost lept in my chest.
Two heads taller than me a women stoop besides the door, looking down her nose at me with those cold grey eyes of hers making me feel like a child again.
They looked tired somehow and when they narrowed at the sight of me it looked like I offended her with my existence. And the same neutrality returned, as far as deeper lines chipped deeper into her face would allow. Her white and brown dress was elegant.
It was Reina's nanny, I think. She never said what her job was exactly but answering the door seemed to be one of them. With the pendulum that was her arm swung out as she stepped aside.
Her words came out in a a practiced flow, "Goenmaret, Nave. Sablief, Ve tro komen."
I blinked the words sounding both foreign and familiar at the same time. I almost forgot to understand noble talk. 'Good evening, miss. Please come in.' I think.
Quickly start trying to kick off my shoes.
"Ah-ah."
I froze, her motherly voice sounding louder than it actually was, like I had done something very wrong. But I wasn't, it's proper to take your shoes off before entering someone's house.
"Keep your shoes on, miss Frei. It is best you simply go as you are." More a command than a suggestion.
I knew what that meant. That I wasn't going to stay long. Like I was here to just drop off the flower but I wanted to talk to Mr. Wood, I remember saying that.
I glance at her then to Rodrick just ahead, his expression hidden behind his bushy white mustache. Settling back into my shoes I stepped inside.
It's warm. Not the stuffy, stagnant heat class would have when the radiator was left on. A kind of comforting warmth that made me forget why I was ever shivering.
It was especially surprising when I knew where I was. The room was massive, it made me feel even smaller than I already felt beside the nanny. A dome of decorated glass glowed a warm red illuminating everything, three statues of hunters perched on the ledge with lazy notched bows. Below were heads. Heads of dozens, perhaps hundreds of mountain lion heads frozen in a roar down at me.
Around me, the room was well furnished with a grand table that seemed to serve no purpose other than look good which it did a good job in doing.
I have never been in the manor before. If the rest of the place looked like this why would Reina ever want to stay away from it as much as she did.
The nanny floated past me to Rodrick just beyond the paned door, her footsteps heavier and rushed. An earshot away from me they were talking with the serious urgency of a live bomb.
For a brief moment the nanny snapped her head at me with the unschooled expression of... anger? It ended when Rodrick nodded saying something and she stepped past him.
He fixed me a warm look approaching slowly.
"Ahem. Morning young lady. I do hope you're not cold, indeed the weather is particularly turbulent this coming winter."
I glanced behind at the empty door. "Why was she so mad at me. Did I do something?"
He paused thoughtfully for a moment, "Your business is with Master Woods, correct." He said, "You need not know useless matters outside of it, miss Frei."
He bowed lightly, turned on a heel and walked ahead, varnished plank echoed under him.
"This way, miss Frei."
I started following him trying to keep up with his controlled stride. Past the paned door a long arch stretched out as if ribs of a titanic long boat hung over me. Four modest doors sat on either side. Vintage paintings hung between them.
A carpet drawn the length muted our steps, stairs led up on the other side and we climbed to the second floor. Same as the first hallway except there were more doors and on the far end an ornate double door held my attention.
If Mr. Woods were anywhere it's definitely there. I kept walking forward when Rodrick took a sharp turn and stopped beside one of the doors.
He gestured and I couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed, glancing back to that ornate door. Standing in front of the door now he rasped three knocks, paused, then opened the door for me allowing me to enter.
My view swung open to see a dark room, the curtains had been closed shut and the flickering candles and crackling fireplace were the only source of light. Bronze and silver or what looked to be shimmered on an abandoned table on the left.
Turning to my right two wide blue couches faced the fireplace and I noticed two figures. One sat faced to the hearth hunched, the other very tall figure had her hands on her knees and low posture close to the other.
The words were too hard to make out from here as I waited in front of the door for them to finish talking. After a moment however the other raised a hand to her and looked over his shoulder.
Measured voice boomed through the room. "Rodrick."
At the corner of my eye Rodrick seemed to straighten more than I thought possible, "Yes, master Woods. It is I. With me, the guest."
Softer than before Mr. Woods said, "Thank you. Please, you may leave."
Rodrick bowed a full ninety degrees before leaving the room gently closing the door behind him. I stepped cautiously closer hearing her speak again, clearer this time.
"Please, I should be present. I need to be there." Her voice was rasped.
"...I believe what I said applies to you too."
She stuttered for a moment before straightening to her full height.
"Consider it." She hissed.
Without another second she stormed off bumping me aside, the door yelped open and barked closed.
A long sigh filled the emptied silence.
"Sit."
I stepped forward, my muted steps on the carpeted floor seemed too loud now. I took the other couch.
I looked to my side to see him.
In business shoes my father wears and pants to the untucked collared shirt ending in bishop sleeves. A rough old hand nurses a slim pink patterned book close, the right resting on a leg folded over the other.
Long parted grey hair frames his face in the warm light, almost hiding the stubble of a beard growing on a face carved from granite rather than wood.
He is elegant in a way a caged eagle is. With a fatigue sleep cannot fix.
I remember the flower. Compared to everything I had seen of this mansion it would be a useless thing. The flowers outside were supposed to be collected and displayed on Reina's coffin.
He gave it a sparing glance, twin points of full gold regarded it and looked up to me.
"What's this?" He mumbled.
"A-a flower. Reina liked the colour yellow the most. Said it matched her eyes." I said. "I just thought out of all the flowers outside this was better."
Mr. Woods reached out his hand and I had to stand from my seat to give it to him before returning back. He examined it rolling the worn stem between his thumb and index.
"Sorry it's all I could afford." I bowed my head.
"No. No, this will do. She did quite like yellow didn't she." He said more to himself then looked at me with those golden eyes of his. "Were you close to my daughter?"
I couldn't help but smile a little, nodding quickly I answered, "We were best friends."
"Interesting... She said she didn't have any of those." He slowly looked out at the flickering fireplace.
I stumbled out the words, "wah-well, she really did say that at least. Before-before..."
'Before she died.' I thought.
"Don't worry. I believe you. That child of mine did have the tendency to keep secrets from me."
He huffed a chuckle, then that sigh again.
"What is your business here truly, young lady." His voice grew hoarse coughing into his fist and continued, "If it is to give me this flower, you may go."
"No. I just thought that I should apologise." I admit.
His eyes do not leave the fireplace. "Spare me. Last thing I want is some girl apologising, lending unwanted sympathy."
"I was there you know. I was with her, when it happened... They took me too."
He offered a sideways look, "You're..." He said experimentally.
"My name is Panam Frei." I look down.
He shifted in his seat to face me, "Tell me everything." His voice rang barely above a whisper. "How long were you with her?"
"The whole evening after school." I answered.
"Tell me from start to finish. Not like the damned news. Tell me like a story." His voice louder.
But I don't know how to do that, imagine stories. Not telling them. My eyes drifted to the pink book in his hand and the yellow flower in the other.
This is what more I can give him.
I told him everything. What I thought was everything. The room was a lot dimmer as the fireplace died.
When it ended he hunched over himself, head buried in his hands as he thought. I had told him how I didn't tell Reina to go home sooner, called to someone for help when we were being followed and I broke that handbrake that got us stuck on the track.
I forced myself to speak, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." Why did it hurt to talk? "I am foolish and reckless and absent-minded." My vision was blurry. "I'm sorry... It was my fault. It should've been me... She should've been the one to live..."
I had no strength in me no longer. I crumbled over myself. Still trying to hold myself up from ruining the couch any more than my tears already flowing from my face.
Time passed and I do not know how long before I stopped crying. Still I kept my head buried ashamed to see the disgust and hate that must be on Mr. Woods. I hoped he had left me alone to be pathetic, alone. I deserved to be alone.
I heard him rise, step slowly to me, and in a soft voice he said, "Raise your head."
I inched up slowly, shielding my ruined face from him in my hand.
In my view was his hand, in it an offered handkerchief.
"Use it."
I hesitated, it seemed too valuable. More valuable than me to use and I was already being a burden. "I'm sorry." I said again.
"Don't be sorry. Tidy your face, it's unladylike karuvsnie—" he caught himself. "Take it."
I picked it up from him and wiped my face with it ending it with blowing my nose into it.
He cleared his throat, "Be so kind as to toss it to the flames."
I do as told.
As it burnt away slowly, Mr. Woods sat beside me at the other end from my pool of grief marked on the couch.
"I do not blame you, young lady." He sighed more earnestly, "Terrible... events happen and at times no matter what you do, you end up losing something..." His heavy hand rested on my back, it was warm, my shoulders relaxed a little. "I appreciate your flower, and your coming to speak with me."
I swallowed trying my best not to cry again.
His hand left and he pushed himself up with renewed energy as he continued, "It's best you go now. I'll have Rodrick drive you home. I will not take 'no' for an answer."
I sniffled and wiped fresh tears away with my sleeve, "I'll find whoever did this: the gang that was behind this. I'll report them and I'm sure they'll be hanged for what they did." I declared.
He moved to the fireplace taking an iron fire rod poking at the flames. "Bold words. But you know, I feel the same way as you. I've hired a competent private investigator." He admitted, I was a little taken aback. "I tell you this because I don't want you running around the street getting yourself in trouble." Small fires erupted illuminating the room. "So if you want to assist I suggest you provide him with the information you know and carry on with your life. Her death is my own business."
Mr. Woods led me to a bright room downstairs to wait in himself, calling for Rodrick as he left me there. Minutes later the two men saw me to the car and Mr. Woods said his curt goodbyes.
Looking back at the manor, the titan of a place with its masterfully crafted wood, I spotted a pulled back curtain, behind it that nanny again. There were no other maids doing this so why only her. Perhaps she was a head maid.
The car rolled out and through the gates, the statues seemed less imposing, the clouds a little far out of reach. I felt lighter. Like a portion of that weight on my chest had been lifted.
I was almost glad I had talked to Reina's father, he was much kinder than I thought. He did look the part of a gentleman if a little less groomed.
But it was draining. Between the walking, nerves, sobbing it took a lot out of me.
I leaned my head against the window to rest, maybe even fall asleep, but a hard bump jostled the car and instead I yelped as I hit the window with the side of my head.
"Are you alright?" He called while I rubbed my head.
"Yeah, yes!" I hissed through gritted teeth.
He looked through the rear view mirror for a moment, "I am grateful you spoke to master Woods. Poor goodman had been in a melancholic state in that room for quite some time now. You certainly helped it just a little bit."
Is that supposed to be a compliment? If it is I never know how to respond to compliments so I fall back to the tried and true method.
I said, "Thank you." Something came to my mind, or someone. "What is that maid's problem. I remember she always gives me that ugly face and even pushed me on one occasion. Why does she hate me?"
"I suppose I owe you some sort of explanation." He turned into the main road. "You see the Woods do not marry and the only women that are allowed to stay at the manor happen to be servants." He checked the rear mirror again.
The cogs in my head turning, trying to connect the pieces I thought hard. "Wait can't they just be together outside of marriage then, stay outside the manor?"
"Not in the case of the head master. I have said too much however." He replied.
If he can't marry, can't bring other women into the manor but still had Reina. That would have to be...
"The servants. He had a child with one of them..."
I blurted to myself.
"That nanny, wasn't just a nanny. She was probably..."
I was left to stir in the thought for a long time. Rodrick dropped me off and I went straight to my room. I sneezed for the first time today, I must have caught a cold. Collapsing into my bed, wrapping myself in a warm blanket I lay there. That was all I wanted to do for a long time.