I suddenly stopped in front of the doorway of the room. I — I couldn't wrap my head around it.
Alexis turns toward me seeing that I'm not moving, which quickly snaps me out of my daze. I close the door behind me and walk toward Alexis, who is standing by his mother's bed.
Alexis: "What's wrong?"
Me: "I didn't know she was your mom."
Alexis looks at me with a puzzled expression, then finally understands that I had seen her at the little one's birthday party.
My gaze falls on the woman, who looks like she's sleeping peacefully.
It occurs to me that Alexis doesn't know that at the party, it wasn't the first time I had seen her — he doesn't know she's the woman I've been talking about at every opportunity I get, and he doesn't know that even though nothing happened, a very strange atmosphere had formed between us. He doesn't know.
The image of the man who was screaming at me comes back into my head. That was probably the stepfather he told me about. I understand now that the woman I'm drawn to is Alexis's mother. My heart dropped into my stomach.
But I catch myself — and then I remember that Alexis told me they were getting divorced. But that doesn't mean she'll be mine either. Especially since she's Alexis's mom, for crying out loud!
I don't want to hurt him. Better to stay quiet and do nothing.
I then notice that Alexis is looking at me with a worried expression.
Me: "Sorry, champ. It's just that I realized the man I had a run-in with at the party is your stepfather — and his... wife, your mom."
Alexis: "Ex-wife," Alexis corrects me. "So you're the one he was complaining about!"
Me: "What did he say?" I ask, curious.
Alexis rubs the back of his head — a sign that he's embarrassed.
Alexis: "Well, he said you were apparently trying to kidnap my sister, and that you were planning to..." He stops and doesn't continue, just looks at me.
I feel my stomach knot up. A sudden urge to throw up hits me, but I stay strong for my champ and don't let him see how shaken I am.
Alexis: "But now that I know it was you, I want to apologize — because I was kind of on board with some of what he said and even went as far as calling you every name in the book."
Me: "Don't worry about it, I get it." I say and ruffle his hair.
We then sit down in the chairs and he tells me about the days he wasn't able to fill me in on.
At some point, he tells me he has to go help his aunt with his little sister — whose name, he tells me, is Luna. I want to follow, but he stops me and asks me to keep an eye on his mom.
I watch him leave, then move closer to his mother's bedside. I see her hand in front of me. I want to hold it. I want to reassure myself — I so badly want to hold her hand, but I know I can't.
I lift my gaze to her face and take it in.
"She's so beautiful." Despite that thought, I know I can't go any further — and I shouldn't even think about it.
I then feel something make itself known in my hand. I look down and realize I had taken her hand without noticing.
I try to gently pull it away, but the hand tightens around mine. I look up in a panic and find her beautiful eyes resting on me.
I freeze, and she smiles at me. I don't even realize that I'm smiling back.
Me: "You're awake." I finally let out the breath that was almost completely cut off.
She tries to speak but stops — I understand quickly and start to get up, but she doesn't want to let go of our hands, and she stops me.
Me: "I'm just going to get you some water." I reassure her. She finally lets go of my hand.
I pour water from the pitcher into the plastic cup and bring it to her.
I realize I need to help her sit up. I set the cup on the small table beside the bed and help her up.
She settles back against the headboard. Then she drinks the water after I hand her the cup.
I take the cup back once she's done. I have a tissue in my pocket — I pull it out without thinking and dab the corners of her mouth. And I catch myself, eyes fixed on her lips, realizing what I'm doing. I can't bring myself to look up at her eyes. The sound of footsteps in the hallway followed by the voices of Alexis and a woman is what pulls me out of my daze.
I stand up and quietly excuse myself. The room door opens — Alexis comes in followed by what must be his aunt, who is holding the little girl from last time. Alexis's little sister, Luna.
Alexis notices that his mom is finally awake and rushes toward her. The aunt is also surprised and approaches her sister with the little one.
The woman is overjoyed to see her children again. She has tears in her eyes but tries to keep it together.
After hugging her son, she reaches out for little Luna. Mother and daughter are so happy to be in each other's arms.
Without realizing it, I have a big smile plastered on my face.
Alexis turns toward me with a smile. I smile back.
Alexis: Dad, thank you for coming. he says, then moves closer and pulls me into a hug.
I'd be lying if I said I don't feel awkward. I wasn't expecting him to call me that in front of his family.
My discomfort comes from the fear that his mom or his aunt might take it the wrong way and be upset with Alexis. I don't want to see him sad.
I hug him back, holding him in my arms too.
Then he pulls away and smiles at me before going back to his family.
My phone starts ringing. I excuse myself, step out, and answer my mom's call.
Me: Hey, mom.
She asks if I can come by the house and I tell her maybe a little later since I have something urgent to take care of.
She says she understands and we say our goodbyes before hanging up.
Me: Love you, bye.
I'm putting my phone back in my pocket when I turn around and see the aunt walking toward me.
She asks if I can join her in the cafeteria. I say yes and follow her.
She asks if she can ask me something, and I tell her she already is — and I smile.
She realizes I'm teasing her and smiles too. Then I tell her yes and I listen to her.
She asks me why Alexis calls me his dad. I smile and start explaining what led to him calling me that.
Without knowing it, on their end, Alexis's mother is asking him the same thing. Alexis explains to her exactly what I'm explaining to his aunt.
Alexis: You didn't think I'd call anyone else dad.
Alexis's mom: I didn't think you'd call anyone that at all.
Alexis shrugs and smiles.
Alexis: She's not a bad person — she's my second parent. She treats me like her own kid, mom. And most of all, she helped me a lot when things were rough.
Alexis takes his mother's hand and looks at her, pleading with his eyes not to be against his choice. His mother sighs, then nods in understanding and presses a kiss to her son's forehead.
We quickly went to grab some sandwiches and drinks.
After getting the food, we headed right back to join the others.
Coming back in, I saw Alexis deep in conversation with his mom — then they noticed us.
Alexis came over and grabbed his sandwich and drink.
While we eat, I notice the little one's eyes fixed on me.
I look at her and she looks at me, then hides in her mom's arms. I smile.
Then, seeing her peek at me again, I quickly hide my smile and we lock eyes once more before she hides again. This happens two more times, and then I can no longer hold back my smile at how cute she is — and the little one smiles back, like she won.
Because from the very first time, she had figured out that when she looks at me, I stop smiling.
She has a very striking way of looking at me. Maybe it's the same with others, but I get the feeling that when she looks at me, she sees something fascinating.
I'm not really sure why.
She signals to her mom that she wants to get down, then shyly makes her way toward me — only to fake me out and go to her brother sitting beside me.
She hides behind him, but I take the opportunity to poke her cheeks. When she looks up, I stop and act like nothing happened.
Then out of the corner of my eye I notice she's still watching me when I'm about to do it again.
Despite her watchful gaze, I can't help but poke her cheeks again.
Me: Oh, you're blushing. You're embarrassed. I tell her very softly, all while continuing to tease her.
And I end up having a whole conversation with her. I'm happy to see that despite her shyness, she talks back to me — which keeps a permanent smile on my face.
In the end, I find myself with the little one asleep in my arms. I look at her tenderly.
Me:"You're going to start adopting every kid you come across, seriously."
I think maybe my mom is right when she says I need my own family — after all the times I've told her I want little ones to raise and give all the love in the world to.
I lean down and kiss her forehead.
And then I catch myself, remembering she's not my daughter and that her mother is right there.
I feel a pang in my heart, but I look up. I notice their expressions carry a smile. It's a strange way to put it, but that's the impression they give me.
[}{]
After the doctor confirms that the woman can go home, I help them out.
...
I start getting a lot closer to the family in the days that follow.
...
Alexis often asks me to help his mom — at first it's on school days, but later it's even during breaks. The help he asks for is never anything impossible to do.
...
So slowly but surely, I grow closer to the mother. Which wasn't something I was really planning on.
...
They finally have their own place and I'm there helping them move in. Alexis's mom's divorce is also being finalized.
I forgot to mention that I know her name. She's called Perla. I've just gotten used to calling her "the woman" or "Alexis's mom."
In reality, I do that in my head to create a sense of distance between her and me.
Because despite how close we've gotten, I'm scared of building up false hope and hurting myself over it.
But most of all, if there really is something there, I'm scared of not being good enough for her.
...
I'm exhausted — I'm coming back from a long day at work. Today's demonstrations meant a lot of people needed to come by the garage. I even had to roll up my sleeves and get my hands dirty.
The inside of my nails is black from the motor oil even after washing them.
I go over to Alexis's place to see him and the little one. I couldn't play with them for long because without realizing it I fall asleep.
...
I feel someone waking me up.
...
This kind of moment happens several times.
...
Until the day I can't take it anymore. I kiss her.
She's close to me. Her perfume tenderly filling my senses. Her eyes, which are constantly bewitching me, fixed on mine. And her smile, so gentle, melting my heart every single moment.
She never stops surprising me. Before the kiss, I come to know her as a loving, kind, enthusiastic person, full of warmth.
Seeing her so radiant, I kiss her. I can no longer hold back — I need her lips.
Her lips are so soft, so sweet. I get addicted very quickly. They're my new favorite treat.
...
The next day I notice she's ignoring me. And so I finally understand — or rather, my heart finally understands what my brain has been stubbornly trying to tell me — that I'm too much.
I know I don't want to replace anyone or take anyone's place, but I so badly want to be by their side. But it's not a good thing.
I quickly say goodbye to the little one, noticing that Alexis has stepped inside the house.
I hold her tight without hurting her or squeezing too hard — because this might be the last time I see her.
Alexis tries to tell me to stay but I tell him I have a family emergency, and I leave after hugging him.
I get home, drop my things on the chair, and lie down on the bed. I fight it in vain, but they flow without me being able to stop them.
...
Two days later, I finish packing my suitcase. I'm ready to go.
I put my suitcase in the trunk and get ready to get in.
I hear a voice calling out to me that I recognize as Alexis's and I turn around.
I see him get out of the passenger seat of a car and run toward me. I feel a pang in my heart but keep my expression neutral.
He looks panicked — I can tell he has tears in his eyes.
He reaches me and starts talking to me, struggling a lot because of his tears, but I manage to catch part of it and respond.
Me: "I'm going with my family..."
Before I can finish, he says:
Alexis: But we're your family too.
Seeing him too worked up, I pull him into my arms and try to calm him down.
And through his sobs he tells me not to leave. Not to abandon them. The pang comes back — but now it's more like a stab wound.
His mom is standing behind Alexis. Her gaze fixed on mine.
Alexis pulls back and his mother asks him to give us a moment.
Once he's out of earshot, she looks at me and says:
Perla: Is this my fault?
I quickly shake my head and tell her no.
Me: My family planned a family trip. I wanted to invite you when I came by last time, but you made it pretty clear you didn't want to talk to me. So it's just me and my parents.
Perla: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ignore you.
Me: And yet that's exactly what you did.
Perla: I was thrown off...
I say nothing and wait for her to continue.
She looks me straight in the eyes and says:
Perla: ...By you. And by what you make me feel. It's a feeling that seems so familiar, but also so unknown and new.
Perla: You make me feel things that scare me.
Me: So it's a bad thing, I see.
Perla: No... That's not what I'm trying to say.
Me: It's okay. Anyway — I'll admit that from the moment I saw you I wanted to make you mine, but I kept putting limits on myself out of respect for you.
Me: When I found out who you were, out of respect for you and your kids, I buried my feelings. But I'll admit that doesn't hide the obvious pull I feel toward you. I just don't want to scare you or make you uncomfortable. Tell Alexis I'll call him. Goodbye.
And I leave.
...
I arrive at my parents' place and they're a little disappointed to see me alone, but they hide it very quickly.
I get into the van with my dad and my mom.
My car ends up staying in the garage.
While my parents talk to each other, I let myself go back through all the moments spent with Alexis's family.
I remember the moment Alexis appointed himself head of repairs in the new house, and how I ended up having to step in because he was clearly making things worse, not better.
I remember the little knowing glances between her and me.
The movie nights with the kids falling asleep before the end of the film, followed by our long conversations that brought me so much comfort and peace.
I remember the days we decided to make pizzas, knowing full well that the first attempt was a disaster — and so were the ones after. We'd end up with flour all over the floor.
I remember her smile when I gave her the pendant with her initial on the front and back, set in a sophisticated floral design, with a photo of her family inside. Her eyes lit up so much.
I remember her moments of doubt, where I gave her my unconditional support, and how much I wanted her to know that.
I remember the moments where I found myself in the middle of a panic attack, and her — never leaving my side.
I remember the first drawing Luna ever gave me. The first medal Alexis brought back from his judo championship.
I remember the barbecues, the music, the food, the dancing, and the laughter.
A flood of other memories comes back to me, making my decision to pull away even harder.
This family weekend is going to give me a chance to unwind as best I can by spending time with my parents. It'll also give Perla some breathing room since my studio is only a 40-minute walk from my parents' house.
I'm lying to myself if I say I don't miss them — but I don't want to force my presence on anyone.
Me:"Is this cowardice on my part? Probably..."
...
My parents and I finally arrive at the cabin and we start grabbing our bags to get settled in.
I help my dad get the barbecue ready for the evening.
I see my mom on the phone, looking worried. I ask my dad what's bothering her. He tells me it's nothing serious and that she'll tell us about it later.
After finishing the preparations, I let my dad know I'm going to go rest. He tells me that he and my mom are going to do the grocery shopping in the meantime.
Back in the room, I can't stop thinking about my little family.
It's hard to tell myself I'm going to leave them behind. I'm starting to doubt my own decisions. Am I not acting like a child by choosing to run away?
Me:"I should have tried to convince her... To let me take care of them."
I feel an enormous wave of guilt for having left my little family behind.
I'm letting all my dark thoughts win — which isn't a good thing. It's ruining a potentially wonderful future.
No matter that she's Alexis's mom — I should think of that as a bonus. Why am I acting like a coward?
Me:"Damn..."
I grab my phone and finally decide to call Perla.
I try several times without success. Every time I get her voicemail. I decide not to leave a message while I sort through my thoughts and figure out how I'm going to apologize.
So I lie down on the bed and put my arm over my face to block out the light.
...
I can't believe it — she's right there in front of me. Her perfect smile plastered on her face.
Me:"She's beautiful."
She's wearing an emerald green dress that looks stunning on her.
I walk toward her and take her in my arms. I feel like I can finally breathe.
A small thought crosses my mind but doesn't ruin the moment. The thought tells me this is a dream.
It's like I know it's true but I have no way to control any of it — I'm just enjoying the moment.
...
I feel something brush against my nose, and I rub my nose since the feeling won't go away.
The sensation comes back again, which makes me quickly grab whatever is causing it and finally open my eyes.
I'm a little dazzled but my eyes adjust fast. I then hear laughter.
I open my eyes fully and see Perla right in front of me, smiling at me. It's her hand — holding a feather — that I grabbed.
Perla: You're awake. she notes.
I sit up. So does she.
Despite my joy, I don't understand what she's doing in the cabin — and especially in my room. I start telling myself I must still be dreaming.
Perla: No, sweetheart, you're not dreaming.
I realize I said that out loud.
Perla: You're cute.
She looks at me and I look at her. We have such a tendency to do that. It's like we can understand each other through a simple look — and calm each other too. It's such a comfortable kind of connection.
Me: I'm sorry.
She looks at me with a questioning expression.
Me: For always trying to run away without giving us a chance.
Her eyes well up.
Me: I should have given you time to process what you were feeling, and also understood that even if you've been single for several months now, that doesn't necessarily mean you're ready for a new relationship.
I lower my head.
Me: I should have told you how I feel without expecting any kind of response from you, or rushing you into anything.
Me: So I'm going to tell you now — but please, don't feel obligated to accept me. I'm just going to try to be selfish and think about myself for once.
I take her hand.
Me: Honestly, the first time I saw you, I didn't want to look away. But then I saw you pull one of the kids into your arms in the park — probably Alexis, though I hadn't recognized him yet.
She smiles, and so do I.
Me: On top of coming to the park for Alexis, I started coming to catch a glimpse of you too. But I eventually gave up after not being able to see you — it made me really sad, but there was nothing I could do about it.
Me: Then Mrs. Thomis comes into the picture, and she manages to talk me into coming to her son's birthday party.
Me: We see each other again, and I realize I wasn't the only one feeling all these complicated, hard-to-describe emotions.
A tear escapes from her eyes, and others follow.
Me: I find out you already had a family, and a beautiful daughter. I don't know why, but seeing that child made me appreciate you even more.
Me: But I didn't want to be a homewrecker. You seemed to be in a happy relationship from where I stood. So I decided to step back. You know the rest.
I start playing with her fingers.
Me: I love you. I was never able to tell you that, but I'm telling you now. I love you so much. I can't get through my days anymore without asking myself how my little family is doing.
Me: I just can't do it anymore.
Perla: Your little family?
Me: Yes, my little family. It doesn't have to mean we're—
She interrupts me by kissing me. I don't know how it's possible, but flashes of the future come to me.
Perla: I love you. Me too, I love you. She finally tells me.
We kiss again, and I tell myself that this future is surely going to happen.
[}^{]
Officiant: I now pronounce you wife and wife.
We kiss.
[}^{]
Alexis: Dad, we're going to be late.
Me: I'm coming! Just let me grab my jacket. Go wait in the car.
Perla: And my kiss.
Alexis goes and gives his mom a kiss.
Perla: I thought you stopped calling your mama "dad."
Alexis: It's our thing, mom — and besides, it doesn't matter what I call her.
Perla: Okay, go ahead.
Me: Alright, I've got everything.
I walk over to Perla and give her a kiss.
Me: My wifey, goodbye.
Perla: Wait...
Me: Hmm?
She bites her lower lip and says:
Perla: Can you drop the kids off at their grandparents' after?
Me: Yeah, why?
Perla then looks at me intently.
Perla: I want you all to myself tonight.
Me: Oh?
Perla: Oh...
Me: Oh!
I finally catch on to what she's implying.
Me: Got it. I'll let my parents know — they'll be thrilled to have them.
[}^{]
Perla: Not like that, no! I told you those dishes were supposed to go over there.
Me: Okay, calm down.
Perla: Don't tell me to calm down. I feel like you're not even helping right now.
Me: Okay, that one hurt.
Perla: Wait. I'm sorry.
Me: No, it's fine — I'll just get out of your way.
...
Perla: Baby, I'm sorry. I know you were just trying to help. I shouldn't have let my stress hurt you when none of this is your fault.
Perla: Forgive me, okay?
Me: I can forgive you on one condition.
Perla: Which is?
Me: Would you wear the lingerie you bought yourself tonight?
Perla: You never miss an opportunity.
I nod with a smile. She gives me a kiss.
Perla: I'll do you one better — I'll also put on the uniform. she whispers in my ear.
My eyes light up.
Me: For real?
And she nods.
Me: Yes! And I start fist pumping.
I can't hide my excitement.
[}^{]
Luna: I'm scared, mama.
Me: It's okay, baby. It's not going to hurt, I promise.
Me: You trust me, don't you?
She nods.
Me: Come on then.
...
Me: See? It didn't hurt. You can go show mommy while you wait for the tooth fairy to come.
Luna: Okay. Thank you, mama.
She gives me a hug before going to find her mother.
[}^{]
The tears won't stop running down my face.
Me: It's so sad.
Perla: Are you crying?
She starts laughing and I give her a gentle shove.
Me: Stop making fun of me.
Perla: Always such a softie when it comes to movies. But always so cute about it.
She gives me a kiss.
Perla: I love you.
Me: I love you too.
[}^{]
Dazzling moonKeep on dazzling usThis wonder in my armsSparkling beneath your lightShe ignites me, sets me ablaze.I can only let her.She never stops surprising me.
Dazzling moonThank you for letting me witnessSuch a precious, breathtaking sightI melt in the face of her gentlenessI am moved by her perseveranceAll I want is to hold herBut I don't want to dimHer brilliance — I want only to cherish it.
Dazzling moonI only want to love herI want to share in her sufferingI want to share in her joyI want to share her highs and her lowsI want her by my sideI want to lose myself in her gazeI want to chase her lipsI want to show the world our love
Dazzling moonThank you for putting her in my pathYour night is eternalIn our memoriesThis is not only the work of fateBut of the love between two soulsWho think selflesslyOnly of each other's happiness.I have become a defenderFor I have found my rare pearl.
I keep watching the moon from the balcony when I feel a pair of arms wrap around me.
She rests her head on my shoulder.
I turn to hold her in my arms. We stay like that for a moment before going inside our room and lying down on our bed, wrapped in each other's arms.
Me: You know, Perla — from the moment I first laid eyes on you, I knew you were going to be stuck in my heart forever, like a tattoo.