Everyday I knew that I could often be too much to handle, but it was only my big brother who didn't make me feel like a burden to him, no matter how much he complained about me. He wasn't an affectionate person, but that didn't mean that he disliked when others put in effort for him. Even though he had a habit of excluding himself from, everyone else still tried to pull him into their activities, and as far as I remember, Bo-Geom never left Hyuk any chance to be alone at all. Mother told me that Hyuk had fallen under her spell when she lived with us for a short time and she took him by the hand everywhere she and Hana went. But I trusted Bo-Geom that she wouldn't take my brother away from me, when he finally plucked up the courage to confess his feelings to her that was. I had no idea what was talking him so long, but he had better hurry up and marry, so he could have a home of his own and take me with him. The further I get away from my father, the better it will be for the best, although I will miss my twin sisters terribly. They were the only joys I had in my life, apart from my mother.
Just the thought of my beautiful mother brought tears to my eyes; as far as I could remember, she was the only person who loved me unconditionally and defended me from her precious husband time and time again. She didn't deserve the shameful dishonour that I was bringing onto my whole family, but I had no choice. In this one struggle that I was fighting against, I had absolutely nobody that I could talk to at all. And it was killing me, that I couldn't just simply lay my head on my mother's lap and unbidden myself to her like I always could. She was my best friend, my personal diary and the the only person in this cruel world who could take my away from my violent thoughts and my rage that supposedly even surpassed my father's, which was saying a lot.
"Hwan? Haven't you still gotten dressed yet? Goodness, do I have to dress you myself again like I used to?" "Well…if you insist…" "Hwan!" "What? What can I say brother? I just miss you so much ever since you started working and…will you stop hitting me? What is it with you and your violent mood swings today?" "Shut up with your slimy affections, you sound just like Hana. I thought I was well rid of her since she married our cousin, I don't need her shadow following me everywhere as well. Now stand up and undress yourself, and I am not going to wait for you all day long." "Brother?" "Shut up and get ready." "Brother?" "I mean it! Shut up already!" "Brother?" "What? What is it already?" "I want to ask you something?" "Go on?" "So when you finally manage to persuade Bo-Geom to marry you, will you take me with you?" "What do you mean?" "Won't you move out to a separate home with your wife?" "Why are you acting as if I am getting married tomorrow? And why Bo-Geom….?" "Becuase anyone with eyes can see how much you love her. You just confessed to her right? Isn't that why your face is as red as a baboon's bottom right now?" "Why do you have to spoil everything? Can't you just let me enjoy my happiness in silence for a few moments? For goodness sake, I wonder what kind of karma I have to have such interfering siblings."
"What exactly are you saying son? You know that your siblings only tease you because they love you so much." "Mother! This halfwit that you birthed will be the death of me!" "Mother! Look how your firstborn insults me to no end! This is why you should love me more than him." "Mother!" "Mother!" "Goodness gracious, it is as if you are both children again! Will the both of you never grow up?" "I will never understand why you chose to have more children when you already had a boy and a girl each." "Hey!" "Do you think I have any choice in the matter when it came to having any of my children?" "What do you mean?" "You can ask your father if you do not believe me, but he hounded me to death to have each and every one of you and I never had the strength to stop him. And most especially you, Hwan. He always wanted a second son after being so proud of his stubborn first-born." "Mother…ouch! Hwan!" "What? You already hugged mother, I want her affection as well!" "My two baby boys. Come here and I will dress the both of you myself. We should head out and start greeting all of the guests who have cleared their busy schedules to create this event for us. Hwan, I want you to smile at everyone sincerely and thank them for all of the time and effort that they have put into throwing you this party. Hyuk, I want you to start transferring the gifts over to our home with your cousins. And tell Hana and Ari to start looking over the preparations, and we will start very soon." "Ok mother, I will do as you say."
As soon as my brother left, I immediately ran to my mother and wrapped my arms around her like I used to as a child, even though she was so much smaller than I was. "Hwan, stop messing around and let me change you myself." "I have missed you mother." "You wouldn't have had to miss me so much if you weren't hiding from your father all of the time." "Well what do you expect me to do? It's not like you can ever choose him over me." "He is my husband Hyuk, of course I can never leave him." "Do you love him more than you love me?" "A mother's love is different from that of a wife's." "That does't answer my question." Son! Why do you always to this? I cannot separate my love for everyone else and yourself." "Because I want your love, and lots of it." "You already have it. Don't you remember how much I defended you? Not only against your father, but our entire city." "Because you are my mother, of course you will do that for me." "My son, you have far more in common with your father than you realise." "How? He treats you as his possession…" "…and you don't? All my sons treat me the same way as their father, although Hyuk isn't so bad." "You birthed us, so of course we are closer to you." "Hwan…." "Ok ok , just tend to me on my birthday like you do every single year." "Really? Do I only tend to you on your birthdays? A grown man such as yourself and you still rely on myself and your brother so much…" "Mother…" "Ok ok, I will spare you the lecture today, but you really need to sort yourself our my son and not let myself and your father worry about you so much." "I will never leave you." "My baby boy, your mother will never leave you either. Now come and get dressed for your birthday party."
I was instantly transformed back to the days when mother would pick up in her arms when I was still asleep in bed and bathe me ever so gently so I wouldn't have to wake up straight away. She would dress me whilst I was still half asleep and carry me in her arms as she did all of her chores until I woke up peacefully and she wouldn't let go o me until she fed me herself. But even then I refused to let go of her skirt until Hyuk came home with our cousins. I would hold onto my mother's leg or skirt until my sister Hana would come to me and pick me up in her arms and play with me all day. And whenever my sibling's friends came over, they would all include me in their little activities. It was true that my father worked hard to provide us with a comfortable life, and I was grateful to him for that, even though could never express it to him. Bu I could never get over the fact that he always took her away from us whenever he came home for years. For years I would have nightmares about my father dragging my mother by the arm and locking her in their bedroom for hours on end. I would sometimes just wait outside of their bedroom until all of the strange noises finished and I could be in my mother's arms again and have her to myself again under my father's ever watchful gaze of her. My father did indeed love us all, but he was always a different person around my mother. He could never leave us in peace unless we were all close to him, and I of course could never measure up to my studious siblings when I was made to just play all day long.
"Hwan? Where is your head at, my boy? I'm talking to you, don't you hear me at all?" "What were you saying, mother?" "I need you to visit your father straight after this banquet, he has something important to tell you." "Forget it mother, I am not in the mood for another lecture." "Your father has cleared his schedule to come all the way out here and make time for this, do not throw it in his face by avoiding him. I promise you that it is really important, you need to hear him out Hwan. Or you will never see my face again." "Mother…" "Promise me, Hwan." "What a blackmailer." "Hwan!" "What? You know you love me so much that you can never be angry at me." "Wha a spoilt brat." "But I am your spoilt brat." I lay my head onto her lap just like I used to as she tended to my hair, cut my nails and dress me herself like she used to as she sneaked in my favourite dessert to have before we attend the banquet that the villagers were throwing for us. "Mother?" "Yes baby?" "If I find a bride, would you move in with me?" "Do you want your elderly parents to move in with you?" "Hana already has uncle Hwi, Hyuk can take on father and look after him in his elderly age. But you're coming with me, I'll make sure of it." "Do you expect me to abandon my husband?" "You mean the one who hurts you?" "Hwan I have no idea where you got this idea from, but your father has never hurt me at all." "Then what are these bruises on your wrists whenever he grabs you?" "He just doesn't know his own strength sometimes." "When are you going to stop defending him?" "Hwan I really don't understand where you have drawn this conclusion from. Have you ever witnessed me crying? Or shaking out of fear around your father? Have I ever abandoned my family and tried to flee away from him?" "Are you saying you haven't separated from my father before?" "I did not do it for the reasons that you think I did." "So it isn't true that he locks you away in his bedroom for hours on end?" "We aren't just parents you know, we are a married couple who needs time for outr own lives when we aren't busy running around 5 children, the royal family in the palace and the villagers that we help here." "Mother?" "You will understand when you find your soulmate just like I have with your father. Love, romance, intimacy doesn't just end after you have children and you settle into a job. If you are lucky enough to find the right person that your soul yields to, you will be in love for the rest of your life and act as such." "Are you saying all of this because it is the truth? And you aren't just making excuses for my father?" "Hwan; just like yourself and Hana cling onto your brother, and the younger twins cling into your father, we both also cling to each other. I know that you were waiting outside of your bedroom for me when you were little; I could see your little shadow trying to claw it's way through the paper windows to reach out to me. But I promise you my love, you tater has never hurt me and he never will. So please, make up with your father for me, and let us make this the best broody that you have ever had. There is no rush mother, I will have more birthdays to come."