Earth Land, Ishgar, Kingdom of Fiore, Magnolia.
February 1, x792.
"Call." Alfonzo said while pushing a stack of poker chips towards the middle of the table. "So, you finally popped the question while you were gone with Juvia, huh?"
"Yeah." Gray replied while frowning at the cards in his hand. "It finally felt right, I guess. *Sigh* Fold."
After everyone returned from their quests, a couple of days ago, the guild had a huge party. So huge, in fact, that Alfonzo, despite having been drenched in beer, offered to cook for the party, causing the entire guild to go into an uproar.
After that, Alfonzo, Elicia, and Cana took a day to relax and do next to nothing. And today, Alfonzo invited some of the guys from the guild in his age range over to play poker in the Mansion on the Lake's game room.
"Hmph! As long as you two have been attached at the hip, it was about damn time." Laxus said while pushing his own stack of chips into the pot. "I raise by thirty thousand."
"Oh, someone's getting bold, aren't they?" Alfonzo asked with a sneer. "Fine, I'll take your bet. Call."
Seeing Laxus' raise and Alfonzo's immediate call, the others at the table, Natsu, Elfman, and Gajeel all folded, as well.
"This is boring." Natsu said while looking at his meager stack of chips. "Let's go play basketball or something. Ooh! Even better, let's go spar!"
As he started to get excited about his suggestion, Natsu's body was engulfed in dragon flames. However, before the flames could get out of hand...
*Bang!*
... a fire-resistant metal ball hit him in the forehead, flipping him and the chair he was sitting in, over, causing the Dragon Slayer to slam into the floor. At the same time, Gajeel's eyes lit up before he leapt out of his seat and snagged the metal ball between his teeth.
"No fire in the house." Alfonzo said nonchalantly while waiting for the next card to be dealt.
"No, keep doing it, Salamander." Gajeel said through a mouthful of metal. "I get the best snacks whenever we come to Alfonzo's house."
"Shut up, Metal Head!" Natsu shouted while rubbing the lump in the middle of his forehead. Then, he turned to Alfonzo with a pout. "Geez, Alfonzo, did you have to hit me so hard? If Lisanna sees this lump, she's gonna nag me for the rest of the night."
"He's right, Alfonzo." Gray said with a sneer. "If you keep hitting him in the head like that, the Flame Brain is gonna end up even dumber than he already is."
"What was that, you frozen streaker?" Natsu asked while jumping up to his feet. "Why don't you say that when you have a pair of pants on?"
"Huh?" Gray intoned while looking down. "What the...? When did I...?"
"For once I agree with Natsu." Alfonzo said with mild disgust. "Stop getting naked in my house, Gray."
"You know I can't help it, damn it!" Gray shouted while scrambling to put his pants on. "If you wanna blame someone, blame Ur. It's her fault I ended up like this!"
"Alright, I'll bring it up with Ur." Alfonzo said with a sneer.
Gray went pale immediately. He then began shaking his head at high speed, the pleading look in his eyes making it clear he was terrified.
"Stop stalling, Alfonzo." Laxus said with a frown. "Or are you feeling scared after accepting my bet?"
Hearing that, Alfonzo only chuckled.
"You can't be serious, Dude." Alfonzo said with a smile. "Even if I were to lose bets like these every day for the next thirty years, I'd still have more money than you'll ever make in your lifetime. But you're right, there's no point drawing this out. Hoyle, deal the last card."
Hearing that, Hoyle, Cana's [Armament Spirit], who had materialized just for the job of being the dealer, smiled. Then, she dealt the last card, a three of hearts. Now, the cards showing in this game of Texas Hold 'em are a three of clubs, a three of diamonds, a king of spades, a jack of hearts, and a three of hearts. And when Laxus saw that, he smiled slightly. At the same time, Alfonzo's smile turned into a solemn expression.
"Looks like this game is mine." Laxus said happily. He then pushed in another stack of chips as he continued. "Fifty thousand."
"Call." Alfonzo said calmly as he pushed in his own chips.
"Flip 'em." Hoyle said with a manic smile, the gambling atmosphere making her excited.
"Full house." Laxus said as he flipped his face-down cards. "Threes over queens."
And just as Laxus said, the cards he flipped were a pair of queens. He then reached for the pot, thinking there was no way Alfonzo could be lucky enough to have a stronger hand. Meanwhile, Gray, Natsu, Elfman, and Gajeel all frowned. Laxus would be insufferable after winning such a large pot, and they knew it.
"Hold it." Alfonzo said while reaching out to grab Laxus wrist. "You really shouldn't count your chickens before they hatch, Laxus."
With Alfonzo's hand wrapped around his wrist, Laxus turned to look Alfonzo in the eyes. When he did, he saw the victorious glint shining in their depths.
"You can't be serious." Laxus grumbled.
"Oh, I am." Alfonzo replied as he used his other hand to slowly flip his cards.
The first card Alfonzo flipped turned out to be a jack, giving him a full house, as well. However, Laxus' was full house was higher than that. So, he knew that the second card was the one that he had to look out for.
"Just flip the last card, damn it." Laxus said while snatching his arm away from Alfonzo.
"As you wish." Alfonzo replied with a shrug while retracting the hand he used to grab Laxus.
Then, Alfonzo picked up the other face down card and...
*Bang!*
... slammed it onto the table with force. A moment later, he pulled his hand away, revealing his last card with dramatic flair.
"Three of spades!" Gajeel shouted incredulously.
"He got four of a kind, just like a real man!" Elfman bellowed.
"Hahahaha! Laxus, you lost!" Natsu laughed happily while pointing at Laxus as he doubled over in joy.
Meanwhile, Laxus could only stare at the three of spades dumbfoundedly.
"If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were cheating." Gray said while shaking his head.
That statement snapped Laxus out of his shocked state. He then shot up to his feet and pointed an accusing finger. However, instead of pointing at Alfonzo, he pointed at Hoyle.
"That's right, you've gotta be cheating!" Laxus shouted. "She's one of your wives' [Armament Spirit], of course, she would be on your side."
Hoyle's only response was to look at Laxus with a flat expression while pushing the chips towards Alfonzo and gathering the cards for the next hand.
"I was created from Cana's gambling spirit." Hoyle said dryly. "The thrill of a gamble, not knowing who will win or lose is my whole reason for existing. And you actually think I would cheat? *Sigh* You fools with dragons in your souls are so uneducated."
"Oh shit!" Gajeel exclaimed with a wide smile on his face. "Yo, Gray. I think we're gonna need you to make about a ton of ice. Anything less won't be able to cool down that burn."
"You do realize that you're one of those uneducated fools, too, right?" Gray asked, his tone just as dry as Hoyle's.
Hearing that, Gajeel's smile froze on his face. A moment later, he turned to glare at Hoyle, who did not even bother to look in his direction.
"And this one proves my point perfectly." Hoyle said as she began shuffling the cards. "So, are you gentlemen going to play another hand? Or can I go back to Cana's inner world?"
Laxus and Gajeel were left speechless by Hoyle's savage retorts. Meanwhile, Natsu, who finally managed to stop laughing, returned to his seat while continuing to grumble about poker being boring. Even so, as long as everyone else was going to keep playing, he would continue, as well.
Like that, the group continued to play poker, everyone winning and losing from time to time. After a while, Alfonzo opened his mouth to get back on topic.
"So, I'm guessing you mentioned proposing to Juvia because it had something to do with how you completed your undercover quest, right?"
"Yeah." Gray replied while peaking at his face down cards. "Shortly after I proposed and Juvia accepted, some jackass from that cult, Avatar, decided that he wanted to take Juvia by force. And well..."
"So, you got pissed and took out the whole cult in rage, right?" Gajeel asked with a grin on his face.
"Pretty much." Gray replied while pushing a stack of chips into the pot. "Call."
"Seriously?" Laxus asked while pondering whether to call or raise. "I heard you brought all the members of that cult in alive. If someone had tried to take either Saya or Chico like that, I would have probably ended up killing them all."
"*Sigh* I probably would have." Gray said with a shrug. "But before I could freeze them all into solid ice statues, Juvia jumped in and broke all my ice. Then, she beat them all within an inch of their lives for daring to have thoughts like that."
"And let me guess..." Alfonzo said while waiting for Laxus to either call or raise. "It wasn't because they wanted to rape her. Instead, it was because they thought about taking her from her dear Gray, right?"
"You called it." Gray replied. "*Sigh* Sometimes I think she's too good for me."
"Well, anyone would be too good for a streaker." Natsu said while bouncing in anticipation, letting everyone know he must have a good hand.
"Shut it, Flame Brain." Gray shot back before lunging out of his seat and throwing a punch at Natsu.
"Bring it on!" Natsu shouted as he raised an arm to block Gray's punch with an excited smile on his face.
*Bang!* *Bang!* *Bang!* *Bang!* *Bang!* *Bang!*
"*Sigh* I knew this was gonna happen eventually." Alfonzo muttered while watching Gray and Natsu trade punches. "If it wasn't so cold, I would have suggested fishing instead of poker. Now, Grayfia and the other girls are gonna have to clean up the mess their gonna make."
"At least you don't have to worry about them breaking anything." Gajeel said while putting his cards down. "You shoot those metal balls so fast that they'll be on the floor before they even get close."
"Pause." Alfonzo said blandly. "Still, it's too bad Alzack and Bisca are out on a quest. It would have been nice to have him here, too."
"I wanna join them, too." Elfman said as he stood up from his seat. "I'll show them how to fight like a real man!"
"If you do, I'll tell Mira." Alfonzo said, his tone still as bland as before.
"I'll tell Ever, too." Laxus added with a sneer.
Immediately, all of Elfman's fighting spirit seemed to leak out of him as he slumped back into his seat.
"You're so whipped." Gajeel said with a chuckle. "A henpecked husband and a sis-con. Damn... You're really something else, Elfman."
"Don't act like you're not whipped, too." Alfonzo said while looking at Gajeel with disdain. Then, when Gajeel turned to look at him in return, he cleared his throat and continued in his best impression of Levy. "It's about damn time. I thought I was gonna have to buy my own damn ring."
*Bang!*
"Hey, that's not my fault!" Gajeel shouted. "I would have proposed way before that if it wasn't for those jackasses, Jet and Droy. But somehow, every time I tried, they would pop out of no-fucking-where and get in the damn way."
"Yeah, I can see that." Laxus said while nodding sagely.
"Me, too." Alfonzo added with a nod of his own. "Still, that doesn't change the fact that you're whipped."
"You wanna fight, Alfonzo?" Gajeel asked with a snarl. "I'm not whipped."
"Oh, did you hear that, Levy?" Alfonzo asked with a sneer.
Immediately, Gajeel ducked his head and turned to look towards the game room's entrance. However, when he did not see Levy standing there, he could no longer hold back, lunging across the table to attack Alfonzo.
*Bang!*
Unfortunately, Gajeel did not see much success in his attempt, as Alfonzo simply grabbed his outstretched arm before throwing him over his shoulder and slamming him to the floor. Then, without letting go of Gajeel's arm, he turned to Hoyle.
"Looks like the game is over." Alfonzo said while shaking his head. "You can go back if you want. Thanks for dealing for us, though."
"No problem." Hoyle said with a smile. She then put on a somewhat shy expression before continuing. "But instead of going back, do you think you could materialize Bedlam? It's been a while since I've seen him."
"Sure." Alfonzo said with a teasing smile. "Just make sure Bedlam puts up a barrier. The kids are taking their naps. Don't wake them up... again."
"Eep!" Hoyle squeaked as she dashed out of the game room.
Seeing that, Laxus and Elfman could only stare at the door after Hoyle ran away. Then, they slowly turned towards Alfonzo with dumbfounded expressions on their faces.
"Your [Armament Spirit] has a harem, too, doesn't he?" Laxus asked with his eyes wide in surprise.
"Pretty much." Alfonzo replied with a shrug while finally letting go of Gajeel, who was just as surprised as Laxus and Elfman.
"He's a real man..." Elfman muttered. A moment later, he ducked his head in fear. "Please don't tell Ever I said that."