[Edward POV]
"She ran away again."
When Abby and I stumbled into Haley and Gloria at the cafe, Abby went to catch up with Haley, joining the women and leaving me behind.
"Ah, I'm so tired." I sighed out loud.
I turned sideways and checked the official One Piece Manga apps I created in association with the Japanese publishing company. The One Piece manga was starting the Wano Arc, but I had already read it.
Hell, I even knew what happened in the Egghead arc.
"I want to read about Elbaph… Why didn't I get any gacha prizes on that?"
Like a thorn stuck in my heart, I've been longing to see the continuation of the series.
Alex walked into the room and immediately threw her hands with disbelief as she saw me.
"Ugh, you're checking it again? The new chapter is not going to come out unless it's on their schedule!"
I turned to her with a slight surprise and replied, "I know that. It's just fun to reread it."
"Why? You remember everything anyway." She shrugged. I stood up and walked towards her, asking, "How did your day go?"
"Awful." She replied. "I lost half a billion dollars."
I rolled my eyes and said, "Stop pimping me out."
"For that amount of money, you can spread your seeds however you want. I won't care even if you have ten wives." She said playfully.
"Do you mean that?" I asked.
Taken aback, Alex stammered and said jokingly, "Well… if you have only one body count like Jacob, it might be bad, but you have triple digit counts that it doesn't really matter for you. Your brain chemistry is fucked nonetheless."
"I don't have a triple digit body count." I was caught off guard and quickly defended myself.
"Sure." She said mockingly, leaned in, and kissed me on the lips. She slapped my ass and said, "Now, go and make mommy some money."
I rolled my eyes again, grabbed her by the waist and pulled her to the bed. She yelped, giggling slightly and wrapped her arms around me.
We made out for a bit and she asked, "So, what are you going to do with Abby?"
"Hmmm… I'm going to have to find someone for her… but it's tough… On another note," I turned to her and asked, "Do I really have to do this for all of my exes?"
Alex thought about it seriously and shook her head, "No. You don't have to."
I breathed in relief.
"But, you need to." She added, which baffled me.
She caressed my body softly and said, "And if you… fall for them again, I won't mind it."
"Huh?" I sat up and turned to her seriously, "What do you mean? You don't want us to date anymore?"
"No– NO!" She sat up too and sighed. "I just mean that, we aren't really boyfriend and girlfriend. So if you want to–"
"I don't want to."
"Well, what if I want to?"
"You want to do it with my exes?" I was taken aback. Then, I inhaled sharply. "That's hot."
"No you pervert." She scolded me. "I mean, we aren't really official, so do whatever you want."
I touched her face and said, "No."
"What do you mean no?" She asked, dissatisfied. "I'm giving you the okay to sleep with another woman! This is a dream come true for all men. Just do it already!"
"Really? All men?" I asked instigatingly. "Wanna bet?"
"Sure. Ten calls. If you find one, I'll lose, you win."
"What do I get if I win?" I asked flirtingly.
She blushed a bit and then got mad, "Just do it already!"
"No, we need to hammer out the details first. What will I get if I win?" I said firmly.
"Hmm…" She was a bit anxious. "What do you want?"
"Heh." I gave her a knowing smile.
"Shut up… Alright, we'll do that." She agreed bashfully. "But, if I win? Then, I'll get to do my fantasy."
"Your naughty school girl fantasy where you're failing in class and you have to seduce a Nobel laureate to pass the subject?" I asked flirtingly.
She was offended, her face turned blank. "Don't even joke about that. There's no way my fantasy will include me failing in anything I do."
I threw my hands up in defeat and chuckled slightly.
After drinking some water, Alex and I began the bet. I called the first person– Jacob.
"That's unfair!" Alex pouted. "You already know he's going to say no!"
I snickered as I wrapped my left hand around her waist. "So, you're going to be a sore loser?"
"I'm going to be sore anyway." She scoffed before she smiled. "Alright, you win."
I smiled in elation, wrapping my hand around her and sweeping her off her feet. She laughed and kissed me slightly before adding, "Once you got my dad's blessing, we can do that."
I froze on the spot. "Wait, that's–"
"What we promised? I know…" She nodded playfully, pretending to sympathise with my predicament.
"Oh damn it." I cursed underneath my breath. Then, I caught her disappointed look and understood something.
"You're regretting it too, aren't you? Making that promise?"
She sashayed away while saying, "One hundred percent!"
…
The next day, Jacob and I went to a bar together.
"So, how are you feeling?" I asked. "Three more days before your wedding."
He drank his beer and said excitedly, "I cannot wait!" He turned to the rest of the bar and shouted, "Drinks are on me!"
A lone guy sitting at a corner table raised his hand awkwardly. "Yay." He cheered weakly.
"So what do you want to do tonight?" I asked him.
"I'm… going to get a tattoo!" Jacob replied after bracing himself.
I widened my eyes slightly. "Really?"
"Yeah." He grinned. "Everyone in the team has one. I'm planning on getting Elsa's face tattooed on my shoulder." He rolled his sleeve and showed his left shoulder.
"Oof- She's going to hate that." I laughed slightly as I drank a glass of whiskey.
"Really? Hmm… What else can I do?" He asked.
"I don't know. The dates that you got together with her?" I asked.
"You mean, 15 June 2009?" He replied with excitement.
"That's… Seven years ago huh?" I was taken aback.
"Are you going to get a tattoo with me or not?" He asked excitedly. "You always talk about it. So we can do it together."
I laughed slightly and said, "You know what? Let's do it."
The sexy bartender there, with brunette hair, a crop top and a belly button piercing both of us while she wiped a glass.
"So what can I get for you boys today?" She asked.
"Keep the shots coming." Jacob replied with a grin. "We're getting drunk tonight!"
She nodded and came back with shot glasses.
"Drink!"
We downed the shots simultaneously, and after around the fourth glass, Jacob was a bit woozy.
I was still fine with it though. Therefore, I began adding two milliliters of Euphoria in every drink I had afterward.
Since my abilities were transferred away, the booze kicked in, and I finally managed to sedate my mind.
The bartender batted her eyes at us and placed her hand on Jacobs, "So, you're getting married this weekend?" She asked.
"Get your hands off me Jezebel!" Jacob pulled his hand quickly as he saw her hints.
Taken aback, she laughed in embarrassment and walked away slightly.
I laughed and said, "You sure work quick."
"Unlike you, who leads them on for a couple seasons." Jacob grimaced slightly.
Caught off guard, I threw my hands up in disbelief. We went to the tattoo parlor afterward after I texted Abby and asked her where she got hers.
A tattooed girl with black lipstick approached us. "What can we do for you gentlemen today?" She asked.
"I'm getting a tattoo!" Jacob said woozily, already on his tenth shot for the night.
"Me too." I replied and took off my sunglasses. The lady froze in shock, and her hands shivered.
"New–Newgate?" She stammered.
She glanced around her empty shop, and was really confused by my presence there. It was a small shop, with barely any customers, so why would a celebrity be there, she was wondering.
Jacob went shirtless, even though he didn't need to, and tattooed the date of him and Elsa got together on his shoulder. He also tattooed a small football on his right knee.
While he was gritting his teeth as he permanently scarred his body with a needle, I called Phil.
"Hey, Phil. I need some help." I whispered urgently.
"Huh? What– Ed, it's 1 in the morning?" Phil was half asleep when he picked up the phone.
"I know. But Jacob's getting married. He dragged me to a tattoo parlor and is forcing me to get one with him. I cannot say no to him. So I need you to be here to talk him out of it."
I was pretending to be helpless just to bait Phil to come to the tattoo shop. Maybe it was resentment, or maybe it was the 30th shot I downed tonight, I was lightly drunk and wanted to mess with someone.
"I'll be right there." Phil replied.
[Phil's commentary]
"I didn't expect him to call me." Phil said with a slight smile. "I guess since his dad isn't around, he's looking to me to help him and fill… the fatherly role his dad is supposed to do…"
He paused for a bit before adding awkwardly, "I sure hope I can help him with this. Otherwise, we might be estranged again. How can I claim to be his second father if we don't talk?"
[Commentary ends]
Phil came within 30 minutes. At that time, Jacob was already sitting on the chair, topless as he got the tattoo on his shoulder.
"Mr Dunphy?" Jacob was confused as he saw Phil. "Why are you here?"
"Just… I'm here…" Phil was scrambling to answer the question.
"Oooh! You're here to get a tattoo too!" Jacob said excitedly.
"What– Oh! Yeah! That's exactly what I'm doing!" Phil replied nervously.
I laughed slightly and said, "Jacob, are you done?"
"Yeah." He slapped his thigh and stood up. "Permanent ink! I'm going to love that girl forever!" He posed in front of the mirror and smiled brightly as he saw the date and the name of his girlfriend tattooed on his arm.
"Your turn." He said with a grin.
I turned to Phil, begging for his help with my eyes.
"Jacob, this is something we've been talking about for a long time. I just need a few minutes to figure out what I want." I said, hinting at Phil.
Phil fell for my lies. It was an impromptu decision, but giving it some details made it hard for Phil to stop the tattooing from happening.
"I guess." Jacob agreed with me. "Mr Dunphy, you should come with us. We're firing off a bazooka after this."
"Just call me Phil." He said with a nervous smile. "Sure. I'd love to blow things up with the two of you."
"Phil, do you want a drink?" Jacob offered Phil some alcohol I brought with me.
"Uhh.. I have an early day tomorrow."
Jacob scoffed and said, "Lame-o."
"I'm not Lame-o! Give me that!" Phil took the small bottle of cognac and drank it in one shot.
[Phil's commentary]
"Edward's body is too precious to be doodled on. So I… have to make the ultimate sacrifice!"
[Commentary ended]
"Why don't I go first?" Phil said.
I widened my eyes slightly, taken aback by his offer. Maybe it was because I was slightly drunk, I became excited instead of just telling him the truth.
"Oww…" Phil squirmed as the girl tattooed him on his back.
…
"Ugh."
I woke up with a groan. The sunlight was hitting my face, which snapped me out of my sleep.
"Where am I?"
Only my left eye was opened as I was too groggy and hungover from last night. I realized I was in Jacob's house he shared with his fiancee after seeing their pictures on the living room walls.
I fell asleep after bringing Jacob home last night. Woo-Jin drove us home.
My mind wasn't connecting the events of last night until I saw Jacob.
"Good morning." He greeted me cheerfully.
"You're… Bald?" My eyes were glued to the shiny cueball head.
"What?!"
Jacob was startled as he heard me, and quickly rushed to a mirror hung on the side wall.
He yelped with a high pitch girlish voice as he saw his reflection. There was some soot on his cheek and nose. His hair was burned off last night, and I had to shave it all off.
So he has a bald head now.
I reached out my hand to touch his head, however I was soon distracted by the tattoos on my finger and forearm.
There was a small kitten on my knuckles, and it chased after a ball of yarn to my forearm, where the knots were tied into a mix of guitar, drums, and piano.
"This is awesome." I was mesmerized with the tattoo. "I don't even remember when I got these."
"Did my hair get burned when I fired that bazooka?" Jacob muttered, running his hand on his clean head.
"Not really. But you tried to run to the fire. Then, it got burned." I said after remembering the glimpse of last night.
"Why did I try to run there?" Jacob was confused.
Our eyes lit up at the same time as we remembered something.
"I have it on video." I said as I pulled my phone out.
There were pictures and videos from all over last night. Jacob shot a rocket to a shed, but it didn't explode. So he tried to go there to check it out.
A huge explosion occurred, the flame shot burning debris to Jacob's head as he was nearby.
He didn't even realize it until his hair was fully on fire.
Then, I saw Phil stumbling drunkenly onto the ground, laughing hard as he saw the fire head.
"Phil!" We exclaimed in unison.
After a short drive to the Dunphys, I knocked on the door with Jacob.
Claire opened the door angrily and scolded me the second she saw me.
"You! You did this!" She pulled me inside the house. Phil was lying down on the couch, groaning from his hangover.
On his face, a Mike Tyson style face tattoo was visible on his left eye side. His nose was a bit dirty from the soot and ash from last night's shenanigans.
"Explain yourself!" Claire scolded me.
I squinted my eyes at Phil before turning to her. "The memories of last night are slowly coming back to me. However, I can say for sure that… I didn't do that."
Jacob defended me, "Yeah. Phil did a butterfly tattoo on his lower back. Not a face tattoo."
"What?!" Claire was aghast and flipped Phil over to check his back. As she pulled his shirt up, she saw a purple and red butterfly flying out of Phil's ass.
"EDDY!" Claire scolded me again.
"I DIDN'T DO THAT!" I said defensively. "In fact, I didn't do anything other than calling him."
Claire froze in surprise. I added, "He volunteered to get the tattoo. And he began taking the drink we offered… And that's it."
"Phil!" Claire slapped Phil in the arm, jolting him awake.
He woke up with a snort, sitting up instantly. "It's my turn to fire that rocket," he said abruptly.
"Rocket? Is that what the burn smell is from?" Claire asked angrily.
Jacob and I placed both of our hands together in front of us and stood there meekly as she scolded us.
"That's really irresponsible, the most idiotic thing both of you have ever done in your entire life! Now, my husband has a face, and a stripper tattoo, he smells like ash, and I'm pretty sure he lost one of his teeth."
Phil checked his teeth instantly. "Wait. Where did my tooth go?" He asked.
"You hit your own head with the bazooka as you tried to spin it on your shoulder." I said with a smile, but quietened down again as Claire shot a glare at me.
"What in the world were all of you thinking?" She asked with exasperation.
Luke came down and saw Phil with his face tattoo. "Oh sweet. You look like Mike Tyson."
Claire threw her hands up, baffled by Luke's casual reaction.
"Phil, when did you get that face tattoo?" I asked him.
"Wait. I didn't get this with you?" He asked me back, confused.
"No?"
Claire was annoyed and asked, "Edward, can you get the tattoo off his face? We have to go to New York for the closet convention in a week"
"Wait, you're not coming to my wedding?" Jacob was startled.
"That's in two days." I told Jacob.
"Oh… yeah…" Jacob was startled and laughed awkwardly.
"Eddy!" Claire turned to me, face full of begging.
"Alright. I'll help him." I said with a sigh. It was easy for me to get it all off anyway.
"Thank goodness. I'm sweating like an orangutan in the desert thinking I have to live with this on my face."
"You're fine with the tramp stamp? I guess you can role-play a bit with Claire if you have it–"
"Eddy, shut it." Claire stopped me angrily. "Now is not the time… Although, I kinda have to admit that would be fun."
"Really?" Phil smiled at Claire. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and asked, "How would that play out?"
"Simple. Claire is the sleazy businesswoman, picking up a streetwalker in her car to go back to her house for a –"
Luke came back from the kitchen at the time, and Claire quickly cupped my mouth with her hand.
"Dad, you're sweating your tattoo off." Luke said casually.
"Huh?" Phil touched his face tattoo, and the black ink was stuck to his finger.
It was a fake tattoo, drawn on him with a watercolor. "Who did this?" He asked angrily.
[Lily's commentary]
"This morning, my dad sent me to Aunt Claire's house. I have to go to school with her since he has some important things to do."
Seven years old Lily sits crossed legged. She has no front teeth and smiled brightly.
"I drew the tattoo on Uncle Phil's face." She confessed with a laugh.
[Commentary ends]