Quinn
A baby.
The word had her heart racing, emotions in turmoil, panic resurfacing. A thousand different feelings erupted from her throat, but the rage she had felt was indescribable. Bringing an innocent child into this forsaken world was more than cruel.
It was vile.
And a child created to save their lives?
Despicable.
She understood the reasons; she knew why they did it. But it all boiled in her mind, pierced her lungs, and had her struggling to breathe. She spent the first hour after, pacing in the woods, trying to understand the havoc that ravaged her mind.
It was odd that an Omega pregnancy did not disgust her as one sired from her own DNA should. But Quinn knew that in this world men had pups, that in the books the seven had a pack of children, all lovingly created. Babies that had been so beautifully wanted. Cherubic. The author had described them as angelic; a representation of new beginnings.
Her jaw had clenched tight.
This baby. This child…It was half-Quinn, half-unwanted mate. That had a chuckle erupting from her throat, an ugly snort and a burn in her eyes. Sure, part of the pack liked her. But it was only the circumstances now that had them all running into her arms. She was only officially mated for their survival. And that was the ugly truth. One that forced itself to the forefront of her mind the moment she'd learnt of the child.
The baby.
It had been created in a lab, forcefully inseminated during her death. And she knew that they must have chosen the gender somehow, weaved magic to force it to be male. But it was created from pain, from suffering. Would they have hated the baby if she had died? It all made her nauseous. And the most sickening of all was the flood of relief that flowed through her veins.
Aren't you happy?
She was.
But not for the right reasons. Not for the reasons he yearned for.
Quinn could not look at Elysian knowing that it could have been her. Another society of men would have chosen to use the women. In a slightly different set of circumstances, the girls would have been impregnated all their lives just to keep the men alive. They would have used her comatose body to keep the Lonely at bay.
That had been a possibility.
Her fists closed, nails digging into her palms.
No, it could have been an option if they had had the time to figure it out. Those fuckers had already gone for hearts, so why not use children? Disappointment was another emotion that thrummed and spiked in her heart.
But she was grateful that it was Elysian who was pregnant and burdened with creation and motherly instincts. It tasted like vengeance, like retribution. A crazy part of her wanted to laugh at his despair. He deserved it after everything he did to her. The elation, the strange bubble of relief, the pain, the hatred, the disappointment, all those fucking emotions. She didn't want them to know; she didn't want Elysian to feel it through their bond. She didn't want him to understand that she was so fucking happy that he was the sucker who got pregnant.
And yet, within her was an entity who wanted nothing more than to protect Elysian. It wanted to claim him, hold him, feed him. It wanted to care for him. Her Beta…Her Alpha. Her Alpha was happy too. She wanted to cover Elysian in her scent, have him swallow big gulps of her blood so that he would be filled with her flavour. She wanted to press her nose to his belly and inhale. She wanted to smell the baby, like jiggling soft caramel milk pudding, sweetened with yoghurt and peach. And Elysian loved her scent; she knew he did, eyes growing round when it had spilled thick in the air from her anger. She loved his scent too.
Yoghurt: frozen, tart and sweet.
She was also angry.
Rage boiled within her, hating the parts of her that wanted to forgive him, the parts of her that was just so fucking weak. Once again, they'd robbed her of choices. They'd stolen every fucking thing from her. Her life. Her heart. And now, even her genetics. What else could they take from her? The thoughts were strange, bouncing one after the other, colliding within her. The need to protect him pulsed in her throat.
And why did she have to forgive them just because they were soulmates? Or just because Elysian was pregnant? Once again she was the motherfucker saddled into a fucked up situation. Sure, she understood partly that it wasn't the entire pack's fault. That there were reasons and people to blame. But fuck them. Fuck this. Fuck it all.
But Elysian was her mate, and she knew how he felt thanks to the fucking bond. She knew he was truly, desperately apologetic. It boiled in him, stinking of depression and self-loathing, thick with hatred for himself, and a deep yearning for her. He was desperate for her forgiveness, more so than anyone else in the pack. And it thickened in her throat whenever she felt his connection with hers. The taste of a whine, the tears that flooded through, the wrongness of the situation. Guilt flavoured his soul.
He was deeply sorry.
She was so confused.
Stupid fucking mating bond.
Quinn decided she needed time off from the seven to think. She had to keep them all at arm's length. No men, no Omegas. Just her and survival. She hated the influence of her soul, trying desperately to tie her back to them quickly and easy. Fuck no, Quinn was going to think about things on her own terms, at her own fucking pace.
It was much easier to sit by their manmade stream and think about what the new settlement needed. The tools she needed. It was so much easier to spend her hours counting gold, searching for the next best course of action. Her mind cooled; her emotions fell to a dull hum. She worked so hard; she passed out the moment her head touched the pillow.
One day bled into a second, and then a third.
They tried to talk to her. Her soulmates. And she was always civil. She kept her answers simple, her mind calm. She needed time. They understood that. She wanted to ground herself in her new home. They respected that. So it was so fucking easy to dive into business and business only.
She drew up her walls, pushed them all out.
The people were hollowed by the downfall, all beaten and bruised. With dwindling hope, they worked with what they had. It was easier to feed on their emotions, to spend her days talking only about targets and goals. She was a fucking cheat code with Float's internet search bar, and she spent a couple more hours explaining plans from settlements of the past to groups of men.
Sewage. Water. Food. Electricity. A brief rundown of heating. Leadership systems.
Survival kept her sane.
Before she knew it, she found herself explaining the virus to the women like some kind of leader. And she did so as professionally as she could, laying out the facts and the method of cure covered in a twist of white lies. They didn't need to know about her past. And so, she summed it all up as Float's miraculous ability.
She made the men give them privacy, and they did as promised. But Quinn knew her mates lingered. Helios was leaning against the door. She could sense him, with her Alpha tugging at his bond, telling her that her soulmate was close.
"I know it sounds impossible," she'd said, huddled by the fire. The group of women before her was only as big as a small class. And it pained her to see that that was all that was left of the women in the world. "I know I sound insane, but it is what I know—"
"We believe you," one of the girls spoke up then. She was older than her, with sunken cheeks and dark eyes. She reminded Quinn of Xin, and that put a touch of pain in her throat. But none of the girls were pregnant, and that oddly calmed her. "We always have."
"You know me?"
The girl pursed her lips together.
"Everything that is said here will stay in this room," Quinn reassured. "I swear it."
The girl nodded, exchanging looks with the others. "Before the transformation," she said. "You were infamous for changing the kings." She paused, as if unsure if she should continue. "The men called you a witch. But you gave us hope."
Quinn's lips twitched into a ghost of a smile. "They knew me? But how could they—"
"Everyone knew that the kings had an Alpha," she explained. "And your arrival marked the beginning of a change in their personalities."
"That's impossible—"
"You don't know how they were like before you arrived," she said, shaking her head. "But the ones who stayed in the capital do," she gestured to a couple of older women who nodded.
A woman spoke up then, a scar ran across the length of her face. The Alphas here were all scarred in their own ways, battered and bruised. "I worked for the team responsible for Lonely research." She cleared her throat. "The kings used to be clouded in their judgement. Your arrival had them asking questions. Things the men once never considered."
Another raised her hand to speak. "The men didn't like the change. But those who believed the kings, and your word, those who asked questions and didn't succumb to the fear. They survived." She smiled at Quinn, revealing a single missing tooth at the corner of her lips. "We all trust you." Her eyes were heavy now. "Even the men."
It was a new weight on her shoulders, enough to create a renewed sense of purpose. She spent nights searching Float for items, short-listing equipment based on value and quality. If they were going to do this long term, she had to make sure she chose only the best.
Shelter or Water.
Heat or Food.
Sanitation or Medicine.
She dove into the distraction, and perhaps had disappeared so deeply into her quest that she had neglected the crux of her problems.
And now Elysian was in her arms, sobbing with a chest filled with the darkest ink. Zen's scans had taught Float what it needed to know about the Lonely, and now it too could read the signs of darkness.
The readings horrified her.
Elysian was dying, rotting on the inside, kept alive only by the spark in his belly. She could see how the ink revolved around the child, the way the baby seemed to glow in the sea of darkness. It was only a tiny thing, with a massive head and a racing heart, but it batted at the ink with its little fists.
Fighting to survive.
The sight fucking terrified her.
Was this what babies did all the time in a mother that was turning Lonely?
And Elysian was sobbing, each hiccup like a knife to her throat. His hands clung to her tightly, despair quaking through him. Soul rot thrummed within him, thick, oily and almost parasitic, but it didn't manifest as the dark veins that everyone had. And she could see that the baby was the reason why, for the ink receded when it moved. But that didn't mean ink wasn't frothing within his chest, thicker and worse than everyone else.
How long had he been drowning in this agony?
How long had her silence caused him such endless torment?
Quinn had limits. She deserved to be angry. But this? She could be a bigger person when the child was involved. She gathered him into her arms then as he choked out another sob, buried his face in his hands as if ashamed to be seen as ruined as he was. His yoghurt scent had spiked into a sour twist of fear and despair. Her jaw tightened as she rubbed his back.
Fuck.
She gave him a minute, eyes locked with Solar's who looked just as guilty, just as distraught. It was her fault, she realised, with a pinched expression. She'd tried her best to keep everyone out, but had failed to notice that the seven were barely keeping the ship afloat.
"Tell me what you're thinking of," she began when his shivers seemed to calm.
And Elysian jerked his head, shaking it, shoulders heaving as another shiver skittered through him. His mind was sinking, and she could almost see the self-loathing frothing under his skin, ink bubbling like parasitic worms. She knew Solar could see it too because the fairy gasped then, eyes reading the paths of blue.
"Elysian," she repeated. "Please."
Her fingers moved to massage his shoulders, watching as the ink seemed to froth as if scalded, shrinking away from her touch. Touch, she realised quickly, was helping to reduce the darkness. Her hands moved to his neck, bare skin hot under her hands. He flinched, then relaxed when she stroked out the kinks, huddling into her arms.
Another minute and he began to speak.
"I-It's all because of me," he managed out through sniffles. "You woke up to this, and now you hate me—"
Hate him?
The notion twisted within her, violent inside her. The word was too strong for what she felt for him. It was always bittersweet, touch with regret. There were things he did that she'd never forget, his believes, the things he said to her. But hatred was not what she felt for him. He saved her life. He was the first one to go against everything for her.
Elysian had always been the first to accept her.
The first to mate with her.
The first to love her.
She cupped his cheeks, thumbs brushing his tears, and lifted his face. He trembled, red-rimmed eyes struggling to focus, lashes clumped with wetness. Cheeks pale. When had he become so thin? He had a child. Her breath quickened, guilt rushed through her. And now she was angry, so fucking angry at the others because they should be the ones comforting him. They should have kept him sane.
But she was the one he needed.
And she understood that.
"Look at me," she said. "Please."
He fought with himself for a moment before finally obeying. His pupils met hers. They were blown, breath hitched, the remnants of terror still clinging to his veins. Fuck. She felt a flush of shame run up her spine. The look on his face flashed in her mind, the way he'd stared at her when she'd sneered at him.
Are you fucking serious?
She rejoiced when he wilted so visibly, despair in his eyes. The dullness of his pupils. He had almost slumped into himself as if lashed by a whip, throat cut open. The depression on his face now burned in her mind.
When had she become so vicious?
And Quinn believed she deserved to be angry. She did. But that did not mean she would be happy to watch them die. The thought sickened her, concern flooding up her throat now. The other boys couldn't tell that he was so deeply soaked in ink, not without Float, not with the virus so thick in their veins. They were all plugged up, and she could see it now that she was reading Elysian, see it like mud clouding Solar's own soul.
She could feel it as their Alpha, the slough within them all.
If she had allowed Elysian to despair any further, he would have wasted away quickly, falling into a vegetative state. And the others would have been pulled along one after the other like dominoes.
Shit.
She felt a pinch of a headache building.
"I do not hate you," she said. He blinked, confusion and disbelief bleeding into one another. His throat bobbed with a thick swallow, lips parting.
"D-don't lie to me—"
"No, I failed you."
He recoiled as if struck. A soft, wounded sound escaped his throat. He blinked, eyes widening, lower lip trembling.
"I knew you were vulnerable, and I didn't think to check in," she said, a rush of heat colouring her voice. "I was just so angry at the world, at what it put me through. But I have the right to be angry at you all, please understand that I really do."
His eyes flashed with shame, head lowered, a small nod.
"But I was also so relieved."
"R-relieved?"
"I was happy that it was you who got pregnant," she whispered. "You represented a position I could have been in, and I was happy. I was fucking happy. I thought you deserved that pain." She closed her eyes, shook her head. "I didn't want you to sense that from me. I didn't want you to see it."
Elysian stared at her then, eyes wide.
"Children can be used as a weapon," she explained. "Pregnant Omegas used to be thrown on the streets by their Alphas. It was like that for my world." Her eyes darted to Solar, lips pressed into a thin line. The fairy's face was unreadable. "It's not easy on the mothers. They're always hurt the most."
Elysian nodded then, a solemn look grazing his features.
"It didn't feel right," she explained. "I didn't want you to feel what I felt, and I knew you'd feel what I felt then. All my anger, my rage, my sadness. I was angry at everything and everyone. And because of that, I avoided you knowing you were hurting," she whispered. Then closed her eyes, a long sigh escaping her lips. "I forget that communication is important, and that I should have explained. Instead, I shut you out." She pinched her nose at that. "I'm sorry for that."
"N-no," he shook his head, tears in his eyes. "You're right, you should be angry. I'm the one who should be apologising. And I am so, so sorry. " He struggled then to get out of her arms. "Y-you don't have to do this—"
She stopped him then, hand on his wrist. "Elysian," she said sharply. "I still care for you." His eyes went wide then, fluttered to hers.
"Quinn—"
"I don't want to be the kind of person who gives the silent treatment to their lovers," she said. "I still want to talk." And it was true. At the very least, she should have spoken to him. She should have made her feelings clear to them all.
Elysian gulped, eyes fluttering, wet with tears. "You need to know," he whimpered. "I-I didn't want this. I wasn't a part of this; I knew about what they took. But it was before—before everything, before I claimed you. It was pack Omega—" He went quiet at that, mouth opened then closed, eyes shooting downwards. She understood then, he didn't want to play the blame game. Her eyes darted to the fairy in the corner and he seemed to shrivel.
"Okay," she said, jaw clenched. Klaus. His apology made sense now. The way he'd treated her as if he'd fucked up so badly. Fucking pack Omega... She sighed. He was another problem she had to face, and honestly the word hatred applied to him a lot more. But for Elysian who was pregnant and weak, she merely gave him a pleasant smile. "He's always apologising."
He went quiet before nodding with the smallest smile. "He is." But her Alpha could smell his distress, the way it still flooded through his veins, and so she remained on the ground, holding him.
"Do you want to talk about anything else?"
He was silent then.
"We can just stay cuddled like that if you want," she said with a small shrug. "I've got time." Her eyes widened then. "Or would you like some blood?" She grinned at him then, trying to lighten the mood with a wink. "Premium edition right here and ready for you."
"Quinn," Elysian whispered. "O-one more thing." She waited patiently for him, watching as his eyes darted from her to Solar then down to the ground. "Do you hate him?"
"Him?"
"The baby," Elysian mumbled.
She inhaled deeply then. Fuck. The baby was innocent, blameless. It was not the reason for all the fear, the anger and the fucking mess of choices that had led them here. The last thing she wanted to do was create a negative environment. She would never forgive herself, nor any of the seven, if the child was neglected just because of their circumstances. No matter how fucked up everything was, the child deserved warm, safety and love.
He deserved a proper home.
"Shit, of course not." She paused to think. "Listen, I just don't want this child to be born for our survival."
Elysian stared at her then. "Huh?"
Her smile grew then, eyes locked on the scans. "I want him to be born because he was wanted and loved."
He drew in a deep breath, and for a moment his eyes seemed to ignite with a galaxy of stars. Elysian blinked then, but it hurt her to see his eyes water. Relief melted through him, leaving him trembling and exposed.
Her chest tightened at the sight of tears.
"O-Oh," he whimpered out. "Oh, do you really mean that?"
Emotions twisted through her now, a tornado of feelings. But Quinn knew that she was not going to take out her rage and anger upon an innocent child. And she was not going to leave him like all the other deadbeat parents in history. She knew of children shaped by abandonment and pain. She'd seen enough broken families to know that he deserved parents who communicated, parents with a healthy relationship.
She was going to try.
"I do."
"Quinn—" There were tears now in his eyes. Joy pulsed through him; she could see it almost lighting up his face, exploding through his body. And then he gasped, eyes shifting to the blood in her hair. "I—I'm sorry you got yourself hurt because of me." His hand moved to her head, she stopped him, lacing their fingers together.
Quinn's other hand traced slow, gentle lines on his skin. "It's okay."
"But—"
"You'd do the same for me, but now you are carrying our child," she said. "I will protect you, even if it means throwing myself into a tree." She stared at the offending trunk then, laughter bubbled from her throat. "Fuck, I really went in headfirst."
A startled hiccup escaped him, half sob, half disbelief, with a faint helpless sprinkle of humour.
She leaned in then, forehead resting on his, breath mingling with his uneven gasps. "We'll be okay," she whispered, voice steady despite the tremble in her chest. Would they? Her jaw tightened at the thought. "I promise."
Something broke within him then. The words spilling out as if he wanted to get everything out all at once, clumsy and desperate. It was as if he was afraid that if he did not say them now, he never would. "D-Do you still think I'm beautiful?"
She frowned at the sudden shift.
The topic change was odd. Elysian had always been sensitive about his looks, but this should not matter considering the situation. She raised a brow, but the seriousness in his voice and the way he stared at her surprised her. He stared at her as if her answer carried an unbearable weight. He trembled as if her answer might just break him.
"You've always been beautiful," she said without hesitation.
His eyes filled instantly, glistened with more tears. "But my belly—"
She understood immediately. "It's a baby," she said, gawking at him. He believed she didn't like him because of his fucking belly. "You're growing a whole baby. It's the most magical, beautiful process ever. Who the fuck is putting those thoughts in your head?" She feigned a glare at Solar, who raised his hands up in surrender. "Is it you?"
Solar shook his head violently. "No No—"
Elysian's breath seemed to shatter completely. A sob tore free into a raw, keening wail that tore from deep within him. He folded into her completely, collapsing as though her words had crushed the very last of his strength.
He cried against her shoulder.
Quinn gathered him instantly, her arms tightening around his shaking frame, her palm spreading over the swell of his belly instinctively. Solar exhaled shakily nearby. Their bond hummed, fractured, aching, but stitching together slowly.
The Lonely's darkness receded slowly.
But inside Quinn heat coiled in her chest, sharp and unrelenting, a boiling, growing rage.
How had they allowed it to get this bad?
A/N- Hello friends, thank you so much for waiting. I kind of fell ill, so I took a bit of a hiatus but I'm back officially. Expect to see updates every 2 weeks again. I'll try to post it up on Friday so you'll get to read on the weekends.
PS. Seven Beasts for Sloane was taken down for an overhaul, so you'll see it up again next month with a new summary.
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