*I'm thinking of changing the writing style so that I won't have to always write the name of the one who is talking. Tell me what you think.*
Waking up, I was greeted by the view of the Titans' guest room.
For a few seconds I just lay there, staring at the ceiling, half convinced yesterday had been some kind of fever dream. Between Beast Boy's antics and Blue Beetle's… scarab, along with Starfire's cooking, my months of wandering suddenly seemed so drab.
"Who challenges someone to a tofu eating contest? And who the hell accepts?" I muttered to myself.
I groaned, swung my legs out of bed, and got ready. My first stop was the lounge at the top of the tower.
The only person awake at this hour was Starfire. Instead of her usual uniform she wore pink and white pajamas, a cartoon star patterned along one sleeve. Seeing an alien warrior princess curled up on the couch in soft sleepwear, barefoot, was… cute. Disarming, even.
"Good morning," I said.
She turned away from the TV, her face lighting up instantly. "Ah, good morning, Voranis! You are up early. Usually I am the only one awake at this hour."
She pointed toward the counter with a bright smile. "There is a fresh pot of coffee, if you would like."
I poured myself a cup and sat down next to her, leaving a respectable amount of space between us. The window stretched from floor to ceiling, showing the bay still wrapped in bluish dawn. For once, the city looked peaceful.
"So, Voranis," Starfire asked, tilting her head, "do you have any plans for the day?"
"I… don't know," I admitted. "I used to have long‑term plans, but… they got moved to the back burner for… reasons."
She didn't say anything right away. She just studied me quietly, green eyes steady, as if she could see the thoughts I was trying not to think. After a few moments she seemed to reach a decision.
"Voranis, you may stay here for as long as you like," she said. "The others had much fun with you yesterday, and I do require a sparring partner."
She grinned, proud of the very practical reasoning.
I didn't answer immediately. Despite not sensing any ill intent from her, something didn't fit. Kindness always felt like a trick my brain hadn't figured out yet.
"Why are you so nice to me?" I asked, bluntly.
That caught her off guard. She blinked, looking briefly uncertain before answering.
"As you have probably understood, this team will always help whomever we can," she began slowly. "But… I have also heard about you from a friend of mine. That is why I showed you the picture of you in the armor yesterday and asked if it was you. I wished to be certain."
That made my thoughts grind to a halt.
"A friend?" I repeated. "Before you guys, nobody—"
The realization hit like a punch. My eyes widened.
A heavy weight pressed down on my chest, a dense knot of guilt and longing that made it hard to breathe.
"She… how is she?" I managed. The words scraped their way out of my throat.
"She is okay," Starfire said gently. "She kept looking for you for quite some time, you know. She was there for me during my recent… breakup, so I decided to help her look for you."
My heartbeat quickened. For no good reason, a sharp, panicked feeling rose in me.
"So she knows I'm here?" I asked.
"No," Starfire said. "I have not told her yet."
Relief washed through me so strongly it was almost dizzying.
"You should talk to her," Starfire added.
The relief vanished, replaced by panic all over again.
"What can I even say to her?" I asked, voice cracking more than I wanted it to.
My mind spun and my mouth opened before my brain could get a grip.
"That I couldn't overcome the pain so I left? That I abandoned her like a coward even though she was the only good thing I had left on this planet? That I almost attacked her even though she was trying to help me?"
The words tumbled out faster and faster. "How do I look her in the eyes and pretend any of that is okay? 'Hey, sorry for vanishing, I was too busy being broken'?"
I kept talking, losing my composure as the dam broke. Starfire, on the other hand, simply sat there, hands folded around her mug, waiting me out without interrupting. Her gaze stayed steady, neither judging nor overly comforting.
Eventually my voice ran out before my thoughts did. Silence settled between us, broken only by the low murmur from the TV and the distant hum of the tower.
I stared into my coffee, watching the surface shiver with the slight tremor in my hands.
When Starfire finally spoke, her voice was soft, but clear. "On Tamaran, we have a saying: 'The wounded star still gives light.'"
I let out a humorless huff. "Sounds like a very poetic way of saying, 'Get over it.'"
She shook her head. "No. It means that even when you are hurt, you are still you. You are not only the pain." She paused, choosing her words carefully. "Voranis… you were suffering. Greatly. This does not excuse what happened. But it does explain it."
"I almost hurt her," I said quietly. "That doesn't just go away because I was having a bad time."
"No," she agreed. "It does not. But she never told me you were a monster. She told me you were hurting, and that she wished you had let her help."
That stung more than if she'd said Kara was angry.
"Did she… say anything else?" I asked.
Starfire's lips curved in a small, wistful smile. "She said you were stubborn. That you would try to carry all the pain" She nudged my shoulder lightly with hers. "She also said you were very bad at accepting compliments."
"That sounds… uncomfortably accurate," I muttered.
"She told me many stories of you," Starfire continued. "Not of the armor. Of you, especially how you've met. She misses her friend, Voranis. Not her hero."
The knot in my chest twisted tighter. I set my cup down before I dropped it.
"I don't know if I can face her," I said. "What if seeing me just… rips everything open again?"
"Then you go slowly," Starfire said. "You do not have to speak to her today, or tomorrow. You do not have to decide in this exact moment. But running away did not make the hurt disappear, did it?"
I didn't need to answer. My silence was enough.
Starfire shifted closer, closing some of the "respectable distance" I'd left. Her shoulder brushed mine, warm and steady.
"You are not a coward for feeling pain," she said. "You are not a coward for being afraid. You only become a coward if you let that fear choose all of your paths."
I swallowed. The words lodged somewhere between my ribs.
"Besides," she added, a spark of mischief returning to her eyes, "you cannot flee yet. You still owe Beast Boy a match of the tofu eating contest."
I made a face. "That's exactly why I'd flee."
She laughed, bright and bell‑like, cutting through the heaviness in my chest. "Very well. We will rank this below 'talk to her someday' on the list of terrifying tasks."
I snorted despite myself. "That's a pretty short list."
"It is a start," she said. "For today, perhaps your plan can simply be: drink the coffee, attend the breakfast, and survive the Beast Boy."
"And the sparring," I reminded her.
Her eyes lit up. "Yes! The glorious combat. I will text the others to reserve the training room."
She reached for a nearby tablet, then hesitated, thumb hovering over the screen. "Voranis… may I tell her that you are safe? Not where you are. Only that you live and are… trying."
My first instinct was to say no. To stay invisible. Safe. Untouchable.
But the image of her—searching, waiting, still defending me even after I'd disappeared—rose up uninvited. The idea that she might still be wondering if I was dead or worse settled over me like a weight I didn't want to carry anymore.
My stomach knotted. I took a slow breath.
"You can tell her I'm alive," I said, the words feeling like they were being pried out of me. "And that I'm… working on it. But don't tell her I'm here. Not yet."
Starfire nodded solemnly. "I will honor that."
She tapped a quick message, then set the tablet aside and turned the volume up on the TV. Some old animated show about superheroes in ridiculous costumes filled the screen with bright colors, exaggerated poses, villain monologues that went on forever.
We sat there in companionable silence, two very real people in a tower in the middle of a real city, watching a cartoon version of the kind of life we actually lived. The irony that neither of us are from this world was not lost on me.
"Is it weird," I said slowly, "that this… feels almost normal?"
Starfire leaned back, cradling her mug. "Normal is just what you do every day," she said. "If you stay, perhaps this can be your new normal."
I watched the reflection of the rising sun crawl up the glass, painting the lounge in gold.
Maybe I wasn't ready to face her yet. Maybe I wasn't ready for a lot of things.
But for now, I had coffee, a roof that wasn't leaking, a team that didn't seem to mind me, and an alien princess in pink pajamas promising to hit me with her bo staff later in the training room.
For the first time in a long time, that felt like enough.