Someone is singing along to the beat of a bass-heavy song blaring from the speakers and that someone is me.
'No cameras capture my pageant smile.
I counted the days, and I counted the miles,
To see you there, to see you there.
It's been a long time coming, but
It's you and me—that's my whole world.
They whisper in the hallway, "She's a bad, bad girl."
The whole school is rolling fake dice;
You play foolish games, you win foolish prizes.
It's you and me—there's nothing like this:
Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince.
We're so sad, we paint the town blue,
Voted most likely to run away with you.'
"No one is going to run away with you if you keep eating pizza and gaining weight."
There's a reason they call me Taytay, and there's also a reason I adore this Taylor Swift song.
I currently weigh 50 kg, up from 48 kg, but it's only a slight increase. My clothes still fit well and accentuate my curves perfectly. I can still indulge in all the pizza I want; if my weight does rise, I'll just jog in the morning to manage it—something I've never actually done. Maybe I'll start when I turn 25, which is just a few months away. Oh, good lord, I'm really becoming a grown-up. It feels like just yesterday I was 20, the best and most terrifying age I've experienced. I remember everything so vividly—my friends Minzoo, Rob, and Chiku—two girls and two boys, a perfect group. At one point, I thought we might end up together in pairs: me with Rob, and Minzoo with Chiku.
But my fantasy was shattered in our final year of high school when Rob confessed his feelings for someone else. I fell out of love with him quickly, but I never cheated; it just happened. I developed a crush on another heartbreaker—a total loser. Love can be cruel, and I just didn't understand that yet. As for Minzoo and Chiku, that's another story for them to share, but this is mine.
I'm not an only child; I have two brothers who have always teased me. I'm grateful to have two healthy, supportive parents, a blessing I thank God for—even if I don't attend church as often as I should. I do plan to on my wedding day, which is fast approaching—another reason for gratitude.
Life can be like the sound of rain: if it begins pleasantly, its end may be disappointing; if it starts off badly, the conclusion is unpredictable. My day was wonderful, and I loved the sound of the rain, but its ending holds meaning.
I've been spoiled, receiving everything imaginable from family and friends, whether love or support. I've laughed and cried, hated and obsessed over various things. I've had my share of crushes and have acted out romantic fantasies I've seen in movies. I have no sad story to tell; it all depends on perspective, and mine is optimistic.
This is a love story—my love story—and it's incredible.
"I've heard college boys are the best great bodies and a manly demeanor. You're going to have an amazing time, especially now that you're single."
I love watching the darkening sky as dawn approaches; it's my favorite view. As this day comes to a close, I find myself feeling both happy and somewhat sad about tomorrow. Nothing is more exhilarating than ticking off the last item on a to-do list with your best friend. Every summer, Minzo and I embark on this tradition, spending the year crossing off our adventures one by one. But this year is different. We're both heading to college, though she will stay in the state while I fly to London. This will likely be our last summer bucket list together.
I was fortunate enough to receive an acceptance letter from the renowned Imperial College London, one of the best institutions in the UK. It was my father's dream, and I was thrilled by the idea of proving myself capable, though I never truly expected to be accepted. Now, I find myself torn; part of me is eager to go, while another wishes I could stay here with Minzo and the others. I've always been curious about London, particularly the accent that captivates me. The boys there hold a special allure, largely due to their charming accents.
Speaking of boys, I find myself single once again after my breakup with Rob. I had hoped for something with a crush who initially seemed great but ultimately ghosted me after what I thought was a romantic exchange. I was heartbroken; I never confessed my feelings, yet I was certain he knew how much I cared. Every moment spent with him felt special—late-night conversations and flirtation filled my days. I had come to accept that I didn't need to hear "I love you" to feel content. How naïve I was to think it would last. Perhaps he had a reason for disappearing, or maybe he found someone else to pursue.
Minzo often teases me about my lack of a first kiss, particularly since I've turned 20. "You know, I still can't believe you two never really kissed. Have you never been curious?" she asks, bringing up boys like she always does. While we both share a fondness for them, we maintain a certain loyalty. Minzo, however, has her own rules—"a kiss doesn't count as cheating"—which complicates her loyalty somewhat.
"I want to have my first kiss on my 20th birthday, just like in the movies," I declare.
"Well, your dream guy ditched you, so maybe not everything should be like a movie. How about a thrilling Halloween kiss with a stranger instead?" she quips. I roll my eyes, appreciating her sense of humor but wishing for something more traditional.
As the sun sets, I reflect on the bittersweet feelings of the day. I only have a couple of hours left with Minzo before I head home, and that realization stings. I hope to reconnect with my family; my dad is always busy but makes time for important events, which I admire. This will be our last meal together for a while, and I've prepared small gifts for each of them. My mother, nearly in tears, embraces me as I present her with a beautiful hairband. For my dad, I've made a clay cup with my picture on it—a heartfelt gesture.
"You're making it sound like you're getting married or something," my brother Edward jests, ever the annoying critic. I bought him a bracelet with my name on it, but he scoffs at the idea of wearing it, claiming it would make his girlfriend think he's cheating. I can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy for his relationship with Amelia; he clearly loves her deepl.
She knows you have a beautiful sister named Alexa. Perhaps, yes, you are cheating and hiding it.
"You're beautiful! You wish," I retorted.
Well, yes, I wish I were beautiful. My best friend insists that I am, but when my mom's friends compliment me, it feels insincere. Maybe I am beautiful, but why would Levy ever ghost a gorgeous girl? That must mean I don't meet the standards of beauty. Anyway, I'm learning to love myself. I am beautiful—just not in Edward's eyes, that bastard.
Even my mirror tells me I'm gorgeous. I'm contemplating cutting my hair to ear length for a fresh look as I start at a new school in a new country. But maybe not; I still love my hair, so not today. I need a good night's sleep before my flight tomorrow. I've postponed my university arrival three times and probably missed orientation. What a way to start a new chapter. I've never been punctual about anything—except my birth date. If only I had delayed a little longer, I could have been born on Christmas. Instead, I arrived just a day before. So punctual, only to spend the rest of my life being late.
As always, I'm running late. I don't know how I'll survive in London without my mom. Look at me—I haven't even dried my hair, and I can't find the London-printed underwear I planned to wear. Strange, right? Especially for a twenty-year-old like me. It's funny that my brother Ezra got home before I even woke up. He's supposed to take me to the airport, and now he's running out of patience. Thank God I'm a speed demon.
"Hey, Mom, I'll be fine. I'll manage on my own." I can see her face; she's going to miss me more than anyone. We're the only girls in the house, aside from the maid who comes daily. Now I'm leaving, and she'll be by herself.
"I promise I'll video call you every day," I say as I hug her tightly. I shake hands with Edward, and in this moment, we are comrades—like soldiers. He's going to miss me too; this will be the longest we've ever spent apart.
"Have a nice fight," he says. I'm not sure what he means—did he mean flight? But knowing him, it might very well be fight. And Ezra doesn't look calmed, I think we all know why he's annoyed.