Today was one of those days when things just weren't going right. Really, not at all.
I had a breakdown. Big news: apparently, I'm now having tetany attacks.
Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to be in such a terrible state—now I'm having tetany attacks on top of that.
That feeling of losing control is what I hate most about myself, no matter what kind of attack I have.
They've increased my medication dose yet again.
It's already hard enough to stick to my alarms to remind me to take my meds.
But hey, we have to do whatever it takes to feel and get better. Let's stay positive, 'As long as we can…'
`•`•`•`•`•
Rais POV (3rd person POV)
"Ryan!"
"Yes, Mummy."
"Are you all set?"
"Yes, I'm good, Mummy."
"Okay, don't forget your bag, sweetie."
In the car
"Mama, will Chloé be there?" She asked softly.
"Yes, baby. Don't worry. Chloé's parents and I made sure you could be in the same class."
"Okay."
...
"Mama!" She started squirming in her mother's arms so she could put her down.
Her mother smiled and did as she asked, and as she watched her dart off toward her friend, she said, "Ryan! Don't run, you might fall."
Ryan slowed down, but that didn't stop her from quickly reaching her friend.
"Chloé!" said Ryan as she hugged her.
"Ma baby!" replied little Chloé with a big smile.
They met when they were three years old in preschool, and they've been inseparable ever since. The friendship between these little ones has also brought their parents closer together.
Every day after school, Ryan's mother would greet her child with open arms, crouching down and calling her "My baby." Little Chloé picked up on this and began calling her that too, as best she could. Who would have thought back then that this nickname would stand the test of time?
They started playing together before being told it was time to go to class.
The two children said goodbye to their parents and quickly joined the line of children standing near their teacher.
...
A few years later
Ryan could never really forget that day. It was the day her life was turned completely upside down—for better or for worse.
It was an ordinary day. Ryan went to school and met up with her best friend, Chloé.
Despite the joy she felt when playing with her friends, she sometimes found herself lost in her thoughts.
Something wasn't right; she knew it because her mother was acting strangely, even though she was trying her best to hide it.
She wondered if it was her fault because she mentioned her father's behavior to her mother.
Ryan has tried to love the individual, but whenever a spark of love appears, he quickly snuffs it out.
If asked, she would say it's because of his behavior toward her mother—and not the many forms of abuse she suffered at his hands, since her mother did her best to protect her.
* "I'm sorry, Mummy."
"For what, baby?"
"For ruining your life. For being alive."
Ryan hadn't realized it, but her words had been like an electric shock to her mother.
"How dare he use those words to his own child? That damned bastard!"
It was like a knife thrust deep into her heart. She snapped out of her state of denial.
It was true. She wasn't alone anymore; she had her child, who was counting on her. And she made that terrifying decision. Terrifying for her, because she feared the consequences, but her child gave her the courage she needed.
It was time. It was time to leave. To limit the damage and start over.
After making that decision, she reassured her child, taking her in her arms, her gaze steady and determined. *
...
As soon as she picked up Ryan from school, with their belongings loaded into the car, she requested time off for Ryan.
Several hours of driving before finding refuge in a motel; their disappearance was quickly discovered. The informants tailing them and the surveillance of the house had alerted her to the situation.
The next day, Ryan and her mother hit the road.
Several minutes into the drive, Ryan's mother noticed the black car following them in her rearview mirror.
After a few detours, she was certain they were being tracked.
She decided to speed up, but she hadn't counted on her pursuer doing the same, and in her haste, she didn't notice the tanker truck heading straight for her until the very last moment; she only had time to swerve her car so that she would bear the full brunt of the impact.
She saw her child's innocent face and eyes one last time, just one second before the crash.
And it was as if a reel of memories were playing before her eyes.
The pain of leaving her parents to start a family elsewhere. The pain of giving birth to her child, the joy of finally holding her little angel in her arms—she finally had her own family.
The mental and physical pain she endured in her marriage.
The pain she felt when she learned of the physical and psychological abuse her child was victims of at the hands of the very person who was supposed to protect her little miracle.
The pain of her helplessness in the face of the situation.
She should have left from the very beginning. She didn't want to give up; she couldn't. She was just beginning to learn what true love was; she had to protect her miracle, she couldn't leave her child alone...
She felt like she had failed...
...
With the front window of the black car rolled down, his elbow resting on the door and a cigarette in his hand, the man stared intently at the scene unfolding before him.
His eyes were empty, devoid of humanity, and a smirk formed at the corner of his lips. He took a drag on his cigarette.
He witnessed the collision between the car and the truck, and the car rolling over, he witnessed everything.
The green car was wrecked, not a single part was intact.
He saw the moment when the truck driver emerged from his vehicle, completely devastated by the events.
He saw people getting out of their cars to assess the situation.
It was a total massacre. The authorities arrived quickly to secure the scene, with the firefighters following close behind.
Several minutes later, the man burst into hysterical laughter; he had just seen the lifeless, covered body of his child's mother.
"Goodbye, my dearest wife," he said coldly, a spark of sadistic joy flashing in his eyes.
He didn't linger at the scene; he didn't feel it necessary to confirm the death of his own child, since with such a severe impact, it was impossible for her to have survived.
'Adios, my dearest family.'
Several minutes later, Ryan was pulled from the carcass of the vehicle. Completely dazed, the child had earlier struggled to open her eyes; the sight of her mother's bloodied body was a shock to the little girl, who called out to her mother with difficulty but to no avail. It wasn't long before the child began to sob when the paramedics arrived, Ryan tried as best she could to keep her eyes open, but her consciousness was beginning to slip away. The moment the paramedics pronounced her mother dead, her whole being screamed in pain; it was all too much for the child to bear, and she fainted, a tear streaming down her face.
"Harmonie."
...
"Harmonie!"
Harmonie snapped out of her daze and looked at the psychologist.
"What's going on?"
"Nothing."
"You know that's not the answer I'm looking for. What's really going on? And don't give me a vague answer. Why did you start charging headlong into battle?"
"I don't know..."
"Harmonie, your instructors have noticed your sudden impulsiveness during training and your desire to always go into battle despite numerous injuries, some of which haven't even had time to heal yet. Why?"
"Why go so far?"
"I know you have an idea or a clue to answer my questions."
Harmonie stared at her shoes, lost in thought.
"I have strange dreams," she began softly.
"What kind?"
"Sometimes I'm trapped in a room with no way to escape, and with every passing second, my terror becomes unbearable. Sometimes right after that, I see the face of a young woman—a beautiful face with a radiant smile—but every time, right after that, I see her face covered in blood."
"That woman's face haunts me constantly whenever my mind isn't occupied with something else. Her face looks so familiar, but I can't figure out who she is. Every time I try to remember, a sharp pain shoots through my head," she said with some difficulty.
"Your memories seem to be coming back," noted the psychologist.
"Hmm... But for now, it's all still a bit unclear..."
'And I don't know if it's a good idea to remember this...'
"..."
....
"What are you thinking about?"
"I wonder if remembering it is a good thing…"
"It's normal to be afraid, but that shouldn't stop you from living your life."
A mocking smile played across Harmonie's face.
…
"Chloé?"
"Chloé?!"
"Chloé?!!"
Chloé suddenly jumped. She looked up and saw Harmonie standing there watching her, concern visible in her eyes.
"Hi, H. Sorry. What were you saying?"
"I was just calling you, but you seemed completely lost in thought. What were you thinking about?"
"Hm... I was thinking about your behavior during missions."
"And?"
"I think it's a very good idea to step back for a while until things settle down."
"You think so?" she said calmly, despite the frustration beginning to well up inside her.
"If it helps, I think so. you need to create some distance..."
"..."
"Sometimes during missions, your reactions terrify me. It's as if—no, I know you're seeking pain; you want to hurt yourself, and that's not okay. But right now, I feel like there's another you. You're no longer seeking physical suffering; you just want to end it all... "
"..."
"..."
Harmonie sighed softly and sat down next to her friend, "...usually, that's not what I want either... But sometimes, the discomfort is so great that physical pain isn't enough to keep me grounded..."
"...I'm really trying, Chloé... I'm trying to get through this as best I can. But I have to admit, sometimes I'm just exhausted..." she said, her frustration evident.
"Did she decide to increase your dose?"
"No, since that was already the case at my last appointment, we're going to see if there's any change in my symptoms."
"Chloé! Ryan!" The two turned their heads and saw Red running toward them.
"What's going on?" Chloe asked.
"The director just told us we have a new mission and she needs all of us. Apparently, we're going to be working with the special forces and the local police to catch some psychopathic doctor."
Chloé turned to Harmonie, who looked back at her.
Chloé realized that Harmonie was going to take part in this and then take her break.
But she told herself she had to drive it into her friend's head—the importance of taking care of herself.
"All right. Let's go, then…"
They left without knowing that this mission would completely reshuffle the dice of their fate.