The day goes by in a blink. The laughter, joy and health were everything that I wish for all the children here and everywhere. However, I can see that I am still far away from it.
The sun was about to bid farewell as it is a sign for me to leave.
Hence, I walked outside with Sir Calisto right on my side to say goodbye. As I stood outside the door, I saw Prince Lex and Prince Leon who were covered in sweat after teaching the children yielding a sword. The day was hot to begin with, hence it was no surprise they would be sweating. However, that didn't stop them from giving it their all. The children were eager to learn, both boys and girls. Learning to defend and protect yourself and the one you care for doesn't only fall on the men's shoulder. The women also have the right and strength to protect them, though they are not as strong as men in comparison of strength.
"Miss Anna!" They shouted as they saw me. Both of the princes looked at me but only Prince Leon was smiling.
"Did you see me just now?" Cato said.
"You were great. Everyone is," I said as I patted him.
"Do you think I can be a knight one day?" Cato said.
I know I can't promise him anything as one of the rules to become a knight is; he should be born from a noble family. This reason was to protect the royal family, as they seem noble are more loyal to them than the poor who have nothing and can be swayed by everything.
"When you have the desire to protect someone, you are a knight already," I said.
All of them shouted with joy and I felt at that time that there was nothing more that I could ask for than watching these children grow up.
Then, I moved forward to where the both princes were and passed them a drink.
"Lex, Leon, good work for today," I said.
"I can't remember when was the last time I had this much fun," Prince Leon said.
"I am glad. You can come here anytime you like. I bet they enjoy your class as well," I said.
"It's late, so I am about to go home now," I said.
"When will you be back here?" Prince Leon asked.
"I might come back in two days. I have something to do tomorrow," I said.
"Would you like to join me for lunch tomorrow?" Prince Leon asked.
"I am sorry, I can't promise you. Maybe next time," I said.
"So I will see you in two days then," Prince Leon said with a pitiful look.
"Alright," I said with a smile. He looks so adorable. I still couldn't believe he is Prince Lex's brother.
Then, I looked at Prince Lex who was just listening to my conversation with his brother. He didn't say anything, so I just turned around to bid them farewell.
"Take care everyone. Be nice," I said to all while petting their heads and gave them a hug.
After a goodbye moment, I walked side by side with Sir Calisto towards our carriage. The walk was nice with a late evening sun shining on us; neither too hot nor too cold. Both of us were silent but only enjoying the wind breath.
"What are you doing tomorrow?" Sir Calisto tried to break the silence.
"I'm going to the palace and the school," I said.
"I thought you said you would be going there in two days," he said, with a confused look.
"No, not this school. I am going to the Quirinus School," I said.
"I will go with you tomorrow. I have something to do there as well," he said.
"...Okay," I hesitated for a second. It's not because I don't want him around me. It's all because I am scared. I am scared of hurting him. I don't want to give him hope, but how can I when you were always here to support me?
"I will meet you after I submit my proposal," I said.
"Proposal? What proposal?" He asked.
"I would like to ask for the knight training school to accept not just the noble son but for all," I said.
" I know it's going to be hard, but I have to. No, I need to," I said.
"Why do we have to limit something when the sky is too high to reach? They deserve it as well. What about the whole noble's more loyal compared to the poor? I completely don't understand. Humans are humans. Rich doesn't mean we are better, it just means that we are more fortunate. Poor doesn't mean they are lacking, it just means they have to strive even harder," I said.
"Oh I am sorry. I started to ramble," I said, feeling guilty of taking it out on Sir Calisto.
"Oh Deanna, how can I stop liking you?" he said silently.
I just silent myself after I heard his response. After he realised that he had made things awkward again between us, he tried to lighten up the mood.
"Deanna, look," his voice sounded happy as he pointed towards a beautiful wooden clavichord inside a cute cafe.
"Come," he said as he pulled me into the cafe.
The smell of freshly baked bread and coffee filled the little cafe.
He sat me down on one of the chairs near the instrument. Then, he walked towards one of the workers to ask permission to use the instrument.
He then sat down on the chair and lifted his head up to look at me while giving me his best.
He didn't say a word but started playing with the key. His finger dances on the clavichord. The song was joyful and warm. People unconsciously tapping their feet follow the rhythm. They all enjoyed it as it lifted the weight of the day. My gaze stuck on him as he played playfully.
"How can I distance myself from you when you are always by my side?" I thought to myself.
I don't want to accept him out of pity. I want to accept him when I am in love with him and accept him as a lover. However, I couldn't help but want to accept him out of pittiness.
Love is pure and genuine, but when we love out of pity, how can it be genuine? It felt like you were doing the others a favour, and sooner or later you will turn miserable. Love is not a bargain, love is the most precious thing. However, I would not say that love out of pity could not turn into true love, but are we willing to gamble our lives for those chances. Are we ready to gamble our life?
After he finished playing, the sound of clapping and cheering could be heard loudly inside the small cafe. He bowed his head with his big smile. He looked so happy and delighted.
He sat in front of me looking like a cute puppy waiting to be praised. He looked so adorable. I was smiling at him, but honestly I could feel my heart tightened. I know it's not my right to feel as such, as I am not the victim. I don't want him to keep on waiting for me. He has a bright future for him. Staying with me would only hold him back. I cared for him and did not want him to be sad. Now, I feel guilty and burdened when I am around him. I don't like this feeling. He's been with me for all of my happy and sick days. How could I just ignore him? He is one of the first people who shows me comfort in a cruel world. Why could I not just accept him? Why did I choose to reject him? Will I be happy just by choosing things that would make me happy?
"Calisto, thank you. I am happy to have met you," I said to him while forcing a smile through my desperate heart.
"I wish you to be happy, always," I continued.
"I am happy, Deanna," he said.
At that moment, he knew exactly what I was talking about, but he continued to be gullible. He was getting better at hiding his feelings.
The journey back home was silent with only the sound of the galloping horses and the wheel of the carriage as it hit the stone paved road.