The incoherent mumbling of my father went on as we wept. I didn't know what to say. The thought of making him forget this sprang up in my mind like a snake's venomous whisper but I shook it off. While it would be very convenient, I did not wish to resort to such petty tricks.
What truly bothered me was that he looked like a broken machine playing at the hands of someone else.
Unfortunately, I had no way to find out who it is. The only clue I have is that he's not in this dimension.
'Isn't that enough?'
Huh....would you look at that. My inner monologue came back. Missed you, buddy.
'Stop fooling around.'
...Right. Not the time for this. "Ahem." I coughed lightly to get back my father's attention.
He stopped holding his head and looked up at me. The sweat and grime sticking to his face presented an ugly sight but as if completely oblivious to his state, he looked at me.
"Wanna talk?"
'Smooth...'
Oh shut up, I'm not some expert in psychology! "Who are you?" Grisha Yeager, my father asked me after looking at something behind him, as if someone was standing behind him.
"It's hard to explain, just know that I have no intention to stir up trouble. Just want to live a normal life. "I answered while cringing at myself. "I asked who you are. Stop beating around the bush."
'He's surprisingly quick-witted.'
With a mental shrug, I replied "Yuuji. An immortal traveler. I travel to different worlds every time I die, with no control over my destination or my death." Though the look he gave me after that made it obvious he thinks I'm talking shit.
With a wave of my hand, the carriage beside him rose up and rotated.
"Neigh!"
...Oh. I forgot about the horse.
...
After letting the nauseated horse down, I went back towards the carriage. Dad was looking like someone had just dropped a bomb on his worldview. With a sigh, I placed my hand on his shoulder and gently shook him. "You shouldn't be surprised about this when you are living in a titan-infested world."
He seemed to come back to his senses, only to start crying again.
I won't lie, I was quite annoyed by his constant whining but I also couldn't say anything. His son's body had been stolen by an adult, his wife had been taking care of a man and apparently, the same man also changed the future.
A part of me didn't wish to take responsibility for this. I found the notion of atoning for my reincarnation ridiculous.
However, I also knew that in the end, my existence is the cause of all this. It hurt a lot to see the people I began to cherish, resent my existence. The feeling was akin to a nail being hammered down to my chest while cold water poured on my head, bringing me to the realization that I will never be accepted.
Right...that's how it's always been, isn't it?
There was always a sense of alienation during life in my original world. Dad spent most of his life fighting and drinking, and my mom tormented me to ensure I never turned out like dad.
'You should stop thinking such depressing things.'
Yea. It won't hurt me if I'm oblivious to it right?
'Isn't that the code you've been living by? Even though you are trying to change, it's not possible to completely change your personality. In the end, you will subconsciously try to go back to the dark corners of your comfort zone.'
Am I suggesting resignation to myself now? My lips curled up in amusement. I wonder when I became so pathetic.
'There's no harm in giving up no?' The monologue went on as if unbothered by my mood.
Having an inner voice is tiring.
'You're not denying it.'
Yes. It's much easier but I just don't want to.
...
"So you are immortal?" Dad asked me with red puffy eyes. I could still feel his anger and helplessness, but it seems he was forcing himself to calm down.
"Yes." I gave a short reply to that. "You have no control over your....rebirth?"
"Yes." Another single-worded answer came to me. He began to ask as many questions as he could. From asking if it was possible to kill me to asking for ways to bring his son back.
"How did you find out that I wasn't your son?" I asked with a barely stable voice.
"Eren came back from the future to make me turn him into a titan, but he noticed that you are nothing like him and told me to inquire about it. He's standing right in front of you."
My eyes widened like saucers as the words came out from him.
"Is the future eren a titan already?" His curt nod shattered my worldview.
Who was the first ever titan eren? Who made the first eren into a titan then?
The paradox should've theoretically annihilated this world the moment something similar to the grandfather paradox popped up. Yet everything is going normal.
Why?
"He was not the sole reason I doubted you. Your mom and I both had doubts. We just couldn't point our fingers at what was wrong here until now."
My ears perked up in anxiety from those words. "Mom doesn't know does she?"
"No. I do not plan to let her know all this. She doesn't deserve to know an abomination as you exist."
The quick change in him didn't come off as a surprise to me. Observation haki made it easy to see his growing hatred.
But...I don't know.....I think it would've been better not to hear those words from someone like my father.
"Get this straight...yuuj...eren, I am not your father. I will tolerate your existence because I love my wife and because I wish to prevent the future from derailing from the future as much as I can."
I didn't break eye contact with him, it was alright to hate me. The sadness he felt at this moment was overwhelming my senses. I would've probably gone crazy if I were in his shoes.
I tried to speak up but my throat clogged up. It felt like I was suffocating. Not a single sound came out from me. The tears were about to slowly build up in my eyes, but I forcefully stopped the glands.
Looking up, I saw the full moon and felt something else growing out of me.
!!!
It was small but I felt it. A bizarre metamorphosis happened to me.
Rousing up my chakra I did my best to destroy my internal organs. Still, the shaking of my body did not stop.
'Is this some werewolf power or something? Bringing out my telekinetic devil fruit powers, I held my body still, finally forcing my growing body to shrink back.
Thankfully, the growth wasn't that noticeable.
"Remember this well eren." The dark clouds cover the full moon again, but my metamorphosis had yet to subside.
The demonic cells in my body burn to ash when they get out of my body, this however makes a crisp noise and ashy smell.
'Damn it.'
The pain made me groan. I could feel my body slowly letting out the dead tissues, but I couldn't let dad see this. Conjuring a thin layer of ice on my skin, I annihilated the dead innards trying my best to hide them.
"Even if you do your best to analyze your surroundings and imitate a child in your 'eventual' next life, it won't work.
They say your memory gets sharper when you feel pain. That day I understood that the words were probably the most honest words from mankind.
"There will always be something lacking." His words dug at my ears despite the agonizing pain.
"At some point, you will feel that you are a vile being."
The words didn't stop.
"You will always be on your toes when confronted by your 'new parents. Clinging onto the end of a string."
I knew these were the words spoken by a father simply out of spite yet I couldn't dismiss them.
"Nevertheless, the moment will always come when you will be off the mark. They will look at you as if you are a monster. I hope their tearful eyes and grief-stricken screams of agony become your curse eren."
Like a calm mantra, he said out the words with the sole intention to hurt me.
"No matter how much you struggled, that new body's family would never be yours."
He went on, and I listened.
"You will become a hollow shell."
I listened because I knew what he said was true.
"In the end, you will become something that can neither be real nor fake."
Those words made me finally accept my reality.
'...'
'You okay?' A small voice called out. It made me chuckle a bit.
'Don't think about what he said. It'll only hurt you.'
Consolation came out after that.
But honestly, I was fine. It hurt a lot but I already knew it would.
Dad only said out my fears. I've always known about this.
So yes, I am okay. I won't break down as I did before.
I will not let this affect me.
Yes.
I'm fine.
It'll work out somehow.